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Thread: DWTS 6 – 4/07 Recap: Hot Porn Action with Swans and Milkmaids

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    DWTS 6 – 4/07 Recap: Hot Porn Action with Swans and Milkmaids

    Another week, another endless night of competition on Dancing With the Stars. They just can't help themselves can they? Did you notice that no matter how many people get eliminated, this show never gets shorter? Amazing! For all it's rubbery marvel, this season seems to be serving up less excitement than prior editions. I don't know what it is but I watch the show, a week passes and I can't name more than three or four people who are still left in the game. Eh. We're getting rid of one every week anyway. With a little luck the ones I can't remember will be gone and then I won't need to expend any more energy on them. Steve got the boot last week, and not a minute too soon. He oozed so much goodness and glass-is-half-full optimism that I thought he'd melt into a puddle after each dance and flow gently towards the ocean, becoming one with the vast swirling waves finally free to commune with nature and the goodness of human spirit till the end of time. Or something like that.

    This week there are just two dances standing between us and another lovely elimination, so let's get to it. Our dubious celebrities are dancing either the fiery Paso Doble or the lovely Viennese Waltz and they're all pumped and ready to deliver. I've had my double dose of Tylenol and I think I can face the pain.

    A new Dance order

    First up tonight is Kristi. She leads the field after last week which means the pressure is on keep it up this week. Capturing the necessary emotions for a dance like the Paso Doble, however, could be tricky for her. They practice passion and aggression along with the fiery bullfight attitude and Kristi confesses that she is not used to putting so much emotion on the table. Finally they're on the dance floor and Kristi is wearing a long dark flowing dress with shiny inserts around the hem while Mark is sporting a fairly traditional bullfighter's costume. It all looks quite appropriate until I hear the first strains of their music an my blood chills in my veins. Get this, they're dancing to Blue Monday by New Order! It's moments like these when I'm ashamed, deeply ashamed to be watching this show. They raped Billy Idol once and I'm still not over that. This may also take me a while. After this shock, I barely watched their performance and I'm sorry but I just can't get myself to rewind. There was a part where Kristi was on Mark's back and he was dragging her and it looked passionate but I can't be sure. Len liked their choreography but detected a bit of practiced “sameness”. Bruno disagrees because he saw a Jezebel unleashed and loved their difficulty. Carrie agrees with Bruno and feels they set a standard for the competition. Their scores are 10-9-10 for a total of 29 points.

    Rolling with the Wiener Waltzer

    Priscilla is doing surprisingly well on the show having finished second behind Kristi last week. This week is all about romance and soft flowing lines with the Viennese Waltz. However, she and Louis have flow and smoothness problems. Frustration mounting, Louis takes Priscilla out to practice on roller skates. It looks pretty good actually and seems to be helping. Confidently, she wows to overtake Kristi this week. Wearing a pale blue frothy nightmare of a dress with a nude colored bodice, Priscilla looks ready to glide. And glide they do to the tunes of an Etta James song. She does something with her skirts, twirls them and they fumble a bit before locking into a shaky, inelegant Waltz hold. She has balance and posture problems, her shoulders are not straight and there's a bit too much acting in this Waltz. In a final dramatic move, Louis launches Priscilla across the floor and she ends the routine sprawled weirdly on the hardwood. Bruno thought it was a great interpretation but tells her to watch her holds. Carrie detected one of those dreaded lifts but liked her dramatic delivery. Len saw elegance but he noted the lift as well and felt the whole thing was rushed. They earn 7-7-8 for a total of 22 points.

    Paso with a side of porn

    Adam might be abrasive but at least he's equally committed to delivering laughs, insults and decent routines. Faced with the Paso Doble and with Julianne's determination to mold him into a dancer, Adam throws himself into rehearsal. The moves are more difficult, he says, and he's finally found the will to not be eliminated. Dressed as Zorro himself, complete with mustache, hat, mask and black cape, Adam glides onto the dance floor on a unicycle and circles toward Julianne. Yes, you read that right. After a few turns he discards the prop and the hat and they launch into a silly display of bombast, most of it on Julianne's part, composed of lifts and turns and lots of skirt swooshing. At the end Julianne rips Zorro's mask off and reveals the mustachioed hero with a flourish. The audience hollers and the judges hang their heads, probably contemplating the best way to slink towards the next exit. Carrie liked it up until Adam got off the unicycle, thought it was interesting and creative. Len commends Julianne's stylings but declares that Adam is not much of a dancer. Adam, not one to stay silent for long, takes the opportunity to thank the wardrobe department for outfitting him like a “silent porn star”. Bruno saw both genius and insanity and thought Zorro on the bike was unique. For this brilliant display their scores are 6-7-6 for a total of 19 points.


