I was intrigued when I tuned in to tonight’s Celebrity Apprentice, because I saw that it was two hours long. Two hours! Wow, that must mean multiple tasks and mass firings! I hope it means multiple tasks and mass firings!
We start off tonight with a pretty standard scene- all of the men, and the women lucky enough not to be called back into the Boardroom wait impatiently to see which of the women has been booted. Omarosa tells Piers that she’s been after Carol from day 1, because Carol is a twit. She does not fit in or deserve to be there. If we’re talking about celebrity though, I think Carol has a much more legitimate claim to her spot on this show than Omarosa does. Anyway, Carol and Marilu come through the doors, and Omarosa is mad. As usual.
Vinnie is happy to have the opportunity to present his $50,000 check to his selected charity, the Lustgarten Foundation for Pancreatic Cancer. He presents the check to his ex-wife, Nancy Berke, and donates the funds in the name of her deceased husband, Mitchell Berke. Nancy is very pleased to be receiving the funds, and it’s a nice moment.
How could Tito let his real job interfere with this fake one?
Okay, the warm fuzzies are done, and it’s time to get going on the next task! The Apprentices, (Apprentii? I’m pretty sure that’s a made-up word, but I kind of like it). Meet at Macy’s to see what they’re in for. Omarosa must think they will be begging on the street because she’s dressed as a Depression-era orphan in a newsie hat and oversized sweater.
Trump announces that Tito will be gone for this task because he has a fight, so this means the men and women are more evenly matched, numbers-wise. He names Carol as Empresario’s Project Manager because he wants her to have the opportunity to step up and show some leadership, and then asks the men to select their PM. I guess he doesn’t care about any of them having the opportunity to step up and show leadership. Hydra selects Piers, and although I didn’t think it was possible, his head gets a little bit bigger.
Trump tells the players that Macy’s is very special, and they carry a very special brand of shoe- Crocs. Crocs is the fastest growing footwear company, and I see how that is because after buying one pair of flip flops, I find myself wanting to fill my closet with the things. Crocs is developing a new awareness campaign called Soles United. The campaign allows people to donate used Crocs which will then be recycled, made into new Crocs and donated to needy people around the world. The teams are tasked with developing a receptacle for the used shoes, and a brand message for the campaign.
Attack of the buzzwords!
Empresario gets right to work. Carol knows that the result needs to be simple, direct and from the heart, and that they need to focus on the brand messaging, creativity and overall design.
Hydra also gets right to work, and they also decide that they need to focus on brand messaging and creativity. They don’t mention anything about their project coming “from the heart,” though, so I think Empresario may be a step ahead of them. Vinnie tries on a pair of orange Crocs and then raves about how comfortable they are. That’s where it starts, Vinnie… you try on a pair “for fun” and then all the sudden you’re telling yourself that you can, indeed, fit lime green Mary Janes into your wardrobe. Those things are like crack for feet. As Vinnie falls in love with his shoes, Piers decides that they should use Lennox on their materials, yet again, and Trace comes up with their slogan: “Wear them, share them.”
Well, this is a recipe for disaster.
Hydra and Empresario happen to be working in rooms right next to each other, the walls are kind of thin, and each room has a lot of frosted windows. The teams know they need to be quiet so they are not overheard. A few minutes into Hydra’s brainstorming, they think they see that one of the women is spying on them. This doesn’t set well with Piers, so he sends Vinnie out to spy on the women. Vinnie knows how to spy, because he was on a TV show about mobsters, and he tells Piers that he has to have a legitimate reason to be out in the hall, or the operation won’t work.
Vinnie and Piers “pretend” to have a loud, passionate fight that ends with Piers kicking Vinnie out of the room. Carol comes out of Empresario’s office to see what is going on, and a very riled up Vinnie tells her that Piers sent him out of the room, he’s tired of Piers and he doesn’t want to work with him any longer. Stephen pops out of Hydra’s office to implore Vinnie to please be professional and quiet down.
