Miscellaneous Celebrity News

[AZChristian]

I know first-hand about incest. My mother married a child molester when I was 4, and his abuse of me continued until I was 16 and left home. If I wasn't around, he'd just use one of my brothers. My mother claimed she didn't know. There's no doubt that she did know, but traded our safety and innocence for a roof over her head and food on her table.

I am now 62 years old. I refer to myself as a "victor over" instead of a "victim of" those years of abuse. But when you don't develop feelings of self-worth during 12 years of your childhood, it's hard to play catch-up as an adult. It's like trying to build a solid building on a defective foundation. I have been married to the most wonderful person in the world for 45 years, but there are times when I still (over)react strangely to a situation. When I sit back and look over the situation afterward, I realize that something in it has triggered the feelings of fear and/or anger that I was not allowed to experience as a child.

Have I "gotten over it"? Yep. But does it still affect me? Yep. Even after years of therapy. I can't judge how Mackenzie has decided to deal with her personal demons.

AZC

[VelvetRed]

And the victim of the abuse is always at a disadvantage since most people refuse to believe that anyone they know/love/ made such beautiful music etc could possibly have "done something like that."

All the more reason to believe her--don't we think she knew in advance how her revelatioins about her father would be received by his fans?

I'm not a John Phillips fan, by any means.

The TMATP music was/is great, and they're a classical icon.

I understand and have much experience with your point of view, and would be taking a similar stance. Except, as I keep saying, it is the way that she is doing her "healing" via $$$ avenues.

Anyhoo, that is where I stand, until something changes my mind.

[prhoshay]

AZ, thank you for your excellent and insightful post. I am sorry that you have to understand this hideous situation through your own personal experiences.

[AZChristian]

Thanks for the kind words, prhoshay. It's not a childhood I would wish on anyone, but it certainly has made me count the blessings of my adulthood in a very special way.

[Wind Dancer]

I know first-hand about incest. My mother married a child molester when I was 4, and his abuse of me continued until I was 16 and left home. If I wasn't around, he'd just use one of my brothers. My mother claimed she didn't know. There's no doubt that she did know, but traded our safety and innocence for a roof over her head and food on her table.

I am now 62 years old. I refer to myself as a "victor over" instead of a "victim of" those years of abuse. But when you don't develop feelings of self-worth during 12 years of your childhood, it's hard to play catch-up as an adult. It's like trying to build a solid building on a defective foundation. I have been married to the most wonderful person in the world for 45 years, but there are times when I still (over)react strangely to a situation. When I sit back and look over the situation afterward, I realize that something in it has triggered the feelings of fear and/or anger that I was not allowed to experience as a child.

Have I "gotten over it"? Yep. But does it still affect me? Yep. Even after years of therapy. I can't judge how Mackenzie has decided to deal with her personal demons.

AZC

AZChristian--I am so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing info on this crime that you experienced firsthand. Your post will help others understand what happens in these situations and how people are affected by this kind of situation.

[MsDiva2007]

I think it's clear that everyone pretty much feels revulsion about that part of the story. John Phillips was pretty screwed up and he was never going to win any parenting awards, even before this latest revelation.

It's not that I don't feel compassion. I just do not want to hear about this stuff. I'm sorry she got a raw deal. I guess I'd feel more compassion for her if it didn't seem like a) she was still using drugs (from all accounts I've read, she did behave as if she was still using), b) that she is using her crummy childhood to make money and c) that she feels the need to go on national television and talk about having intercourse with her father, rather than dealing with it quietly and off camera.

At what point did it become acceptable for NOTHING to be kept private?

I understand that people have bad childhoods. I also know a number of people who, well into their 40's and beyond, are still using it as an excuse. I worked with a woman who burst into tears at the slightest criticism. She always talked about how her father yelled at her when she did anything remotely wrong. Well, that sucks, but you know what? She's 48 years old and has never been to therapy to work on that, even though many have urged her to. It's harder to have sympathy for people who can't help themselves.

MacKenzie got screwed where childhoods are concerned, but you don't see her other siblings running to Oprah about their dad. From what I've read, the audience at Oprah wasn't too much on her side either. Sounds like she just made everyone really uncomfortable. There certainly have been enough people on Oprah who revealed some pretty dark things about themselves and they didn't get that reation. Didn't that other woman - the one who wrote the book about having a sexual relationship with her father - go on Oprah and talk about it? I don't remember this kind of reaction to her (even from me! ).

