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Thread: 4/10 The Apprentice Recap: Even Wankers Win Sometimes

  1. #1
    A pirate's life for me suncat7's Avatar
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    4/10 The Apprentice Recap: Even Wankers Win Sometimes

    Yes, once again, my title is out there. And to anyone offended by me writing "wanker"...well, if it's good enough for NBC, then it's good enough for Suncat. So, wanker wanker wanker wanker. And since my first version of this recap somehow was accidentally deleted, this one will be much shorter, so a big wanker to that, too! Wanker!

    Last episode we saw Bryce get fired, and none too soon. That boy was wound a little too tight. Shockingly he didn't kill anyone on his way out. When Lee and Lenny return to the loft, it's smooches all around.


    A boardroom reprieve gets you lovin' from the ladies.

    The teams meet Trump in a room under construction on the 59th floor of one of Trump's buildings. For some reason, the teams walk in carrying hard hats, then stop and put them on. You'd think if it was a real danger zone, they'd put them on before entering the room. And you'd think if it was a real danger, Trump would be wearing one. Or these people from Ace Hardware and Boys & Girls Clubs of America would be wearing one. But, they're not.


    The worst fashion accessories ever.

    The Task
    Ace Hardware has a program called "New Faces for Helpful Places" and the teams are to give "new faces" to "helpful places", namely two rooms for the Boys & Girls Clubs of America.


    Questions? I don't have no stinkin' questions!

    Gold Rush
    Lenny is the project manager for Gold Rush. He thinks the theme should be music. Someone else says dance, but Lenny says just music. Charmaine reminds Lenny that the people from Ace Hardware are coming, and urges him to think about what questions they'll need to ask. Lenny ignores her. The Ace people arrive, and Lenny has nothing to ask. Charmaine jumps in and butchers the name of the program, calling it "Helpful Faces for Friendly Places". I don't really blame her on that one, as the actual name is isn't that memorable. Just because something rhymes doesn't make it good.


    "I wonder if she used Dr. Goldman for her implants?"

    Synergy
    Over at Synergy, Michael is the project manager. He creeps me out something fierce. They meet with the Ace people, and he has four million questions. Some heading-out-the-door pleasantries are thrown around and the Ace people start to leave. Not so fast, there! Michael has more questions, so they sit back down. He will not shut up. He really should have given Lenny some of his questions since he had so many. Everyone is captitve in his mind-numbing barrage of pointless questions, especially me.


    "Let me outline my next hour's worth of questions for you."

    Then Synergy sits on their rears, because Michael won't free them to let them go buy their supplies at Ace Hardware. The sun goes down, and still, he's droning on.

    Meanwhile....
    Gold Rush is back from shopping and is priming the walls for painting. Charmaine and Lenny get in a little tiff about additional coats of paint, but it's not a major blow-out. Lenny keeps telling her to keep working, which actually seems like the best idea considering how much they have to do.

    Free At Last, Free At Last...
    Roxanne, Allie and Sean escaped Michael's incessant droning and got to go purchase musical equipment. In the meantime, Michael, Andrea (aka "The Ice Bitch") and Tammy go to Ace Hardware. The store is only open for ten more minutes, yet Michael is asking them to pull up pictures of their fake trees on their computers. He has serious time-management issues. He can't decide on paint, and calls Roxanne to ask if they should paint every last thing a different color. Roxanne, Allie and Sean are dying laughing while Michael is oblivious. Sean says Michael is "such a wanker" which lets me type that word yet again, yay!


    "Michael, being a wanker myself, I know one when I see one, and you sir, ARE a wanker of enormous proportions."

    From One Wanker to Another...
    Bill Rancic stops by Synergy and is amazed that it's nine hours after their meeting with the Ace people, yet they haven't even started painting. Bill asks Ice Bitch Andrea point blank how Michael is doing, and she gets out a pitiful "he's fine" and tries to change the subject. In a confessional Ice Bitch Andrea says that she didn't want to say what a nightmare Michael is "in front of him" because we all know that Andrea much prefers that behind-your-back stuff.


    "No wonder Lenny left, this floor is hideous."