    Damn, this girdle is cutting off my circulation!

    A silent glide

    Seems everyone is gunning for Kristi, including Marlee who wants to move up from the bottom half of the scoreboard. Maybe a Waltz will be just the thing to get her where she wants to be. Rehearsal is a mixed bag. Marlee's balance is precarious and she gets dizzy, which may be due to her deafness. She is impatient with her progress but determined to win. Their music is She's always a woman to me. The music is soothing but it's not a good routine. While they convey the sentiment of the dance beautifully, unfortunately the routine is halting, their movements appear choppy and tentative at times. The turns seem jagged. The audience like it though because they're on their feet. Len felt it was poignant but wanted to see better posture. Bruno liked the interpretation, but agrees with Len on her posture. Carrie is weeping loudly saying she was touched by Marlee's performance. They earn all 8s for a total of 24 points.

    A so-so Reconquista

    Trying to climb up again after last week's disappointing showing, Mario is determined to do what it takes. Karina tells him he needs to focus on her instructions and the dance. She wants him to become a real matador on the floor. To get him angry she even makes him do pushups and situps like a drill sergeant. Mario, clad in gold and black and Karina head-to-toe in red, they launch into their routine with aplomb. He swirls a giant golden cape around and it's all action all the time from there. It looks convincing but the whole thing is made weird by the odd choice of music. Since when is Higher ground by Stevie Wonder a Paso Doble? It all ends quite quickly with both of them on the floor and I'm left scratching my head. Bruno dubs him Mario the Conqueror. He liked it a lot. Carrie liked it as well but saw some awkwardness at times. Len sees Mario's style as frozen in place, just as Kristi's, and advises him to work on his style a bit more. They scores are 8-7-9 reflecting the judges' opinions. Their total is 24.

    A valiant swan

    A bit deflated by Len's criticism from last week, Jason wants to do better with the Viennese Waltz. Edyta tells him he needs more polish and he needs to treat her like a lady. But can a rough ballplayer grasp the finer points of elegant romance? Edyta feels they need expert help with that so she takes him to Medieval Times, that bastion of fine chivalric displays and mass dinners on trenchers. They frolic with the knights and with one quick swish of the sword Jason gets dubbed Sir Dance-a-lot. A little bit higher and to the right and Edyta would have been dancing with the Headless Ghost. Did all the knightly attention help? Dressed smartly in a brown tux with Edyta wearing a slinky gold dress, their start looks promising. Their music is It's a man's world which feels oddly right as a Viennese Waltz. They look smooth and passionate as they glide on the floor with decent speed and lovely flow, ending with a flourish. Carrie thought it was beautiful, elegant and seductive. She saw a stumble that I missed. Len calls it a “wow” of a dance. Bruno says they managed to make the dance sensual and seductive, like two swans in a mating ritual. Their scores are 10-9-10 for a total of 29 points.


    Edyta, you really don't need a bra...

    Schooled to be a bull

    Riding high on praise from last week's dance, Cristian is now faced with the difficult Paso Doble. He feels lost, Cheryl feels frustrated and they're both tense. How do you cure it all before show night? Why, you take the student to school, namely to Cheryl's new dance studio in San Francisco, to meet Drew and partake in his wisdom. There he learns that he needs to listen to Cheryl. With his new knowledge they're ready to Paso. Wearing shiny rubber outfits they look edgy, but with his chest naked and hair slicked back with gel, Cristian does his best to fill the bare-chested void left by Maks. Let's all take a moment and remember those good times. Thanks! Now back to our regularly schedules Paso Doble. Their music is La Virgen de la Macarena, which is an authentic fiery Paso music. They twirl and fight their way around the floor, swirling their capes passionately and bringing the audience to their feet. Len enjoyed the passion and intensity but didn't feel they conquered the music. Bruno felt it was convincing and liked it. Carrie thought they did capture the music, she just wants him to not lose focus. They earn 9-8-8 for a total of 26 points.


    Am I hot or what?

