Last week, once again, the person sent packing was NOT Kate Gosselin. I was sad to see Aiden go. Not only was he really making an effort and having fun, I like looking at him. The totally need to bring him back every week and just put him on camera for a few minutes. Just to make me happy.
This week is movie night and the couples will be performing to music from the movies. I totally want to see Kate in that prom dress from Carrie with blood pouring down on her from the ceiling. That would rock. Was there a song in Carrie? Alas, based on Kate’s costume, I don’t think it’s going to happen. It’ll still be horrifying, just not intentionally so….and maybe with less blood…unless Tony pisses her off again.
Niecy and Louis
Niecy is still is incensed that Len called her boring last week. This week, with the Jive, she’s looking forward to shaking things she didn’t know she had. Prior to DWTS, Niecy was doing, well nothing to stay in shape. Cut to Niecy goofing off and dancing around in rehearsal, and Louis notes that Niecy wears herself out that way. Niecy says that the Jive is probably the fastest she’s ever moved….dancing. Didn’t need to know that.
Niecy and Louis take the stage wearing yellow so bright that it makes my poor old TV’s picture tube cry uncle. Niecy’s fringy dress is yellow up top, moving to orange at the bottom: she looks like she’s on fire. She’s obviously having fun, but it’s pretty slow and her retractions aren’t very sharp. Niecy ends the routine by laying a big, red kiss on Len’s forehead.
Len – high off the attention - says Niecy really put her bubbly personality into the dance. The Jive needs to be a sharp dance and this was a bit soft. Plus, Niecy needed more bounce in her feet and not her bazookas. Bruno says there was so much going on with Niecy’s upper deck that it was difficult to look at anything else. He then mentions that Niecy messed up at one point, but Louis interjects, admitting it was him. Carrie Ann says there’s no doubt Niecy is the shimmy queen, but the movements of her bottom half we’re a bit small. Carrie Ann says it’s nice to see Niecy having fun on the dance floor again.
Carrie Ann: 6
Chad and Cheryl
Another week, another routine, another clip package of Chad trying to get with Cheryl. He’s a real one-note wonder and this whole act is getting a bit boring. This week, they’ll be doing the Quickstep and Cheryl is frustrated by Chad’s inability to get the steps…that and his need for constant coddling. After he pesters her half to death to tell him why she’s upset, she placates him by saying she’s under a lot of pressure.
The stage is decorated with a bunch of fakety fake jungle foliage. I’ve seen better set decoration at Ice Capades. A [i]Jungle Book[/b]-themed Quickstep is a bit of a reach, even for this show. The band’s rendition of “Bare Necessities” is just way too slow for a Quickstep and it’s obvious that Chad doesn’t quite have the steps down. Again, he looks like he’s dancing for fun at a club. I’m continually surprised at how ungraceful he is.
Bruno says it was a little bit too wild. Chad went for energy, but lost the refinement and control. The holds and frame were terrible and it just fell to pieces. Carrie Ann calls the dance strange and uneven. The holds were bad, but it looked like they had fun out there. Len says is was lively and notes that Chad’s posture was better than in his Foxtrot. The big problem was that, with the Quickstep, the upper body needs to stay calm and the legs do all the moving – that didn’t happen here. Overall though, it was pretty good.
Carrie Ann: 6
Erin and Maks
Again, Brooke cannot pronounce Maks’ name. It’s like when Tyra couldn’t pronounce Katarzyna’s name. Erin says she has tried to get better each week. Maks lectures her that he needs to be 100% in charge from here on out and she needs to do what he says. Erin is excited about the pace of the Jive. We then see a montage of Erin and Maks bickering non-stop. She tells us that they are like a sci fi experiment: some days they mix and others, not so much. She admits she knows that buttons to push with Maks.
