Hello dear readers! Tis I, iguanachocolate, here to bring you yet another episode of General Hospital: Dancing Edition. If you missed the competition show, never fear because MFWalkoff has a brand spanking new recap already for you and if you haven’t read it yet, then your missing out on something special. French Hair. ‘Nuff said. You can click here to read it. But now, on with the results!
The show begins with an encore performance of winning Team Tango’s Womanizer performance. This week the Tivo conflict was not as pronounced, so I only missed a tiny bit of the performance. I rather loved it so I was a wee bit miffed I missed any of it. Not miffed enough to find it on You Tube, but still a bit miffed. I got over it when they did the recaps that went on and on. However, I did appreciate the visual I got when Ty mentioned seeing how long Len would last in his world. Len on a bull send me into giggles every time I think of it. Especially when I picture Bruno as the rodeo clown. Which isn’t all that much of a stretch, come to think of it.
“Ballroom Dancers of Genius”. Seems like an oxymoron, but it was pretty funny. Not as funny as another round of guess the parody that comes up later, but pretty funny.
Next up is Robin Thicke. And apparently I am totally not with the modern music scene because I confused him with his dad, Alan Thicke of ‘Growing Pains’ fame, so I was expecting some hot Lawrence Welk action. Ooops, my bad. He sang “When I Get You Alone” and was decently good, but I was distracted by the pros. Let’s just say a couple of them really need to lay off the spray on tans or tanning beds, whatever the kids are doing these days to artificially give themselves healthy glowing skin. Nothing like the natural look, eh?
Sam talks to Melissa and Lil Kim backstage. Melissa claims to be on some kind of miraculous treatment that will have her back dancing in no time. I’m not really listening to her. One, because I don’t like her. And two, because I am too busy trying to catch a glimpse of her tramp stamp and the bedazzling that MsFroggy always makes sure to tell us about. Mores the pity, no bedazzling, just the stamp. And the tramp.
Now all the dancers are standing out on stage under the Great Heat Lamp of Scarlet Hopefulness waiting to hear their fates. Alas for the majority of the hopefuls, only Lil Kim and Derek and given the green light of safety. I hope I don’t have to see Melissa’s ridiculous little pout lip the entire show. It may have worked when she was 5, but on an allegedly grown woman it is absolutely ridiculous. After that, we have a handy guide from the judges as to what makes a good dancer. Apparently, it takes a lot of stars to make a constellation. Or a Frankenstein that can tap dance.
Ty and Chelsie are safe and I am beginning to hope that just maybe, the reign of terror known as the return of the Bachelor famewhore who claims she not a famewhore yet seeks out fame at every turn like a good famewhore does, might just be going home tonight. If so, I shall celebrate by bedazzling my tv stand in memoriam. Or not.
Another fake ad – this time DanceMatch.com. Not as funny as the first one, but cute. ish.
Robin Thicke (not Alan Thicke) is up again, this time singing ‘Sidestep’. The song is decent, but he’s sweaty. Yuck. There are two extraneous dancers out front that I don’t recognize, but when I looked them up they are Anya Garnis and Pasha Kovalev from So You Think You Can Dance. Are these two shows planning to merge soon? It’s either that or the dance world is a lot smaller than I thought.
The Hair France and Cheryl are safe! A thousand pomade makers through out the world breathe a deep sigh of relief.
And next up is my favorite ad spoof of the night. It features the pros in a mock Peta ad – “People for the Ethical Treatment of Dancers”. It features nekkid pro’s holding up sparkling disco balls to cover their private parts. Best line? “How many more rhinestones have to be hurt?”
And now it is time for the pro competition. Whoo hoo, Blizzard aka Snow Urbin did not make the cut, apparently. And neither did the other guy. Is it bad I cannot remember his name? I know y’all read the recap I wrote last week, just fill his name in here: .
Afton DelGrasso and Genya Mazo are up first doing the Quickstep. Aside from missing the table with Afton’s ass, the couple does a very good job on the dance. Of course, I am comparing them to the stars ‘Quickstep’ performances, so my standards are not all that high. But the judges loved it – yada yada yada.
My girlfriend Anna Demidova and Mayo Alanen will be doing the Jive for us tonight. Aside from Anna’s unfortunate dress choice and Mayo’s unfortunate hair choice, they dance wonderfully and I thoroughly enjoy them. And the judges loved it – yada yada yada. Vote early and vote often.
All right, more results: Shawn and Mark are safe. One step closer to the elimination of my lifetime. Please, oh please, oh please….
Tom and/or Samantha remind us that though they are the last two, they may not necessarily be one of the bottom two. STOP! Do not take away my joy. I’ve had a long day.
And my hopes and dreams are dashed as Chuck and Julianne are sent packing. Dang you, ABC! Chuck sweetly says Melissa must have loyal fans. And she is crying like she didn’t get the last rose. Oh wait, she did and then she didn’t, so maybe her memories are haunting her. I know they haunt me. Nightmares of giant attack teeth. *shudder*
Well, that’s all folks. Join us next time when the celebs will have to work twice as hard by dancing two dances. Have a great week!