Last week, teams had the task of relaunching a Kodak moments campaign. Sinbad was a blubbering fool; Bret Michaels felt pushed aside while his teammates thought him to be an ass; Sharon got sick; Darryl was lazy and lacked focus. When storefronts opened, they all shined. However, the women did a better job and Marie Kanellis won 20K for her charity. The men all pointed a finger at Bret but as project manager, Sinbad was kicked to the curb.
Afterward, Bret was all riled up and felt his team members threw him under the bus. Bret feels like they’re shutting him out and if things don’t change, his team will be in big trouble. The high maintenance rock diva, or divo(you choose), is too much for the guys to handle. They don’t want to hear it from him and most of them walk out while he’s talking.
As project manager for the women, Marie Kanellis was given a check for $20,000 for charity, Make A Wish Foundation. Having personally known a child whose wish was granted, I can say that this is one of my most favorite charities. Creating a true Kodak moment, Marie hand delivers that check to one of the Make A Wish kids, a young boy named John Paul with the bluest eyes ever. He’s truly wowed over the amount of the check. His wish is to meet Donald Trump. Really? Trump? But it seems John Paul is a bit of an entrepreneur, opening his own stand and making a whopping $14.00. Cute. Maria comments that he even looks a little like Trump, only John Paul has better hair. Ba dum ching. John Paul is speechless when Maria tells him that his wish will come true. He will not only be attending the Celebrity Apprentice finale but he will get to meet the man himself, Donald Trump. And oh yeah, the entire cast of this season’s show. Good for John Paul. Good for Maria. And good for Make A Wish.
Time for a new task…teams meet with Trump to get their new assignment. Trump asks Blago if he thinks the right person was fired. Blago stutters around a bit before Trump finally answers for him. Of course, he says that the right person indeed was fired. In light of the huge problems with identity theft in today’s cyber world, Mr. Trump has brought in executives from Lifelock and Norton. The two companies are coming together to provide a new product for cyber consumers. The task is to create a four page advertorial to showcase the product bundle. Their ad may appear in Time Magazine or Time’s website. They’ll need a celebrity spokesperson from each team for the ad and will be judged on creativity, brand integration, celebrity spokesperson, and the overall presentation to the executives. Also joining Trump is Gavin Maloof, owner of Sacramento Kings and the Palms Casino in Las Vegas. He’s there to offer input, I guess. Or to share hair gel with Donald Jr. Teams have quick pow wows to choose project managers. The men select Michael and the women select Summer. Donald reminds them that the winning team will get the check for 20 grand while the losing team has a member fired. And off they go.
Black Leather Fetish
The women head to their photography studio to get started. Norton and Lifelock execs meet them there to give them an idea of their vision for the advertorial. They first introduce their products. Norton, they explain, is a security program
resource hogthat protects you on the internet. Lifelock is a service that actually protects you offline as well. The bundle is all about protection and security. Cyndi starts in with her kooky questions that grate on Summer’s nerves. She’s concerned with the time schedule and makes faces while Cyndi goes on with her crazy nonsense.
When the execs meet with the men, Bret goes off on a long and unnecessary tangent while trying to be sure what the execs want. Curtis comments that you need a leash for Bret or he just goes off. I’m betting some of those Rock of Love
skanks and hoshave already tried the leash thing. Or vice versa. Hmm…I’d just like a leash for Curtis…something in black leather, maybe a few studs. But shhh, this is a family show. Michael is also bothered by Bret’s questions because he wanted some clear answers from the executives. He also wanted his team to get a clear picture of what an advertorial means and doesn’t think they got that. He thinks if he doesn’t get Bret under control, he’ll have problems. Heh, he’s got problems already if he thinks he can control Bret.
In the Tenacity studio, Summer tries to get the women organized. She assigns Selita the task of directing the photo shoot. Cyndi doesn’t get that decision because of Selita's age and inexperience. In her opinion, she isn’t qualified just because she’s a model. Having been in the business for a couple decades, I’d say Cyndi has a good grasp on what it takes to direct a shoot. Maria thinks Cyndi would make a good spokesperson for their campaign but Summer disagrees. She wants Sharon to take on that task arguing that people wouldn’t relate to her since she’s so extraordinary and unique. In actuality, she thinks Cyndi would have delayed them with her cuckoo antics and stories. Maria bites her tongue because Summer is project manager, but she disagrees with her decisions. Cyndi is clearly biting her tongue as well.
