Once again this week I am taking the reigns and have put together a quick recap of the September 9th episode.
I have to say that I was not prepared. The video cassette I used last week had outlived it’s usefulness, and I had no spare blank ones. I realized this while I was shopping at Dollar Tree. For those of you unfamiliar with this establishment, it’s store where everything costs ONE DOLLAR. I decided to grab one of their video cassettes so I’d be able to fulfill my recapping duties.
Unfortunately, and I’m not saying it is 100 percent the fault of the $1 video, but the quality of the playback was awful. Could it be that it’s because I taped it on one VCR, but watched it on another? Sure… could be, but just in case, I think in the future I will spend more than a dollar on my cassettes.
I trust I didn’t miss anything important… the tape fluctuated between looking decent to losing sound to losing video, then back through the cycle again. I think I got the gist of things. I hope you enjoy my ramblings.
Let’s kill 10 minutes of time
Par for the course of all reality shows, we spend the first few minutes watching clips of last week. I fast forwarded, I watched last week and don’t need to be reminded of the pitiful dates and obnoxious remarks Laura feels the need to spew forth.
I watch as Brian Mcfayden does a fun little Fast Forward dance to center stage, and continue on Fast Forward as the 5 remaining guys are introduced. Lisa half runs in her Fast Forwarded segment and gives Brian a quick kiss.
I start to play in regular time, as I hope Brian will have something witty to say about Laura and Kimberly.
I don’t know if what he said should be considered witty, but he announces Laura as the “Unmasked Darth Vader” and Kimberly as “Having more lip than Mick Jagger”.
Joe’s Gone. Let’s Toga
We learn from the guys that Joe had requested a Toga Party. I assume that he wanted them to have it as a rememberence to him, but I’m not positive. This turned out to be a Toga Party that was put together by Martha Stewart and her “Everyday Collection” of pastels, then I feel bad that Joe missed it. What guy doesn’t look good wrapped in a light blue/pink/green sheet?
The answer to that my friends is Renda. Of course it could have been his Sumo Wrestler hairdo.
Lets break another Arrow
Brian calls down the two lowest vote getters of the week. The audience lets out a very loud “awwhhhwwwww” as Dominic is asked to join Brian at center stage. The “awwhhhwwwww” continues for Renda who is the next one to enter the spotlight.
Of course we go to break as we wait to hear who will be leaving.
It is of no surprise to me when it is Renda who has his arrow snapped by Brian. I really think he should have kept his T-Shirt selling idea to himself.
We get to see a little clipfest and I have to say I was surprised at how utterly boring it was. Editor had a week to put this thing together. Shame on you editor man!
Renda says it’s been fun and he has no regrets. America must think they are not ready, but his heart doesn’t agree. He says he’ll live, and after an awkward second says she will too.
Lisa asks for a hug and Brian boots him off the stage. You’ve had your fifteen minutes boy, be gone!
During the past week the guys have had the opportunity to take Lisa on a “24 hour Fantasy Date”. I will assume they had to pay for it themselves. If I were given 24 hours for a date with my husband, I sure as hell wouldn’t go right down the street.
We start with Evan who takes Lisa to beautiful downtown Santa Barbara. Oooohhh ahhhhh. They go for a swim, but lisa complains that the water is cold. Evan suggests that they go back to the room and shower together… with the swim attire on of course. Amazingly enough she was about to suggest the same exact thing!
We get a scene reminiscent of Blind Date as the shower curtain closes on a coyly smiling Lisa.
The next part of the fantasy date is to go Whale Watching. Which really I think would be pretty cool. Too bad for Lisa that no one had any Dramamine. We get shot after shot of her leaving the boat's bathroom. I have to say I am very, VERY happy that she had the wherewithal to go to the restroom as oppose to hanging over the side of the boat.
Evan feels awful. Lisa feels awful. I feel awful that I have to watch this on such a crappy recording.
Later they go to dinner where Evan says he could be with her forever.
Laura says: I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ll say it again. I feel a sexual chemistry between you two. Of course I feel it between you and I and I have a feeling most of the women in the audience feel it too. BUT…. You’re a volleyball coach. How will you support her? Is there room for advancement? Pro team coach? Olympic team coach?
cali says: Shut up already
Without giving Evan time to answer, Brian moves onto…
Kimberly says: I go back and forth. I like you, I hate you, I like you, I hate you. Through all of that though I just don’t trust you. I think you’re a player.
Evan says: I budget money well and I’m not a player. I had a great time with Lisa and I love spending time with her.
Lisa says: Through 5 hours of puking you were so great. In marriage you see the best and the worst. You’ve seen me at my worst and youmade the best of it. I also think you are terrified that you may win this. I don’t think you are ready.
Next it’s time for Lisa’s date with Robert. He decides to take her to Santa Monica. I have tape trouble here, and I don’t know how they wound up in a gym, but the date starts with weight training. Lisa looks thrilled!! If by thrilled!! I mean bored to tears.
After a good workout they (Lisa) decide to go their separate ways for some alone time. He thinks it’s a grand idea. She takes a nap.
At dinner there is an awkward moment… or 50… of silence. He finally asks about her childhood, and she says she was outside a lot and was a tomboy. He says he was too. He then asks her what she thinks about staying home with “the kids” and makes it clear that he wants her too. She responds by saying motherhood is a full time job.
