Will it be the Olympic gold medalist, the one-armed Latino warrior, or the gridiron god? After the ultimate face off, one will take the title and the coveted disco ball trophy. Finalists gave it their all. They danced the first ever head to head Cha Cha Cha and the Freestyle. Judges have weighed in and the viewer’s votes will decide. Since there's enough filler in this thing to make a cream pie and we'd like to see the champion crowned before the second coming, let’s get to it.
Gear at the Rear
For first ever head to head (Why does that sound dirty?) Cha Cha Cha, couples pulled out all the stops. Cristian worked those Latino hips and shook his groove thang all over the floor. Len was impressed with his gear at the rear, as was I. Bruno pointed out that Jason’s timing was off. Carrie Ann proclaimed it ladies’ night and she doesn’t mean half price well drinks. She was speaking of Kristi’s outstanding performance that scored perfect 10’s across the board. Jason comments that going head to head against Kristi is like going the wrong way on the highway, an accident waiting to happen.
In the Freestyle, Cristian and Cheryl showed some Latin flair and although it was exhausting, they survived it and impressed Bruno. Jason and Edyta bring the funk to the floor with a hip hop routine. Kristi dazzled the judges once again and scored another perfect 30. It is indeed ladies’ night.
Backstage with Samantha, Kristi expresses how much she appreciates the friends she has made. All of the hard work has been worth it. Cristian has learned that anything in life is possible if he works hard enough. Jason has stretched himself by doing something he would have never done but will only keep dancing if the price is right. Don’t know about anyone else, but I have a stack of dollar bills ready to tuck into those tight football pants.
So, where do the finalists stand after the judges’ scores? Jason and Edyta are in 3rd place with 51 out of 60 points. Just one point ahead in 2nd place are Cristian and Cheryl. Kristi and Mark are in the lead with a perfect score of 60. Cheryl agrees to give Cristian one of her trophies if he doesn’t win his own. Tom notes that only once in five seasons, has the highest scorer with the judges taken home the trophy.
This special night wouldn’t be complete without a special musical guest. Tonight it’s five time Grammy winner Usher performing his new #1 single, “Love In This Club. He’s joined on the dance floor by his dancers, one of which has some pretty good moves. She slithers very nicely on top of the bar too. Impressive. For a stripper. The song is so incredibly sweet and romantic too. I mean, nothing else says I love you like the lyrics “I’ll bag you like some groceries.” Who wouldn’t want to make love in a club after a serenade like that?
Several past contestants weigh in on the finalists’ chances. They’re unanimously uncertain who could take the trophy. They are in agreement, however, that Kristi will be hard to beat. It’s anyone’s contest. Alas, one must leave at this point in the show. When the viewer’s votes are tallied and added to the judges’ scores, the couple leaving in the 3rd place spot is Cristian and Cheryl. Cristian is glad that he made the decision to continue in spite of his injury. He is thankful to Cheryl for being a friend and supportive partner. After a memory lane montage of his time on the show, the pair dances their Paso Doble. It’s their favorite routine of the season and the dance they’d planned to perform for the judges if they’d remained. It’s just as passionate and aggressive as the first time. Now adios and be gone.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat
Because they obviously want to torture us, all of the
rejectscouples who didn’t make it to finale night will perform. Adding insult to injury, Tom and Samantha introduce recap clips for each week of the season. MsFroggy’s fabulous and funny recaps were much better and you can find them all here. Check them out for anything you might have missed. You won’t be disappointed. And just think, you’ll be spared all of the awful video footage.
Now on to the torture(in order of elimination)…
Penn Gillette and Kym Johnson - Their Cha Cha has not improved much since he’s as big and dorky as ever. Kym is just as beautiful as ever.
Monica Seles and Jonathan Roberts - Their Mambo leaves her out of breath but DWTS is her mom’s favorite show so hey, it’s all worth it.
Steve Guttenburg and Ana Trebunskaya - If she’d taken Jonathan’s last name, I wouldn’t have had to look up the spelling. Just kidding. Not really but I don’t want hate mail from my feminist friends. Steve is as sweet as pie. His favorite moment on the show is “right now” since he’s with all of his friends and his favorite dance partner. Can I get a collective awwww?
Adam Carolla and Julianne Hough - It’s the return of El Zorro with a repeat of their Paso Doble. Adam comes out on a unicycle. Too bad someone doesn’t throw something into his spokes. Now, that’d be some good TV. Adam plugs his radio show and Julianne’s new CD and rattles on about why terrorists hate us and why the mirror ball is no respecter of persons. Or something dumb like that.