Erin and Maks dance their Jive to Chuck Berry’s “Taking Chances,” which is the song John Travolta and Uma Thurman danced to in Pulp Fiction. Erin’s in full-Uma gear, including a blond pageboy wig. Maks is in a suit and white shirt with a skinny black tie in a much smaller size than Mr. Travolta wore. The routine begins with Maks sitting at a table and reading what is supposed to be a menu. The song is way too slow and Maks holds onto that stupid menu way too long. Finally, Maks throws the prop aside and the band speeds up. Erin manages to keep up quite nicely and, as usual, they look fantastic together. With all that spinning, I’m amazed Erin’s wig stayed on
Carrie Ann liked it and says she appreciated that they came out and delivered the story. Erin was a bit ahead of Maks in some spots. It might have been better if Erin had been more relaxed. She also points out that black shoes aren’t a good idea – they draw all the focus and make mistakes more noticeable. Len says he thought “here we go” when they started out slow and Maks kept holding the menu. When it finally kicked off, Len started to enjoy it. It was a tough routine and a bit hectic: Erin had trouble keeping up at times. Bruno thinks Erin got the Uma magic just right. He counted all the way through and Erin’s timing was terrific. She didn’t go wrong once. He calls the dance a breakthrough.
Carrie Ann: 7
After an annoying amount of pestering from Brooke, Erin says there will be no love in the air between then until Maks ponies up a ring like Chad gave Cheryl. Smart girl.
Jake and Chelsie
Well, it’s time for the Tom Cruise portion of the evening. *GAG* I’m okay with Jake, but Tom Cruise movies? The stuff of nightmares. Jake claims that people say he looks like Tom Cruise and I say those “people” don’t count if it’s just his own reflection in the mirror. In order to get Chelsie excited about their Risky Business-themed Cha Cha Cha, a shirtless Jake shows up toting a volleyball and dressed like Maverick from Top Gun. You remember the scene where we learned that jeans are the most comfortable thing to play beach volleyball in? So authentic.
In a continuation of the Tom Cruise theme, Jake and Chelsie dance their Cha Cha Cha to “Old Time Rock & Roll” and Jake begins the routine with no pants on and dances around like a low-rent Tom Cruise. Dear God. Mercifully, Jake puts on his pants back on – hurray for elastic waistbands – and gets on with it. The music is just way too slow and it doesn’t speed up like Erin and Maks’ music did. It’s not bad though and he’s obviously working hard to get into it. Plus, it’s not quite as frantic as last week’s tango, which was just all over the place.
Len says the thing he loves about Jake is that he comes out 100% and gives it his all. In spite of one little flub, it was still great fun. Bruno calls Jake a “cheeky bugger” and then laments the fact that Jake put his pants back on. He still thinks there was good energy and very good lines and calls it one of Jake’s best performances. Carrie Ann says it’s all about no guts no glory and Jake showed he has guts, so he should enjoy the glory. She loved it.
Carrie Ann: 8
I call b.s. on them getting a higher score than Erin and Maks, but then I am biased.
Pam and Damian
This week, Pam and Damian are dancing a Quickstep to the theme song from 9 to 5. Oh, how shocking, Pam gets the Dolly Parton movie. Way to be clever there, producers. Damian tells us he’s pushing Pam a little harder this week because the Quickstep requires a lot more cardio. It’s been a long time since Pam spent her days running up and down the beach, so she’s feeling a little out of shape.
The band does a good job butchering the Dolly Parton’s classic, but Pam looks fabulous in a dress that looks like it could be one of Dolly’s actual dresses from the movie. Bravo on that one, costume department – they got the whole look perfect. Overall, it’s good, but I thought the tempo was a bit too slow. They do a nice little spin up onto and off of a desk and chairs at upstage to finish and Pam keeps up nicely. Note: silicone does not jiggle the way natural fat does.
”I was only kidding about that ‘rooster to a hen’ thing.”
Bruno says what’s great about Pam is that her characterizations are always spot-on. She’s always in character through the entire dance. Her dancing and posture were good as well. Carrie Ann agrees that Pam’s posture was great and the characterization was amazing. She would love to see Pam on Broadway. The holds were a little loose, but it was fun to watch. Len thinks they got the movie mixed up: with all the “messing around” with props, this was more like Death Wish for him. There was just too much messing around. He liked the dancing she did, but didn’t like the other stuff.
Carrie Ann: 7
Kate and Tony
Tom calls Kate the most talked about mom in America. But not in a good way. This week, they’re butchering “Don’t You Forget About Me” from The Breakfast Club. I may not be able to forgive the show for this one. Tony says he intends to incorporate the movie at the beginning and the end of the routine. He tries to get Kate to do a dance move from the dance montage in the movie and she just looks at him like he’s just sprouted a tail. Tony complains that Kate has no motivation and he has to push her every week: it’s exhausting. Kate claims she feels better and more capable out there. That’s an illusion, sweetie.