In the RockSolid studio, Bret asks to be Michael’s right hand man. He wants to be the grunt guy and get his coffee…if that’s what Michael wants. Michael just wants his graphics and slogan worked on. Pronto. Michael is trying to be patient with Bret. He wants to be original and shoots down a lot of Bret’s ideas. He’s a little uptight with Bret’s brainstorming and sends Bret off to work on the slogan. Michael wants Curtis to be spokesperson to keep things current. He thinks the “cooking thing” is current and hot right now. Sounds good to me because I think Curtis is hot right now. Blago speaks up in disagreement. Since Michael is one of the most well known athletes, he should be the guy. Michaels makes the call as project manager without any more discussion. Blago then says that they’re making the mistake of prematurely ejaculating and people want foreplay. Somehow he’s made that analogy because Michael jumped to his decision without discussing it with the team and allowing them to make suggestions. Perhaps if Michael did that literally, he wouldn’t be so uptight. Just sayin’.
The women toss out ideas for their photos and layout but Summer cannot give them a clear concept for their campaign. Maria feels like there is no control and no direction. All Summer can tell them is that she wants to convey that no one is safe, not even babies. She stutters around the questions and even shuts Cyndi down. Sharon motions for Cyndi to just zip it. She recognizes that there have been a couple of tiffs and tells the women that as time goes on, their competitiveness will come out more and they’ll end up hating each other. The goody-goody ones disagree but Sharon is right. It’s inevitable.
Curtis has a great idea for their photo shoot. He suggests himself( the brand ambassador) in the center with Goldberg(the strong guy) and Michael(the fast guy) beside him to show that no matter how strong or quick you are, your identity can be stolen. Bret has to play devil’s advocate, of course. He doesn’t think Curtis has the right face for their ad and says Michael has some kind of fetish for Curtis and the whole cooking thing. Me too, dude.
Maria is taking off to get the necessary props for their photo shoot and Holly wants to go with her. Summer asks for Holly to stay behind to be part of the graphics/creative team. Cyndi speaks up. She wants to be part of the graphics/creative team but Summer sends her off with Maria to get her out of the way. Cyndi tries to stick around a bit to hear what’s going on so she can make sure she gets it. Summer rushes her out telling her there’s no time. Sharon feels Cyndi didn’t deserve the disrespect. She says that Miss Polly Perfect(um, that would be Summer) should get off her f***ing high horse because she isn’t f***ing perfect. So…she should just shut the f*** up. This is why I love Sharon Osbourne.
Michael gives Blago an internet assignment. All he has to do is research cyber crimes and key points for identity theft. Blago can’t even turn the laptop on. As governor, he had people to do everything for him so he has no idea what to do. Curtis sets him up with a Word document but it takes him 30 minutes to peck out a brief paragraph. This is why Blago called in those bribes rather than email them.
The women are questioning Summer’s leadership skills. She can’t seem to get a clear grasp on their concept, making it difficult to convey it to the photographer. He told Summer to give him a specific concept so he knows exactly what they want. She thought she’d done that. In the van, Cyndi and Maria express their concern over Summer’s decision to make Selita the shoot director. Maria thinks Cyndi should be part of the creative team and also art directing because of her experience. At the prop house, they pick up the things on their list and Cyndi gives a pouty face to get them a good deal on the props. What? Did Trump skimp on their budget?
Darryl is in charge of getting the props. Michael sends Blago with him since he’s useless for anything else. Darryl needs a nicotine fix first and leaves Blago sitting in the van to wait for him. The schedule is difficult for Darryl. According to him, most athletes and celebrities don’t wake up until noon so he’s the laid back guy on the team. Poor baby can’t function since he’s not sleeping his morning away. On the street, Blago is greeting everyone as if he’s campaigning for public office. Darryl rushes him along because he doesn’t want the exposure.
Donald Junior stops by to visit the women and has some concern over Summer’s inability to explain their concept to him. He thinks she’s too jumbled and may not reach the end goal in time. Suddenly, Holly has light bulb moment. She feels Sharon could represent a protector and be present in every photo. Sharon is Lifelock/Norton(the protector) and prevents the people in their photos from being harmed. In the photos, Sharon looks formidable and the women are pleased.