The women don’t really know what to make of this, but they go back to work until they’re interrupted by a knock on the door. It’s Vinnie, and he’s come to offer his services since the men don’t want him. The women tell him to go away for a moment, and they’ll think it over… and then they decide to accept him on to their team! What?? What are these silly broads thinking? Yes, they could use all the help they can get, but do none of them think this is at all suspicious? I guess not. Piers is happy with this, because not only does he now have a spy on the opposing team, he thinks that Trump will see Empresario’s accepting Vinnie as a weak and pathetic move.
Passing notes? Really?
Empresario knows they need to come up with a big, fantastic idea if they have any hope of winning and breaking their embarrassing losing streak. Vinnie tells them they need to present a simple idea, and Marilu comes up with the slogan “Soles United- Share the Love.” The rest of the women love it, and Vinnie sneakily writes it down on a piece of paper. Carol suggests that they use a real croc on a leash . but Omarosa puts the smack down on that idea and says that it’s time they use their celebrity, especially Carol since she’s a dang supermodel and all. Omarosa has the idea to make a receptacle shaped like a traditional Crocs clog standing up, The rest of the women eat this up, Carol comes up with a game plan, and Omarosa admits that Carol is a smart cookie. Nice!
At this point, Hydra still does not have a design for their receptacle, but they know it’s going to involve Lennox in some way, and possibly he will be shirtless, so they’re not too concerned. Lennox suggests that the use a picture of him putting shoes in a bin on one side of the receptacle, and then use pictures of poor people receiving shoes on the other side of the receptacle. Well… it’s simple, I guess. Piers wants Lennox to hold giant Crocs in the pictures, Stephen won’t stop taking pictures of nothing, and Trace is getting irritated at everyone.
Back with Empresario, Vinnie wants them to use a big picture of Carol “dropping her thing in the thing.” Oh, of course- who wouldn’t want that, Vinnie! Vinnie feels like he has a lot of great ideas for the women, and begins to think that Piers was stupid to send him off to spy. Marilu is in charge of construction, and she decides to take Vinnie with her to Brooklyn to see about having the giant shoe made. Vinnie and Marilu leave the office, and Vinnie sees Stephen in the hall on the phone. In true spy (or junior high) fashion, he slyly slips a note to Stephen that outlines Empresario’s plans.
This throws Stephen into a tizzy. He won’t pick up the note, and makes Lennox go out in the hall to get it, because God is watching over them all and Stephen won’t compromise himself like that. Piers doesn’t mind compromising himself, and immediately and joyfully opens the note to look at the women’s plans. Stephen becomes very upset because he feels that the whole thing is wrong. It was all fun and good at first, but now they’re cheating and it’s a practical joke that has snowballed out of control. Piers tells Stephen that he’s just angry now because he doesn’t look good, and he’s a hypocrite. Stephen says that fun is fun, but this has gone past the point of fun, and Piers is showing his true colors. Actually, Stephen, I think he’s been showing his true colors all along, maybe you just weren’t looking too closely.
How can someone be “sort of” into sabotage- either you are or you aren’t.
Vinnie is still wondering why Piers sent him away to be a spy, rather than utilize his ideas and let him help Hydra win the task. He goes into a long convoluted thing about The Godfather and what happened to the rat and how he doesn’t want to sleep with the fishes. Jeez, Vinnie! I doubt you have to worry about the women of Empresario fitting you for a pair of cement boots! Someone might be just a little overdramatic. Vinnie fesses up to Marilu that he may have sent Hydra some signals with Empresario’s plans, but it’s over. He wants to help the women win and that’s that. Marilu doesn’t know what to believe, but decides to take him at his word and keep going.
Ivanka shows up to see how Hydra is progressing, and Piers can’t wait to tell her that he sent Vinnie over to Empresario to spy. I am kind of expecting Ivanka to express disapproval over this unethical move, but she tells Hydra that she’s sort of into sabotage, but sometimes it backfires in a big way. She is surprised and disappointed that none of the women figured out what Vinnie’s doing. She thinks the men are doing well under Piers’ leadership.
