And then there were four….or eight, I guess…..depends on how you look at it. Either way, we’ve only got one more week before we find out which couple wins the tacky glitter ball trophy. Last night, two couples – Joey and Kym and Laila and Maks – finished with perfect scores of 60. Apolo and Julianne had 59 points, while Ian and Cheryl brought up the rear with 58 points. Tonight we’re going to find out which three couples will compete in the finals. Also, Enrique Iglesius is here. This guarantees my mute button a work out. If he sings “Hero,” I just might become homicidal.
Just Like Being There
Here’s the part of the show when we get a recap of last night’s action. This is also the part in my recap where I urge you to read MsFroggy’s recap of last night’s show. In short, here’s what went down last night: Apolo and Julianne’s Quickstep had speed and control and left the judges breathless. Their Cha Cha pleased the crowd, but caused Len the Prude to call it “too raunchy” and give them only a 9 for their efforts. Laila and Maks did an Egyptian Quickstep and a Cha Cha that both garnered 10’s from the judges, but left me demanding a recount. Ian and Cheryl managed to score a 28 on their Tango and their first perfect 30 on the Jive. It was the Elvis wig that did the trick. After a rough week in the bottom two last week, Joey and Kym needed to bring their best and they definitely delivered. Their Foxtrot enchanted and their Jive brought down the house – they ended the night with a perfect 60 out of 60.
Len tells Tom and Samantha that this is the best semi final ever in the U.S. or the U.K.. They had a hard time choosing an encore dance because there were so many great performances last night. The call went to Carrie Ann, who loved the start of Joey and Kym’s number with Joey up on the desk in front of her. With that, Joey and Kym perform their Jive routine and it’s pretty much as good as it was last night.
Up in the balcony, Tom pimps Len's new video. I think it’s an instructional dance video….at least I hope that’s what it is. I’m too horrified to think of any other possibilities. Coming up later will be a performance from Joaquin Cortez, who is apparently the best Flamenco dancer in the world.
Joaquin will have to wait because Enrique Iglesius is here. According to Tom, Enrique has sold, like, 70 trillion albums, none of which I own. Dancing tonight are Alec and Edyta and Karina and Louis to (Oh, bloody Hell) “Hero.” I cannot hit the mute button fast enough. Can you tell I have a strong dislike (<--- understatement) for this song. Well, at least Enrique got that mole removed. Really though, that was the only way I could recognize him. Hey, so are Alec and Edyta married now? I thought they were engaged a while back. They would have really toned, orange children. It’s a nice number, made all the nice by the presence of my mute button.
Tom threatens me personally by saying Enrique will be back later and then he pimps the Dancing with the Stars live tour coming this summer to a city near you….if you live anywhere on the east coast or in Texas, apparently.
Backstage, Joey and Apolo talk to Samantha. If Joey gets eliminated this week, he knows he did everything he could. Last week’s bottom two showing was a wake-up call for him and Kym, so he’s ready for anything tonight. Apolo came so close to that perfect 60 that he wanted last night. Sam asks if he wishes they had done something else to get that perfect score. Apolo claims that hearing the audience go crazy made it all worthwhile. This is more than just a dancing show and he just feels like to be a part of it, dammit. (okay, I added that)
It’s time for the much-reviled (by me) segment featuring the audience response from last night’s show. In short: Jane Seymour (who apparently as a painting in her attic) loves Joey and Len needs to eat more bran. Moving on.
Without any fanfare, we learn that Joey and Kym are safe this week. The other couples clap and pretend to be happy for them.
Just Like “Stomp” Only Not
A few minutes ago, Joaquin Cortez was the BEST Flamenco dancer in the world; now he’s just ONE of the best. I have no idea what happened to his standing, but here he is… wearing gold shoes. Who does he think he is? Michael Flatley? Joaquin dances to traditional guitar music and clapping….and traditional singing too, which I may or may not be forced to mute. He starts out stomping his foot like a counting horse, but it gets better after that….or at least faster. Yeah, I'm under-whelmed. Next!
Samantha is backstage with three couples who are still waiting to learn their fates. Last week, Ian was saved by the viewers, which means he’s the only one who knows he’s got viewer support. Still, Ian says it’s anyone’s game. Laila is still confident, but manages to give props to Joey. Apolo says he really wants to make the finals, but has had a great time on the show, regardless of what happens to tonight and – Samantha quickly cuts him off and that’s the end of that. Well, meow.
Here come Yimmy and Guillermo with this week’s dance “lesson.” Guillermo is look hot to trot in a red, off-the-shoulder tango-ey dress. Jimmy tells us that this show has had a huge effect on the staff at his show. Basically, no one can stop dancing. Cue the shots of everyone on Jimmy’s show, from the writers to the receptionist to Uncle Frank, dancing....all except for the accountant, of course. The lesson? You don’t have to be a star to dance like one. Hey, they recycled that from last week.
Oh jeez, Enrique is back to torture me some more. This time, it's the song "Do You Know?" from his new album “Insomniac.” Isn't that the title of a Green Day album? Hey, buddy get your own title!
You know, it never ceases to amaze me that they can eliminate contestants every week and yet they can still fill an entire hour of this results show. Those segment editors are getting a real work out. Here’s another segment about our final four, two of whom are athletes and two of whom are performers. The judges give us a breakdown of the strengths and weaknesses of those two groups. Physically, the athletes have an advantage, while the entertainers are used to performing in front of an audience. The athletes are better suited to the mental side of the competition and are used to being coached and receiving criticism. The performers, of course, are big egomanics who take all criticism as a personal attack. Yeah, I made that part up. Basically, it’s anyone’s ballgame, since the remaining dancers are all fierce competitors. Aren’t you glad they created a whole segment just to tell us that there’s no way of knowing who will win?
So, what do our celebrities think of their competitors? Here’s yet another segment to answer that question. All agree that Ian is a hard worker, Joey is a performer and a great dancer, Apolo is a big threat and Laila thinks she deserves to win. Yeah, really only Laila agreed with that last opinion.
Just SAY IT! <-----Sam Kinison voice
This week, there won’t be a bottom two, Tom tells us. The next safe couple is Laila and Maks. Again the remaining couples clap like they don't want to commit a murder.
Ian and Cheryl and Apolo and Julianne who are, for all intents and purposes, the bottom two, stand onstage to hear the news. There’s lots of dramatic language about broken hearts, like this is The Bachelor or something.
Going home tonight are Ian and Cheryl. Ian takes it like a man. Everyone gathers around to say goodbye while Samantha and Tom try to get Ian and Cheryl to come down and talk. Tom admits to Ian that he was so happy about Ian and Cheryl’s perfect score last night that he forgot what he was doing. Like it’s hard to read pre-written, canned intros off a teleprompter. Ian says he never expected to get this far in the competition and knows that, without Cheryl, he never would have gotten as far as he did. He says that he achieved his goal: he learned to dance. Ian gives props to the other dancers and then thanks the judges and the viewers at home.
We then get to see Ian’s “journey video,” complete with Bruno’s “McStiffy” comment. Ian tells us that the best part of the experience was being able to dance for his father every week, which I still think is terribly sweet. What does Cheryl take home from this experience? A great friendship with Ian – she’s very proud of him. Ian’s advice to remaining three couples is to go out there and do their best. Ian and Cheryl’s last dance is not to “Hit the Road Jack,” but to “It’s Too Late.” They really are reaching with these exit songs now.
We’re almost to the end folks! Tune in next week when the couples perform a dance of the judges’ choice and compete in the eagerly anticipated freestyle round. Plus, someone finally wins bragging rights and that thrift store trophy.