He Didn't Even Have The Nuts
Celebrity Poker Showdown Recap Episode 4 - 12/23
Greenie: Hello again! There’s nothing like gathering together around the TV during the holidays to watch some Celebrity Poker Showdown. We’ve got some more poker studs for you this evening. Actually just some more quasi-celebrities playing a game they’ve never played before. On this list tonight is rapper Coolio, American Pie beauty Shannon Elizabeth, Sex in the City actor Ron Livingston, Friends guest star and Clueless actor Paul Rudd (who’s my hottie this week), and Crank Yanker’s Sarah Silverman. Coolio busts onto the stage with a skullcap on that makes room for his braided Mohawk. Is this an intimidation move or a fashion faux pas? The world may never know. Anyway, this motley crew is playing for a spot on the final table for the Cingular Wireless $250,000 pot for a charity of their choosing. Our hosts tonight are wacky Kevin Pollak and poker expert, Phil Gordon. They exchange some very scripted banter and we’re off to the first hand.
Zhora: I guess I wouldn’t mind the stiff delivery so much if their lines weren’t so badly scripted. Yikes. Just yikes. If the writers earned more than a buck .29 they were overpaid. The slightest dash of chemistry between Kevin and Phil might have saved this from being a painfully embarrassing introduction tonight…but I have more chemistry with my toaster oven. I mean really! What’s the deal? Is rigor mortis setting in?
Greenie: Yea, unfortunately there has only been one night where the chemistry has slightly worked between these two. Too bad because both seem like decent men.
Zhora: Fortunately tonight is all about the poker, and hey, speaking of poker, it’s time to Shuffle Up & Deal. Coolio starts us off by betting out with his K[img]h.gif[/img] 3[img]s.gif[/img]. I suppose that’s not a terrible hand to bet on. Not that I would have, mind you, but it compliments his “intimidation move” Mohawk quite nicely. It worked on Sarah anyway. She folds. Paul has A[img]s.gif[/img] 9[img]s.gif[/img] and makes a nice bet, reraising to $1,000. Shannon and Ron get out of the way, and it’s back to Coolio for a little one on one action. Coolio goes for it. He actually reraises Paul’s reraise, (don’t ask me to say that 10 times fast). Either Paul likes his suited cards and feels good about his Ace in the hole, or he just isn’t buyin’ what Coolio is sellin’. He calls. The flop comes off 8[img]c.gif[/img] Q[img]c.gif[/img] A[img]c.gif[/img]. Wow, lots of clubs there. Paul flopped a pair of Aces, but he’s got to be a little concerned about the flush potential. If Coolio sinks any more money into this pot it better be with a big ol’ juicy raise right here, making Paul think he’s got the flush. He checks instead. Paul sees the weakness and bets $1,000. Coolio calls. Um, maybe Coolio needs a refresher from Phil Gordon. He does realize that A-K-Q-8-3 isn’t some kind of special semi-straight that beats all other hands, right? The 5[img]d.gif[/img] comes on 4th Street. Coolio checks. Gee…I wonder what will happen next. Yeah, no surprises here – Paul bets $1,000, and Coolio calls him again. I’m thinking that I would love to play with Calling-Station Coolio someday. Any day really. Every day if possible.
Greenie: I agree, Zhora. I love having people like Coolio at the table. Helps me build up my chip count quickly.
Zhora: It’s time for the River card, and it’s a Q[img]s.gif[/img], giving Coolio precisely nothing but the pair of Queens on the board. He chooses now to bet. *stifles a laugh* Okey dokey then. Paul raises the bet by $500, Coolio calls, and the first pot of the night goes to Paul. I don’t think Coolio could have made it any easier for him, but whether it’s easy or hard, it’s always nice to win the first hand. Paul Rudd is playing for Project A.L.S. He is pretty funny during his bio clip. When asked about superstitions he smiles and demonstrates “rubbing my tittie rings”. Good thing the show is on cable, the network sensors probably would have used the bleep and the blur blob. Paul also takes the opportunity to quote The Gambler. You know, the whole “know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em” thing. Too funny. So Greenie, do you think his nipples are really pierced?
