Last night on Dancing With the Stars it was mayhem in the ballroom, at least according to Tom and he never exaggerates. The judges went crazy, there was “controversy” over one of Carrie Ann’s scores and Muhammad Ali came to see his daughter do her thing. After tonight, we’ll have our final four, who we’ll be seeing in the semi-finals next week. Tonight, either Billy Ray goes home or he becomes the next Sanjaya. It must be the hair.
If you missed the show or failed to read MsFroggy’s snarktastic recap (Which you really should go back and read. Really. You won’t be sorry!), never fear! Here’s a quick ‘cap of last night’s action: Ian kicked the show off with a Foxtrot that failed to impress the judges. Later, his Rumba had all of the hip action but none of the emotion. Joey went back to basics with a classic Waltz that wowed Len, but didn’t have enough razzle dazzle for Bruno. Joey and Kym then pulled out a pimped out Mambo that set Bruno’s little heart a-fluttering. Laila had an emotional night with her father in the audience. Her Waltz was deemed “profound” but her Jive was too much dazzle and not enough dance for Len. Billy Ray nearly clocked Bruno when his Foxtrot was called “crap” and his slightly crazed Mambo didn’t help him make up much ground. Apolo’s tango had Bruno and Len at each other’s throats – even Tom got into the action, swatting Len on the head with his note cards. It was kind of like a girl fight. Carrie’s computer blew a fuse and recorded her “10” as a “9”. The scoring snafu was rectified and the final dance of the night, Apolo and Julianne’s Paso Doble, brought down the house and brought them a perfect 30.
At the end of the show last night, the scoreboard looked like this:
Apolo and Julianne - 58
Joey and Kym - 55
Laila and Maks - 53
Ian and Cheryl - 47
Billy Ray and Karina - 38
Tonight's encore, not surprisingly, goes to Apolo and Julianne's Paso Doble. I still can't get over the fact that they’re dancing the Paso to "My Darling Clementine." Their performance is even better than last night – there’s no flub on Julianne’s little slide/split move and Apolo jumps even higher on his leap. I just love those two.
Time For Someone I Do Not Love
Hey, Nellie Furtado is here. Great. I normally don't use the mute button during the results show. Okay, maybe a little bit. This musical guest ensures that my mute button will not feel neglected. Dancing tonight to “I’m Like a Bird” are Tony and Elena. Has Nellie's voice always been this nasally? It takes almost an entire verse for the dancing to start and even less time for me to get annoyed. There’s just WAY too much camera time for Nellie. We hardly see the dancers for a huge portion of the song. It’s not that interested a routine anyway, but still. Watching them dance to no music is better than watching Nellie silently move her lips. Best thing about the performance? It ends.
Backstage, Samantha talks to Laila and Maks, Apolo and Julianne and Billy Ray and Karina. Laila says her dad had a great time last night and is clearly tickled that he came to see her dance. Apolo likened the competition to a speed skating event at the beginning of the season. He’s still competing to win, but is having more fun with it now. After a good night of sleep, Billy Ray is happy. He calls the show a celebration. He met his hero, Muhammad Ali, and he has conquered his fear of dancing. He thanks God for his blessings and says he’s ready to go see Jimmy Kimmel now.
The less said about this next clip, the better. I do hate the audience opinion segment. The highlights include a little old lady wanting to punch out Bruno, Marylu Henner (who’s looking very post-op, if you know what I mean) acting loopy and Chris from *NSYNC saying that Joey will definitely NOT be in the bottom two. Don’t start that psychic hotline yet, dude.
In the Least. Shocking. Announcement. Ever, we learn that Billy Ray and Karina are in the bottom two this week. Billy Ray gasps, jokingly. You know, you have to hand it to the guy. He has a good sense of humor about this whole thing.
WAY Better Than the Doublemint Twins
What’s better than one hot Russian dancer? TWO hot Russian dancers! Did you know Maks has a brother? True. His name is Valentin and he’s here tonight. *does little dance of joy* Have I mentioned that I have a weakness for Russian men? Like Maks, Val is hot and talented. Obscuring my view of Maks and Val are their partners, Karina and someone named Valeria something or other. The couples dance to Jamiroquai’s “Canned Heat,” which is seriously one of my favorite songs. It’s like Christmas came early. They should have Maks and Val on TV every night. The definitely need to bring both of them back for next season. Forget that creepy Brian guy – bring on Val!
