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Thread: The Cut 6-16 recap: Princess Coco Pimps A Ride That Will Never Be Hers

  1. #11
    Courtesy and Goodwill Mantenna's Avatar
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    Spegsy, m'dear, you are like an alchemist, turning base metals and crappy television programming into glittery, shimmering gold!!! Magnificent job, as always! You're fantastic.

    Quote Originally Posted by spegsalicious
    As we get started here, I’d like to take you back to a masterpiece of a film that defined the nineties—and not just the nineties; really, this movie defined who we are as human beings.

    For the rest of you, that means you need to go to Barry. Find him.

    Who are you people and what have you done with Heidi Klum?!?

    It’s morning, and it’s time for the Pimp My Ride portion of The Apprentice—I’m sorry, I mean it’s time for the next challenge on The Cut.

    Disclaimer: I know nothing about cars and/or pimping them. If I get something wrong, I’m sorry. No, I’m not.

    Mick was so unhappy about it that he attacked Tommy with a broken beer bottle (story may be embellished to make it less boring).

    These Navigators are for “young, hip” rap “star,” Fabulous. Possibly pronounced “Fab-a-liss.”

    Team captain Chris feels like he’s missing out because he’s never had the chance to do anything like the People’s Choice Awards red carpet interviewing schtick (a traditional American right of passage that the rest of us sadly take for granted)

    I’m not even going to mention the brief, pointless flash of Shauna and Tommy on their jet.

    Clubbin’ …but not in the cool sense where someone gets their head bashed in with a club.

    This is their chance to find out if Fabulous likes to wear flashy chrome suits, and what kinds of things he likes inside of a Navigator.

    Elizabeth’s orange team sends Princess because she’s a “pretty black girl” (pretty?)

    Next it’s off to the fabric store, where the orange team loses its collective mind. They purchase furs, “python and crocodile” skins, and a dead fox. Princess tells us she is decorating for her future place as Fabulous’s shotgun passenger. Okaaaaaaay. Deluded much?

    What I want to know is how paisley fits into any vision conceived after 1989?

    I am suddenly reminded of the Simpson’s episode where Homer designs the “everyman” car that puts his brother’s company out of business.

    Am I wrong to think that the show would have been so much better if they had collided? And burst into one giant fireball?

    The Funk Master will evaluate the cars for Fabulous, just in case the man is so stupid that he might choose the hideous fur car and promote the stereotypes that so plague the rap industry.

    Rob guides Fab and Flex (not to be confused with The Ab Flex ™ )

  2. #12
    All Summer-y Arielflies's Avatar
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    Very, very good recap I'm still watching for the throne to appear in that gothic vault called the runway and pit. Poor slobbering slaves to style. Wonder if there is a dragon waiting in the wings to devour those who come up with the truly hideous excuses? Then you would have your fiery explosion we missed at the SUV chicken run.

  3. #13
    aga
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle David
    Why on Earth is anyone watching this show?
    I don't know if I am in this for the long haul, but so far I like the challenges. Part of me wishes it were more fashion oriented, but then how would you distinguish it from Project Runway.

    One of my other criticisms is that I think TH is too blah, but then again I find the stronger hosts, namely Donald Trump, Ryan Seacrest, Jeff Probst and at times Tyra Banks annoying.
    "We all know that we're going to get beat tonight." - Melrose (ANTM Cycle 7) when Monique gets eliminated from the CoverGirl / Queen Latifah challenge.

    "Hi pretty lady...and Tyra." - Heather (ANTM Cycle 9)

  4. #14
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spegs

    Shauna, self-proclaimed “socialite,” is experiencing the natural disorientation of someone who signed up for Project Runway and found themselves mistakenly added to the cast of the Apprentice.

    Mick was so unhappy about it that he attacked Tommy with a broken beer bottle (story may be embellished to make it less boring).

    Chris’s team gives in to Quitter Shauna’s claims that this is her specialty. Team captain Chris feels like he’s missing out because he’s never had the chance to do anything like the People’s Choice Awards red carpet interviewing schtick (a traditional American right of passage that the rest of us sadly take for granted), but he knows his team needs him.


    Clubbin’ …but not in the cool sense where someone gets their head bashed in with a club.



    Next it’s off to the fabric store, where the orange team loses its collective mind. They purchase furs, “python and crocodile” skins, and a dead fox. Princess tells us she is decorating for her future place as Fabulous’s shotgun passenger. Okaaaaaaay. Deluded much?


    Tommy introduce the other guy as “Funk Master Flex,” a veteran of car pimpage

    Tommy tells the remaining hopefuls that it’s only going to get harder, and not to waste his time. *slap slap* Take that, losers!

    Alliances will form, even though they will be completely useless since this still isn’t Survivor.
    Great job, spegs.

    So many great lines to choose from

    If the show was even 10% as great as the recaps it'd be worth watching.

  5. #15
    For Your Entertainment lobeck's Avatar
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    Great job, spegs!

  6. #16
    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    Aahhhh, no one snarks better than you, Miss Spegs! You're the perfect writer for this miserable show, because your recap was entertaining...something Tommy Hilfiger is certainly not. I've always loved your writing.
    Quote Originally Posted by spegs
    It’s morning, and it’s time for the Pimp My Ride portion of The Apprentice—I’m sorry, I mean it’s time for the next challenge on The Cut.

    Is it the “see the diligent ant work and the lazy grasshopper spaz out, then watch the clever ant be rewarded in the end” kind of foreshadowing or is it the “show only negative scenes of the winning team so that there is some suspense at the end” kind of foreshadowing?

    Myself, I would have looked in the producer’s pocket. I’m just sayin’…these kind of dramatic snafus seem to happen an awful lot on shows like this, you know?

    The blue team is concerned about getting champagne in the car, because nothing goes with driving like drinking!

    I mean, I’m not a big fan or anything, but who doesn’t know who she is?
    One of these things is not like the others

    ...and put an “explicit lounge” warning on the hood (or was it the door? The shot was unclear. The shot, not my notes. I swear).

    Am I wrong to think that the show would have been so much better if they had collided? And burst into one giant fireball?

    ...who has pimped cars for the likes of Missy Elliot and others whose names I can’t read or remember. Watch it again? Ho ho ho ho! Good one.

    He seems to mean this in the sense that we will all feel the lack of his genius, not in the sense that he is going to hijack a nuclear warhead and make humanity pay the price for his failure.

    What did Shauna win? A pass out of the pit? A gift certificate to IKEA? A feeling of satisfaction at a job well done? The pointless social skills challenge seems even more non-pointy now.

    ...so, “Vlata, you’re out of style.” Ugh. I’m cringing just having to type that stupid catchphrase.

    Alliances will form, even though they will be completely useless since this still isn’t Survivor. Fights will erupt in Forum.

    [i]If you think this recap is a shoddy piece of work thrown together in a two-hour window of opportunity…*ding* You get a prize!
    Love The Bachelor? Catch the recap for this season's sacrificial lamb lucky guy here in Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6 and Episode 7.

  7. #17
    Embracing the Inner Geek museumguy's Avatar
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    great recap spegs.....loved the line about checking the producers pocket for the keys.....it was just too coincidental...

    laughed through the entire read...looking forward to next weeks show's recap...

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