Greenie: I’m not sure, Zhora, but I know I wouldn’t mind rubbing his “tittie” rings for superstition’s sake. *cough* Anyway on to the next hand. Shannon is dealt 6[img]h.gif[/img] 4[img]h.gif[/img] and raises $500. Ron folds. Coolio has pocket 9’s, which is a much better hand this round, and raises $1,000. Sarah folds after seeing that raise. Paul has Q[img]s.gif[/img] 10[img]s.gif[/img] and raises $1,500. Shannon doesn’t feel so confident with her suited hand and folds. Coolio raises all in which is a bold move. After seeing what took place last round, I’m sure Paul feels quite confident in calling. They flip their cards and The Flop comes down 7[img]c.gif[/img] Q[img]d.gif[/img] 3[img]h.gif[/img] giving Paul a pair of Qs. Coolio needs a 9 in order to stay in the game. The Turn brings 2[img]d.gif[/img] helping neither hand and The River amazingly gives Coolio his 9[img]s.gif[/img] and the pot. Everyone erupts with the luck The River brought Coolio. Paul remarks “Coolio kicked me in the 9’s”. And he didn’t even have the nuts, Paul. He didn’t even have the nuts. Why don’t we take this opportunity to get to know this renegade poker player a little better. Coolio is playing for Heritage Begins Within. He says he played about 20 card games growing up, so he is proficient. Somehow I don’t believe Hold ‘Em poker was one of them. He says poker is all about acting and he has a poker face. I believe poker is also a little about knowing when to play the right cards since he’s at the bottom of the chip count right now.
Zhora: Paul has a comfortable lead in the chip count, but it is still anyone’s game. The next hand is dealt and Ron calls the blinds with a A[img]d.gif[/img] 10[img]s.gif[/img]. Coolio has a monster hand this time. I wonder if he’ll screw it up or if Lady Luck will pay him another visit. He raises the bet to $1,000 with big slick, A[img]h.gif[/img] K[img]c.gif[/img]. Sarah still hasn’t been dealt a playable hand, and she folds. Whoa! This is going to get interesting…Paul has a pair of Queens. He raises the bet to $1,800. Shannon is in the same boat as Sarah. She can’t get a decent hand either, and folds yet again. The audience is really starting to razz her for all the folding she’s doing. Meanwhile, Ron still likes his A-10. He calls the raise, as does Coolio. Holy mackerel. The Flop is 6[img]s.gif[/img] 6[img]c.gif[/img] Q[img]h.gif[/img]. Paul flopped a full house, Queens over 6’s. That’s amazing. He should be able to really stick it to Ron and Coolio by having the full house so early in the hand. Paul bets $3,000. It’s enough to scare Ron away, but Coolio, ever the fish, calls him. Either the braids in his Mohawk are too tight or Coolio really believes his A-K-Q-6-6 is magic waiting to happen. The Turn comes 7[img]d.gif[/img]. Paul wants to know how much Coolio has left. He then bets $2,200, forcing Coolio to decide between moving all in, and walking away from a huge pot. Maybe Coolio just wants to be the one to spend the most time with the sexy waitress in the Loser’s Lounge…who knows, but he moves all in with his Ace kicker. The River brings another 7, improving Paul’s full house and sending Coolio out of the game. He rambles on about something as he dribbles his gin and tonic all over the floor on the way to meet Kevin and the gold lamee waitress. Greenie, can you believe the gall of this guy? He actually complained about the cards he got tonight. Dude, you had pocket 9’s and had another 9 come off on the river, and you had big slick…your cards were hardly the problem.
Greenie: Seriously! He says that “poker experts” told him to call all the way to the end when he has AK. I’m not sure what “poker experts” he was talking to, but it helps to actually take a peek at the board and see what kind of hand is out there. Like I said before, I love people like him at my table. At the start of the next hand Paul folds. Shannon is dealt 2[img]s.gif[/img] 4[img]h.gif[/img] and somehow feels very confident with it and bets $500.