Donald Jr. shows up in Brooklyn to see how Empresario is doing with the construction. He immediately sees Vinnie and tells him that he’s the ugliest woman he’s ever seen! Oh, ha-ha Donald Jr.! You’re such a card! Donald asks Vinnie what he’s doing with the women, and if he really wants to see them women win, or just wants to see Piers lose. Vinnie wants a little bit of both, I think. Donald likes Empresario’s ideas for the presentation, and hopes they can get their act together and get everything done. He asks Vinnie if his being on the team is a sabotage move, and Vinnie replies that the men think it’s sabotage, but they’re being double-crossed and Vinnie wants the women to win.
Sometimes people don’t want to be found.
Over on Team Hydra, Stephen is not the only one having second thoughts about this whole spy thing. Trace wonders why Vinnie is still working with the women and thinks this thing has gone too far. He feels that Piers may get a visit from karma, and she’s not going to be too happy with him. He also thinks that he should have spoken up because the spying is underhanded and unethical.
Stephen and Piers are alone in the office alternately bickering and coming up with genius ideas. They talk about how they should start a company together because they could take over the world. Mwaahaahaa! Then things get a tad weird when Stephen says that he needs Piers to stick around for one more challenge, and that is to give his life to Jesus. Whoa! Where did that come from? Piers tells Stephen he’s a believer- he’s Roman Catholic and was educated by a group of nuns. Stephen seems surprised by this, and Piers says “Don’t start preaching to me, preacher boy!” Stephen laughs and says he was just trying to be nice, but Piers doesn’t appreciate the lecture and tells Stephen that he had to find Jesus because he led a sickeningly depraved life, and Piers has done just fine, thankyouverymuch.
Empresario has begun taking their Carol pictures out in the hall, and Piers and Stephen make an appearance so that they can try to throw Carol off her game. Whatever, guys- she’s a freaking supermodel. You don’t think she can take incredible pictures with distractions? Idiots. Piers knocks on the women’s door and asks what they are taking pictures for. Is Carol going to drop a green boot? He tells them to “share the love,” and the women finally figure out that maybe allowing Vinnie to come over to their team was not such a good idea after all. Piers just laughs and laughs and keeps repeating “share the love” to the women. Then he says that was literally one of the best moments of his life, which almost makes me sad for him.
Nely says that corporate espionage is a cop-out, and tells Omarosa what happened so that she can take care of things. Omarosa immediately gets on the horn with Vinnie, gets him to admit he told the men all of their ideas, and then fires him. The women are so excited that they got to fire Vinnie that it gives them all sorts of energy and a renewed drive to win.
Vinnie heads back to HQ with his tail between his legs. Piers greets him with open arms and tells him what a great job he did, but Vinnie’s had some time to think and he’s mad that Piers sent him over to be a spy and then sold him out. He yells that out in the real world he would be dead for double crossing, and Piers has to remind Vinnie once again that they are not dealing with the mob, and there’s nothing to worry about.
Time to see the giant shoe!
Finally, it’s time for the presentations! I feel like this has been the never ending episode! Empresario’s Crocs receptacle looks pretty darn cool. Hydra’s receptacle also looks pretty nice, and the pictures of the “poor people receiving shoes” are better than I thought they would be. Piers asks Vinnie to help, and Vinnie says he doesn’t feel like helping, and then goes off on a big rant about how he wanted the women to win, he gave them all sorts of great ideas, and he would never spy on the women for a Brit. Lennox is surprised that Vinnie would play both sides and says it’s not the right thing to do. Oh, it’s okay to play one side- just not both. Piers and Vinnie have a loud fight for real this time, and Piers sends Vinnie away.
Amazingly, Trump shows up at that very moment to see what is going on with the groups, and Vinnie corners him and tells him he needs a private conversation. Trump says to save it for the Boardroom, and I’m happy that we’re saved from having to hear all about this crap for a few minutes, anyway.
