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Thread: 9/4 Recap – Potatoes in Leotards

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    Bitten Critical's Avatar
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    9/4 Recap – Potatoes in Leotards

    Welcome to the season finale of Celebrity Fit Club II! With this episode, we’ll finally find out who made their goal weight for the show and who didn’t…. and who will come up with the best excuse for not having made their weight goal. I vote for Willie. Wendy wouldn’t dare come in with another excuse. Harvey would drop kick her. You know he could do it too.

    It’s Day 100 of Fit Club and, once again, Host Ant is sporting a new look. While last week he was channeling Bobby Brady, this week he’s got sort of a neo-Bobby Vinton/lounge lizard-with-a-goatee vibe going on (maybe it’s a Bobby thang). Please Ant, I’m only going to say it one more time: go back to the faux hawk, honey. You’re too cute to be wearing all that polyester. Ant polls the celebs about how they’re feeling. Toccara says she can’t believe they’ve all come so far. Jani says that he is glad he came and is grateful to the show. He says he wouldn’t be in a good place right now if he hadn’t signed up for the show. Gary – who Ant says was the biggest star coming in – was also the biggest surprise. Ant says that Gary started the show out of shape and out of this world, but turned into a great motivator for his team(s). He may not be out of shape any more but Gary is still muy loco.

    It’s Déjà Vu All Over Again
    For Fit Camp this week, the celebs took a trip back to the first Fit Camp. You remember the one: they all rolled around a lot trying to do sit-ups, barely did push-ups and practically walked around the race track, then Gary and Wendy got into a yelling match and they all pissed and moaned their way through the day. Good times.

    Today, they will go through the same Fit Camp to see how far they have come. They’ll also be having their body fat percentage measured again (results to follow). First up is the sit-up competition and while Gary blows everyone away, Phil is the most improved. The push-up competition is won by Jani, who did 91 (compared to 45 the first time). Victoria is the highest scoring woman, with 70 push-ups. Next up is the race. Toccara and Jani tie this time, but it’s Phil and Wendy who really win: they both improved upon their previous time by 10 seconds.

    Harvey then pulls out big blobs of faux fat – each of them weighing 5 pounds a piece. The celebs are each given a bag containing these blobs in the exact amount of weight that each of them has lost. As each person tries to lug around the bags of fat, they start to realize just how much weight they’ve lost. It’s a good exercise. Honestly, whenever I think losing 20 pounds is no big deal, I end up having to carry a 20 pound bag of kitty litter up the stairs to my apartment – Hello, perspective!

    Weigh-in results
    Note: Since this is the final episode, each celeb’s final weigh-in was preceded by a big, honkin’ video clip of their entire season. Sorry, but I’m not recapping that twice.

    The Winners
    Victoria
    Weight: 145 lbs (height: 5’5”)
    Target for this week: 6 lbs
    Weight loss: 7 lbs
    Weight loss for the next entire show: 22 lbs
    Total percentage of body fat lost: 8.6 %
    Victoria is shocked by the amount of weight she lost this week. I’m shocked that she can keep her head up under the weight of that giant bow in her hair. She turns to her teammates and yells, to Toccara in particular, “Do you love me NOW!?” Toccara tells her yes. Dr. Ian then shows a video clip of Victoria’s parents telling her how proud they are of her. Victoria’s father says that she has always met his standard of perfection. It’s a really sweet thing to say, but really, it seems like b.s. to me after everything else we’ve seen him say this season. Victoria seems touched by the video though, so that’s what matters.
    Victoria says that it’s easier to look in the mirror now. She has also realized that she was the one who wanted her to lose weight – not her father. Yeah, but those comments about her being fat weren’t exactly helpful, were they? She says that Fit Club has taught her that she is more disciplined than she thought.

    Willie
    Weight: 168 lbs (height: 5’5”)
    Target for this week: 6 lbs
    Weight loss: +2 lbs
    Weight loss for the next entire show: 19 lbs
    Total percentage of body fat lost: 2.6 %
    Willie has no real explanation as to why he didn’t lose to weight. Dr. Linda tells him that he has a good support system and shows him the video Willie’s wife, Maylo, made. She says that she is proud of his effort (huh?) and happy to see him healthy. She says that work became big and Willie became small (*suppresses mean-spirited snicker*) – now, Willie has more balance. Willie begins to cry and says that, for the last ten years he has bought into a lie someone told him about himself about not being good enough. He now realizes that person was wrong. He is determined to keep going and get fit. Harvey and Willie make peace and Harvey says that they will leave Fit Club as friends. Harvey must have taken a mood stabilizer ‘cause he is WAY too happy tonight.

