+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20

Thread: Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here!

  1. #1
    Anarchist AJane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Charming
    Posts
    9,353

    Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here!

    Last season on The Apprentice, there was a little something that was noticeably absent from the show. I mean, besides entertainment value. Those of you who are loyal viewers of this failing franchise maybe have noticed that Donald Trump no longer dispenses his little pearls of business wisdom between segments of the show. I kind of missed them, the way you miss your neighbor’s yappy little dog when they finally move away. Did you notice that this season they’re back? Oh, not in the obvious way of seasons past – this time, The Donald is way more subtle. I mean, isn’t a show of business acumen to understand that even C- or D-list celebrities can induce people to watch a reality show that’s on its last legs? And to make himself look like a hero by donating the gobs of money they raise to charity? Actually, Donald may have outsmarted himself this time…if he’s not careful, the next season may be called Gene Simmons’ Apprentice. Hey, don’t laugh – Gene’s hair is just as bad as Trump’s, and I bet even The Donald never sold a $10,000 hot dog.

    The semi-famous, and the ones who missed the casting call for The Surreal Life Season 7

    Not all celebrities are created equal. Let’s face it, Brad Pitt was too good for Jennifer Aniston. With Donald Trump, the bar is set a little lower. So who did The Donald entice to be a part of his all-star Trumpfest?

    The C-Listers:

    Tito Ortiz, Ultimate Fighter – No, I didn’t know who he was either, but the UFC makes bank like nobody’s business. Plus, Tito is kicking it with the queen of porn herself, Jenna Jameson. Enough to earn a top spot among this crew.

    Trace Adkins, country crooner – Country singers make lots of money and have lots of fans, so even though Trace is no Keith Urban, he gets a C.

    Stephen Baldwin, actor – He’s related to the fabulously funny and talented (if not father-of-the-year) Alec Baldwin, so he must have some redeeming value.

    Lennox Lewis, boxer – He’s been heavyweight champion three times. He kicked Mike Tyson’s ass. ‘Nuff said.

    Gene Simmons, rock star extraordinaire – Forget his reality show (although it’s not half-bad). Gene could teach a class in marketing to a roomful of Disney and Nickelodeon executives. Plus, KISS RULES!

    The D-Listers:

    Marilu Henner, actress – Marilu was one of the stars of “Taxi”, a great show that spawned many successful careers. Marilu’s wasn’t one of them. She did date John Travolta at one time, though.

    Vincent Pastore, actor – If Big Pussy had lived another couple of seasons, Vinny would have made the C-list.

    Nadia Comaneci, gymnast – If this show had aired 20 years ago, she would also have been on the C-list. If it aired 30 years ago, she wouldn’t even have returned Donald’s calls. Alas, her lack of visibility in the past few decades lands her on the D-list.

    Carol Alt, model – One of the first supermodels, and she’s still ridiculously gorgeous, damn her. Still, she’s not Christie Brinkley-famous. Or even Janice Dickinson-famous.

    Jennie Finch, Olympic medalist – I have high hopes for Jennie, only because last season’s Olympic heroine Angela was a great competitor and a nice person. Her entry on the D-list is probably more than she deserves, but she’s hot AND she can play ball.

    Piers Morgan, British a****** - Squeaks on to the D-list because America’s Got Talent was on not that long ago.

    The D-minus Listers

    Nelly Galan, businesswoman – I know Nelly because I was one of the twelve people who watched The Swan. But we can’t even pretend she’s a celebrity.

    Tiffany Fallon, pageant winner/Playboy playmate – She was Miss Georgia, and posed for Playboy. If she wants to move up the list, she better start dating a rock star. I hear Kid Rock is available now.

    The T-list

    Omarosa – The “T” is for Trump, and if you’re The Donald, then you can make your own celebrity and put her on your show.

    An Omarosa by any other name would smell as obnoxious

    The fourteen celebrentices (if Trump can make up celebrities, then I can make up words, OK?) assemble in the New York Merchantile Exchange to hear Donald speechify about how they’re all commodities, and to lay the groundwork for the competition. Basically, the premise is the same as it has been for the past six seasons – there will be two teams (males vs. females once again), and they will have to come up with a team name and nominate a Project Manager for each task. Each celebrentice has their “own” charity, and all money raised in the course of the season will be donated to worthy causes. Omarosa speaks up, telling Trump she wants to go on record as volunteering to be the first PM for her team. Admirable, no? Apparently not, as Vinny Pastore sneers in confessional, “Omarosa? Ponderosa? No one knows who she is!”. Vinny, grown men who are best known as “Pussy” shouldn’t make fun of other people’s names.

