Last week: Kendra and Craig were forced to work, and fight, alone. Tana introduced a new generation to The Bedazzler and Alex was fired when he conveniently Ďforgotí his abysmal record.
Just The Three of Us
Up in the suite, Kendra and Craig are alone, awaiting the results of the boardroom. Surprisingly, the two have apparently been able to go for more than 5 minutes without fighting. Craig, especially, is nervous about the outcome. He believes that he and Tana are the cream of the crop, but thinks Alex is smart enough to talk himself out of a bad situation. He neednít have worried, Tana is safe and is welcomed warmly back to the suite. Considering this is Kendra and Craig, Iím guessing they would have welcomed anyone elseís company.
If It's So Great, Why Is It Vacant?
The next day, Kendra, Craig and Tana meet up with Trump, who takes them to one of the most beautiful residential suites in New York. Yup, I believe this is the same empty apartment heís taken the candidates to before. The most beautiful suite without any tenants Iíve ever seen. Iím more than convinced this is just a way for Trump to drum up some tenants, since there appears to be little point in hauling their collective behinds up here. The final three are told they will now embark on the interviewing process by some of the most influential people in corporate America, among them, David Brandon, CEO of Dominos, Darlene Daggett of QVC, Howard Lorber of the Vector Group and Greg Brennemen of Burger King; all people that they have worked for on prior tasks.
Tana, despite being rattled by Trump, Carolyn & George in the boardroom last week, says sheís not at all concerned about the interview process and wonít bother doing any sort of preparation. Clearly, Tana subscribes to the theory that she can turn the world on with her smile. She can take a nothing day and suddenly make it seem worthwhile. Oh sorry, had a Mary Tyler Moore moment there.
The interviews arenít as simple as that and all three find themselves under the gun. Craig has difficulty answering a question without stammering. Kendra admits she bends the rules when necessary. Tana pours her saccharine charm every chance she gets, even adding a hokey story about how she started as an entrepreneur at 9 years of age. And no, I donít care if you are a diehard Tana fan, that story was hokey. At some point, to build up the tension and pressure of the episode, I assume, the editors have chosen to create some bizarre, Brady Bunch meets LSD style editing with several shots in the same screen getting alternately larger and smaller in random order. Itís confusing and hard to follow; sort of like an extended conversation with Craig. In closing, all candidates are asked which of their competitors is the weakest. Tana and Craig, surprise, surprise, say Kendra and Kendra, surprise, surprise again, says Craig.
What We Have Here Is A Failure To Communicate
Trump assembles his trusty advisors to go over their impressions of the three remaining candidates. Two of the executives are impressed with Tana, particularly Darlene Daggett of QVC, who was charmed by Tanaís story of borrowing four thousand dollars as a nine year old to start her own business. I still say it was a hokey story. The other two interviewers were impressed with Kendra and felt that she had what it takes to be a great cornerstone employee. None are very taken with Craig and say they found it difficult to get much out of him.
Kendra, Tana and Craig are sent into the boardroom, where Trump tells them that his decision will be made based on the impressions of the interviewers. He makes quick work of explaining that all of the executives felt Craig was empty and inarticulate. He feels he has no choice but to fire Craig, who Trump congratulates and assures him he has a bright future ahead. Craig is restrained and professional and says heís learned a lot and appreciated the experience. You just know it kills him that Kendra has beaten him. Again. Not that I expect Craig to acknowledge that.
Picture Book, Of People With Each Other, To Prove They Love Each OtherÖ.
