The Apprentice 03/06 Recap: Stacy’s Mom Has Got It Going On, But What About Stacy & Pepi?
Disclaimer: Since I've been sick, the following recap was written under copious amounts of drugs. Any and all errors are to be overlooked.
Last week Allie lead Synergy to victory, and although he’s a card-carrying member of Mensa, Tarek didn’t impress team Gold Rush. They were dragged into the boardroom where Summer was given the lonely taxi ride out of the city. I look forward to tonight’s show because for all his crazy-ass hair and that ego, at least Trump has a personality, unlike The Bachelor, Dr. Stork, who is simply one big yawn. No one will ever describe Trump as being boring, that’s for sure.
Gold Rush walks back into the loft, and I sense no one is sad to see Summer has been booted, as everyone bursts into applause and cheers. Ouch. That’s got to sting for her watching from home. There’s no doubt Tarek is a member of Mensa, because he’s quick to understand he’s still here simply because Summer couldn’t keep her trap shut in the boardroom, and Trump was more than eager to cut her loose. He’s also smart enough to vow to us that he won’t “tell Mr. Trump he was wrong for calling him out” on some issues. Attaboy, Tarek, I admire your sheer brilliance…it’s blinding.
Five Heads Are Better Than One
As the teams patiently wait, a limo pulls up, and Pouty-Faced Trump, Strikingly Stunning Ivanka and Spiky-Haired Bill Rancic climb out. Hey, I just noticed Trump’s hair isn’t pinky-orange anymore, and this pleases me. It’s still stiff as a board, and swept up in that hilarious comb-over as usual, but at least it’s not pinky-orange (my mother taught me to appreciate the small things in life). Today’s task will involve text messaging, something my daughter can accurately do with lightning speed, blindfolded, with one hand tied behind her back. Suddenly, right on cue, as Trump is giving our beloved teams their instructions, they are surrounded by pedestrians text messaging as they stroll about. It’s nothing short of amazing…what are the odds? Gillette will be launching a new razor with five blades on one head, kind of like a syncretic form of Hanuman, I suppose, and the teams will need to develop a text message marketing campaign to develop some buzz about it. Each team must create a key word for promoting the razor, and whoever gets more people to text message their key word wins.
Gillette’s inspiration, but how do you shave with this?
Even Bozo Was A Winner
Trump agrees with The Doors and says people are strange. He says sometimes the sharpest-dressed folks can be losers (is he talking about Martha again?), and the kookiest-looking folks can be winners. He reminds us not to judge a book by it’s cover *coughBrentcough*. Trump’s never been known to be subtle, and I think he’s also telling us that even men who go to ridiculous lengths to hide the fact that they’re balding, can be successful.
More Than One Way To Get A Buzz
Pepi has stepped up to be Project Manager, and the team begins tossing ideas around. Apparently Stacy feels the best strategy for the team is for her to immediately begin interrupting Brent every time he politely offers a suggestion. I mean, really, what’s up with her? But since most of them are convinced Brent is a menace, I’m amazed they can have so many sharp people in one room, and yet no one comes up with the most obvious marketing campaign. Why don’t they shave Brent’s head? Hey, it’s perfect. His hair is ridiculously styled (hmmm, is this why Trump chose him?) (if you can even call it ‘styled’…it’s like a mullet without the length...sort of a shag mullet, a shmugellet, if you will), and he wants to create a buzz. What better way to create more of a buzz, than shaving his head right there on the street corner? Put a barber’s apron on him, squirt some shaving lotion on his face and head (‘accidentally’ filling his mouth, too), and start shaving his entire head. It’s brilliant, and could kill two birds with one stone. It would keep him occupied, as well as provide a way to help the others vent their frustrations with him. I wonder if the Gillette Fusion has a safety guard to keep from slicing someone’s head off. However, even if that happens, I suppose there are enough attorneys on this show to help with potential lawsuits, as well as a psychotherapist and hell, there’s even a medical sales manager available for consulting. Brent and Stacy continue to butt heads during the brainstorming, and he catches her outside the conference room. While pointing a finger at her (gasp!), he tells her to back off. Now, maybe some critical footage was edited out, but really, it didn’t look that confrontational to me, and I watched it several times. However, she returns to the conference room and informs everyone Brent threatened her. Good grief, I’m surprised a criminal defense attorney doesn’t have thicker skin…like snake skin or elephant hide or something.
Lenny’s finger looks bigger than Brent’s; it’s a good thing he kept it holstered.
Stacy continues to rant that Brent is out of control, and valuable time is spent discussing Brent’s many defects. Pepi goes so far as to acknowledge that a few seasons ago Trump said a team leader could send someone home during the final task. Pepi tells Brent they’re talking of sending him home, but Brent is quick to remind him that Trump is the only one who can decide this. (I still say, smush shaving cream in and on him…problem solved). The team is dreadfully behind schedule, when Michael gets the crazy idea they should wear bathrobes during their campaign, and everyone thinks this is a great idea. Obviously there are no Mensa members on this team.
The following morning, Roxanne hears the other team leave the loft, and plays mother to her teammates, gently rousing everyone out of bed. As project manager, Pepi is certainly not leading this team.
Being from New York, Stacy feels quite comfortable deciding where they should be located for their campaign, and everyone gets set up. Wearing frumpy, terrycloth bathrobes and using megaphones, the team is desperately trying to get people to text their key words, ‘can you handle it?’ Brent, sensing they’re failing miserably, begins flailing his arms and legs about, dancing and doing jumping jacks with his bathrobe flung open, displaying his considerable gut and hairy legs. He’s a sight all right, but quite honestly, he’s probably the only reason they’ll get any messages at all, as the other team members are simply standing around sedately. I’m convinced Brent was the reason for a considerable amount of text messages sent to Gillette, as well as the cops and/or Bellevue.
