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Thread: 1/12 - 1/13 Recap, Sausagefestapalooza

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    Too cold to run away! Burntcrow's Avatar
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    1/12 - 1/13 Recap, Sausagefestapalooza

    Welcome to the second week of Dancing With The Stars....2! (a little late...sorry!) Last Friday, ESPN sportscaster Kenny Mayne hit the road leaving just nine celebrities in contention for.......a basket of fruit and a small trophy. Woo. This time, the male celebrities take on the quick-step, while the female celebrities tackle the sexy rumba. Let's take a look at what the judges are looking for in both dances, and get this sucker started!

    The Rumba: The rumba is the only slow song in the Latin section. You're looking for romance. You're looking for the tease. The girl coming in, moving away, and then the boy pulling her back. We also want good hip action, a bit of basic, and clever choreography.

    The Quick-Step: It's a fast dance, like dancing on hot coals. We want to see a good hold, good posture, and good movement.

    It's Not Skanky If It's Ballroom!
    Lisa Rinna is up first this week, and apparently she isn’t sexy enough to dance the rumba. What to do, What to do? Oh, right...take some pole dancing classes! A couple of lessons later, and just like that her sexy factor goes up by a couple degrees. I tell you, poles aren’t given enough credit these days. They educate, entertain, AND save people from early eliminations. God bless you pole. As Louis and Lisa start their performance...a true tragedy hits my ears.. “Your Song” performed by the house singers. I was trying to stay off the songs this season, but geez., this is uncalled for. Anyways, Lisa does a great job, but I’m partial to Pat Benatar hair so let‘s get to the judges for the real verdict.




    Len - Lisa, you're like a wild kitten, you see. The thing is, in rumba, control is as important as effect. When you go for the big wild thing, you go so much for it, and when you spin out of it you lose the control. If you manage your energy and your control you will do much much better, so keep that in mind. (Lisa looks as clueless as I am right about now)
    Score - 7
    Bruno - I thought it was a great, great start to the show. You had tremendous focus between you two. You've gotta work on those spins. (then is interrupted by the angry audience)
    Score - 7
    Carrie Ann - I thought you had a shaky start right from the get go. You know what, you ARE sexy, and you need to just live it out there, and not hide it.
    Score - 6

    Total Score: 20/30

    "Neutron Dance"...What The Flip?
    Drew Lachey is given an early position again. He and Cheryl are feeling the pressure to perform well this week. Cheryl seems to have backed off a bit since last time, but she is still pushing for more. They are dancing to, “The Neutron Dance,” which I have never heard of. Something about molecular biology in my pop songs...I just don’t like it. Cheryl has created a very fast paced performance and it rocks! Drew has good, crisp footwork.....and, ok that’s enough of that. * I will not root for a boy band member, I will not root for a boy band member*




    Len - That was fun. It was fast. It was fantastic!
    Score - 9
    Bruno - Well that was supersonic. It was like a fighter jet. You only missed one target, but for the rest you were right and precise.
    Score - 9
    Carrie Ann - I saw one stumble, but for the most part everything was great. Your posture was great, your style was great. You are the unlikely ballroom dancer.
    Score - 9

    Total Score: 27/30

    One Hot Baby Momma
    Tia Carrere is up next, and let me just say her costume and hair look ten times better than last week. She appears younger, and sexier this time. Maksim sees that Tia is having trouble moving her hips correctly, so he calls in a hip expert, a Hula girl! I have one on my dashboard, but she has plastic hair and that makes me sad. Tia and Maksim dance their rumba to “Emotions.” She does an excellent job! I caught a screen cap of her best move, in which she slowly leans back, and keeps her back as straight as an ironing board the entire time! Go Tia!




