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Thread: 7/27/05 Recap - Mommy, Can I Name My Mule Princess?

  1. #1
    Too cold to run away! Burntcrow's Avatar
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    7/27/05 Recap - Mommy, Can I Name My Mule Princess?

    Last time on The Cut, some guy who nobody cares about went out of style when he was never in it. Sorry Jeff, you can’t always get what you want. In this case, however, it’s you don’t always know what you’ll get. For all he knows, the prize could be a thimble and one game of “peek a boo” with Tommy Hilfiger.

    A sign for concern for show followers: a change to the time slot of doom! Friday nights at 9pm! Yes folks, the show is headed down the road of forgotten roadkill like Wanda At Large, The Next Great Champ and Quintuplets. Never heard of them? Exactly!

    Queen Bees Shauna and Deanna start of the show badmouthing “pit” survivor, Liz. They don’t understand why she tried to defend Jeff, and call her a pretentious bitch. Poor victim Liz tells us she doesn’t like teaming up against anyone just to save her butt.

    Princess For Sale!
    The next morning, the contestants are taken to Teterboro Airport, where they must first pick brand new teams! Captains this week are Deanna for the orange team, and Chris C. for the blue team. The task for this week: Each team will brand a G3 plane with their unique artwork and ideas. These special edition Tommy Hilfiger planes must be completed in 2 days. Let’s pick the teams! Deanna goes first.

    Cruella DeVille (orange)
    1. Felix
    3. Wes
    5. Shawna
    7. Princess by default


    Inspirational Sob Story (blue)
    1. Rob Walker
    4. Liz
    6. Jessica


    This weeks social adventure is an invitation to attend an exclusive luxury yacht party in Miami Beach. The blue team finally gets a clue, and decides to pass on the offer, but Deanna quickly volunteers Princess to attend for her team. Princess realizes the suckiness of her situation, and flashes a big smile, holding in the embarrassment.

    The Blue Team
    Chris C. and his team brainstorm ideas, but unfortunately Liz gets sick and has to leave for the doctor. She does manage to suggest that a globe would be ideal for the tail. Jessica says the finished plane should make you want to have sex. They better get some glitter bras and panties to put on the windows, because the outside of a plane doesn’t really scream sex in my opinion. Jessica wavers on her decisions, and decides to paint the plane’s belly black instead of a sexy red.

    In the end, they decide to go for four different designs on the tail, a large “Tommy Hilfiger” on the side, with typical Rob Walker background, small Tommy logos in between the windows, and one large logo on the belly. They call a company that comes in to paint, and put up all of the logos, which angers the orange team.

    The Orange Team
    Deanna and her team are going for the “gangstah” look, and decide to tag the entire side of the plane. This was of course, after turning down the great idea of making the plane a giant bumblebee, which is awesome in my opinion! Can you imagine chillaxing in your own private bumblebee? Stewardesses dressed in little bee outfits shaking their ample stingers in your face, while you watch bee porn on a big screen tv. That’s the life I tell you!

    They decide on a graffiti style plane, and want it to look like the word “Tommy” is blasting out of a brick wall. They also will add a huge painting of Tommy Hilfiger’s face, clouds, and a blue TH logo created by Felix to go on the tail. We see Felix do all of the painting, as Deanna and Wes sit back and stare at his butt…no really.

    An artist comes to paint the Tommy Hilfiger face on the plane, and it ends up looking like a plastic monkey with a double chin......spot on!

    Princess and the Beasts
    Princess has been living it up since she left her team back at the Teterboro airport. Tommy treats her to a shopping spree at her favorite store. The nearest Wal-mart was pretty far off, so they had to stop at some fancy store.......“He’s like, Princess, you’re my only guest, and it’s only you, so you get to be spoiled!” How delusional.

    Meanwhile, back at the loft, Shauna and Liz have been, as recommended by a doctor, resting in a room for 48 hours. Apparently, bitch spreads since Liz starts smack talking the other contestants, ala Shauna and Deanna. They come to the conclusion that the others are jealous of their well traveled, and cultured ways. Uhmm, yeah, because wearing dead baby seals makes you awesome. I am sure some natives somewhere would love to harpoon Shauna, and use her blubber for a lamp or two.

    Back at the yacht, it’s Princess time, ALL of the time. She mingles, shows off her outfit, drinks champagne, and even awkwardly dance with some guy! With the party over, they head back to check out the finished planes.

    If You Were Sick And You Know It, stay out of the pit! If you were sick….
    It’s time for Tommy to dash some hopes and dreams. He gathers the teams, and announces how much Princess has improved since her last social catastrophe involving "private girl part" talk, and strong woman poetry.
    Could Princess actually be a contender for the title? Say it ain't so!

    Moving along to the planes, Tommy basically hates everything and bashes all of their hard work. He hates that his face is on the front of one of the planes, and the unprofessional artwork. The real failures here, however, are the creators of this task. How do you ask inexperienced people to create professional looking jets for personal use? Of course they will end up looking like watercolors on Manila paper! Geez! Let's see what Tommy told the teams....

    Blue Team: The graphic on the tail looks very juvenile. I don’t like the black on the bottom, and the Tommy background looks very blurry.

