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Thread: 8/28 Recap – Forget Waldo. Where's Harvey?

  1. #1
    Bitten Critical's Avatar
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    8/28 Recap – Forget Waldo. Where's Harvey?

    This is the penultimate episode of Celebrity Fit Club! Last week’s episode was all about colonics, excuses and lots of spandex. This week, we’re in for some racing, peace making and proof that you can go home again… it just might not be what you expect.

    It’s Day 87 of Celebrity Fit Club and, as the celebs file in to this week’s weigh-in, they all look noticeably thinner than they did just a few episodes ago. Host Ant has even gotten a makeover and is now sporting a hairdo reminiscent of Bobby Brady. Oh, Ant. Go back to the faux-hawk sweetie. Ant tells us that, thus far, the celebs have lost a total of 157 pounds. Ant asks Gary how he feels about the group’s accomplishments. In his usual well-spoken way, Gary says that accomplishment an achievement…. um…. achieving an accomplishment…. um… it feels good. Same old Gary.

    As Ant introduces the panel of experts this week, it’s clear that Harvey has had a “lifestyle change.” No wait, that’s not Harvey. My bad. Ant tells us that Harvey is not here because he is serving our country as a Marine. In his place this week is Drill Sergeant Shonell Horn, a less warm and fuzzy version of Harvey…. in a dress… with bigger biceps. It seems Shonell is also into bodybuilding and she has the guns to prove it.

    Lumbering Up and Down the Boards<----Get it!? Okay, sometimes the jokes are just for me.
    This week, Fit Camp is heading inside for a little basketball training camp with Tamika Whitmore of the L.A. Sparks. She will work with them on passing, dribbling, shooting… playing Horse. You know: The Basics. Ant shows them the prize for this weeks challenge. It’s a dumbbell weight system that can be programmed to the desired weight. That sounds like some sort of dark magic to me but there you have it.

    The celebs will be participating in a “shoot off” during halftime at a WNBA game. The team that makes the most baskets will win.
    The scores shake down this way:
    Toccara – 16
    Gary – 12
    Phil – 12
    Wendy (the Airball Queen) – 6
    Jackée – 12
    Victoria – 24
    Willlie – 16
    Jani – 24
    The Blue Team eeks out a victory with 62 points (to the Red Team’s 60). Jani’s performance isn’t surprising, in light of the fact that he just told us that he played basketball from birth all thr way through high school. Victoria on the other hand, was a total surprise. Who knew she had it in her? Color me impressed. I’m sure victory is particularly sweet this time since Gary’s former teammates did it without him.

    Weigh-in results

    The Winners (*rolls eyes over name*)
    Weight: 180 lbs (height: 5’9”)
    Target for this week: 5 lbs
    Weight loss: 7 lbs
    Weight loss goal for the next weigh-in: 5 lbs
    Dr. Ian asks Toccara if she feels any different. She says that yes, she does feel different and better, although she still has her curves. Dr. Ian says that they all notice and appreciate her curves but quickly changes the subject – since he’s wearing a wedding band, this fast talking is probably in order to avoid a smack-down at home when his wife sees him flirting with Toccara. Toccara says that, since she became the captain of her new team, she feels an obligation to set an example and to help motivate her team members. She also acknowledges that she is competing with Jackée.
    This week, Toccara took a trip home to Dayton, Ohio to attend a family reunion. This was the first time Toccara ‘s family has seen her since she has slimmed down. Everyone looks genuinely happy to see Toccara, but we learn that the smiles are hiding a rather complicated family history. Toccara tells us that both of her parents were drug addicts and that she first saw them using when she was ten years old. Because she is the oldest child in the family, she became the mother to her siblings. She also reveals that her brother, just 2 years younger, is in prison. She begins to cry (and again: The Ugly Cry) as she talks about her brother and how she wishes she could help him. She says that she has let go of the grudges she held, but wants to break the cycle. She acknowledges to Dr. Linda that she feels some pressure being the “star” of the family.