Zhora: She either let the crowd get to her, or she figured she had played tight enough that the other players wouldn’t put her on a bluff move. She really needed to make a move soon to avoid hitting the Loser’s Lounge with Coolio, but I’m thinking she could have waited one more hand. A 2-4 offsuit? Yikes.
Greenie: Yea, not my favorite hand to raise on. Ron has A[img]s.gif[/img] Q[img]c.gif[/img] and calls with the stronger hand. Sarah folds. The Flop comes down Q[img]s.gif[/img] 7[img]s.gif[/img] 3[img]s.gif[/img] giving Ron the top pair and also an Ace high flush draw. Shannon also has the flush draw, but Ron has her beat with his A[img]s.gif[/img]. Ron bets $1,000 and Shannon chases the flush by raising $1,000. Ron calls and this has to tell Shannon that Ron also has a spade. The Turn brings 9[img]s.gif[/img] giving both players a flush with Ron having the nut flush. Ron bets $2,000 and Shannon calls. The River brings 10[img]h.gif[/img] helping no one and Ron pushes all in. Shannon knows now Ron has to have the Ace and rightfully folds. From the Loser’s Lounge, Coolio remarks, “That’s what I’m talking about”. This is what I’m talking about Coolio: A-Q or A-K only work when the cards on the board help you! They don’t just win by themselves.
Zhora: *Laughing and slapping knee* You tell’im Greenie!
Greenie: Let’s get to know Ron a little better before the next hand. Ron is playing for Accion International. He started playing Hold ‘Em poker about a year ago and admits it’s his favorite type of poker. He says it’s all about creating a persona, and his persona must be inept. Although I disagree by the way he’s playing tonight.
Zhora: I do too. Ron is playing very competently tonight, just as I expected he would. In fact, I have to admit I’ve been silently rooting for him to win. Let’s see how the cards land as we head back to the action. The blinds have been raised to $200/$400. My silent rooting didn’t help Ron any on this hand. He folds and so does Sarah. Paul has another nice hand with A[img]d.gif[/img] Q[img]s.gif[/img] and he raises the bet to $1,000. Shannon has virtually the same hand with A[img]s.gif[/img] Q[img]c.gif[/img], and she calls him. The Flop is K[img]s.gif[/img] 2[img]s.gif[/img] 8[img]d.gif[/img]. That is no help to either hand, and unless one of them can find a way to get the other to fold we’ll be looking at a split pot. Paul bets $800 and Shannon calls him. The Turn brings a J[img]d.gif[/img]. Paul checks and Shannon bets $500. Paul tries to call - then he tries to raise. The Tournament Director has to step in and lay down the law. I would have figured that Paul would know you either have to call OR raise, you can’t do one and then the other on the same turn. Not that it really matters in this instance…because after the 2[img]c.gif[/img] River card, and a couple of lame-o boring checks, the pot is split between them. I guess now is as good a time as any to take a closer look at Shannon Elizabeth. Her chosen charity is Animal Avengers. Is that a sub-cult of the Caped Crusaders? I’m sure it’s probably a lovely animal charity, but I can’t help chuckling as I imagine Shannon donning her white spandex leotard with a big “AA” emblazoned on the front of it, heading off to fight kitten crime. She only adds to the mystery when she says, “I can’t really tell you how I play because that would be giving away a little too much”. Hmmm…OK, well if the other players placed hidden microphones in the bio room to intercept her strategy before the game, she definitely foiled their plot. Way to go Shannon.