Kate and Tony begin their Foxtrot standing at a chalkboard with “Detention” and “I heart Carrie Ann” written on it. Not above pandering for votes in any way. Once they start moving, it’s all downhill. Poor Tony. Kate’s actually made him look like a bad dancer. The music is so slow that it looks like their in slo-motion. Kate is wearing this gigantic pink contratption with a big Barbie-blonde hair piece. She looks like a bad drag queen and by “bad” I mean that that drag queens are generally confident, sexy and have better makeup.
Carrie Ann thinks there is a small iota of grace developing in Kate, although I think you’d need an electron microscope to find it. Carrie Ann likens the dance to how Charlie Brown’s teacher talks – “Wah wah wah wah wah.” Len actually calls it neat and precise, but then says it wasn’t really a dance: it was more like a stroll. He did like the lack of props. To my delight, Bruno takes the gloves off. He says he thinks Tony could have had more life with a frock on a coat hanger. He thought something happened last week to show some progress, but now it’s like Kate is right back at week one again. That dance needed a post-mortem, not a critique. *Hee*
Carrie Ann: 5
Nicole and Derek
Nicole was disappointed with herself last week and she now admits she needs to learn to have more fun. They’ll be dancing their Tango to “Pretty Woman” and Derek thinks he’s the pretty one. Nicole claims she can relate to Pretty Woman because she didn’t have a lot of money and went into stores and got those looks from store clerks just like Julia did in the movie. Is that like how she couldn’t dance before she started on this show? In order to get Nicole into the character of the dance, Derek takes Kim shopping on Rodeo Drive. Cue the lame montage of her trying on clothing in a Beverly Hills boutique for him and then getting a total of $27K. Gag.
You know, there’s nothing sexier than a woman chewing on a big hunk of gum and that’s how Kim starts this Tango. The dance is good and sharp and everything else, but I just can’t like it. She’s just too much of a ringer. Plus, Derek bugs. I so want him to get stuck with the lovechild of Rosie O’Donnell and Bruce Vilanch next season. Of course, they get a standing ovation.
Len says this is Nicole’s best dance and it’s the best dance of the season so far. Well done. [b]Bruno[b] is so excited he has to stand up. He rants on about them being at the top of their game and then talks about sexual tension. It was a little creepy. Carrie Ann says they are superstars. The lines were incredible. Beautiful.
Carrie Ann: 10
Evan and Anna
Wednesday through Sunday, Anna has to travel with Evan while he performs in the Stars on Ice tour. They have to rehearse wherever they can. This week, Anna tells Evan, they will be dancing a Rumba to a song from Armageddon that she says will be sweet and romantic. Those are the first two words I think of blowing up asteroids. Evan says the hip action needed for the Rumba is going to be a problem for him. In figure skating, he has to keep his hips tight to give stability.
Evan and Anna dance their Rumba to Aerosmith’s “”I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” and, Anna is wearing one of Edyta’s costumes….it’s almost like she’s still here. Evan’s hip action is pretty good, although it’s not great. Still, he’s so elegant on the floor and, yes, he’s nice to look at. It’s obvious he and Anna have worked on their chemistry.
Because he's pretty
Bruno says Evan’s top lines and port de bras are superb, as are his spins and his hips are getting better. Sometimes though, the hips stop a bit. Carrie Ann thinks there’s something beautiful going on there. The movement, rather than the connection between Evan and Anna, was generating emotion. He showed lyricism on top and strength on the bottom, but sometimes there a little break between the two. Len praises Evan’s artistry and musicality and his wonderful fluidity. Plus, he finally has the hip action going. Well done.
Carrie Ann: 9
So that’s if for this week. Here’s what the leader board looks like:
Nicole and Derek: 29/30
Evan and Anna: 27/30
Jake and Chelsie: 23/30
Erin and Maks: 22/30
Pam and Damain: 21/30
Niecy and Louis: 18/30
Chad and Cheryl: 18/30
Kate and Tony: 15/30
Stay tuned for the results show recap from MF Walkoff to see if Kate’s reign of terror ends this week or if she will live to be mocked another day.