The waiter comes by to ask them if they have made their dessert selection. Robert informs him that they want it to go. Lisa’s eyes resemble golf balls as she slips up and shows some actual emotion while out with Robert.
Now, above I say the waiter asked about dessert, and really, that IS what I heard, but the next scene has them walking in some courtyard looking place with a tray of Champagne. Lisa stops walking and tells Robert she’s going to bed. D’OH. That was harsh.
At breakfast she tells him that they should be just friends.
Laura says: Aww, let me give you a hug. (she gets up, gives him a hug then starts shaking him painfully. I lose audio for a second but then hear her saying…) You’re painful to watch.
Kimberly says: You are not more than friends. If you think you are than you are delusional. You will never be more than friends.
Robert says: It hurts that we don’t feel the same about each other. I wish you the best. My heart is broken. I love lisa.
Lisa says: You taught me a lot. How to work out… about sailboats. You’re a great guy. Blah, blah, blah.
cali says: Geez Louise. Why are these girls such witches when they speak to him? Really, I want to know. It’s one thing to not want your friend to marry him, but wowzer… there’s no need to be so nasty.
Next we head off for Big Bear where Dominic has decided to take Lisa for a fantasy date. He says it’s beautiful and romantic, and hopefully a place where he can convince her that he is right for her.
They each get a massage (ewwww, how creepy is that?) Then they eat somewhere and he feeds her something. Yeah… extra long tape trouble there folks.
The couple start talking about how things are going, and he says he thinks that the best marriages come from a couple that are best friends first. I don’t think she wants to marry Laura, but whatever. He then takes some time to start cutting on the other guys, being careful to single Hank out as a bad guy.
He then presents her with a necklace. I think I saw it in Dollar Tree while shopping. The one I saw was made out of candy on a piece of elastic, and you got a five pack for $1. I could be wrong.
They talk about the fact that they are comfortable with each other.
Laura says: You are still there with the “I Think”. You’re like the Little Engine That Could except you can’t. NO NO NO.
Kimberly says: Everyone knows you are 22 and you ACT 22. You should just be friends.
Dominic says: What if I were 25 and she was younger?
cali says: has he been reading our board??
Lisa says: I can be goofy with you. You’re always fun to hang out with.
cali says God forbid you look for that in a spouse.
The last Fantasy Date of the evening takes us to Carmel Valley with Hank. He chose this place because there is a vineyard and they can do some wine tasting. He wants to own an organic vineyard one day, so he wants her to see one…. Something like that.
One of them makes the mistake of asking the Vineyard owner what it’s like to own one. He tells them about the phrase “Harvest Widow”, and that she’ll never see him at harvest time. Hank throws a football at his head and tells him to shut up.
NO… that didn’t happen. He playfully changed the subject.
He says he has some tough questions for her, but needs to ask them.
“If it was up to you and NOT up to America…. If Evan and I were the last two… who would you choose”
I hear the crickets chirping.
Oh No… that was way too long a pause. Ouch.
She needs to finish the date and spend more time with him.
At dinner he admits that part of him wants to marry her, and part of him is terrified. I wonder if he’s split his parts left/right or bottom/top. Just curious.
She looks at him, cocks and lowers her head, raises her eyes to meet his and says “You’re handsome”.
I hear the crickets chirping.
He tells her she has a good soul.
They kiss. They whisper. They kiss some more. Then BANG it’s morning and time for a jog. There is more kissing and He says he feels much closer to her now.
Draw your own conclusions. I did.
Laura says: You asked some serious questions. I can’t wait to see you here next week marrying her.
Kimberly says: You’re the best one up there.
Hank says: I feel wonderful. I’ll see you next week.
Lisa says: I only regret one thing about that date. (she gets up and walks over to him so they can hold hands) I never answered your question, and the answer was right in front of me the whole time. It’s you, I’d choose you.
cali says: I’d love to be a sarcastic smart aleck right now, but honestly I found the moment touching. Darn it.
Let’s kill more time…
Now, even though Lisa got to talk after each clip, she gets to talk some more, in the form of yet another clip. This makes me wonder why anyone would want to GO to the show.
She wants America to look at all the dates to make their decision. Dominic is not ready, Robert is not enough to marry (something along those lines… audio trouble again). With Hank every date is great, it’s been hard for him to see her date other guys, and that’s part of why she likes him (?). Evan was so nervous at first, but every date got better and better. He is amazing.
What? We have more time??
Fine, the guys now have 30 seconds each to plead their respective cases.
Evan You’ve made up your mind. I respect that and I hope America respects that too. I loved all my time with you.
Dominic First Thanks America for the votes. Lisa, we’ve had a great time, you’re great, thanks anyway.
Hank I’ve had an amazing time and I couldn’t be luckier. Thanks America and make sure I’m up there next week.
Robert (audio problems again. He says something funny because both he and the audience are laughing. He says he can’t force her to feel the same way he feels. He wishes her the best and lots of children.
Well, that’s it folks. By now the voting is over and America will have decided who will be able to propose to Lisa. Tune in next Tuesday to possibly witness a wedding.
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