We open tonight with footage surprisingly not of Jennie falling (hee!), but of Cameron, Helio and Floyd leaping into the air. Is that symbolism? Are we moving on from the part of the competition where instead of facing humiliation week after week our “dancers” will be forevermore hitting their highest highs? No. No we are not moving there, but boy did those boys look cool flying into the air. Also looking mighty cool were Jennie, doing a devastatingly dramatic ground spin, Mel getting hep to the jive, and Marie doing her best Zsa Zsa Gabor as Mata Hari. The judges were throwing out the nines like day old bagels! Almost everyone upped their game this week, but there’s always an Elaine in the bunch, so just who will be dancing that spastic, jerky dance out the door? Let’s find out together, shall we?
Because going over stuff we’ve seen already is kind of like a party, right? Well no, but I don’t have any chocolate around and something’s got to pick me up, so let’s go with it. Drew opens us up by signing off, because apparently Samantha will return to her teleprompter reading duties next week. Last night a few more couples staked their claim to the competition; most notably Cameron and Edyta, whose sizzling tango earned them a 23, much improved from their rut of all 7s. Mark says he has to work on believing in himself as a dancer. Aw. You find that star to wish on, and your heart’s desire will take care of the rest, honey. Wayne was a flop, but an improved flop; his mustache and theatrics scored him triple sixes this week. Floyd put in some extra effort but got the same blackjack as last week, but Karina reassures him that he didn’t let her down, which is pretty sweet. Helio and Julianne suffered from being too danged good the last go-round, but they’re optimistic about pulling ahead of everyone else when the time is right. The ladies were standouts all - Sabrina’s energy just won’t die; Mel and Maks’ jive catapulted them to frontrunner status, and Marie, Jane, and Jennie each scored big with elegant tangos.
As it turns out, Jennie’s score was bigger than all; the Comeback Queen gets to strut her stuff again in this week’s encore. They oblige us with the reprise, and Jennie looks even happier to be doing it well than she did last night. Yay for triumphing over adversity!
Time Flies As We’re Wasting Time
Our first two Couples O’ Safety this week are Jane and Tony, and Jennie and Derek, and I’ve got nothing to complain about there.
If I were the sort to wallow in misery, I could complain about Seal singing the incomprehensible “Kiss from a Rose” but not well (at all, what the heck happened, Seal?), while two champions named Eddie and Valentina dance a boring tango. But I choose to look on the sunny side of the street: fast-forward buttons rule!
Meanwhile, all the lay-dees in the studio audience were massively impressed by Cameron’s moves. Some folks see Floyd’s work paying off and think he’s been improving week to week, but most people think the men as a whole need to step up the action because the girls are burning things up. Some big-hearted young women take pity on Wayne and call him hot, which good deed should save them from a few slips on ice patches and at least 10 panty-hose runs in the next few years. All of a sudden, Jonny and Marie and Mel and Maks are the next couples declared safe.
Backstage, Drew is chatting up Jennie, Helio and the Houghs; Jennie is relieved not to have failure hanging over her like an immoveable cloud. Derek is happy to be ahead of his sister, but says he knows she’s going to come back with a vengeance, so he’s ready for some rivalry. Helio sort of I think says they’re taking one step backward to take two forward, and Julianne vows to kick her brother’s butt. Ratings bonanza!
Billy Ray Cyrus is back, but he’s not dancing this time so save your tar and feathers for now. He’s singing with his daughter, Disney-bred Pop Superstar v.4.0. He strums guitar and sings nicely; she does not. However, Maks and Karina come along and save the day with what is essentially just their fricking awesomeness.
Seal’s back, with a new song to hawk off of the new album he’s here hawking. He also strums a guitar, so watch out there Billy Ray! Sadly for Seal he is accompanied not by Maks and Karina but by a few creepy looking black-suited ladies who look like they should be at the Cabaret, old chum, as they do their dancing in the background. But don’t worry Mrs. Seal. Mrs. Klum-Seal? Ms. Klum. They don’t lay a hand on your man.
For some reason, the producers think the band deserves some positive attention, so here’s a segment devoted to them. Whatevs. Cameron thinks it’s the live music that brings the dances to life. I think I gawk in spite of and not because of the band. I will say that they are probably doing a much better job at performing music than I would be. Although I never have really gotten the chance to prove myself … call me, ABC!
As it turns out, the producers pass out new music choices right after results, and they and the band get 5 days to get it together. But the dancers don’t hear the band’s take until dress rehearsal, so all sorts of wacky hijinks could come into play! Unfortunately they don’t share any of those with us, but if you use your imaginations, maybe you can think of something that might pull this segment out of the pit of tedium. Good luck with that.
Back from break! Drew’s backstage again with all the fellas except Floyd, doing a kind of chorus line thingummy which is quite adorable. Cameron and Mark talk about avoiding the bottom two and trusting their partners and having a blast, and then we get a video package of everyone not having a blast. Nice. All of the stars’ nerves are in the spotlight now; they talk about how it feels to step from backstage onto the dance floor. Wayne, Sabrina, and Marie talk about the feelings of panic they feel, and Jane puts the combo of huge bright lights, unforgiving cameras, hundreds of eyes in the studio audience and the LIIIIIVE-ness of it all into perspective for us, and I can see why one’s heart might be always in one’s throat on a show like this. Still would love to do it though … call me, ABC! Once the music starts, it’s apparently go time, and everything but the dance becomes a blur of trying to do the steps and keep the frame and concentrate on not dropping each other and make the judges and viewers happy. No wonder they’re always so tuckered out. Aww. They’re concentrating so much, and working sooo hard. Can’t they just all win? Well, Sabrina and Mark and Cameron and Edyta might. They’re the next couples declared safe. All boys in the danger zone! Ooh, intense, and not at all predictable.
The Wayne-iac’s Lament
So, Helio and Julianne, Mark and Kym, Wayne and Cheryl, and Floyd and Karina are our last 4 couples standing in the danger zone. Helio and Julianne and Mark and Kym are quickly declared safe, leaving Wayne and Floyd in the bottom two for the week. The judges weigh in on the guys’ chances for next week if they stick around; Bruno thinks the paso doble (!) will fit Floyd like a glove; Carrie Ann advises Wayne to take leaps and embrace dance a little more. Len says it’ll be a shame to lose either guy at this point, but sees more potential in Floyd. Tom’s running out of airtime, o he cuts to the chase and cuts Wayne loose. Oh dear, I’m kind of choked up! And a little misty actually. I suppose Wayne is too, somewhere underneath all the pancake #5. Really, garish as he appeared, and stiff as he danced, Wayne was a real class act from beginning to end on this show, so cheers to him for that. He and Cheryl give touching tributes to each other and then head into their final tango, danced to that curse of all hearing ears worldwide, “Bad Day.” I don’t know what that’s all about, but thankfully my DVR cut off only one or two bars in.
Next week we get the paso doble (!) and the waltz! I know that’s a lopsided challenge. Who will burn the floor and who will go up in flames? Come back for MsFroggy’s snarkilicious recap if you want the real scoop.
Do you have any idea what “Kiss from a Rose” is all about? PM me; I’ve seriously been working on that riddle for years.