The end is drawing near…but not near enough. Rather than bog you down with a tedious version of this week’s episode, I’m taking inspiration from Sesame Street. This week’s recap will be brought to you by the alphabet. So here you have it…a quickie this week, from A-Z.
Artist makeovers for upcoming country singers last week provided drama for both teams. Cyndi continued to butt heads with Holly and Maria. The men struggled to get cooperation from their artist. In the end, both teams did well; but the men lost. As project manager, Goldberg was fired.
Battered and bruised after battling an illness, Sharon thinks perhaps she should quit. The victory is bittersweet for her and she doesn’t like the dynamic on the women’s team.
Cyndi’s charity received a $20,000 check that will be put towards a house that will be built for teens who are on the street as a result of their sexual orientation. As someone who has always been labeled as different, Cyndi can relate and tearfully hands over the check.
Donald Trump has the celebrities join him on the roof of Trump towers where he’s hitting golf balls with a wee little version of himself, his son Baron. He surprises the celebrities by shaking things up. He pulls Curtis from RockSolid and moves him to Tenacity. Sharon and Maria join Bret on RockSolid. Sharon is thrilled to be back in the world of rock n’ roll. And by the way Summer has become glued to Curtis’ arm, I’d say she’s pretty excited herself. I secretly hope for Baron to swing his golf club a little too hard and knock her off the roof. Curtis is spoken for. By me, of course.
Exercise is the task this week. Teams will create and run a workout class. They’ll need to design exercises and sell tickets for the class that will be held in a 24 Hour Fitness facility. Representatives from 24 Hour Fitness will observe and award $24,000 to the team with the best celebrity workout. The team that raises the most money wins the task. However, they can’t get a donation alone…they’ll need a body in the class to represent each donation.
F-bomb Queen Sharon will be project manager for Rock Solid. Fuddy-Duddy Queen Holly will take over for Tenacity. Fundraising comes easy for both women; they’ve both started their own charities. The winning team gets monies raised by both teams. Cyndi will miss the first day since she’s launching a press tour with Lady Gaga.
Good feelings were had by all with the changes in the teams. Of course, Holly is still snarky about Cyndi being gone and has Summer call her to give her a task. Summer is too
scared of Hollynice to tell Holly to call herself. Summer tells Cyndi she has to raise 30K.
Home is where Sharon felt she was with her new team. They quickly choose a rockstar theme for their workout class. It’s a perverted brainstorming session complete with bending over and thrusting. They make fun of how straight-laced Tenacity’s workout will be. Cue footage of Summer and Curtis doing a picture perfect routine that would make Jillian Michaels proud.
Innocent Summer and Curtis come up with Tenacious Buns and Guns for the name of their class. They plan to have Summer focus on toning up the glutes while Curtis helps the guys pump up the guns. RockSolid hits the gym to meet their trainer who isn’t real impressed with the pervy moves they’re creating for their RockStar Boot Camp workout. Their approach is to make it fresh and fun, rather than a straight up workout since they can’t compete with Summer and Curtis’ Olympic workout.
Jumping on the phones, Holly starts calling in favors. She’s tasked Summer and Curtis with all of the grub work while she focuses on raising the money. At the gym, Summer and Curtis(The Golden Couple…yeah, I admit they’d make a cute couple) check out the space and quiz the 24 Hour Fitness folks to see how classes are structured. Meanwhile, the graphic designer shows up and interrupts Holly’s fundraising. She has no clue what to do and stutters around until The Golden Couple arrives. They finally do and get their graphics done on time.
Kinky being the theme for RockSolid, all of their exercises are given suggestive names. They meet with a graphic designer to create t-shirts, flyers, and backstage passes with a setlist of all the kinky exercises. The backstage passes will be souvenirs for people who take the class. The pass also deems Maria a deep thrust specialist, Sharon a personal motivator in cussing, and Bret a gynecological expert. Embarrassingly enough, neither the graphic designer nor Bret can even spell gynecological. Now Bret’s lack of grammatical skills is understandable and excusable. Hers is not…she’s a woman, for God’s sake!