Lee has been chosen to be the project manager, and he throws several razors on the table so everyone can get close to their muse. It must have taken hours to come up with their key word, because Lenny and Tarek complain that too much time was spent on brainstorming. Eventually they settle on ‘closer,’ and they’re off and running. Lenny, Charmaine and Leslie go to Times Square to begin selling the text messages.
There’s total confusion happening within this team with lots of phone calls (no text messages?), between the team members. I can’t understand what’s so difficult about this task, and at this point I think they should all be fired by Trump. And he should do it with a text message. Ha!
Lenny decides where they should be located to reach the most people, and they finally begin getting their key word out to the public for text messaging. The team carries signs at Times Square encouraging folks to join in their campaign. As people stand in lines, pass by, and visit with friends, the team
harrassesrequests them to text message. They’ve got a good leg up on the other team, as their rivals who are still in the loft, are barely awake. But, will it be enough?
The teams convene in the boardroom with Trump and his gang, and already Ivanka has said more words than Martha Stewart’s daughter during her entire season. Ivanka announces Gold Rush received 683 text messages. Spiky-Haired Bill says Synergy got a late start, and had difficulty finding a good location. They received 458 messages, losing by almost a 50% margin. Trump declares they got creamed. As a reward, Gold Rush will be working at Career Gear, a non-profit organization that provides disadvantaged men with appropriate clothing to help find employment. I’m excited to see a great cause like this get some national press, so I approve. Hell, I’m sure even Mensa members would approve, not to mention it sure beats the ‘reward’ of sitting in Trump’s overly gold-glitzed apartment.
Clothes Make The Man
The team is joined by three men who have had personal hardships, and they help them get dressed for job interviews by selecting suits, shirts, ties, etc. The men certainly look dapper. Am I the only one who half-expects ABC to select one of them to be The.Most.Dapper.Bachelor.Ever (if they’re single, that is). I believe Chris Harrison is text messaging to find out right now.
The conniving has begun, and basically it’s the team vs. Brent. Everyone decides he makes the perfect scapegoat, and for some reason they’ve all come to the conclusion he’s about to snap. Granted, I didn’t see the show last week, but from what I’ve seen tonight, he doesn’t look to me like he’s ready to blow. But maybe there’s been some heavy editing, and we’ve not been shown his explosive temper? Basically they’re ready to run with Stacy’s version of him ‘attacking’ her. They declare he’s showing “abnormal behavior,” and as soon as I hear ‘abnormal’ I immediately think of the Abby Normal brain in Young Frankenstein, one of the best all-time movies for fabulous one-liners like “those are some knockers,” and “walk this way.” Stacy, sensing that her description of Brent’s ’threat’ is a basis for everyone’s overreaction, immediately starts back-peddling, and you can almost hear the beep-beep-beep as she backs up. The others call her on it, and she’s definitely lost credibility.
Synergy and the usual suspects are in the boardroom. Trump wastes no time taking Pepi to the mat, by asking him what happened to his leadership (or lack thereof). He also wastes no time in laying blame at Brent’s door because he was such a distraction. Brent declares he was a star, and without him they wouldn’t have had the number of messages they had. There’s a lot of discussion about Wild Card Brent and Pepi’s lack of direction, but basically Stacy gets nailed for picking the crummy part of Times Square (apparently there is one?), but Ivanka brings up one of the more important problems they had…the herding mentality…where they all stayed clumped in one group, instead of spreading out and reaching more people. Actually they made many mistakes besides those already mentioned. There’s the stupid bathrobe idea of Non-Mensa Michael, and the fact that they didn’t start the task until noon. Brent’s ‘threat’ to Stacy finally gets mentioned, but Trump (as well as the rest of us), don’t buy that a criminal defense attorney could possibly be threatened by Brent’s finger. Trump says the entire team is such a disaster, he’ll allow Pepi to bring three people back in with him. Pepi chooses Brent, Stacy and Michael, and Trump says he’s shocked to hear Brent’s being brought back in. He dismisses everyone so he and his cohorts can deliberate.
Spiky-Haired Bill says Stacy needs to go, Ivanka chooses Pepi, and Trump’s choice remains a mystery. The Fretful Four return to the boardroom and immediately Pepi and Brent don their boxing gloves, and proceed to argue, interrupt, and generally act like buffoons. Meanwhile, Stacy quietly uses the ever-popular eye roll to make her feelings known. Ivanka questions Pepi’s leadership qualities, and Brent says Stacy is rude. Trump ends the heated discussion by remarking that in real estate, location is all-important. As he glares directly at Stacy since she picked the site, he states if she can’t handle Brent, she can’t handle his business, and therefore, she’s fired. Trump reloads, and tells Michael and Brent he’ll give them a reprieve, but Pepi was a lousy leader and he’s fired. As Stacy and Pepi leave the building, a smug Brent rides the elevator back to the loft.
While sharing a taxi, Pepi feels he put forth his best effort and Stacy says their team is destined for failure because Brent lives another day. Next week the teams are swimming with lawyers. Oh…wait…they meant real sharks. Okay, I get it now. I look forward to seeing that, and I also look forward to reading Suncat7’s recap of it. Would you like to shave Brent’s head? Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.