I think this is why we have so many messed up people in the world. We have always felt it neccessary to keep family dirt buried. For decades people have been turning a blind eye to incest, molestation, abuse,etc to not embarrass the family. When does the mental health of the victim override the embarrassment of the family? If your family is harboring an abuser how is that healthy for anyone.

I don't have a problem with the truth coming out. My model for life is
"The Truth shall set you free" Hopefully it will do that for Mackenzie. We need to worry about the mental health of our family and less about public opinion.

[imissme]

To AZchristian, a big thank you. You are a brave person, to have talked about what you have dealt with on this site. While it isnt a video forum it still takes lots of guts to come on here and speak for those of us who arent able to talk about our childhoods of abuse. You made me cry, and I dont cry easily anymore. It was good for me I think.
To those of you who are on the other side of the issue and believe that those who have suffered at the hands of an abusor should just "get over it", I just wonder where the empathy for your fellow humans went. I know alot of people who have more anger towards a person who abuses animals than they have compassion towards a person who was assaulted for years at the hands of an adult.
To those on the other side, I am sorry I cant get over it, sometimes I am not even sure if I want to get over it. Sometimes the anger and the pain that I am filled with makes me stronger, sometimes it makes me weaker. But whatever I am it will never be the same as what I could have been. I know I will carry this pain with me till I die.
To those of you on the other side, and dont understand how Ms. Phillips could talk about such an issue in such a public way, well, if that is what she wants to do then by all means let her do it. Maybe it helps her. I wish it would help me. Demons who are delivered to some of us humans by the actions of those I consider nonhumans are the most horrifying demons in life.

[Wind Dancer]

Imissme-I am so sorry that happened to you. After watching my friend deal with the consequences and after effects of that kind of life event I have nothing but the greatest respect for those who survive--in any way they can--what happened to them.

Thank you for your post.

[captain]

I am not saying it did not happen to her, just that does everything have to be made public. Get help, talk to a therapist, not the world.

[AZChristian]

To AZchristian, a big thank you. You are a brave person, to have talked about what you have dealt with on this site. While it isnt a video forum it still takes lots of guts to come on here and speak for those of us who arent able to talk about our childhoods of abuse. You made me cry, and I dont cry easily anymore. It was good for me I think.
To those of you who are on the other side of the issue and believe that those who have suffered at the hands of an abusor should just "get over it", I just wonder where the empathy for your fellow humans went. I know alot of people who have more anger towards a person who abuses animals than they have compassion towards a person who was assaulted for years at the hands of an adult.
To those on the other side, I am sorry I cant get over it, sometimes I am not even sure if I want to get over it. Sometimes the anger and the pain that I am filled with makes me stronger, sometimes it makes me weaker. But whatever I am it will never be the same as what I could have been. I know I will carry this pain with me till I die.
To those of you on the other side, and dont understand how Ms. Phillips could talk about such an issue in such a public way, well, if that is what she wants to do then by all means let her do it. Maybe it helps her. I wish it would help me. Demons who are delivered to some of us humans by the actions of those I consider nonhumans are the most horrifying demons in life.

imissme - I hope you can feel the virtual hug I'm giving you.

Unless someone has "been there," I'm not sure they can understand your comment about not being sure if you want to get over it. I never want to fully get over the anger, because what happened to us was just wrong. I think Mackenzie Phillips is gracious to refer to her father as "sick." But even people who are strung out on drugs can't be excused for that type of behavior. I think there's a big difference between being sick and being evil.

After my stepfather died (his vehicle was hit by a garbage truck - poetic justice), I looked at him in his casket and forgave him. Part of the weight of my past (the fear) was lifted when I heard he had died. Most of the rest of it went away when I made the conscious decision to forgive him and move on to an even more productive life. My motto is: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free. It is then you learn that the prisoner was you." Even with that decision, some of the horrible emotional scars will be part of me forever.

IMHO, the crime of incest needs to be made more public, not swept under a carpet or only to be spoken of in a therapist's office. Should the only person a child hear talking about abuse be the abuser, who is telling that child, "This is okay. It's our fun little secret."? There's no way for us to know how many children might reach out for help, now that they've heard the outcry against what John Phillips did to his daughter. That's why I don't hide what happened to me. If speaking out helps even one person, it's worth it.

Blessings,
AZChristian