worsebetter than one dance a night? Why two, of course! You'd think that since they're dancing two dances tonight the show would be twice as long. But you'd be wrong. Dancing can be amazingly elastic, much like microwave pizza. No matter how little or how much content they have to air, amazingly it always takes longer than it took to fly to the Moon and back90 minutes out of our lives. I promise to cut out the extra 45 minutes of filler they always manage to shove in there and make this all nice and fat free for you.
Now that Marlee is history, we're down to six people. Would you call this the halfway point? I'm sure Tom would if I'd only let him, but I'm fast forwarding though his speech because, really, he never says anything I care about. We've got one Ballroom and one Latin dance tonight from each couple. Let's get to it.
Disdain for the Tango
Marissa, who finally got some 9s last week, is starting off with the Rumba this time. Tony wants her to be sensual but Marissa finds that difficult, especially as they're also rehearsing their Tango routine at the same time. Things are getting a bit blurry for her. Wearing what can only be described as a slashed up wine colored lace tablecloth with pink lining that Frankenstein's bride would've been proud of, Marissa looks a bit dowdy for their Tango. They move through an acceptable routine, theatrically at least, but I just can't get past that horror of a dress. Len thought it was their best dance, Bruno liked the drama, passion and “the hint of disdain”. Carrie felt it was wonderful and she saw progress. They earn all 9s for a total of 27 points.
Man, I think they over-plucked your eyebrows again, Marissa!
He'll make love to you
Next up are Cristian and Cheryl. After a good run last week, Cristian gets to tackle the Waltz and the Samba this time which are as different as two dances can be. He names the moves to make them easier to remember and Cheryl thinks they're on a roll. After a brief visit with Cristian's daughter, Laura, they're back to dance the Waltz which Cristian hopes will bring a 10 for his “little princess”. Elegantly attired in a blue dress with a matching blue tie and shirt on Cristian, they look serene and ready to Waltz to I'll make love to you which oddly works. It all goes quite well as they glide gracefully across the floor, flowing from move to move and ending with a flourish on the floor. Bruno terms it “a pleasure to watch”, Carrie liked his grace but sensed a lack of energy while Len, although pleased, bemoans the lack of content. Their scores 8-8-9 for a total of 25 points.
Fleckle in the rain
Proud owner of this season's first perfect score of 30, Kristi doesn't feel like she can let up. Mark is no help, as this is the first time he needs to do two dances in one week, so they're both a bit stressed and frustrated. To take a break they head to the ice, where Kristi is in her element showing off some of her medal winning moves. Their first dance is the Waltz set to I'm with you. It's a dance that starts off with Kristi holding a sparkling umbrella after which they swirl and slide through a smooth routine which feels well rounded and elegant. Carrie liked the emotion but saw a bit of a problem with Kristi's turns. Leo liked the turns, but didn't quite appreciate the whole umbrella thing although Kristi's attempted Fleckle pleased him. Bruno disagrees and thought it worked despite the turns being off. Their scores 9-8-9 for a total of 26 which is the lowest score they've ever achieved says Samantha.
Kristi! You said you won't slap me ever again...
Not enough starch
Mario had a scary brush with the bottom two last week after earning his highest score. This week Mario is a busy boy with the his two dances, a Tango and a Foxtrot, plus a hip-hop routine that he's learning for his video. Switching back and forth between the three different dances is tough indeed. Dancing to a Michael Buble tune they put on a pleasant but not great Foxtrot. I note an awkward hold in the middle and Mario needs a more refined spine, but over all not bad. Len likes Mario's maturity but felt he wasn't elegant enough for the Foxtrot. Bruno was pleased although he noted the lack of control on Mario's part. Carrie liked the work Mario did but wanted more stiffness. They earn all 8s for a total of 24 points.
If we do this stretch three times a week, you'll grow an inch, Karina!
Shannon starts off with an apology after last week's ill-advised critique of the judges' comments that probably didn't win them any fans. Can they get past their faux pas and focus on the Mambo? Derek tries to channel Shannon's anger left over from last week into both the Mambo and the Tango. Dancing to a proper Tango tune, and wearing all midnight blue outfits, they start off with their Tango. There's a bit of fumbling with Derek's hat, lots of fierce facial expressions and Shannon's trademark awkward stiffness is on evidence at times. Not a particularly rousing dance although a good Tango . Bruno was fascinated though mostly about their Tango attitude. Carrie calls it their best dance to date. Len thought they did a “terrific job”. They earn all 9s for a total of 27 points.