Sadly, that portion of the show ends and we join Samantha backstage with the four dancers who still await their fates. Apolo says he hopes the viewers like them and that they voted. Although Ian scored lower than he had hoped, he says that whatever happens is meant to be. You know he doesn’t really feel that way, but it was a nice effort. Laila definitely doesn’t want to be in the bottom two, but echoes Ian’s kumbaya sentiments. Joey admits he’s having a great time, but is hoping the fans voted enough to keep him and Kym in the competition.
Adding Insult to Injury
Good lord, Nellie Furtado is going to sing again. Cheryl and Louis will dance to Nellie’s new single, “All Good Things.” Unless this is an instrumental number, I’ll be recapping this one in silence. Sadly, it is not an instrumental. The song seems like more of a ballad-y kind of thing, but Cheryl and Louis are dancing quite fast. Nellie is getting WAY too much face time here. At one point, Cheryl and Louis just disappear from the dance floor and we are forced to look at Nellie some more. The dancers finally return to finish up the song. Boy, am I glad that’s over. I can only imagine what musical guest horrors await us for the semi-finals.
From the lowest of lows, to the highest of highs. You guessed it: it’s time for Yimmy Kimmel! Tonight’s dance is the Waltz and Guillermo is looking very mother-of-the-bride in a baby blue gown with matching head band. Boy, that Guillermo sure loves his head bands. Tonight we have a little problem: Guillermo doesn’t know how to waltz. No problem, he launches into a prayer to the Dancing Fairy. No, it’s not George Hamilton, although that would be much funnier than what actually happens. Down comes a bright light and a mini Master P – dressed in all white, with angel wings - alights on Guillermo’s head. Jimmy and Guillermo wonder what Master P could teach them. After all, he can’t dance. Little Master P, manages to bitch slap both Jimmy and Guillermo before being smashed to bits in Guillermo’s hand. The message of tonight’s lesson? You don’t have to be a star to dance like one. I’m not exactly sure how they got that message from this segment, but whatever.
Get Along Little Doggie
It’s time to learn the fate of one more couple. Karina, bathed in red light, smacks away at her gum, as we learn that Ian and Cheryl are safe. That 90210 voting block is strong.
The cast is getting smaller and smaller each week and it doesn’t get easier to say those goodbyes. In a segment that really just fills some more time before the inevitable, we learn that the cast is just one big, happy family. There’s more space backstage and in the makeup room. That should make Maks happy. I love him, but you know he’s WAY high maintenance. Laila, whose confidence just might be her undoing, says that she wants to keep saying goodbye to someone each week while she stays on that stage to claim her trophy.
The fates of three couples hang in the balance. Each of them has earned at least one perfect 30 in the competition. Safe tonight are Laila and Maks and Apolo and Julianne. That leaves
cockyconfident Joey and Kym in the bottom two.
As the “elimination music” plays, it’s clear that Billy Ray and Karina know they’re gone. The viewers got things right this week - Billy Ray and Karina are the ones who will be going home. I’m sure it’s a relief to Billy Ray. It can’t feel good to be ridiculed by Bruno and Len week after week. Tom, who really should work on his people skills, tells Billy Ray that since he’s been eliminated in week 8, he did get that “8” he’s been wanting. Whatever.
Ever gracious, Billy Ray acknowledges his fans and asks the crowd to give Karina a hand – that’s one patient woman. Then, because it was totally clear who was going home this week, the producers have prepared a “journey video” for Billy Ray. From his first trip into the dance studio to the less-than-constructive judges comments and Karina’s crying fits, we see it all. Billy Ray says he’s a better person for having done the show. Karina, who has clearly developed a soft and mushy side, tells us that having Billy Ray as a dance partner only lasts for the show, but having him as a friend lasts a lifetime *sniffle* <--- proof of my soft and mushy side
Lucky for us, there is no final dance tonight. Just lots of hugs and kisses to the tune of R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts.”
Tune in next week for the semi-finals when each couple will perform two brand new routines in their favorite ballroom and Latin styles.
Does Ian have a stick up his butt and, if so, can it be removed without surgery? PM me your opinions!