Actually, everything worked out pretty well for me, where our son was concerned, and I am not in New York. As far as I was concerned, I was divorcing an idiot who did not want to hire an attorney...all the better for me. He never really protested any decision that I made, regarding our son, and his dad's contact was, usually initiated by me....as in I told him what was going to be happening as far as when our son was going to be with him due to my schedule issues. He did not fight me on it. That was a good thing. "The boys" would, occasionally, take a little trip together; I never stood in the way of their time. I did hate that "former" did not show more initiative, on his own, where our son was concerned. I think I was extremely reasonable.
What I learned, from my experience, was that he who pays tends to win! I guess it would have been "she", in my case, and that it pays to speak firmly and stand your ground! Hang tough, Katie!!
p.s. Forgot to add that "former" also ended up paying half of MY attorney fees!