Greenie: Yea I’m not so sure Celebrity Poker Showdown is the cutthroat competition she’s making it out to be. We’ll see though, as the next hand starts. Sarah folds claiming she had a pair of Aces. Everyone ignores her and continues on. Paul has 10[img]h.gif[/img] 3[img]h.gif[/img]and raises $800 loving his suited hand. Shannon has a much better suited hand with A[img]c.gif[/img] Q[img]c.gif[/img] and sadly only calls. This would be a great place for Shannon to call Paul’s bluff, but she seems too timid. Ron is in the big blind with 10[img]c.gif[/img] 2[img]s.gif[/img]and takes his chances by calling. The Flop comes down A[img]h.gif[/img] 6[img]s.gif[/img] 10[img]s.gif[/img] and all flop a pair with Shannon’s Aces as the high pair. Shannon bets small with $500 and Ron raises $500. Paul calls and Shannon calls. The Turn brings 3[img]d.gif[/img] giving Paul his two pair now. Shannon checks and Paul raises $2,000. I really enjoy Paul’s playing here. He’s not afraid to win the pot. The crowd starts calling for Shannon to push all in, but she just calls. The River brings J[img]d.gif[/img], which does not save Shannon and she checks. Paul eyes her chips and bets $800 putting her all in. Shannon calls and they flip over their cards revealing Paul’s two pair. Sadly Shannon is out, but her playing and betting was just far too timid. She goes back to the Loser’s Lounge and admits she’s excited that her charity won $5,000. She sits down to hang out with Coolio and make fun of the others.
Zhora: She sure is a gorgeous young lady. She didn’t play particularly well tonight, but we’ve definitely seen worse here at the CPS. She didn’t put on a dumb blonde routine when things didn’t go her way, and I like that. I would be curious to see what she could do if she were dealt some stronger cards. She’s done for the night though as we head back to the table for some more poker action. Ron has a K[img]h.gif[/img] 10[img]c.gif[/img] and raises the bet to $2,000. That is a little aggressive, but we are down to 3 players, and now is the time for aggressive betting. Sarah calls Ron with A[img]d.gif[/img] 6[img]s.gif[/img]. Paul, with Q[img]s.gif[/img] J[img]d.gif[/img], tries to scare away any bluffers as he raises the bet by $1,600. Ron still likes his hand and calls. Sarah likes her hand too and she calls with a big smile. The Flop comes down 7[img]h.gif[/img] 9[img]d.gif[/img] 2[img]h.gif[/img], helping no one. Sarah checks, Paul checks and Ron rifles through his chips while trying to decide what to do. Sarah wisecracks, “Don’t be a dick, Ron.” but what she’s obviously saying is I’m-scared-because-if-you-bet-you-probably-have-me-beat. Ron knows it. He bets $1,500 and Sarah folds right on cue. Paul calls him though and we see a 2[img]c.gif[/img] on the Turn. Paul checks again and this time Ron does too. The River brings a 3[img]d.gif[/img]. Paul figures he would rather throw a bluff at Ron than just hand him the pot so he bets $1,000. Ron sees through it and calls, winning the hand with a King high. Needless to say Sarah had to pick her jaw up off the floor. She never would have imagined that she could have taken this hand with an Ace high, but hindsight can be pretty painful in poker.
Greenie: Before the start of the next hand, Sarah flings her “lucky” pen into the audience. Hopefully with that she’s acquired some poker skills. Ron has A[img]s.gif[/img]10[img]d.gif[/img] and calls. Sarah’s hand isn’t great with 6[img]h.gif[/img] 4[img]h.gif[/img] but she’s in the small blind so she calls. Ron has Q[img]s.gif[/img] 9[img]d.gif[/img] and checks. The Flop comes down 9[img]c.gif[/img] K[img]h.gif[/img] 6[img]s.gif[/img] giving Paul a pair of 9’s and Sarah a pair of 6’s. Sarah only checks though and Paul bets $600. Ron raises $2,000, liking his high cards. Sarah calls all in knowing this is probably her only chance. Paul folds to Ron’s aggressiveness even though he has the best hand right now! Wow, I’m surprised by that play by Paul. Good betting on Ron’s part. Both Sarah and Ron flip their cards. The Turn brings J[img]d.gif[/img] giving Ron an inside straight draw but The River comes 3[img]s.gif[/img] giving Sarah the pot with her pair of 6’s. She breathes a sigh of relief after she doubles up her chips. Sarah is playing for Habitat for Humanity. She says her dad played poker every Tuesday night when she was growing up, so she thinks she learned through osmosis. She knows the Queens are “bitches” and Kings are “cowboys”. I’m not sure knowing all the lingo helps you in the skill department, Sarah, but you’ll sure sound cool when you lose since you’re hanging by a thread in the chip count.
