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Thread: Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes

  1. #1771
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Miscellaneous Celebrity News

    Thank goodness!!! This is the kind of thing that gives a Catholic-raised person relief only after they find themselves in a not-so-good marriage!

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Scarlet View Post
    As to the whole sole custody/joint custody argument: Sole custody doesn't mean "Mine, all mine, & the spouse has to stay totally out of the lives of the children". What it means is the sole custodial parent has control. The spouse still usually gets to see & spend time with the children & has influence over their lives, but only as far as the custodial parent allows.
    In other words, custodial parent controls what Religious training the children have, what school they go to, who they spend holidays/summers with, where they live, whether they are allowed to go out of the country with non-custodial parent, etc.
    Katie could keep Scientology from getting their hooks into Suri, while still allowing Tom to have a strong relationship with her. If he goes too far, Katie has the rights to pull the plug on his time with Suri. That's the control sole custody ensures.
    This may very well be the reason behind it.
    I know a lot of women with sole custody & that's why they went after it. Control & stability of their children's lives. Not to keep the ex away from the children.
    Thanks for saying what I may not have been articulating very well!!
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  2. #1772
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    Re: Miscellaneous Celebrity News

    I asked for sole custody until it was explained to me that we could have joint custody with me being the custodial parent. I never even thought about keeping them apart, just that they would live with me. That's what I think about when I read about sole custody.
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    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: Miscellaneous Celebrity News

    What my attorney explained to me was that, unless I wanted him to have easy access to jerk me around, I should go for sole custody. My former husband was the kind of man that would play games just to be a jerk, with little regard for our son's well-being. He was a vindictive kind of person like that. He was an egomaniac....very self-centered....everything was about him. What I knew for sure was that he would not fight me for shared custody because having to take responsibility for our son would cramp his lifestyle, so I did what was best for our son. I gave him as much visitation as he wanted, which he seldom asked for; our son did see his dad quite frequently, though. I also made sure I kept a copy of our custody arrangement in the glove compartment of my car in case I had to use it at a least expected moment. I came close to having to use it once, which would have meant showing up at CHURCH with the police, but former-husband came to his senses and cooperated. "Former" would rather die than be embarrassed...I guess he finally realized that he had met his match! Eventually children decide for themselves about their parents, and who they really are. To this day, I don't think our grown son has much involvement with his dad. I try to stay out of it, even today.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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    Resident "tyrant" JavaJo's Avatar
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    Re: Miscellaneous Celebrity News

    Did you know Katie took Suri to a museum today? I guess we are going to be subjected to details of her every move until the divorce is granted and this blows over.
    I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car ....like they didnít hear me call shotgun.
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  5. #1775
    FORT Fogey Dragonlady's Avatar
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    Re: Miscellaneous Celebrity News

    Quote Originally Posted by JavaJo View Post
    Did you know Katie took Suri to a museum today? I guess we are going to be subjected to details of her every move until the divorce is granted and this blows over.
    I think we already are subjected to Suri's every move!....I don't usually read those magazines, except at the hair salon and I already know Suri's taste in clothes, high heels, her favorite blanket and that she likes being carried a lot.....all a lot more than I'd like/need to know.

  6. #1776
    FORT Fogey KatesMom's Avatar
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    Re: Miscellaneous Celebrity News

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay View Post
    What my attorney explained to me was that, unless I wanted him to have easy access to jerk me around, I should go for sole custody. My former husband was the kind of man that would play games just to be a jerk, with little regard for our son's well-being. He was a vindictive kind of person like that. He was an egomaniac....very self-centered....everything was about him. What I knew for sure was that he would not fight me for shared custody because having to take responsibility for our son would cramp his lifestyle, so I did what was best for our son. I gave him as much visitation as he wanted, which he seldom asked for; our son did see his dad quite frequently, though. I also made sure I kept a copy of our custody arrangement in the glove compartment of my car in case I had to use it at a least expected moment. I came close to having to use it once, which would have meant showing up at CHURCH with the police, but former-husband came to his senses and cooperated. "Former" would rather die than be embarrassed...I guess he finally realized that he had met his match! Eventually children decide for themselves about their parents, and who they really are. To this day, I don't think our grown son has much involvement with his dad. I try to stay out of it, even today.
    As I understand it, and I am a lawyer but not a family lawyer, is that there are two parts to custody - legal and physical. Either or both can be joint or sole. Physical custody is who has control over where you live - so if it's joint both parents decide how many days each will have with the child. If it is sole, then the other parent is granted visitation, again generally as agreed to in the divorce proceedings, but the child's main living place is with the parent who has sole custody. Legal is something completely different. That is who has the right to make decisions surrounding the child. So if you have joint legal custody - both parents have input in schooling, travel, religion, etc. If it is sole legal custody, then the custodial parent can make those decisions without having to get the consent of the other parent. Now, if two people act like grown-ups, just because one has sole legal custody, the other parent should still have input into how their child is raised. But in a situation like this where Katie seems to be so concerned about religion, my guess is that a minimum she is going for sole legal custody, so that she can make these decisions without Tom's input or consent. Hope this makes sense.

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    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
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    Re: Miscellaneous Celebrity News

    Do those laws differ by state? It seems much was made of Katie filing in New York instead of California.
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    Re: Miscellaneous Celebrity News

    Quote Originally Posted by AJane View Post
    Do those laws differ by state? It seems much was made of Katie filing in New York instead of California.
    I'm sure there are some slight variations, but what you are seeing now is that while the laws are the same or similar, how courts feel about them are very different. Some states are much more willing to grant sole legal or physical custody. Others, like MI where I live, and apparently CA, really prefer to grant joint custody to the parents unless there is a serious reason not to.

  9. #1779
    FORT Fogey Miss Scarlet's Avatar
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    Re: Miscellaneous Celebrity News

    I don't know about child custody laws, but I know divorce laws can be vastly different from state to state. I would suspect custody laws would be different too.
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    Re: Miscellaneous Celebrity News

    Quote Originally Posted by AJane View Post
    Do those laws differ by state? It seems much was made of Katie filing in New York instead of California.
    Apparently, judges in NY are less likely to grant joint custody, especially if it looks like the parents won't be able to agree on how the child should be raised. Katie's trying to prove residency in NYC while, apparently Tom is trying to prove CA residency, so he can file there where the judges are more likely to give them joint custody.
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