    Len - The rumba, there should be no forward walks on the heels. I know Max, you told her a thousand times, but it's so easy.....Bruno sometimes gets a little bit nit-picky. I loved the start, the cucarachas, your lovely swivel!
    Score - 8
    Bruno - Tia, you have such natural sensuality and warmth. The rumba should really suit you perfectly, but you don't keep that level of intensity all the way through. You made a few mistakes, and be careful with the heel lead.
    Score - 7
    Carrie Ann - Last week you were so gentle I was worried about you in the rumba. I wasn't sure you were going to bring out that sexy goddess you have in you. You definitely brought it out. It had a lot of fire to it. One thing I want to point out is that you need to sharpen up your edges, get the snap! (Len butts in saying there were lots of snaps. Bruno chimes in as well, but Carrie quickly ends it with a stern "I'm not going to argue."
    Score - 7

    Total Score: 22/30

    Old People Can Disrespect Master P And Get Away With It
    George Hamilton will now attempt the demanding quick-step. The physical demands of ballroom dancing are taking a toll on his injuries, so he calls in “Team George,” his chiropractor and sports therapist. Good as new, he tells Drew to watch out! George and Edyta dance their quick-step to “Top Hat, White Tie, and Tails.” I was prepared not to like this performance since I find George a bit annoying, but there was something about it...it was fun, and George did his best.




    Len - Well, you are a charmer, you make me smile so much, I’ve gotta tell you that. You put everything in other than the kitchen sink. There was a top hat, there was a bit of Charleston, tap dancing...there could have been a bit more quick-step. Other than that, it was nice!
    Score - 7
    Bruno - The master of illusion! You played every humble character I’ve ever seen here tonight. You were Fred Astaire, Clarke Gable, Gene Kelly, Cary Grant, and Gary Cooper...all rolled into one! You covered your mistakes very well.
    Score - 7
    Carrie Ann - Team George did a good job! You looked great out there, I’m impressed. You are charming, and elegant, all of that. You had one little booboo, kind of in the middle. You lost the hold for a bit, but that was a very entertaining piece and it was a great way to use what you have and ignore what you can’t do.
    Score - 8

    Total Score: 22/30 (George says his injuries are holding up, since he is doing this for his people in the hood....people in Beverly Hills and Palm Beach... “Yo dawgz, what up!”)

    Half Baked Tatum Tots
    Actress O’Neal is up next. Actress tells us she’s an actress. Nick is having trouble leading her, and we see some more of their love hate relationship. Actress says she is going to do her best, and her best is first place. OOOOkay. Oh man, they are dancing to “Careless Whisper.” The intro sounds like a Mexican soap opera song, or a really bad porn you found in the 99 cents bin from 1973. I thought the performance was good. There was great choreography, and Tatum looks considerably better than last week in her green dress.




    Len - Every line that you produced during that rumba was fantastic. Unfortunately, for me, your leg action was like a truffle. The top was fruity and the bottom was a bit spongy.
    Score - 6
    Bruno - I agree with the other judges. You have a great quality, Tatum. When you get it right, you remind me of Rita Heyworth. You have to keep the performance all through the body. You have to finish it, darling. You will be better next week.
    Score - 6
    Carrie Ann - I'm going to have to agree with Len. Your legs were really not in synch with your body this time. There was no strength in your legs, they weren't supporting your body. It wasn't very good this time.
    Score - 5

    Total Score: 17/30 (I didn’t think it was that bad, oh well)

    Eyes On The Dance Bowl
    Football star Jerry Rice is up, and this week, he decides to get a little revenge on his partner, Anna Trebunskaya. His fast footwork is perfect for the quick-step, so he takes Anna to the football field to do some drills. Anna stumbles on the drills as she complains about the pasture on the field. Jerry and Anna dance to “If My Friends Could See Me Now.” Jerry was a bit stiff, and he had an awkward little intro where he abruptly ran up to Anna. Other than that, it was all good.