    Orange team: My face is very juvenile, the flying bricks are very juvenile, and you really can’t make out “Tommy.” I really like the TH logo that you put on the tail, though.

    Tommy declares the orange team the winners, basing his decision mostly on the “TH” tail logo, which brings Felix to tears.

    The blue team is accused of having repetitive designs, and not providing anything new. Jessica, Rob Walker, and Chris C. are asked to step in the pit. Liz is safe, since she slept in a bed while everyone else worked their butts off. If I were them, I would be licking toilet seats next week, increasing my chances of coming down with a stomach virus.

    Jessica tries to defend herself, but unfortunately she can’t really do much with Chris backing up Rob. After some Rob bashing, Tommy decides that Jessica is not creative, or strong enough for the competition and she unfortunately hits the runway. Jessica stays calm, and quietly walks away.

    Next week on The Cut: The contestants must redecorate a barn, and use the animals as canvases for their artwork. Princess erupts when she encounters a cow named Princess, and Shauna comes down with salmonella, mad cow disease, cholera, botulism, and a bad case of stank. Sounds like fun!

    Send me an e-mail! burntcroww@aol.com

  2. #2
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burntcrow
    Last time on The Cut, some guy who nobody cares about went out of style when he was never in it.

    A sign for concern for show followers: a change to the time slot of doom! Friday nights at 9pm! Yes folks, the show is headed down the road of forgotten roadkill like Wanda At Large, The Next Great Champ and Quintuplets. Never heard of them? Exactly!

    An artist comes to paint the Tommy Hilfiger face on the plane, and it ends up looking like a plastic monkey with a double chin......spot on!


    Uhmm, yeah, because wearing dead baby seals makes you awesome. I am sure some natives somewhere would love to harpoon Shauna, and use her blubber for a lamp or two.

    If I were them, I would be licking toilet seats next week, increasing my chances of coming down with a stomach virus.
    Great job, Burnt.
    This show is dire, but your recaps are excellent

  3. #3
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burntcrow
    If I were them, I would be licking toilet seats next week, increasing my chances of coming down with a stomach virus.

    Princess erupts when she encounters a cow named Princess


    Gotta watch next week. I can't wait to see Princess meet her namesake.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    #oldmanbeatdown - Donny BB16

  4. #4
    FORT Fan IronDragon's Avatar
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    I was laughing so hard I actually hurt.

    If only this was what was scheduled for the next show, it would definatley be an improveiemnt.

  5. #5
    Leia-Jakita-Arendt OnMyLunchBreak's Avatar
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    Fun recap Burntcrow! Nice of you to try to find the few sparks of life left in this possibly dying show!

    Very, very funny:

    They better get some glitter bras and panties to put on the windows, because the outside of a plane doesn’t really scream sex in my opinion.

    An artist comes to paint the Tommy Hilfiger face on the plane, and it ends up looking like a plastic monkey with a double chin......spot on!

    Apparently, bitch spreads since Liz starts smack talking the other contestants

    I am sure some natives somewhere would love to harpoon Shauna, and use her blubber for a lamp or two.
    And...also...a HUGE thank you for this lovely imagery! +

    If I were them, I would be licking toilet seats next week, increasing my chances of coming down with a stomach virus.

  6. #6
    A Swirl of Leaves Arielflies's Avatar
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    The bits and pieces I caught between The Cut and Average Joe were ragged at best. I thank you for your super recap...I now feel up to date with all the shenanigans. It's amazing what super stress will do to people. All of them have bags under their eyes and are dropping from viruses like flies.

    Do they actually have to apply paint to cows next Friday? Can't wait to watch then read the recap!

  7. #7
    Too cold to run away! Burntcrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arielflies
    The bits and pieces I caught between The Cut and Average Joe were ragged at best. I thank you for your super recap...I now feel up to date with all the shenanigans. It's amazing what super stress will do to people. All of them have bags under their eyes and are dropping from viruses like flies.

    Do they actually have to apply paint to cows next Friday? Can't wait to watch then read the recap!
    Thanks Ariel and everyone else!

    Unfortunately, they aren't painting cows next week, I made that up.

    The real preview went something like this:
    "Next week on The Cut, contestants are on the move, until disaster grounds one team, and Felix is brought to his boiling point.......And the gloves come off as the remaining designers confront Liz"

  8. #8
    FORT Fan IronDragon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burntcrow
    Thanks Ariel and everyone else!

    Unfortunately, they aren't painting cows next week, I made that up.

    The real preview went something like this:
    "Next week on The Cut, contestants are on the move, until disaster grounds one team, and Felix is brought to his boiling point.......And the gloves come off as the remaining designers confront Liz"
    Sadly, your made up preview is significantly more interesting than the actual preview.

    What a recap the farm episode would make….hmmm

    I’m having a very evil thought

  9. #9
    A Swirl of Leaves Arielflies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burntcrow
    The real preview went something like this:
    "Next week on The Cut, contestants are on the move, until disaster grounds one team, and Felix is brought to his boiling point.......And the gloves come off as the remaining designers confront Liz"
    Is mud wrestling involved?

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