    The women adjourn to their apartment – no word on if they all have to bunk together, like the peon Apprentices of seasons past. Instead, Nelly Galan breaks open a box of…hats. Something about “branding”. Omarosa is not amused by Nelly’s prop box, sneering that it’s “not a dress-up tea party”. Nelly manages to redeem herself by suggesting the name “Empresario” for the women’s team. The word is Spanish for “manager” or “businessman/woman”, and it does have kind of a neat ring to it. The women like it, and the talk turns to who should be the PM. Omarosa renews her request to be the first, and Nelly points out that since Omarosa has been on the show before, it would be wise to allow her to manage the initial task. It makes sense, and the women agree, though Playmate Tiffany looks unconvinced.

    Over at the men’s side, rocker Gene Simmons is holding court. Besides Vinny Pastore’s dimwitted suggestion that they call themselves the “Bada Bing Boys”, no one except for Gene appears to have any creative ideas for a name. Stephen Baldwin whispers in confessional that Gene is the team’s “secret weapon”. The guys seem to be in awe of Gene – maybe because he’s a rock star who’s got 4,000+ hookups to his name, or maybe it’s because he’s the only one of them who has his own action figure. Gene proposes they go with something “mythical” and suggests the name Hydra, who as it happens is a 7-headed beast of Greek mythology. Gene likes that the Hydra can’t be killed (not true, exactly, but as team names go it’s pretty cool).

    Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener/That is what I truly want to be/’Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener/People would pay $5,000 for me

    The baby Trumps, Ivanka and Don Jr., are back in attendance this season, secure in the knowledge that they’re at least as famous as Marilu Henner. The celebrentices convene in the boardroom, and it’s revealed that Stephen Baldwin will lead Hydra, while Omarosa gets the nod for Empresario. Trump asks Omarosa if she knows Stephen, and Omarosa sniffs that “unfortunately”, she does. Stephen smiles tightly and says that Omarosa is “utterly delightful”, and if anyone knows where this bizarre animosity comes from, let me know. Did he steal her spot on Celebrity Mole Hawaii or something?

    Trump tells the teams that their first task is to sell hot dogs on a New York street corner. Yes, we’ve been here before, but there’s precious few things you can sell on a street corner. For charity, that is. The losing team will have a member fired, as per usual, and Donald sends the troops off with a warning about location, location, location, for their hot dog stands. This sounds like some lame foreshadowing, but as it turns out, location isn’t nearly as important as the numbers you’ve got stashed in your Blackberry.

    Empresario’s PM, Omarosa, assigns the location decision to New York native Carol Alt. Carol confidently assures the group that Penn Station is the hot place to hawk red hots, but the group’s harmony comes to a quick end when Omarosa pulls rank over their sales strategy. The group is poised to milk their celebrity status, but O nixes the idea, coldly announcing that she plans to use “solid business skills” to lead them to victory. Playmate Tiffany dares to speak up, saying that it only makes sense to use beautiful women to sell their product, but the poor girl doesn’t realize that while the Hydra is next door, the women have Medusa in their room. Omarosa fixes Tiffany with a death’s head stare, and declares that salesmanship is the order of the day, not sex.

    Hydra is taking the opposite tack, figuring that they can sell photos of themselves along with their dogs, and rake in $100 per order. Though Stephen is their named PM, Gene again commands the men’s attention by making a couple of phone calls to unnamed friends with deep pockets, asking them if they’d show up tomorrow at the team’s location (Rockefeller Center) and write a cheque for a $5,000 hot dog. A wide-eyed Trace Adkins professes his admiration for Gene in confessional, either for Gene’s tactics or the fact that he knows people that would give him five grand for a wiener.

    Dirty sexy money

    Empresario didn’t want to use sex to sell hot dogs, but hey, some all-American tight blue jeans can’t hurt anything. The women are decked out in Omarosa-styled “uniforms” of red ball caps and white t-shirts with pictures of hot dogs emblazoned on the front, for a red, white and blue theme. Empresario’s sales start off with a few modest $5 dogs, but the cost quickly escalates to $10, $20, $100, $200, and finally, $500. Nelly tells us the team did sell $1 hot dogs, but they happily took more money from anyone willing to up the ante. Donald arrives with New York mayor Michael Bloomberg in tow, and the mayor smilingly downs a frank and leers that he’s sure that Empresario is a much better-looking team than Hydra. No word on how much Mayor Bloomberg ponied up for a dog served by a Playboy bunny, though.

    Hydra’s not off to quite as smooth a start, even though Piers Morgan has Tito Ortiz and Lennox Lewis sparring on the sidewalk. Piers, apparently fearing he’s not quite loud and obnoxious enough for American hot dog lovers, uses a bullhorn to harangue passers-by who think that $5 is plenty for a tube of processed meat on a stale bun. Piers’ lack of salesmanship notwithstanding, the team manages to start selling their dogs for higher prices, and as they ring in their first $100, Trump and Mayor Bloomberg show up to sample Hydra’s wares. The mayor coyly won’t reveal which was the better-tasting dog, but I’m guessing that mayor or not, he’s like everyone else and thinks free food is always good.