Holly and Selita sneak a peek in the men’s studio and catch a glimpse of Curtis in his apron. They scoff at how unoriginal that is and have a good laugh. Selita jokes that Curtis should wear the apron in the boardroom and that he probably sleeps in it…with nothing else on because he likes how it feels on his skin. She says something else about herself in a thong and angel wings but sorry, I’m still thinking of Curtis wearing only an apron. The photographer takes photos of Curtis in his apron and sadly, he is wearing clothes under it. That dazzling smile of his makes up for it, however. Curtis explains that he’s just like everyone else…he shops, he cooks, he eats but he’s much better protected because he has the Lifelock/Norton thingy. The photographer also gets some great shots of Michael in the starting position and sprinting. Goldberg is awed by Michael’s awesomeness and all. He’s honored to be in his presence. Touching. Are we sure this isn’t a Kodak moment campaign? Meanwhile, Darryl is exhausted by all the sitting back and watching he’s doing. Again, he’s a laid back
lazyguy. Goldberg takes off his shirt for the shoot to portray the concept of the strongest guy being unable to knock out identity theft. He growls giving him a more menacing look in the photos. Or a more constipated look. Depends on how you look at it. When he’s done, he gives Michael a big bear hug, getting the bodybuilder oil all over Michael’s shirt. Michael whines that he now has Goldberg Goo all over his favorite shirt. There’s a premature ejaculation joke(thank you, Blago) in there somewhere but I’m not touching it.
Cyndi lifts all the props like it’s her daily workout and tells Maria a story about how she once lifted Dennis Rodman. She even jokes that now she knows why Dennis started drinking. Maria loves her energy and Cyndi notes that the good thing is that she’s losing weight.
Bret flirts with the graphic designer chick who is there to help them. He thinks she’s sexy but he’s not creepy or hands-on. Or so he says. He works hard to give the ad an original look but Michael takes a look and shoots down all of Bret’s ideas. He doesn’t like the black background of Bret’s layout. He launches into a literal interpretation of “advertorial” and leaves no room for anything else. Bret thinks Michael’s approach is common and middle of the road, not at all special. Gavin pays the men a visit but looks like he has no clue what is going on. He likes their clear vision but thinks it’s all too wordy. In his opinion, you have to catch people with a few words in just a few seconds. They needed to be more simple and concise. Bret asks Gavin if he thinks the copy is hard to read, but Michael jumps in to say that once it’s done, it will be killer.
The women’s concept, that identity theft happens to everyone but Sharon(Lifelock/Norton) is their protector, was coming together nicely but they were running short on time. They cut it close getting the slide show and all of their copy into power point form. At the very last second, Holly got it all together but had no idea if it all came together and made sense. The men were down to the wire as well. Both Bret and Blago had concerns about their presentation. Blago even thought that the information was inaccurate. Curtis, however, appreciates Michael taking responsibility and sticking his neck out.
The men present their advertorial first. Goldberg introduces Curtis who has the executives eating out of his hand. They smile a lot and seem to love him. Michael takes over on the power point but as Bret points out, the copy is hard to read on the screen. There is too much of it and it’s very small. Otherwise, the presentation goes off without a hitch. The ladies enter next, all dressed in bright yellow t-shirts with the red Lifelock graphic on the front. They get off to a great start but quickly hit a snag with a computer glitch. Holly can’t get the slide show going. Oops! Summer has the facts memorized so she goes on without the computer. She improvises well and gets their photos on the screen eventually. She brings Sharon, their spokesperson, up next. Sharon’s fever and cough have returned and immediately, she begins coughing and swearing. The execs don’t seem impressed at all. Maria is concerned that they didn’t do well enough for the win.
The executives meet with Trump. Overall, they liked both ads but neither is ready for use. They would both need to be polished in order to be published. The women went for an emotional connection in their ad but neglected some of the facts. The men had an opposite approach. They went overboard on the facts but failed to connect. Also, some of the facts needed to be verified to get legal clearance. The men should have listened to
the crookBlago. He knew what he was talking about this time. On presentations, the execs felt the women had some issues and failed to give the audience direction on where to get the product. They loved Curtis as an articulate spokesperson for the men but felt Goldberg would have been a better choice. Trump looks over both ads and is impressed with both.
In the boardroom, Trump jumps right in on Michael. He wants to know who is their weakest player. Michael points the finger at Rod who doesn’t get it since he did everything Michael asked him to do. Michael says Bret wasn’t as hard to handle as he expected but he took care of him. Trump wants to know exactly what is going on with Blago. Blago says that it’s difficult when you aren’t project manager and your suggestions aren’t being heard. He thinks that being a good team player means you should trust your people and have more of a balance. As for the end product, he would have done it differently. Basically, he’s saying Michael was a controlling and uptight asshat…but in a politically correct way.
Trump puts Summer on the spot next by asking how she likes her team. Summer says she might have issues with some of the things they do but she loves them all. Like a dog with a bone, Trump pushes her to elaborate on that. Summer brings up the way Cyndi goes off on stories and tangents when they’re all trying to get things done. She’s pretty much saying out loud what all of the women have been saying privately about Cyndi. Cyndi doesn’t understand and says Summer is throwing her under the bus. Trump asks what Holly thinks and she echoes what Summer said. Cyndi is obviously hurt by their words but tries to take it all in. She knows she’s a big personality but she’s more emotional than thick-skinned so she’s bothered by what Summer has said.