Quick and dirty
Closing out the Ballroom round are Jason and Edyta who had a brush with the bottom two last week, which means they need a comeback. Perhaps the Quickstep or the Paso Doble will do the trick for them especially as Jason sees the latter as an opportunity to bring some football attitude to the dance floor. For their Quickstep, to a tune called Dirty Boogie, they start off with a flamboyant jump from Jason and continue with hops and skips which look pretty good, even if they're not always as fast as they could be. The end is colorful as well when Jason jumps on the judges' table, steals Len's notebook and flings it in the air for no apparent reason as they end the dance with a dramatic handstand from Jason. Quite unusual for a Quickstep. Jason picks up the papers and they await the judges comments amid audience cheers. Carrie liked the energy, the kicks, their form and was over all impressed. Len predicts that Jason might get to the finals with dances like that. Bruno felt it was quick as lightning – the performance of the night. Their scores are 10-9-10 for a total of 29 points.
We really should be doing this in a bed...
Now that the Ballroom round is out of the way, the celebs take off most of their clothes to bring on the Latin round. Jason and Edyta are leading with 29 points while Mario and Karina are trailing with 24. The scores from the Latin round will be added to the Ballroom round scores to arrive at their total scores for the night.
Up first with their Rumba are Marissa and Tony who put on a G-rated Rumba that lacks all manner of heat or passion. Bruno saw a woman in full bloom but missed the dirt and sex. Carrie thought it was beautiful and fluid an liked the emotion in their movements. Len saw good acting but not enough hip action. He felt it was all to careful. They earn 9-8-8 for a combined total of 52 points.
There should be less sequins on this bodice, Marissa. I can't see a thing!
Cristian and Cheryl are next with the Samba. Dressed in cheery yellow outfits, they start out great with plenty of energy. The hip shaking is adequate, however the Samba rolls leave a lot to be desired. Cristian also looks a bit stiff and hesitant in places. Finally towards the end, he starts holding his left arm weirdly and it's apparent that something has happened to him as he misses the final hold and even drops Cheryl right at the end instead of supporting her dip. He looks to be in pain and says he might have pulled a muscle in his arm, but wants to continue. Before the judges can render their verdict the show goes to commercial and when it comes back he's bandaged and we find it's a severe muscle cramp. All the judges liked what they saw and commend Cristian's effort. They earn all 7s for a great total of 46 points.
Kristi and Mark are dancing the Cha Cha Cha. Wearing all purple outfits with Kristi's hair teased into a poodle do, they put on a sizzling dance, with excellent fluid hip-hop infused Cha Cha moves that bring the audience to their feet with loud cheers. Len liked the middle but wasn't a fan of their give-and-take style calling it a time waster. Bruno disagrees loudly saying Len needs to clear the cobwebs and see the hip new take on the Cha Cha that they did. Carrie loved the hip hop take on an old favorite. They earn 10-8-10 for a grand total of 54 points.
Mario and Karina are next with the Mambo, wearing all red and white. Mario puts on a decent Mambo with acceptable hip action but Karina is technically fantastic, as always, making up for a lot of Mario's shortcomings. Bruno say the Devil was in Mario's hips and thinks he was in his element. Carrie agrees that this is his dance although saw some out of sync parts. Len thought it was wild and wonderful. They earn all 9s for a total of 51 points.
Working the Mambo are Shannon and Derek. Shannon's hair is also teased into a pig poodle do like Kristi's was, their outfits are red and their routine is so-so. Shannon is tall and gangly, and while she can't help that, she looks awkward and not quite in control doing the Mambo. They end with Shannon sprawled on the judges' table, right in front of Len. Carrie is left somewhat speechless, saying Shannon had awkward lines. Len comments on Shannon's bionic bum and liked the hips. Bruno loved the effort but wanted ore control of the limbs. Backstage they admit that Shannon is equipped with a fake butt under the ruffles in her dress. They earn all 8s for their big total of 51 points.
Whoa, Shannon! You've got a better sixpack than I do!
Closing the show, Jason and Edyta are up with their Paso Doble which is oddly enough set to the theme music from Monday Night Football. They're wearing blue and white football themed outfits, with Jason in sweat pants and a tank top. It's all quite odd looking but the dance itself is surprisingly entertaining and quite the proper Paso. Len was scared, even if the imaginary bull wasn't but he complains a bit about the posing. Bruno agreed with the posing and calls Jason “the Nimitz going for Desert Storm”. Okey dokey. Carrie felt it was unconventional but they sold it nevertheless. She noted a slight lift that was unnecessary. They earn 9-8-8 for a grand total of 55 points.
This is better than a huddle, man.
After the two rounds of dancing, Jason and Edyta are in the lead with 55 points, with Cristian and Cheryl at the bottom of the scoreboard with 46 points. On Tuesday night somebody will be going home, we'll find out whether Cristian is well enough to come back to the ballroom and there's going to be some entertainment coming from Def Leppard. Def Leppard? That can only be comedy. Save yourself the pain of having to watch somebody struggle through a dance routine set to Def Leppard's immortal tunes and read lildago great recap of it instead. See me here next week for more of the same.