Empresario gets to present first, and do a really nice job. They focus on the warm feeling people will get from donating their shoes, and the happiness the new shoes will bring to those who really need them. They show the pamphlet they developed that explains the project, and present a t-shirt to use to reward those who donate. Trump asks Omarosa why she did not want to be the spokes-model for this task, and Omarosa says that she knows her limitations and thought it would be best to use an actual supermodel. She concedes that Carol is a 10 (and declares that she is a 9.5, which would make me a 9.75, I guess). The executives seem happy and tell them Empresario that they’re in the lead.
Hydra takes a bit of a different approach to their presentation. Piers doesn’t spend any time on the warm fuzzies, and instead gets right down to business. Trump and the executives really like Hydra’s slogan, and the executives seem happy with Hydra’s presentation as well.
Trump meets with the Crocs executives who think that Empresario had a really nice presentation. The shoe receptacle was great and would really draw kids into the program. Hydra had a really great slogan, and the executives liked (not loved) their receptacle.
How much longer is this episode, anyway??
Boardroom time!! Trump starts off by asking Vinnie to tell him what he wanted to discuss earlier that day. Vinnie doesn’t have a seat at the table, because he no longer has a team, and Trump comments on this, and then says that he heard there was a problem with Vinnie. Piers tells Trump he asked Vinnie to leave Hydra because he was not being professional and he claimed he was working for the women. Vinnie tells the story of the double-cross (very dramatically).
Trump asks Stephen what he thinks of this whole thing, and Stephen says it started off as a joke, but turned into an opportunity for sabotage- an opportunity that Stephen did not support! Well, he kind of supported it. Ivanka says she’s disappointed that the women allowed Vinnie to come on to their team because it will take away from any win, or allow them to use Vinnie as a scapegoat if they lose. Omarosa attacks Piers for his corporate espionage, and Piers insists that they only spied because the women spied first. The women deny this, and Trump believes them.
Piers insists that Vinnie offers nothing as a team member, and Vinnie goes off about how when Piers first met him he called him a “fat Italian,” and that’s a racial slur. Piers hurries to correct this, stating that he actually called Vinnie a “very fat Italian” In spite of myself, this makes me laugh. I guess Piers feels that if people are going to hate him for remarks he’s made, they should at least hate him for the actual (worse) remarks he’s made. Piers declares that Vinnie is a “histrionic drama queen threatening to kill him every five minutes,” and then the women get involved and tattle that Stephen came into their room to mock them for their campaign. Ugh. I have had enough of this! It’s just the same thing over and over and over and over!
So, who won? Empresario, finally! The Crocs executives said it wasn’t even a contest and they loved Empresario’s presentation and ideas. Because of this, Crocs will be donating 10,000 pairs of new shoes to needy children in Africa, and Carol’s charity, the Tony Alt Memorial Fund will receive $20,000. Carol is overcome by emotion because of Empresario’s win, and Crocs’ generosity, and can barely get out the name of her charity, but then says that that the fund “helps children.” Oookkay. I guess I can excuse that since she was choked up and all.
Trump sends the women away to celebrate, and Vinnie drops the news that he would like to resign from the show. Really? Lame! Trump doesn’t want Vinnie to quit, but Vinnie says that Piers is a better leader for the team, so if it comes down to the two of them, Vinnie should go home. After much unnecessary discussion, Trump finally accepts Vinnie’s resignation, and Piers can stop sweating because he’s not going home.
As Vinnie walks out of the Boardroom, we’re treated to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin,’” and I know what’s going to happen, but I hope it doesn’t… and it does. As Vinnie reaches for the car door, the music cuts off and the screen goes to black. Again, lame! Apparently Vinnie wasn’t the only one who thought he was still on The Sopranos.
Tune in next week to see the fallout from tonight’s episode- Stephen tries to quit because he can’t work with Piers any more. Oh, and PM me if you know of some ideas of what one could wear with lime green Crocs. Just hypothetically, of course.