Before moving on with the
rejectseliminated contestants, the winners of the Junior Ballroom Dancing Championship is crowned. If you’ve been following this competition this season, you’ll be pleased to know that the winners are Brittany and Brandon. Well done, kids! In an earlier interview with Samantha, Brandon said that if he was someday dancing as a pro on DWTS, he would want to be paired with one of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. For Brandon, three real live Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders present the kids with their trophy. Idiot Tom makes some crack about Brandon growing up a little more today. Since we’re talking about kids, I’ll cut Tom some slack and ignore the double entendre.
On with the filler…
Priscilla Presley and Louis van Amstel - It’s hard to tell but Priscilla doesn’t appear to have had more plastic surgery since we saw her last. She and Louis don’t even rate an interview after their Tango because Jason and Cristian’s bromance is more important. Thanks to some judicious editing, all of America now knows that the two are BFFs.
Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez - The pair dances their impressive Mambo. Marlee says that everywhere she goes people tells her what an inspiration she’s been to them but that actually, everyone inspires her.
Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough - These two rumored lovebirds dance their Quickstep. Once thing is certain. Miss American Pie is still stiff as a board so the romance hasn’t loosened her up much. What does that say about Derek? Just sayin’.
Mario and Karina Smirnoff - Their Mambo is entertaining. It pains me to say this because Karina’s attitude is so ugly, but these two could have/should have danced in the finals tonight. We don’t get to hear any comments from the pair though because Drew and Helio are waiting to put in their two cents.
Marissa Jaret Winokur and Tony Dovolani - Sorry Tony, but while you were doing the Paso Doble with
Big Hair Big MouthMarissa, I went on a snack run to the kitchen. I’m sure she was just as annoying as ever.
The Final Showdown
It’s come down to the two athletes, the football hero versus the Olympic medalist. Both are fierce competitors and good sports. Since season one when Kelly Monaco won the title, the trophy has belonged to the men. Will Kristi break that trend or will the men continue to dominate? Finalists will perform one more round for judges’ scores to determine the winner. But…before we can get to that, Usher is back with his dancers and the pros with an arrangement made especially for the finale. Entertaining, but Usher really should work on his lip syncing skills before he appears on another live show.
Kristi and Mark are up first. They dance a fun and well-choreographed Jive that once again, yields positive comments from the judges. Len thinks Kristi is the most consistent dancer of any season, even though she almost had her knickers pulled off during the Jive. Bruno echoes Len’s sentiment while Carrie Ann gushes about how the pair set the standard from day one. Of course, she thanks Kristi for representing the ladies so well. Samantha does her thing backstage and Kristi tears up while giving thanks to Mark. He expresses how proud he is of her for flying so high. The judges give them 10’s across the board bringing their total score to 90 and making it impossible for Jason and Edyta to catch up. Do the math.
Jason and Edyta follow with their Quickstep. It’s fun and well-choreographed as well. The judges didn’t learn the first time to hold on to their notes and the number ends once again with the papers strewn across the dance floor. Bruno calls them heavenly bodies that move like angels. He thinks this was their best performance to date. Carrie Ann says the elegance of their spirit shines through when Jason dances and he’s untouchable as far as grace goes. Len says that Kristi may be the judges’ champion but Jason is the people’s champion. Backstage, Jason recognizes how hard Edyta pushed him and she is proud of him. On their final dance, the judges also give them 10’s across the board. Jason is ecstatic to finally get his perfect score. This gives them 81 out of 90.
Crowning the winner is long overdue but Tom wants to give Priscilla and Mario a chance to comment since they missed their earlier opportunity. Shannon is crying again so he also talks to her but does anyone really care? It’s been two hours. Criminy, we just want a winner!
Without further ado, the winners of season 6 are Kristi and Mark. Jason is an awesome sport and congratulates Kristi unlike certain second placers of the past. *cough Karina cough* As she holds her shiny disco ball, Jason and Cristian show us once more what stand up guys they are. They lift Kristi to their shoulders and carry her around the dance floor in celebration. Derek lifts his bromance, Mark to his shoulders and they dance alongside Kristi. So, there you have it. For the first time in five years, the disco ball belongs to a lady, and a well-deserving one at that.
Did you stay awake for the entire finale? PM me.