    Toccara
    Weight: 173 lbs (height: 5’9”)
    Target for this week: 5 lbs
    Weight loss: 7 lbs
    Weight loss for the next entire show: 19 lbs
    Total percentage of body fat lost: 2.6 %
    Toccara shashays up the runway and does a few little turns. Dr. Ian remarks on how far she’s come and says that he never wanted her to be waifish, just healthy. After a slightly disturbing Anna Nicole Smith impression (“Do you like mah BAH-dy?”) Toccara tells the panel that she feels 180 is a good weight for her and her job. The other celebs look shocked at the idea that she wants to gain 7 pounds back. Harvey tells her that she will not be gaining weight. Toccara back-pedals a little saying that she meant that she will be lifting weights to gain muscle mass. I call b.s. Anyone else think Toccara’s first stop after the weigh-in was Krispy Kreme?

    Wendy
    Weight: 199 lbs (height: 5’2”)
    Target for this week: 6 lbs
    Weight loss: 3 lbs
    Weight loss for the next entire show: 27 lbs
    Total percentage of body fat lost: 2.6 %
    Wendy saunters up to the scale in a Toccara Moment. She thanks the panel for all of their help. When Dr. Ian tells her that she attained her goal of getting below 200 pounds, she is elated. Confetti explodes from the ceiling and Wendy runs back to hug her teammates. Wendy says that she has finally learned that she has what it takes to get fit. Harvey beams and yells “WENDY! He says that he’s never been so happy for anyone who didn’t make their weight loss goal. He tells her he is proud of her but that she needs to keep going. In my favorite Harvey-ism to date, he tells her not to go acting like Willie Wonka at the buffets.

    Sizzling Soul and White Ice
    Gary
    Weight: 170lbs (height: 6’)
    Target for this week: 3 lbs
    Weight loss: 4 lbs
    Weight loss for the next entire show: 39 lbs
    Total percentage of body fat lost: 8.4 %
    Gary steps forward in a white suit. I keep waiting for Victoria to yell “Da plane! Da plane!” but sadly, it doesn’t happen. Dr. Linda asks Gary if this experience was life changing and I think his answer is yes. What he really does is ramble on for a while about nothing, as usual. Also, I was distracted by his hair, so I might have missed a moment of coherency (yeah, right). What is up with that hair, Gary?
    Gary sort of starts to cry but then, as we haven’t had enough weirdness from Gary this week, he explains that he doesn’t have tear ducts and that the “tears” are a higher force moving through him. Dr. Linda asks Gary if he wants to give everyone one final Busey-ism. He acknowledges that the other Fit Clubbers hate Busey-isms, but then favors us with this little pearl: SOBER is Son Of a Bitch Everything’s Real. Ant cries: ”Hallelujah!” from the back. Gary says that he will miss everyone, but says that he’ll be keeping in touch with everyone…. whether they like it or not. (*cue ominous music*) The other celebs quickly get on the phone to call realtors and to get unlisted phone numbers.

    Phil
    Weight: 312 lbs (height: 5’11”)
    Target for this week: 7 lbs
    Weight loss: 11 lbs
    Weight loss for the next entire show: 41 lbs
    Total percentage of body fat lost: 4.8 %
    Before Phil goes up to weigh in, Ant holds up a big Zip-loc bag of… what is that?….ew… it’s all the hair that Phil’s wife shaved off this torso. Blech. Remember how hairy Phil was? He lifts up his shirt and shows everyone how smooth he is now. Gary says that Phil already has a five o'clock shadow. Double blech.
    Dr. Linda tells Phil how proud they are of him and that his attitude has been amazing throughout the whole process. Phil’s wife, April and his son, Bam have made a video for him. They say that they are both proud of him and love him. Then Bam says that Phil is still fat. Ah. Feel the love.
    Harvey is practically beaming at Phil. Yes, Harvey has teeth. I was shocked too. Phil says that he won’t be able to stop crying if he tries to express what the whole experience has meant to him. Instead, he just says “Thank you. Thank you very much” à la Elvis.

    Jackée
    Weight: 163 lbs (height: 5’7”)
    Target for this week: 7 lbs
    Weight loss: 7 lbs
    Weight loss for the next entire show: 39 lbs
    Total percentage of body fat lost: 7.3%
    This week, Jackée went on a shopping trip with Dr. Linda to buy some new clothes. She says that she feels more comfortable in clothing now. Dr. Ian says that she looks spectacular and remembers how resistant she was initially. Jackée says that the competition with Toccara is what kept her working so hard.
    Harvey says that his mission is accomplished. She started out Fit Club telling him she wasn’t going to work out at all and now look at her. Jackée says she wants to take off another few pounds to get really skinny.