Trump shares Tenacity’s ad with the men and Michael quickly points out that by definition, it isn’t an advertorial. Trump points out that Darryl hasn’t even looked at it and doesn’t give a ***t. Maybe it just isn’t past noon yet so he can’t function. Blago likes the women’s ad and admits he’d take something from it if he read it. The women think the men’s ad is too wordy, that it reads like a composition or essay. Michael interrupts to say it reads like an advertorial. He’s still stuck on the literal definition of an advertorial. Or maybe there’s just something stuck up his ass. Or both. Cyndi wants to comment but asks if she’s allowed to say something. Trump says she most definitely can comment despite what Summer said. Summer jumps in to apologize. She feels badly for hurting her feelings and thinks she should have spoken to Cyndi about her issues privately rather than in front of the group. Cyndi is apparently still irked by Summer, apologizes for being out of line, and says she won’t say anything anymore. Going back to the ad, she says that it is an advertorial but should have been more concise, letting the pictures tell the story. Michael interrupts again saying he’s beginning to get Summer’s point about Cyndi. Zing. Again, asshat with a stick up his ass.
Gavin speaks up and agrees with Cyndi’s point. He doesn’t think 1 out of 100 people will read the men’s ad. As long as the product sells, he doesn’t care to read about it all. Donald Junior chimes in to say that somewhere between the two ads is where it should fall. The pictures tell a compelling story but Gavin asks where the phone number is that people can call to buy the product. Summer admits that it never crossed her mind to include a contact number. Finally, Trump gets down to it….the executives preferred the women’s advertorial so they win. Summer’s charity, Right to Play, will receive a check for $20,000. In addition, her charity will get a portion of proceeds from Norton/Lifelock sales. Summer is touched, and maybe a little emotional over hurting Cyndi, and tears up. Tenacity heads off to the war room to watch as Trump lays the smackdown on the men. First, Summer needs to have a word with Cyndi. She apologizes again for hurting her feelings. Cyndi just wants to be told if Summer has a problem with her. She says for Summer to tell her to get to the point if her stories get too long. Still, she’s hurt that Summer threw her under the bus the way she did.
Back in the boardroom, Michael takes full responsibility for his advertorial. He doesn’t recall anyone telling him that the ad was too verbose. Trump likes that he’s taking responsibility and not laying blame on anyone. Gavin again says that people today have no time to read that much copy. Trump wants to know why Curtis was chosen as spokesperson. Michael gives his reasons, saying that people trust chefs so they’d buy what Curtis was selling. I’d buy it. If he was wearing the apron….and the leash. And okay, if he makes me a key lime pie. Trump thinks Goldberg would have been a better choice because he’s strong and looks like security. Michaels says that was too obvious. Trump asks Bret why he’s so quiet. Bret says he’s just letting everyone else speak and that he can’t believe they didn’t win. He does think that the women’s images were stronger. Bret thought at times the team listened to his ideas but didn’t feel he was always heard and respected. As the weak link on the team, Blago starts to defend himself. Before he can start, Michael jumps in and says the task didn’t fail because of Blago. Trump kisses Blago’s ass a bit and everyone likes his courage. Whatever. Blago feels he wasn’t utilized enough considering he’s been in ads and the communication business. Also, he felt he should have been heard more on the creative end of things. Trump wants to know who should be fired. Blago hates to say it but it has to be the project manager. Bret agrees. Trump then asks Darryl who should be fired. Darryl praises Michael and his team. He says if anyone should be let go, it should be him. The women are still watching and think that’s just macho crap. Trump wants to know if the team lost because of Darryl. Michaels says no. He doesn’t want to be fired. Darryl says he does want to be fired. Trump pushes Darryl, asking if he’s just taking one for the team or if he truly just wants to go home. Darryl says he is tired and wants to go home. But he says he isn’t a quitter. They go back and forth a little about Darryl’s motivation for taking the hit and in the end, Trump gives in…Darryl is fired. Michael is upset because he doesn’t want to be the guy who wins because the other guy quits. Trump tells him he got lucky, now get out. Holly is upset that Darryl quit on his charity. Like her, he was playing for autism. Darryl isn’t upset at all. Now he can go home and sleep until noon.
Next week, teams need to create a three-dimensional display for the wizarding world of Harry Potter. Cyndi and Holly butt heads and Cyndi will apparently still grate on everyone’s nerves. My partner AJane will be keeping you in the loop.
Anybody else have a key lime pie fetish?