    Back at Empresario, business is dying down. Omarosa grouses that Tiffany isn’t performing up to expectations – “for someone who sells her ass in a magazine, she sure can’t sell hot dogs”. Marilu saves the day by phoning some of her contacts, who show up to purchase a couple of bottles of water for $5,000 apiece. Softball star Jennie Finch pulls another rabbit out of the hat, in the form of Mets third baseman David Wright, who buys out the women’s hot dog supply with 10 minutes to spare.

    Hydra proves that they’re unafraid to use the “sex sells” gambit by trotting out Tito’s boo, notorious porn star Jenna Jameson. You can insert your own dirty joke about a porn actress eating a hot dog here. I’m too scared to rag on a chick whose boyfriend is the Ultimate Fighting Champion. Meanwhile, Gene’s moneyed pals show up, with one dropping $10,000 for a dog, and two others ponying up $5,000 apiece. Gene smiles evilly and says in confessional, “It’s not the vacuum cleaner that gets sold, it’s the vacuum cleaner salesman who sells the vacuum cleaner. I’m the vacuum cleaner salesman.”

    Tonight’s pay-per-view match: Omarosa vs. The Supermodel

    It’s back to the boardroom, and both teams are supremely confident. Omarosa feels they did an outstanding job, and had a great plan that they executed effectively. Stephen claims his team exceeded expectations, and mentions they got Jenna Jameson to eat a hot dog for them. Trump admonishes Tito to make sure he gets a pre-nup, but Tito blushingly waves him off, saying that he and Jenna aren’t ready to tie the knot. Anyway, I’m pretty sure Jenna’s the one who needs the pre-nup, Donald.

    Don Jr. announces that Empresario managed to sell $17,038 worth of hot dogs. A gasp goes around the room, but turns to shocked silence when Ivanka reads off Hydra’s total sales - $52,286. Oscar Mayer must be rolling in his grave. Trump, who loves a good thrashing, chortles that Hydra obviously used their star power to their advantage, and must have had a better location. Stephen graciously gives the lion’s share of the credit to Gene for pulling in the big spenders, but the niceties end when Trump asks Piers who the weak link at Empresario is. Piers sneers that the “weakling” is Omarosa, who fires back, calling him a “British a******”. They trade insults about who’s the lesser-known celebrity, which is kind of like fighting about whether Britney or Paris is the bigger slut. Don Jr. asks O why they didn’t use the women’s good looks to sell more dogs, and Omarosa replies – quite correctly – that her former Apprentice team “got in trouble” for using sex to sell. Trump quickly turns the talk to the $69,324 that the celebrentices earned during the task, and announces it will go to Stephen Baldwin’s charity (The Carol M. Baldwin Breast Cancer Fund), as the winning PM. All future PMs who lead his/her team to victory will be awarded all monies to donate to their charity.

    Trump sends Hydra off to their apartment, and tells them that if they choose, they can view the boardroom antics on closed-circuit TV. The men gleefully opt to watch, and head upstairs to view the fireworks.

    Donald asks O where the team failed, and Omarosa sorrowfully admits that their effort just wasn’t enough. She singles out Marilu as the star of the task, and we discover that Marilu raised $11,000 of the team total of $17,038. O also lauds Nelly as a solid, focused team player, and rakes Tiffany over the coals for being an ineffective salesperson. At the apartment, Gene chuckles that Omarosa is “a survivor, like a cockroach”. Trump asks Tiffany why she didn’t call her “big” contact – Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. Tiffany admits that she was “saving” Hef for a bigger task, and Trump tsks-tsks, saying that there’s no task bigger than the one she’s currently working on. Ivanka chimes in, saying the uniforms were a mistake, as they “hid” the women. Jennie then busts Omarosa’s strategy, telling Trump that O didn’t want them to use their celebrity status to sell the hot dogs. Nelly takes Omarosa’s side, saying that while there were some bad decisions, O’s leadership was “incredible”. She adds that Tiffany isn’t ready to be a leader, and the men of Hydra guffaw that “Tiffany is toast”.

    Not content to murder a Bunny, Omarosa takes aim at Carol, claiming she “took the lead” in deciding on a location. Carol vigorously defends herself, but it’s obvious O has her in her sights, and tells Trump she’ll be taking both Carol and Tiffany into the final boardroom.