Loverboy Bret hits the phones to find willing bodies to represent the donations that Sharon is planning to bring in. He calls all of his hoochie contacts in the city, some from Rock of Love, and they commit to the class. After making the calls, he heads off to the printer. Coincidentally, Ozzy is in town to attend an event with WWE. Sharon is going to hit them up for donations while she’s there with Ozzy. She should get Ozzy to do that thing with the bat blood. That would surely bring in a few bucks.
Mean Girl Holly whines to Donald Jr about Cyndi missing part of another task. They say she better get a donation from Lady Gaga since she’s gone, but Holly worries Cyndi won’t be able to sell it. Again, she’s underestimating Cyndi.
Noticing misspelled words on the flyers, Bret has to have the printers redo it. He admits that it’s his mistake, but what kind of printer doesn’t notice grammatical errors? Meanwhile, Summer realizes that she better step it up with the fundraising. Holly is bringing in the donations and even Curtis has pulled in a few donors. Asking people for money isn’t comfortable for her, however. She stumbles through some calls and gets some small donations.
On top of things, Bret has 24 Hour Fitness girls hand out flyers to people on the street. Maria is getting the workout routine together. She’s stressing over winning the $24,000 from 24 Hour Fitness but feels confident in their concept. While she works on the setlist, Bret oogles the moves. He removes his shirt to workout a little himself. He says he needs to workout so he can take everyone to the gun show. BB guns, perhaps?
Pushing it on time, Summer and Curtis give the task of making the music CD back to Holly. She’s delegated so much that The Golden Couple is rushing madly all over the place. Holly doesn’t have the CD there so they have to rush back to the war room to give it to her. They’re crunched for time and stressing out. Holly is also stressing that they may not be raising enough money since Sharon has so many big money friends.
Quickly, Sharon goes to work raising money at the WWE event. Some wrestler with bulging muscles tells her that WWE is donating 10K, Vince MacMahon is donating 10K, and he will donate 10K himself. For once, Sharon seems speechless.
Really surprised at how much money Holly has raised, Cyndi asks how she did it. Holly quips “sexual favors.” Cyndi gasps but asks if it was fun. Of course, Holly’s joking…if it was true, she wouldn’t be so uptight. Cyndi then tells her that she got a few donations, including Lady Gaga’s contribution of $25,000. Holly is pleased with how focused Cyndi is on this task. She’s getting the word out and recruiting people to participate in the class.
Sex, sex, sex…that’s what RockSolid’s entire class is based upon. Ivanka isn’t quite sure if it will work or be a “total fricking disaster.” They have no problem filling their class. Bret has called in so many friends and fans, even one woman who says that Bret is one of her celebrity top 5. This means her husband will give her a free pass to have sex with Bret. He says they’re going to the bathroom to make good on that. He’s joking. I think.
Tensions rise as Tenacity struggles to find people to take their class. Summer runs frantically around the gym trying to pull people in. Very few oblige her. Cyndi’s elderly mother is there, however, and ready to take the class. The class starts with only about three people in attendance so Cyndi gets on the PA and asks her “peeps” to join. Some of the peeps went for it, but not many. Summer awkwardly starts the class with the 24 Hour Fitness representative looking on. She’s nervous since there aren’t many people. Curtis was also unhappy with the way they kicked things off. It’s an impressive workout, however; and Curtis is awfully cute in his shorts. Their second class went much better. Cyndi filled the room and The Golden Couple was much more confident with their workout. They even made modifications where necessary since the workout was challenging. The 24 Hour Fitness rep thought they had a nice solid balanced workout and that they connected well with the class.
Underestimating RockSolid’s class would be a mistake. It’s a fun-filled action-packed workout with exercises designed as if participants are at a rock concert. Sharon walks around cracking a black whip that she no doubt picked up at a trashy S&M shop. Not that I would know anything about that. She says she likes to abuse people. That I believe. The 24 Hour Fitness rep seemed to enjoy their routine although she frowned at some of the thrusting moves…particularly the one where a fan stood over Bret as he lay on the floor thrusting upward. All in all, RockSolid made it a total rockstar workout, complete with climbing stairs, flashing the band, waving at friends, and of course…that Tour Bus Thrust that drew the stink-eye from the 24 Hour Fitness representative. However, the rep loved the energy in the class and that it seemed to draw people in.
