Welcome to the 4th episode of Dancing With the Stars. Last week, Evander Holyfield was eliminated after a mediocre performance. Now, only four stars remain, and one will be eliminated tonight!
Tom greets us and tells us that tonight, each couple will be performing twice. First, they will each perform the samba, and to close, they will all perform together in a group dance. Sounds like fun, let’s start the show!
Wanted: Ricky Martin Hips
Up first is Joey McyIntyre. Joey tells us that his dance partner, Ashly is very intense. He decides to take her to Boston and meet his family. Ashly says that she and Joey have become better friends as a result.
For their performance, Ashly is wearing a bright orange dress, adorned with purple sequins. Joey is wearing all black. They will be dancing to “Tequila!” The performance is good, but again, his cheesy smile and overly dramatic arms and legs take away from their dance.
Len: Joey, my dear boy, I was so hoping that you were going to really come out there tonight, and show me some technique and rhythm, but unfortunately you lost your technique. For me it was a little disappointing.
Score - 6
Carrie Ann: Last week, I thought you over performed the number, and in ballroom, it’s a delicate balance between keeping your composure and having the freedom. I think you did that wonderfully this week. There was a feeling of a party, and the elegance of ballroom.
Score - 7
Bruno: I think you have improved. Your nose was up, your shoulders were up. The only little comment is sometimes your rolls were a little stiff, and your hips could use a little more Ricky Martin.
Score - 7
Total Score: 20
Peahen Of My Dreams
Second this week are Rachel Hunter and her dance partner Jonathon Roberts. She says she wants to get to the finals really badly, and Jonathon wants her to have no inhibitions in the samba. Rachel is having trouble visualizing the dance, so they bring in a samba queen to show her the ropes.
Jonathon is wearing black pants and a white pirate shirt, while Rachel looks great in a blue dress. They will be dancing to believe it or not to a song used in the Austin Powers movies. A quick google search reveals that it is actually called “Soul Bossa Nova.” The original is much better than this arrangement in my opinion. They do a great job! My favorite move was at the beginning, when Rachel did a headstand and Jonathon played peek-a-boo with her legs.
Frau Farbissina: We’ve got Rachel, a sultry and exotic Bird of Paradise. You could be in Vegas. Carry on like this, your gonna get you a show in Vegas! Well done.
Score - 9
Dr. Roboto Ann: Ok, I thought there were some great moves, you did some very daring things, but actually I found it a bit boring at times, which surprised me for it being a Samba. I’m very sorry.
Score - 7
Len Powers: I thought the whole package was fabulous. I loved the whole blend, the basic moves, the choreography was great, you interpreted the music beautifully…It was a great dance.
Score - 9
Total Score: 25
John and Stares-alotta
Next to perform are John O’Hurley, and Charlotte Jorgensen. Last week, John was upset because he missed one of his favorite steps during his performance. John says that he is extremely competitive, and we see him get a little frustrated learning his dance moves.
John is wearing black pants, and a black shirt streaked with pink. Charlotte….well….let’s just say if flamingos celebrated Christmas, their Christmas tree would look a lot like her outfit. They will be dancing to “Just The Two of Us.” Charlotte starts off on the ground and does a quick head snap to turn to the camera, which is quite disturbing. Her banshee stare will be in my nightmares for weeks to come. They do a great job as always, but lacked some of the flashy moves the other couples had.
Speedo Tracking: Five more pounds until John whips it out.
Carrie Ann: Well, I think you guys have amazing chemistry as usual, and the charisma is always there, but this time I thought you were actually off tonight. Your musicality was off tonight, and I thought you forgot some of the choreography.
Score - 7
Len: I don’t know what you are looking at. You epitomize what this competition is about. You make it fun, with a bit of an edge. I thought it was a great routine. I enjoyed watching you.
Score - 8
Bruno: I disagree with Len, because I thought it was a dance of two halves. You gave a good performance, but you had no hips, your footwork was messy, and no hips at all! You need Ricky Martin even more.
Score - 6
Total Score: 21
The Oompa Loompas Would Be Proud
Last this week is Kelly Monaco, star of General Hospital. In response to Bruno’s comments last week, Kelly has decided to take some ballet classes. She has trouble just standing in place, and says that she is not a graceful woman. Alec, her dance partner, has incorporated eight spins and a split in their routine, and Kelly says that it is time to go big or go home. Time to dance!
Watch out Kelly, The Riddler has escaped from Arkham Asylum and is trying to take over the audience with his mind control Rubik’s cube and hypnotic dance grooves! Never mind, it’s just Alec wearing a very green, Riddler-like shirt. Kelly is wearing a little green outfit, and they will be dancing the Samba to “Bailamos.” Everything starts out well, but then Kelly’s dress straps fling off after a couple of quick spins. That’s what happens when people design dress straps after angel hair pasta. Unfortunately, nothing pops out, but Kelly has her hands on her chest for the remainder of the performance. Where is Justin Timberlake when you need him? The performance is great, complete with multiple spins, crouching spins, slides and splits. The best of the night, in my opinion.
Alfred: You know, one of the problems with the Samba, is that it’s so many different rhythms and that is why all of the couples have struggled. These four couples, are working for next week..the semifinals..and these two are the first two that I have really seen an up in their performance.
Score - 9
Scarecrow: The most improved competitor. You’ve proved to be a great competitor, and tonight you are a ripe, hot chili of the dance floor.
Score - 8
Robot Ann: *stand up and claps* Way to go guys! That was fantastic, and nice cover of the wardrobe malfunction.
Score - 9
Total Score: 26
Waltzing With The Stars
Every couple has performed, and it is now time for the group performance. In the pre-dance montage, we learn that each couple will be featured once throughout the performance, and that some couples took charge in what position they would perform. Ashly immediately picks last, and Jonathon assigns the other couples their positions. All couples will be dancing the Viennese waltz to “I Got You Babe.”
All the men are wearing tuxedos with a number on the back, which I am thinking is to simulate a dancing competition. The women are all wearing similar dresses, in typical carebear colors. John and Charlotte go first. John picks her up and slowly spins her around. Up next, are Rachel and Jonathon. They do an elegant lean, take a bow, and then Jonathon picks her up. Kelly and Alec get right into things. He picks her up and spins her quickly on his waist. Last are Joey and Ashly. They skip and frolic about like two rabbit lovers in a spring meadow. Real rabbit lovers in meadows have to watch out for hawks and falcons, but you know, that is always left out.
Tom asks the judges to quickly give their favorite and least favorite performers.
Carrie Ann: Favorite - Kelly and Alec Least Favorite - Rachel and Jonathon
Len: Favorite - John and Charlotte Least Favorite - Joey and Ashly
Bruno: Favorite - John and Charlotte Least Favorite - Joey and Ashly
The Sequined, Bedazzled, Sparkly Boot
It is now time to announce the couple who will be leaving the competition based on the combination of judge and public votes.
In random order…
Kelly and Alec…..Safe!
Joey and Ashly…..Safe!
The couple leaving us tonight is….Rachel Hunter and Jonathon Roberts. Oh no! First, my slush from Sonic melts before I can drink it, and now this. Blast my cursed life! No worries Rachel, I heard PBS is looking for a new Big Bird.
Tom jokingly says that next week we can look forward to the foxtrot to Ludacris music. What I want to know, though, is when they will be performing the fish slapping dance to Missy Elliot. A guy can only hope.
Stop picking your nose, and send me a message!