Zhora: Am I sensing a little hostility towards Sarah there Greenie, or are you just making a prediction? *snickers*
Greenie: Yea I’m a little hostile when women can’t seem to represent in these poker tournaments. Of course, most will agree here at FORT that I am a great Prognosticator.
Zhora: I guess we better get back to the cards and see how this thing is going to unfold. Paul is dealt 8[img]c.gif[/img] 2[img]c.gif[/img] and he calls the big blind. Ron also calls with a J[img]h.gif[/img] 2[img]d.gif[/img]. Sarah has A[img]d.gif[/img] 3[img]d.gif[/img] and she checks. If it were anyone else with that hand I would have expected a raise. It’s sad to see Sarah playing so mouse-like. The Flop is Q[img]c.gif[/img] Q[img]s.gif[/img] 6[img]d.gif[/img]. Sarah checks again, and Ron checks as well. Weak, weak, weak. Come on people! Paul justifiably bets $1,600, causing Ron to fold. Sarah also folds telling Paul to “choke on it”. Kevin Pollak interjects that Paul and Sarah are poker buddies that go way back, so I guess that means she can give him a little ribbing, (it seems to me that she is the one doing the choking though).
Greenie: Good observation, Zhora. Ron folds at the start of the next hand. Sarah has big slick with K[img]c.gif[/img] A[img]s.gif[/img]and only calls. Man, she has surely missed a great opportunity to double up. She must have taken timid betting lessons from Shannon. Paul has 9[img]d.gif[/img] J[img]d.gif[/img] and raises $1,000. Now if I were Sarah, I would go all in because that was only 1/25 of Paul’s stack. Sadly, though, she only calls. The Flop comes down J[img]s.gif[/img] 10[img]c.gif[/img] Q[img]h.gif[/img], which amazingly gives Sarah her straight. She sure has gotten lucky. Sarah now pushes all in and Paul calls with his pair of J’s. When they both flip their cards over Sarah realizes there are two more cards to come. The Turn brings 10[img]h.gif[/img] giving Paul two pair now and a full house draw. The River saves Sarah, though, with a 9[img]c.gif[/img] and she doubles up.
Zhora: Yeah, she doubles up, but she still has a long way to go if she wants to remain in contention. The next hand brings a 10[img]h.gif[/img] 10[img]d.gif[/img] for Paul. He likes it and raises the bet to $1,200. Ron has a Q[img]d.gif[/img] K[img]c.gif[/img] and raises the bet to $4,000, unaware of Paul’s paired hole cards. It’s enough to get Sarah to fold but Paul hangs in there and calls him. The Flop comes down 10[img]c.gif[/img] 8[img]s.gif[/img] 6[img]c.gif[/img]. What a sweet flop for Paul. He’s got three 10’s now and easily calls when Ron pushes another $4,000 towards the pot. The next card is a 8[img]h.gif[/img]. Paul goes all in with his remaining $15,200, and Ron knows it’s time to fold. Paul wins a hefty pot and is looking solid in the chip count now. Ron could still catch him with a big pot or two of his own, but Sarah can’t maintain that $3,000 mark for long as the blinds continue to increase. She’s going to have to get in the mix soon if she has any hope of even making the final two.