    Len - It was a great routine. You lost your posture and hold a bit, but the whole thing was very good.
    Score - 8
    Bruno - Another touchdown for Jerry! You certainly can deliver! Light on your feet, smooth and elegant. I have to point out...it is very difficult to lead on the quick-step.
    Score - 8
    Carrie Ann - I thought the footwork was fantastic. You're posture was great, but you just lost it a couple times. I saw your eyes go in and out. Other than that, it was a great job.
    Score - 7

    Total Score: 23/30

    This Is The Last Sausage Infested Title From Me, I Swear
    Stacy Keibler is up before we see the disaster that is Master P. She seems a little upset about Len's comment last week ("All sizzle, no sausage."), and is determined to make him eat his words. Stacy is certain she will give Len more sausage than he can handle! *resists the temptation to make an easy sausage joke* Stacy and Tony dance to "I'm Like A Bird," and again, it is great. It seems extreme leg lifting is required in every dance nowadays. I wonder if they will ever get an older female celebrity in on the action. Now THAT would be a sexy rumba. Sorry for the lack of judge comments, but as you can see, they all loved it!




    Len - Score - 9
    Bruno - Score - 10
    Carrie Ann - Score - 10

    Total Score: 29/30

    At Least He Doesn't Dance "In Them Jeans" Out There
    Master P has been saved for last, but not completely last...wouldn't want to leave a sour memory in our minds. He's a little shocked that Ashly went off on him on national television, and I am sure Ashly is a little shocked they survived past the first week. She tries to bring him a pair of dancing shoes, but he throws them on the floor and stomps on the box. Way to show those thugs and homies that you can do something different in life, Master P. Isn't that why you said you were doing this? P wears another hat, and the same shoes from last week as they dance to "Zoot Suit Riot." His quick-step wasn't very quick...it was more like a retarded donkey trotting around the dance floor. Again, sorry for the lack of judge comments! Basically, all of the judges agreed that he has improved, and Len points out his shoes. "You wouldn't wear dancing shoes to play basketball would you?" I think they are too scared to give him straight threes.



    Len - Score - 6
    Bruno - Score - 6
    Carrie Ann - Score - 5

    Total Score: 16/30 (P says he isn't changing his shoes, they are his lucky Millah shoes)

    Rosarita Serves Up Some Refried Beans With An Extra Cheesy Smile
    Last this week is journalist, Giselle Fernandez. She is hoping to bring out her natural Latina talent. Jonathon Roberts, her partner, says Giselle needs to unleash her “inner Rosarita.” After she gets some lessons on the art of “sexy“, she claims she is ready to let the fiery chicharron come out. Way to paint a visual Giselle! Maybe a fiery chile relleno, or a fiery quesadilla, but definitely not some fiery fried pork skin. Yuck. Giselle and Jonathon dance the rumba to “Take My Breath Away.” She does a great job, but has that dreaded “Trista smile” from last season. I thought Giselle would make an early exit in this competition, but it looks like she is deserving of at least top 5. Will she make it there, or fall through the cracks?




    Len - I loved the start on the stage. That was a great entry. Dancing is about balance, you want hard and soft, fast and slow. For me, it was a little bit hard all the time. (Bruno interrupts..."What are you talking about! It was so hot...she could have melted any man in the room!)
    Score - 8
    Bruno - Rosarita the man-eater! You were really playing with your toy boy tonight! That was sexy, smooth....lovely turns. You did very difficult turns tonight, and you executed them with great precision.
    Score - 8
    Carrie Ann - This time, I didn't feel it was forced. It was graceful, and it was powerful. Your extension was great......I think you are a contender for the title. (This gets an excited scream from Giselle)
    Score - 8

    Total Score: 24/30

    P. Miller Moves Up One Spot....By Default
    Well, we have seen all of the couples! It is now up to us to eliminate P. Miller once and for all. Do it for Ashly! Here are the standings going into the results show.

    1. Stacy Keibler and Tony Dovolani - 29
    2. Drew Lachey & Cheryl Burke - 27
    3. Giselle Fernandez & Jonathon Roberts - 24
    4. Jerry Rice and Anna Trebunskaya - 23
    5. George Hamilton and Edyta Sliwinska - 22
    5. Tia Carrere and Maksim Chmerkovskiy - 22
    7. Lisa Rinna and Louis van Amstel - 20
    8. Tatum O'Neal and Nick Kosovich - 17
    9. Master P. & Ashly DelGrosso - 16


    Quick and Painless 1/14 Results Show Recap
    Ok, so if any of you guys sat through the results show I send my condolences for your lost time. How many times can they recap the recap of the recap? Ugh.