    Sticking their neck out

    It was the snap heard around the ballroom when Derek sprained his neck last week during rehearsal with Julianne. Wheeled away on a gurney he left his partner in tears and in great uncertainty. Now outfitted with a neck brace, Derek is not allowed to dance for a week or more. Jonathan to the rescue! Even though he was eliminated, he seems to be a busy boy, isn't he?. Last week he man-Tangoed with Steve and that ended in his elimination. Will the same fate befall Shannon? They practice the Viennese Waltz as Derek watches helplessly from the sidelines and occasionally gets up to dance, despite doctor's orders. All this drama finally leads to their performance, appropriately enough, to Keep holding on by Avril Levigne, long known for her Viennese Waltzes. Well, not exactly, but this music somehow works for them. They flow pleasantly around the floor and there's no trace of Derek's injury. Bruno thought they were a class act and felt it was a spring awakening. Carrie saw Shannon being comfortable and organic. Len thought it was the best dance of the night. Their scores are 9-10-9 for a total of 28 points.

    The milkmaid and the bull

    Closing the show are Marissa and Tony with the Paso Doble. After last week's boring showing, the only way to go is up. Tony thinks the judges expect a lot of Marissa and vows to make their choreography a total winner. Marissa finds it a difficult going especially since Tony is incorporating more than the usual amount of professional grade steps into their routine. Now I have high expectations too but my first glimpse of Marissa in a glorified milkmaid costume, with a canary yellow bust over a shiny rubber bodice is leaving me speechless. Tony is bare-chested but otherwise wearing a proper Paso Doble outfit. They lucked out with a good piece of music from the Zorro movie which helps somewhat in making me forget about Marissa's bizarre getup. Tony really gives it his all and they both put on some good bullfighting facial expressions aside from decently executed steps. The end is a bit inelegant as Tony wipes the floor with Marissa, but all in all not as bed as I thought it was going to be. The audience hollers loudly and are on their feet. Carrie thought it was fantastic, saw her attack the dance as she should. Len saw the real Marissa and wants her to keep it up. Bruno says she “let go of the safety net” and “it's the way to go”. Their scores are all 8s for a total of 24 points.


    Tony, my butt hurts!

    At the end of another long night, a number of 10s have been given out, several dances were great, some were passable and some were on their last wheel. Jason and Kristi lead the way while Adam and his unicycle close out the bottom. Which one of these semi-celebs will hit the road on Tuesday? Will I watch? Well, no, I won't, but I'll be back next week to tell you about all the celebs who live to see another show and hopefully somebody will dance bare-chested again. I'm all about those cheap thrills!

    I received no candy bars last week from any of my millions of loyal readers, which made me crabby this week. Ok, how about pictures of candy bars then? Mars or Almond Joy only. Thanks.
    "Feel the sky blanket you/ With gems and rhinestones/ See the path cut by the moon/ For you to walk on" - EV

  2. #2
    Bloomin' FoRT Fanatic! ness's Avatar
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    Re: DWTS 6 – 4/07 Recap: Hot Porn Action with Swans and Milkmaids

    MsFroggy . . .

    BRAVO!!!!

    You are a force to be reckoned with in a recap!

    "In a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, broccoli, zits, ozone depletion, racism, sexism, stupid guys and PMS, why the hell do people still tell me to have a nice day?" - Unknown

  3. #3
    Who Dat lildago's Avatar
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    Re: DWTS 6 – 4/07 Recap: Hot Porn Action with Swans and Milkmaids

    They raped Billy Idol once and I'm still not over that.
    The disgrace!

    Love the Edyta caption. Great recap, Froggs!
    Getting lost will help you find yourself.

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    REMAIN INDOORS MotherSister's Avatar
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    Re: DWTS 6 – 4/07 Recap: Hot Porn Action with Swans and Milkmaids

    Which one of these semi-celebs will hit the road on Tuesday? Will I watch? Well, no, I won't, but I'll be back next week to tell you about all the celebs who live to see another show and hopefully somebody will dance bare-chested again. I'm all about those cheap thrills!
    So that's what keeps you going! Another fantastic recap, MsFroggy.

  5. #5
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: DWTS 6 – 4/07 Recap: Hot Porn Action with Swans and Milkmaids

    Great recap!!

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    FORT Fanatic Oceansands's Avatar
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    Re: DWTS 6 – 4/07 Recap: Hot Porn Action with Swans and Milkmaids

    Great recap Froggy always a pleasure to read.

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