Greenie: As they say, “You got to be in it to win it”. Let’s see if Sarah can do it this time. Ron has Q[img]d.gif[/img] 8[img]c.gif[/img] which isn’t a bad hand but aggressively bets $3,000. Sarah calls with K[img]c.gif[/img] 6[img]d.gif[/img], putting her all in. This is probably not the best time for her to be all in, but she’s stuck in the small blind. Paul gets lucky again with pocket Q’s and calls. The Flop comes down 9[img]d.gif[/img] 10[img]c.gif[/img] A[img]s.gif[/img] giving all a straight draw and Paul with the high pair. Both Paul and Ron check. The Turn brings 5[img]s.gif[/img] and Paul bets $2,500 towards the side pot after seeing Ron check on The Flop. Ron doesn’t gamble for his straight and folds. Paul and Sarah turn over their cards and Sarah starts hoping for a K. The River doesn’t save her this time with a J[img]d.gif[/img], and she’s out. Sarah makes her way over to the Loser’s Lounge and says, “Great players lose all the time”. Sadly no one calls her out and says she isn’t a great player, though. Far from it, in fact. Kevin welcomes her to the “Lounge of Non-Winners” trying to be all PC. Sarah replies, “That’s like the African American. . . “ and trails off probably realizing Coolio is sitting there. Man, I was hoping he would clock her, but instead resorts to his phone and starts making calls.
Zhora: Kevin proudly tells us Coolio was making “booty calls”. Gosh, it’s nice to know our host is so well versed in all the hip new street jargon. Maybe he can show Coolio how real homies throw down during the next commercial. Well everyone, this is what we’ve been waiting for. It’s time for heads-up play. Ron is not out of it yet, so let’s see how the action unfolds. Ron is dealt 10[img]d.gif[/img] 3[img]s.gif[/img]. He raises the bet to $1,600, causing Paul to fold his Q[img]d.gif[/img] 3[img]c.gif[/img]. Wow, way to go Ron, that’s the way it’s done! As an aside we are shown a clip of Paul telling us that he played some poker against Ron earlier in the day at one of the poker rooms at The Sands. He compliments Ron as a poker player. I’m sure Ron would probably say the same thing, given an opportunity. Paul is really hitting the good cards tonight, but it seems like he has a firm grasp of the game as well.
Greenie: I’m enjoying this play here. Paul and Ron have certainly showed they know what they are doing. Ron is dealt 2[img]c.gif[/img] 9[img]h.gif[/img] and again raises $1,500 trying to steal the blinds. Paul has 5[img]c.gif[/img] 6[img]c.gif[/img] this time, though, and raises $2,000 which forces Ron to fold. What a great betting strategy for Paul. These two aren’t afraid to stick some of their stack in.
Zhora: You’ve got that right Greenie. The next hand brings Paul an A[img]c.gif[/img] J[img]c.gif[/img]. What a monster hand at a time like this! He bets out $4,000. Ron has a very strong hand too, and it just might be his undoing. He pushes all in with Q[img]d.gif[/img] K[img]d.gif[/img]. Don’t get me wrong, I like the all-in move here. I would probably do the same with a hand like that playing heads-up. It’s just luck of the deal that Paul ended up with even stronger hole cards. Paul calls him…and the race is on. They turn their cards over and the Flop is A[img]s.gif[/img] 8[img]c.gif[/img] A[img]h.gif[/img]. Wow! What a knockout blow. That’s trip Aces for Paul. All hope is dashed for Ron when the next 2 cards are revealed, 10[img]d.gif[/img] K[img]h.gif[/img]. Paul is the big winner tonight and will be heading to the championship table in episode 6 where all the glory will be decided. As the night wraps up Phil Gordon slips in some kind words, “Paul Rudd played fantastic poker all day long”. Ron graciously shakes Paul’s hand telling him, “Nice Job Rudder”. It’s been another fun night of poker here at Celebrity Poker Showdown. Yes folks, we have a happy ending for our dear Greenie, and a well deserved win for Mr. Rudd. Congratulations Paul. Hank Azaria may not have made the finals, but a Rudd victory insures Greenie will stick around with me to bring you coverage of the final round. Right Greenie?
Greenie: I’m in like Flynn, Zhora. See you there!