Hello dear readers! Tis I, Iguanachocolate, here to bring you a somewhat late recap of those wacky celebrities attempting to revive their lagging careers by making us, the viewing public think they actually care about these charities they are pimping for. Otherwise known as Celebrity Apprentice. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about raising money for charity, but I think that famewhoring oneself is just not the way to go. But, heck, it is entertainment, isn’t it? And besides, we get to see the most famous of all celebrities, Trump’s gravity defying coiffure! IF you missed last week’s premiere episode written by the fantastic Phonegrrrl, never fear, you can read it right here!
After the departure of that waste of space, Andrew Dice Clay, we meet up with Project Manager of the winning team Joan Rivers to make a deliver for her charity God’s Love We Deliver, and while she is there she gives the executive director a check for $125,000. Ok, enough of the fuzzy good feelings, let’s get to the task, shall we?
Zappos.com features clothing, shoes and accessories for what can only be termed the enlightened yuppie. Dunno about you, but a hundred bucks for a pair of slippers isn’t in my economic stimulus plan at the moment. Anyway, the teams are tasked with creating a comic book type of character to illustrate the customer service aspect of Zappos. The CEO of Zappos is all about the customer service. The Project managers are Khloe Kardashian and Scott Hamilton. Khloe isn’t thrilled by this as she thinks she doesn’t really have the experience to pull it off, but she will give it the ole college try. Scott is picked because of his levelheadedness. Hmmm, should I go for the obvious short joke or just let you, my esteemed readers, fill in the blank…. I think I’ll let y’all do it.
The teams each have awkward meetings with Tony the CEO with Team Athena focusing on what type of girl turns him on and the men allowing Tom to take control and make some really stupid jokes. CEO Tony is looking really worried at this point, and I am worried for him. He seems too nice to be able to hold his own amongst this group of whackos. The teams retire to their war rooms for the ensuing madness as everyone just begins throwing ideas out right and left and none of them are very inspiring. Enter The Donald and His Hair who gives us a right nice little segment on the meaning of pressure and leaves the impression he is not all that wowed with Khloe’s credentials and thinks that Scott walks on water. We all know from last season how the Hair loves him some Olympians.
Over on Athena, Poker Annie begins to take charge again, saying that she wants to do the writing of the storyboard with Claudia and that they can do it all by themselves, gosh darnit. Joan throws a hissy fit in the diary camera saying that she should be included in the writing because afterall she has written four Broadway plays that were on Broadway gosh darnit and she has won an Emmy! No one is appreciating the gloriousness that is Joan and fits are being thrown right and left. Finally, Claudia defines a character that might work and Melissa seems to hear only the sound of her own voice because she immediately begins taking credit for it. Much to Claudia’s credit, she decides to let it slide in favor of getting on with the task. But she is fuming, and I don’t blame her. She won’t last long in the ring with the Rivers’ if she capitulates this easily. I have to say, Khloe was pretty good at reeling the women in - I was pleasantly surprised at this. She gets them on task and they come up with Mizz Z, mild mannered average Jane during the day who morphs into super service girl by night. Donald Jr. comes in for his obligatory face time and Melissa declares she is Everywoman and will be taking over the world as well as stealing the credit for Claudia’s idea.
Meanwhile, over at Team Dysfunctional, Tom and Dennis banter about with the idea of a transvestite as their superhero. They claim to be joking, but I am not all that sure. Frankly, I kind of like the idea. I think they should have gone with a drag queen character – no one gets more done than one of those larger than life gals who are often already cartoon characters. But alas, I am not there so the men just kind of flounder.
Both groups have rather pointless meetings with ‘focus’ groups. When they met with the women, the focus group were more interested in looking at model Claudia and Playboy centerfold Brande – it was almost as if they had never seen women before. Then I took a closer look at these geeks and realize they probably haven’t seen a woman before outside of their own mothers. Kotu just left them dazed and confused with their haphazard presentation of thoughts.
The women are moving forward with their Mizz Z picking gold pro Natalie to be their model. Over at Kotu they are spending literally hours and hours trying to think of a name. Tom frenetically resorts to reading a list of Z names form a baby name website and Scott concentrates on telling Tom to be quiet and pretty much ignoring anything he has to say. Scott was so focused on keeping Tom out of the loop that he was unable to focus the rest of his team on making a coherent plan. Scott finally decides the EEE would be a good name for the character, with EEE standing for Everything, Everywhere, Everytime!. Personally, I am drawn back to the whole drag queen idea, because those gals are often porting EEE’s, if you know what I mean. Tom echoes my thoughts that it could easily be the name of a drug or even a bra size. But little Scotty clings to his chosen word like he holds on to his landings of double axels. He was not going to budge and voices that he thinks that some people (read: Tom) are there to (gasp) play the game and not do the task at hand. I just think Tom needs some Ritalin. And a shrink. And maybe a girl.
Back on Athena, Claudia is not doing so well. She seems to be coming down with a bad cold or flu. I think she should have her drink tested for ‘additives’ a la the Rivers’ duo. I wouldn’t put it past those two broads. Tom continues his annoy Scott Hamilton campaign and the teams just go into pointless mode in the wee hours of the morning. However the jobs get done and superheroes are born. It is time for the team presentations.
Athena goes first with poor sick Claudia as their presenter. She does a passable job, stumbling a bit over the words, but the team is hurt by Natalie’s declaration that she would never wear the superhero costume anywhere but the CEO seems passably happy. The guys have Tom present their creation and he does a much better job than Claudia in my opinion, and their superhero stand-ins seem a lot more excited than poor Natalie. But Tony the CEO doesn’t understand why, if the company name is ‘Zappos’ they would have EEE as the character’s name. Where’s the Z?
In the boardroom the teams are in defensive mode. Scott takes every opportunity to slam Tom and blame him for everything from trying to derail the task to the fact that an asteroid almost hit the Earth last month (did you know that? A near miss in astronomical terms, we almost all died!). Khloe is praised for her leadership ability and the Donald shares with us that he tried to pick Brande up once and failed. I like Brande even more now. After critiquing each others storyboard comics, the women are declared the winners and Khloe get’s $20,000 for her charity, The Brent Shapiro Foundation for Alcohol and Drug Awareness. After the women go back to the suite, the men are left to face the Donald, his elder male off spring and some woman whose name I never really caught, but she was there in the episode.
Scott immediately goes on the offensive with Tom his prime target. While the rest of the team points out that Scott was ineffective and Clint was argumentative, Scott continues on his one man campaign to rid the world of the likes of Tom Green, menace supreme. He decides to take Tom and Herschel to the boardroom. Errr, Herschel? Really? Why? It seems that little Scotty doesn’t want to make a mistake like Gene of last season, so her does take three people into the boardroom even if Herschel is really just a cheerleading benchwarmer. Trump sees through that easily and after a couple of we worship the ground that Scott Hamilton skates on sentences from Herschel, The Hair sends him back to the suite with the rest of the teams. The seat warmers on either side of Trump declare it is all in a name and Team Kotu’s named was bad. So Scott, you’re fired. Goodbye you twirly little skater dude, you’ll always have Sarajevo.
And that is all, folks. Next week watch out, as Tom Green will be the project manager for the guys, in order to prove himself. I am predicting a brilliant disaster, but stay tuned for Phonegrrrl’s recap to give you all the scoop.