    Hydra’s TV winks off – no one gets to see the actual firing, apparently – and Piers sniffs that at least none of the men have had a public “go” at each other. Yeah, with a heavyweight boxing champ and a UFC titan, it’s maybe not wise to piss anyone on team Hydra off.

    Back in the boardroom, Omarosa bemoans the lack of accountability of the rest of the team, and denounces them as “followers”. Carol snaps that she feels she “stepped up every minute” and that O, as PM, was responsible for making the final decisions. Amusingly, O attempts to play the victim, saying that her teammates tried to “exploit” the fact that she was on the show previously. Trump, obviously entertained, asks Tiffany if she’s nervous among the “killers” (Omarosa and Carol). Tiffany declares she’s not intimidated, but Donald isn’t convinced. He teases Carol, asking her if she hates Omarosa, but Carol refuses to play along. Trump finally tires of baiting the women and asks O who she thinks he should fire. Crafty as always, Omarosa opts to save the runt of the litter – she claims that Tiffany has “potential”, and that Carol should go. Trump claims to be disappointed in Omarosa and Carol, but decides that Tiffany’s failure to call Hef for help was the biggest mistake of the task, and fires Tiffany.

    Proving that nice girls do finish last, Tiffany leaves quietly, and sweetly declares during her limo ride of shame that she’s disappointed to be the first to go, but says being on the show was an “honor” and vows to move onward. The “killers”, meanwhile, make a hurried pact as they exit to leave their differences in the boardroom.

    Oh, you didn’t think you’d get rid of Omarosa that easily, did you? It usually takes a few weeks to get rid of a cockroach infestation, doesn’t it?

    Anyone get a picture of Gene eating a hot dog? PM me.
    All my life, I have felt destiny tugging at my sleeve.~ Thursday Next
    I don't want to "go with the flow". The flow just washes you down the drain. I want to fight the flow.- Henry Rollins
    All this spiritual talk is great and everything...but at the end of the day, there's nothing like a pair of skinny jeans. - Jillian Michaels

  2. #2
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    3,754

    Re: Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here

    AJane, great recap! I felt like I was there!! I was shocked that Omarosa did not go away-she was the OM and the others seemed to follow her lead.

  3. #3
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    salt lake city ut
    Age
    43
    Posts
    18,980

    Re: Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here

    Excellent recap, AJane!
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

    #oldmanbeatdown - Donny BB16

  4. #4
    Cy Young 2010 Mariner's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Waiting for Spring
    Posts
    16,924

    Re: Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here

    Great job AJane! I'm still chuckling over the T-List.
    "I miss Darva Conger." - Phonegrrrl

  5. #5
    FORT Fanatic
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    466

    Re: Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here

    great recap! thought last night's show was very entertaining. there is NO WAY trump would fire omarosa............that would be poor business practice. anyone who is as hated as she is is bound to make the show way more interesting.

    and of course.........

    gene simmons rocks.

  6. #6
    Fool... but no pity. Krom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    21,565

    Re: Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here

    Awesome job.

    Piers and Omarosa make quite a pair. I think there's a crappy MTV or VH1 reality show starring the pair of them in this little conflict of theirs.

    Maybe not.

    Nely is just a puzzle. I was expecting her to be sharp. Not because of that Swan garbage, but because running and growing a big Spanish language TV network should probably have taken a smart person, and not an idiot. So her general lack of ideas (other than the team name) and her Omarosa ass kissing really confused me.

    Baldwin was smarter than expected. But MAN is he the genetic reject of that family, appearance-wise.

    Gene is a clever dude. But he CAN come off as a bit slimy. Lets see where that goes.

    "You don't rehearse Mr. T, you just turn him loose."
    -----Sylvester Stallone, on Mr. T-----

  7. #7
    FORT Regular uwishtoo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    63

    Re: Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here

    I am watching this over in entirety now since I got interrupted a few times last nite and I just heard the remark that O made when discussing team names and one of them asked what is a good name that stands for a strong woman and she pipes up with her own name - oh PUKE ! Can she BE anymore egotistical ?

  8. #8
    FORT Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    9

    Re: Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here

    AJane....great recap!!

    I like that the winning team can "tune-in" to the boardroom this year. I also think the girls should have said more about O playing down celebrity status on the task.
    If tears could build a stairway,
    And memories a land,
    I'd walk right up to heaven,
    And bring you home again.

  9. #9
    Check out my reality! AZHotFlash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Tucson Arizona
    Posts
    590

    Re: Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here

    Jennie is our "home town girl" ... (Tucson AZ - UofA) ... so please be "nice" to her this season! LOL!
    Wasting away another summer...

  10. #10
    Premium Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    15,826

    Re: Celebrity Apprentice Premiere Recap 01/03/08–Get Yer Hot Dogs and Porn Stars Here

    Fabulous recap, AJane. I loved it!

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.