Voicing opinions in the boardroom is a sure thing every time. This week doesn’t disappoint. Sharon feels her team did an amazing job and she admits she is happy to get away from the other team. She needed to be silly and she needed some rock n’ roll. Holly says she’s happy to have Curtis since he was a refresher for their team. She doesn’t think her team won since she was going up against Sharon. She’s sure Sharon knows people with deep pockets. Holly confesses that she thinks she’s the star of her team because fundraising is her thing. She tears up at how her team went to bat for her and inspired her. Even Cyndi made her a believer by the way she stepped up.
When Holly says that her biggest donor gave $50,000, Sharon looks nervous. She didn’t have a single donor give that much. Ivanka tells them that the 24 Hour Fitness execs called their class a fitness concert. She shows Tenacity their backstage pass and likewise, Donnie shares Tenacity’s flyer. Trump asks for an explanation on some of their exercise names. Seems he's never prayed to the porcelain god and he acted clueless about the Tour Bus Thrust. I'll bet he knows a thing or two about the Boardroom Thrust though. He asks Bret about Tenacity’s promotional piece. Bret thinks it’s a little bland. When asked, Holly thinks RockSolid won the nod from 24 Hour Fitness. Sharon thinks it went to Tenacity since theirs was a solid fundamental workout.
EXecutives from 24 Hour Fitness liked both workout classes, but thought RockSolid pulled off a more original celebrity workout. The $24,000 goes to them. Including that donation, their total amount of money raised is $131,803. Tenacity smoked them, however, raising $206,090. Trump adds in the 10K that Maria won for Holly in the free throw contest a few weeks ago, bringing her charity’s total to $347,893 when all is said and done. Outside of Apprentice finales, this is the largest sum ever raised during a single task.
Yet another RockSolid team member faces elimination. Trump asks Cyndi who should be fired but she can’t answer since she wasn’t on that team and didn’t see who did what. He asks Curtis the same question. He says definitely not Bret since Bret is so loyal. He agrees with Trump that Maria is expendable but maybe Sharon, as project manager. Trump asks Sharon if she wants to go home. She says no, but Holly interrupts to remind her that the other day, she did say she wanted to go home. Sharon pointedly asks her if she was a “tittle tattle” in school. *snort* Trump wants to know if Sharon thinks it was inappropriate for Holly to bring that up. Sharon thinks not but again, calls her a “tittle tattle.” She argues that she was ready to go home because she was so sick and when one is sick, one wants to be home in his/her own bed. Trump puts Holly on the spot, asking who should be fired. Holly asks who raised the least amount of money. That was Bret but it comes out that Sharon asked him to bring in the bodies while she was responsible for raising the money. Ivanka wants to know who Sharon would prefer to move forward with in the game; but rather than answer, she falls on the sword saying she’s project manager and should go. Trump hems and haws, tells them all they did an amazing job at raising money, and decides to fire…
Zipadeedoodah! He fires no one! Since they raised so much for charity, they all get a free pass. Holly says that she’s going to personally cut a check for Sharon’s charity since Sharon raised so much that went into Holly’s pot. Hugs and smooches all around. Trump has a sliver of a heart. Kumbaya.
Thanks for bearing with this quickie recap…think of it as a rockstar dressing room quickie. Next week, someone will be fired…maybe two, according to Trump. Teams have to create three 30 second radio spots. RockSolid is as wild as ever; while Cyndi and Holly/Summer butt heads once again. Sharon admits she doesn’t like Curtis and mocks him in the boardroom. I’ll be back to bring you a recap of the dramatic showdown.
Prayers and good thoughts going out to Bret Michaels. Wishing you a speedy recovery, dude. Rock on.