    Weight: 202 lbs (height: 5’2”)
    Target for this week: 5 lbs
    Weight loss: 7 lbs
    Weight loss goal for the next weigh-in: 6 lbs
    After last week’s excuse-a-palooza, Ant declares this a brand new day for Wendy. Wendy tells Dr. Ian that she really stepped up the exercise this week and is dedicated to getting below the 200-pound mark.
    The crackpot weight loss schemes continue this week as Wendy goes to get an herbal wrap. Apparently, this only shrinks the fat cells, it doesn’t help you lose weight, so I fail to see the point. It’s a very clever process, also known as dehydration. First, Wendy is measured, then they steam her like a Chinese dumpling and wrap her like a mummy…. a big, lumpy mummy. I can’t believe the indignities people will go through on camera.

    Weight: 152 lbs (height: 5’5”)
    Target for this week: 5 lbs
    Weight loss: 0 lbs
    Weight loss goal for the next weigh-in: 6 lbs
    The mantle of Excuse Queen may have passed to Victoria this week. Or, maybe Excuse Princess is more accurate. As Victoria walks up to be weighed, she already looks like she’s ready to be scolded. She says that her lack of weight loss is “unbelievable” and claims that she did everything right. She then wails “Toccara is going to kill me!” From the look on Toccara’s face, I’d say that’s a valid concern. Victoria goes on to say that she’s feeling really frustrated and wonders what the point of all this is if she keeps working so hard and doesn’t get any results. She then goes on to say that she had her biggest weight loss after the panel was mean to her, so next week she should do really well. Toccara then yells at her and asks if it will help Victoria is she is mean to her as well. Victoria meekly replies, “no.” Drill Sergeant Horn tells Victoria that she gave no effort and that she needs to grow up and stop acting like a little girl. Victoria quickly stops twirling her hair and swinging her skirt.

    Weight: 166 lbs (height: 5’5”)
    Target for this week: 5 lbs
    Weight loss: 8 lbs
    Weight loss goal for the next weigh-in: 6 lbs
    Showing that he actually does have a sense of humor, Willie starts shouting out excuses as he walks up to the scale: “The dog ate my homework! My goldfish died! Gary kidnapped me and kept me hogtied in the trunk of his car!”
    After hearing the results of his weigh-in, Willie cheekily says, “Eight is enough.” *rimshot* Seriously lame joke, but still kind of funny. Willie says that he’s been able to change his focus a little and is not so caught up with work now. He also has been sticking to an exercise regimen. He says that he wants to prove that he isn’t just full of excuses. He actually tears up and says that he is happy that his wife is healthy and now, he will be too. Drill Sergeant Horn says that she will make a point of telling Harvey how well Willie did this week. Willie says that Harvey is a big part of why he works so hard. I’d say that fear of Harvey is why Willie works so hard.

    Sizzling Soul and White Ice
    Weight: 170 lbs (height: 5’7”)
    Target for this week: 6 lbs
    Weight loss: 9 lbs
    Weight loss goal for the next weigh-in: 7 lbs
    At the news of her weight loss, Jackée breaks into the weigh-in version of an end-zone dance. She says that she went to the Hamptons, but took her Nutri-System food with her. Toccara, who was celebrating just a few minutes earlier, is dumbfounded. She thought sure she’d beat Jackée this week. Now she’ll have to work even harder. Drill Sergeant Horn tells Jackée that, even though she and Toccara pretend to love each other, there is falseness there and that’s it’s clear to all that they are in competition. Jackée acknowledges the fact that she wants to beat Toccara, but says that she still cares about her.

    Weight:174 lbs (height: 6’)
    Target for this week: 3 lbs
    Weight loss: 6 lbs
    Weight loss goal for the next weigh-in: 3 lbs
    Gary has now done what no other celeb on this show has done: he’s surpassed his weight loss goal. Dr. Ian mentions that Gary is 60 and asks him how great of a body he hopes to have. Gary corrects him: he is 61. Dr. Ian says that Gary should be looking at toning up and building some muscle now. Gary then starts blathering on about how this experience has given him a platform to consider the feelings of others, rather than continuing with the “overwhelmation of arrogance” (I know - WTF?). Because no one wants to touch that statement, Dr. Linda asks Gary what went on between him and Wendy this past week.
    Next we get a montage of clips highlighting the battles between Gary and Wendy throughout the show, including some footage we didn’t see. Apparently, Gary actually called Wendy fat and oinked at her. Nice way to motivate a team member Gary. Finally, we see Gary and Wendy sitting down together and he apologizes for the awful things he said to her. Wendy accepts his apology and apologizes back to him for anything she did to escalate the situation. It’s a very kumbaya moment. The moment is killed when Dr. Linda says something to Gary about how he has always attracted the ladies. What!? Which ladies are these? From what I’ve seen, the only women Gary probably attracts are the same ones who end up marrying felons on death row. Either that or women who have a fetish about crazy guys.
    Gary finishes up by rambling on about how he used to be a cocaine addict who cared only about himself but he really didn’t care about himself but now he does. Whatever. Sit down [insult]