    Jani
    Weight: 167 lbs (height: 6’)
    Target for this week: 3 lbs
    Weight loss: 4 lbs
    Weight loss for the next entire show: 23 lbs
    Total percentage of body fat lost: 2.8 %
    Jani might not have lost the most weight, but he wins the “Most Changed” award. He tells everyone how good it feels to be there. Dr. Linda remarks that Jani has his rock and roll swagger back. He says that it hasn’t been easy and the weight loss is only part of it. Jani says that he feels like he has a whole new life now and that he has hope and is excited about things again.
    We then see a video of Jani’s ex-wife, Bobbi Brown (she of Star Search and the “Cherry Pie” video fame) telling him how proud she is of him. Okay, let me just say, this was the least believable “I’m so proud of you” speech I’ve ever seen. Jani is well rid of her. I’ll be catty for a moment (Hey, no laughing!) and say that time has not been kind to Bobbi. Sometimes “cute” just doesn’t age well. Jani says he is shocked to see the video because she was not supportive of him at all throughout Fit Club. Now though, they are starting to develop a platonic relationship based on love for their daughter. Jani says that his relationship with his two daughters is the most important thing to him – he wants them to be proud of him.
    Harvey grins from ear to ear and asks what Jani’s motivation us. Jani says that his main motivation is his kids, but also cites his fans. Harvey tells him that he has been a star player. I agree completely. Jani looks like a completely different person now.

    The most successful Fit Clubber this season was Phil, with a total weight loss of 41 pounds. Ant tells him that he has lost more than another other celeb on the series. His prize? A deluxe 7-person hot tub with built-in stereo and flat panel TV. Since Phil shaved his body hair, this means the filter won’t get all clogged up. Sweet.

    …And the Biggest Loser…. I Mean Winner…. Oh Hell, You know What I Mean…
    As both teams walk to the Giant Scales, the blue team holds hands. Before they get up on the scales, Ant gives them the list of prizes that the winning team will receive. First up is $2,500 in clothing from Von Dutch. Cute clothing but really, not too great for, ahem, older people. Gary’s going to look like Warren Beatty in Bullworth in that stuff. The winning team also gets a travel package: 5 days/4 nights in Maui and 7 days/6 nights in the Bahamas. Airfare will be provided by a start-up Internet travel company who must have paid a ton of money to be mentioned in this episode. The winning team will also get a gaudy, diamond-encrusted watch and, just because Ant loves them, $10,000 in cash.

    It’s time to activate the scales and they do the up-and-down thing more than usual. Finally, the scale stabilizes and we see that he winning team is Sizzling Soul and White Ice with a total weight loss of 130 pounds. The Winners only lost 111 pounds. I blame Willie.

    Send your guesses for next season’s group of fat “celebrities” to Critical@fansofrealitytv.com
    Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

    I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

  2. #2
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Critical
    He may not be out of shape any more but Gary is still muy loco.

    Harvey must have taken a mood stabilizer ‘cause he is WAY too happy tonight.

    I was distracted by his hair, so I might have missed a moment of coherency (yeah, right). What is up with that hair, Gary?

    Gary says that he will miss everyone, but says that he’ll be keeping in touch with everyone…. whether they like it or not. (*cue ominous music*) The other celebs quickly get on the phone to call realtors and to get unlisted phone numbers.


    I'm gonna miss Gary.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    #oldmanbeatdown - Donny BB16

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    Read The Clue Bearcata's Avatar
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    I agree with you about Willie loosing it for his team, also if Wendy and Victoria actually made there goal weights there team would have won. 8 lbs from Victoria and 11 or so from Willie plus no backsliding like he did for 3 of those pounds thats 22 lbs there and with the couple of lbs of from Toccara and Wendy and they would have won. In this case that 1 lb not lost per weight in does make the difference between loosing and winning.

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    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Critical
    You remember the one: they all rolled around a lot trying to do sit-ups,

    Honestly, whenever I think losing 20 pounds is no big deal, I end up having to carry a 20 pound bag of kitty litter up the stairs to my apartment – Hello, perspective!


    Victoria is shocked by the amount of weight she lost this week. I’m shocked that she can keep her head up under the weight of that giant bow in her hair.

    She says that work became big and Willie became small (*suppresses mean-spirited snicker*)

    I call b.s. Anyone else think Toccara’s first stop after the weigh-in was Krispy Kreme?


    Gary steps forward in a white suit. I keep waiting for Victoria to yell “Da plane! Da plane!” but sadly, it doesn’t happen.
    Simply excellent, Critical

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    Livin' the life Dinahann's Avatar
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    I love your recaps, Critical. I only saw a little bit of the finale - thanks for the great recap.

    She says that work became big and Willie became small (*suppresses mean-spirited snicker*)

    Anyone else think Toccara’s first stop after the weigh-in was Krispy Kreme?

    Sometimes “cute” just doesn’t age well.
    You have just the right amount of snark.
    Well I was born in a small town
    And I can breathe in a small town
    Gonna die in this small town
    And that's prob'ly where they'll bury me

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