Hello dear readers! Tis I, iguanachocolate, here to bring you another round of Guess the Goner. Also known as the Dancing With the Stars Results show. We’re into the semi finals now and that is very different from last week when we were in the week before the semi finals. What’s the difference? Errr, well, there’s one less person. Keep up people! If you missed last night’s performance show, never fear because MFWalkoff has taken the pain for you and recapped it here.
The show opens with a performance by Raphael Saadiq singing his song 100 Yard Dash. I love his glasses and I loved his song.
I need to make a disclosure, before you read any further. As you know, this DWTS season has been fraught with injuries, and your writers are not immune. I confess that this recap may seem a bit less than cohesive because I am on some major pain killers. But I am here for you – if those brave, brave stars can dance whilst their bodies fall apart than I can recap while my mind wanders! Oooooh… something shiny….
Oh, it’s all right, my mind is still somewhat here. I was temporarily blinded by Melissa’s sparkly body glitter. Sheesh woman, leave some for Richard Simmons!
Having made it a practice to not actually watch the performance show, I was happy to see that Shawn got the encore dancing the Argentinean Tango. I thought it was a very good dance and I was very happy to have seen it.
Next up we have some filler, because what would life be without filler? Imagine Oreo’s without the creamy white goodness – a travesty! We’ve got former champs Brooke Burke, Drew Lachey and Helio Castroneves (glad you beat the rap, Helio!) telling us what they think of the three stars and one famewhore left in the competition. Helio says it may be the best season ever – except for his. Drew says they don’t know what hard work is til they reach this point. Brook says that Melissa needs to dirty it a little – what, a bedazzled tramp stamp isn’t dirty enough? Maybe she needs to let her thong show… Helio says Gilles reminds him of himself and Brooke is impressed with Ty’s determination. Drew is impressed with Shawn’s discipline. Brooke thinks she needs to have more fun.
And now with the final pro competitors! Mayo and Anna are the last two standing. They are performing two dances tonight with two of the pro’s already on the show: Mayo will be dancing with Kym and my girlfriend, Anna, will be dancing with Maksim.
Mayo and Kym are dancing a classic Tango, he dances like a dance instructor dances – text book perfect but without passion. At least that is how I see it. The judges love it – yada yada yada.
Anna and Maksim are dancing a quickstep. Anna is all sparkly pink and feather boas and looks just adorable. The dance is fun to watch and almost makes me want to strap on some heels and grab some sparkles and take a twirl about the dance floor. Of course, since I am the most uncoordinated person on the planet my twirl about the dance floor would end within two steps with me in a puddle of feathers on the floor. The judges love Anna as much as I do - yada yada yada.
The Macy’s Stars of Dance is something called Design a Dance – the viewers got to put it together somehow – I admit I don’t know how it worked, but I did enjoy it. It was a quickstep done to “It Don’t Mean a Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing). The chosen ladies were Julianne and Lacey and the chosen men were Mark and Derek. They are dressed in opposite black and white costumes designed by a contest winner named Rebecca Farmer from New York City. It’s fun to watch and they utilize the entire stage at one point dancing up the stairs as they light up a different color as they step on them and then switching to same sex partners to dance back down. Loved it! Take that Miss California.
Future pro’s are back with their Latin offerings to the dance gods. Mayo and Kym are up first doing the Cha Cha Cha to Shake Your Groove Thing which seems a really odd choice of music. But hey, might as well get used the juxtaposition of music and dancing early, eh? They seem good, but I am just not thrilled with Mayo. And it’s not because he is up against my beloved Anna. The judges loved it though Carrie Ann says he needs to wear gym shorts or something like that. I didn’t get it. Anyway, yada yada yada.
Anna and Maksim are dancing the Samba to an equally odd song choice and I don’t even recognize it let alone be able to tell you the name of it (If anyone out there knows what it is, pm me and I’ll edit it in and give you the credit). They Samba around the stage like there is no tomorrow. The judges loved the dance, love her and folks, I think we are looking at the next American Idol! Oh wait, that’s not right. I suppose I should not listen to one show whilst recapping another. My bad. Anyway, the judges adore her - yada yada yada.
So here go folks, the dancing duos have had to wait almost the entire show, who will stay and who will go now? (Wow, the Clash. I have no idea where that came from. Sparkly.) First safe are Gilles and Cheryl and Shawn and Mark. Cool! That leaves the Tybot and the Famewhore left. Hmmmm, is it too much to hope for? Could it happen? Or are the stupid producers just toying with my emotions only to dash them up against the rocks of despair? Yup, that’s what they are doing. I’m just a toy to them. Probably a dog toy. That’s been chewed on a lot.
Anyway, Melissa stays and Ty goes home. Awww, I will miss you, Tybot! You gave hope to the uncoordinated...
And that’s all folks. Stay tuned next week for the finale!