    The next morning, Bill stops in at Gold Rush, and Lenny is no where to be found. Lenny and Lee are out buying the musical equipment, while Tarek, Charmaine and Leslie are laying some really ugly tile. They are really mad that Lenny and Lee are out shopping, and they don't think things will be finished in time. Lenny and Lee finally get back, and Lenny and Charmaine start arguing again. Lenny thinks she's negative. He keeps telling her to stop talking, while she says she can't even lift some of the stuff she's supposed to be throwing away.

    The Unveiling
    The Ace people go visit Synergy's room first. Michael starts yakking, and never shuts up. He should seriously market his voice as a sleep-aid, because he's boring as heck. There's finally a break in his hot air, and some kids come in to test out the new place. The kids like it.

    Now the Ace people go to Gold Rush's space. Amazingly they are finished, but it sure is bare-looking. It's a big black and white dance floor with musical instruments lined along the walls. Lenny starts telling a little about it, but he's a horrible presenter so Lee jumps in. Some kids come into the Gold Rush room, and they seem much more excited than the Synergy kids did.

    The Verdict
    The teams meet for the verdict, and Synergy wins.


    The winning wanker and his team.

    The Reward
    Normally I hate the rewards, but I'll mention this one because it's so worthwhile. They go with a little girl who has cancer to a shopping spree at Toys 'R Us. It's sponsored by the Make a Wish Foundation. The little girl is so excited, and has a terrific time. It's all very moving, and her family is so very happy for her.


    "If he tries to fire you, just remind him of point #4, that you can kill him with your bare hands."

    You've Got A Friend In Me
    Lee feels that Lenny is a true friend, and gives him written and verbal pointers of everything to say and not to say in the boardroom. Lenny doesn't really listen to it that well, but Lee tries hard.

    Boardroom
    Charmaine says Lenny was a bad leader. Lenny says Charmaine was hard to manage. Lee says Lenny did a fantastic job. Bill brings up that Lenny only met with the Ace people for ten minutes. Lenny says he wasn't trying to please them, he was trying to please the kids. Lee pipes in some more defending Lenny. Charmaine says she'd fire Lenny. Leslie says she'd fire Lenny. Tarek says he'd fire Lenny. Lee defends Lenny to the bitter end, but ultimately Lenny is fired. Trump tells Lee that his loyalty was very nice.


    Lenny's last stand.

    There you have it, the most colorful Apprentice contestant is gone, but hopefully he'll be back to assist one of the final two on the last tasks. In his taxi ride he says he hopes that Lee wins. Stay tuned for Roseskid's recap of the second hour of The Apprentice.....

    How many times did I type "wanker" in this recap? Contact suncat7@fansofrealitytv.com
    Always looking for cat treats!

    Breathe out, so I can breathe you in...

  2. #2
    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
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    Apropos of nothing: back in the days of vinyl records I used to have a recording by Ivor Bigguns. On said record was a song called "I'm a Wanker". So I embrace the power of the wanker, even if I have not been able to find the recording on a more modern medium and so have been unable to hear the song for years.
    I'm sorry that I missed the director's cut of the recap, because I always love every word or your recaps. To make up for getting the shorter version I read this one twice.
    Thanks for the entertaining recap. I'd quote the parts I like most, but the whole thing was too funny to choose just one or two bits.
    "The sun rose promptly at dawn."
    Tom Clancy in his novel The Teeth of the Tiger

  3. #3
    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by suncat7 View Post
    He really should have given Lenny some of his questions since he had so many.

    In a confessional Ice Bitch Andrea says that she didn't want to say what a nightmare Michael is "in front of him" because we all know that Andrea much prefers that behind-your-back stuff.

    He should seriously market his voice as a sleep-aid, because he's boring as heck.
    You, my dear, are certainly not a wanker because your recap rocks, and I love your captions! Oh, and btw, I'm guessing 14 wankers.
    Love The Bachelor? Catch the recap for this season's sacrificial lamb lucky guy here in Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6 and Episode 7.

  4. #4
    FORT Fan Crede's Avatar
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    Wonderful recap. Thanks, as always.

  5. #5
    FORT Fanatic Kay118's Avatar
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    I don't know the number of wanker but this is a great recap.

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