    After all the recaps, we are left with about twenty minutes of actual show. Finally, we are treated to more professional on professional action. This week, we get to see world champions Bryan Francois and Jenny Thomas dance the Lindy hop. Why the Lindy hop you ask? Well, next week the couples will dance either the tango or the jive. The jive originated from the Lindy hop. The professionals are extremely impressive! The looked more like acrobats out there as Bryan threw Jenny around like a rag doll.

    Before the elimination results, Tony Dovolani gets a chance to shine with his partner Elena Grinenko. They dance to "Get Your Shine On," performed by Jesse McCartney. Yes, the song is as dumb as it sounds. "Get ya, Get ya, ah get your shine on." I will leave it at that.

    The time is here! In no particular order, the couples returning next week are.............

    Stacy Keibler and Tony Dovolani!
    Jerry Rice and Anna Trebunskaya!
    Giselle Fernandez & Jonathon Roberts!
    Lisa Rinna and Louis van Amstel!
    George Hamilton and Edyta Sliwinska!
    Drew Lachey & Cheryl Burke!
    Tia Carrere and Maksim Chmerkovskiy!

    Which means that Actress/Nick and P/Ashly are the bottom two couples......Going home this week....
    Tatum O'Neal and Nick Kosovich! Maybe Master P. really IS wearing lucky shoes. Neither he nor Ashly look very happy. Tatum says she will miss dancing with Nick, and maybe she can get him on a movie. Uhmm, unless it is a scary movie shot by her kids in the backyard, I don't see it happening.

    See you all next time! burntcrow@fansofrealitytv.com
    Last edited by Burntcrow; 01-15-2006 at 08:51 PM.

  2. #2
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burntcrow View Post
    Drew has good, crisp footwork.....and, ok that’s enough of that. * I will not root for a boy band member, I will not root for a boy band member*

    His quick-step wasn't very quick...it was more like a retarded donkey trotting around the dance floor.


    Great stuff, Burntcrow.

  3. #3
    I'm not completely insane quanahg's Avatar
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    Incredible recap. I don't understand why the song choices are sung soooo blandly. Well, not all of them, but some of the songs are horrid.

    I want Master P. to stop dancing in those awful P.Miller shoes. I mean, I can get those at my local $9.99 shoe store (Westons). Well, I guess I'll have to add that they are $29.99 there...that's only because all of the men's shoes are $29.99.
    be kind to me, or treat me mean. i'll make the most of it, i'm an extraordinary machine. (Fiona Apple)

  4. #4
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burntcrow View Post
    As Louis and Lisa start their performance...a true tragedy hits my ears.. “Your Song” performed by the house singers. I was trying to stay off the songs this season, but geez., this is uncalled for.

    Maksim sees that Tia is having trouble moving her hips correctly, so he calls in a hip expert, a Hula girl! I have one on my dashboard, but she has plastic hair and that makes me sad.

    Half Baked Tatum Tots


    I think they are too scared to give him straight threes.

    She does a great job, but has that dreaded “Trista smile” from last season.

    They dance to "Get Your Shine On," performed by Jesse McCartney. Yes, the song is as dumb as it sounds.

    Tatum says she will miss dancing with Nick, and maybe she can get him on a movie. Uhmm, unless it is a scary movie shot by her kids in the backyard, I don't see it happening.
    Fantastic job, Burnt.
    Very entertaining writing and I love the addition of the screen caps too.
    Excellent job

  5. #5
    Who Dat lildago's Avatar
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    Great recap! I love the screencaps!
    Getting lost will help you find yourself.

  6. #6
    FORT Fogey lambikins's Avatar
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    I rely on YOU, Burntcrow, to fill me on the Friday results show, since Ghost Whisper ranks watching over the eliminations. Love, love, LOVE your recaps and screen caps!
    Still crazy, after all these shears

    "lambikins, put the crack pipe down and back away from the keyboard." Unklescott

    "lambikins... I have come to the conclusion that you are the Jedi Master of the Kitchen on FORT!" SuperBrat

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