    Weight: 322 lbs (height: 5’11”)
    Target for this week: 5 lbs
    Weight loss: +1 lb
    Weight loss goal for the next weigh-in: 7 lbs
    On Viva La Bam, Phil’s son Bam calls him “Fat Boy Phil.” Dr. Ian asks Phil if that has changed at all. Phil says that Bam still calls him “Fat Boy Phil,” but that he actually beat Bam in a race this past week. Okay, I think Phil is doing great and I’m totally rooting for him but that race? Phil had a HUGE head start. Regardless, before this show started, he probably wouldn’t have even been able to run that far without passing out. Bam and Phil are shown doing push-ups together and Bam says that he’s proud of what Phil has accomplished. Shots of Phil’s pantry show up that most of the food in the house is Nutri-System – he’s clearly sticking to the program. We also get to see another picture of Phil’s granddaughter, Ava, who he credited last week as the reason he wanted to get the weight off.
    Phil is shocked at his weight gain this week but then admits that the family went to Finland. While he did try to walk a lot and rode a bike, he says that they did try lots of different foods. He mentions reindeer meat a few times but, unless it was deep fried reindeer meat, there were probably some pastries in there somewhere.

    Weight: 171 lbs (height: 6’)
    Target for this week: 4 lbs
    Weight loss: 7 lbs
    Weight loss goal for the next weigh-in: 3 lbs
    Jani tells the panel that sobriety is going okay and that he is taking it one step at a time. Like Toccara, Jani also made a trip home this week. Jani’s trip to Akron, Ohio wasn’t nearly as good for him. We see Jani in front of a bowling alley with his brother and you can see that Jani is upset. Apparently, he used to do a lot of drinking at this bowling alley and does not want to revisit it. He asks the crew to turn the cameras off. Host Ant (himself a recovering alcoholic) tells Jani that he was smart to avoid places that might trigger him.
    Jani says that he has really been watching his diet and working the program. Dr. Linda asks if he feels like he’s winning the battle with his addiction. He says yes, but answers hesitantly. When Dr. Linda calls him on it, he says that he doesn’t want to seem cocky about it. This sounds like a plausible explanation. I just hope we don’t see Jani being pulled out of a gutter next week.

    Team weigh-in: As everyone climbs onto the Giant Scales, we are reminded that next week is the final weigh-in. This week, the competition is close. The Red Team wins with a 21 pound weight loss. The Blue Team was right behind, with 20 pounds lost.

    Next week: Will Wendy will break the 200 pound barrier? Will Toccara taste revenge against Jackée? Who will be the biggest losers? Who will be the biggest winners? Are those two the same thing? What will Gary sit on if his ass shrinks even further?

    Note: Be sure to mark your calendars everyone – next week’s season finale will be a 90-minute episode!

    Critical@fansofrealitytv.com hopes Harvey is back next week.
    Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

    I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

  2. #2
    How did TiVo not tape it this time?? :wahhhh:

    Nice recap though!

  3. #3
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    salt lake city ut
    Quote Originally Posted by Critical
    The moment is killed when Dr. Linda says something to Gary about how he has always attracted the ladies. What!? Which ladies are these? From what I’ve seen, the only women Gary probably attracts are the same ones who end up marrying felons on death row. Either that or women who have a fetish about crazy guys.

    Great recap, Critical. (And 'WTF' pretty much sums up Gary, doesn't it?)
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    #oldmanbeatdown - Donny BB16

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