Excited to make it to the Final 2, Tana and Kendra celebrate with a bottle of champagne and a scrapbook of the 16 candidates fired before them. If youíre familiar with Survivor, you recognize the ĎFallen Comradeí style of shots that weíre suddenly bombarded by as the girls flip through the torches, sorry, the pictures. Todd. Who the heck is Todd? Look! Thereís F-Bomb Brian! Oh Erin! No one gave confessionals like she did. Interestingly enough, the girls tend to comment more on how photogenic the candidates are than their actual feelings about their former competitors. That Angie, what a great smile! When did this become Americaís Next Top Model? Fortunately for Bren, they abandon this practice when they reach his pages. Both women give a big Ďawwwwí. See? I told you heís charming. Tana and Kendra share a genuine moment as they approach the final days of the competition and giggle about which one of the Ďbroadsí is going to win. Tanaís words, people, not mine.
Where Did The GOOD Candidates Go?
Back to work, Kendra and Tana head to the boardroom to get the details of their next task. Trump, doing something infinitely more important than The Apprentice 3, no doubt, has selected to join them via satellite along with George and Carolyn. Trump assigns the final tasks; Kendra is to coordinate a Best Buy/EA Games video game tournament while Tana is to put on a NYC 2012 Athleteís Challenge as part of the 2012 Olympic bid. Never fear, Kendra and Tana are not alone, and Carolyn cues the parade of losers that will help the final two candidates. Brian, Kristen, Chris, Danny, Michael and Erin enter the room and Kendra and Tana do their best to mask their horror while putting on their best fake smile. Naturally, Tana is better at the latter than Kendra could ever hope to be. Brian, Kristen and Chris will reunite with their former NetWorth teammate, Tana and Danny, Michael and Erin join Kendra to reform Magna. The new employees exit and George asks if the two have any questions. Tana, in one of the stupidest moments ever, asks if they are able to switch their teams. George says no and points out that Kendra is likely not thrilled with her staff either. Honestly. Did Tana really expect sheíd get a choice of any former Apprentice candidate? Iím sure Bill isnít busy; letís ask him if heíll step in! I almost wish Omarosa was standing behind door number two, ready to go. Back in the suite, Kendra and Tana realize that Tana has all the combative personalities on her team while Kendra has all the scatterbrains.
If Someone Starts Singing Before Staff Meetings, Iím Quitting
Attempting to make the most of the situation, Kendra calls her team to thank them for helping and does something that Tana canít seem to do; sound genuine. Kendra lays it on a little thick, but egos are sufficiently stroked for Danny, Erin and Michael to support their project manager 100%. Itís one big love-in for the newly reunited Magna. Of course, that could just be Kendra on a high after weeks of Craig.
Kendra is given a tour of the venue and the wheels begin to turn. Kendra being Kendra, she decides there are a thousand things she needs to do RIGHT NOW and leaves Danny alone to greet the executives from EA and Best Buy. Danny tries to stall in time for Kendra to get there, but the VIPs are in a rush and have no time to waste. What does Danny do? He decides that you canít start a meeting without a song and begins to sing a little jingle. They are not, as you can imagine, amused. Erin, who was also in attendance, decides that itís likely time she do something and excuses herself to find Kendra. Thatís probably something she should have done, oh, before Danny started to sing. Kendra finally makes it to the disaster in progress and realizes the best thing to do is to take the representatives on a tour of the venue. Kendraís tendency to speak at a rapid pace finally pays off as they are impressed and relieved.
When Smart Women Make Stupid Mistakes
Over at Team Noise Pollution, Tana is doing her best to mask her disappointment in her new teammates. She gives her best shot at false sincerity, but it isnít as convincing as it usually is. Kristen assures Tana that sheís got a great team and she has three people that love each other. Brian isnít convinced and says as much. He is, however, uncharacteristically demure as he manages to get through a conversation without dropping the F-bomb. The producers must have drugged him.
Later, following Tana & Carolyn on their way to a meeting, the rest of NetWorth gets involved in a deep discussion about Kristen and her penchant for hats. Brian says she looks stupid in them; Chris says sheís no J-Lo. Kristen insists she knows best and counters that she does so look good in them. Somehow, enthralled in this deep discussion, Chris manages to lose the limo ahead of them and is unsure where to go. All hell breaks loose and the three resort to squealing like hungry piggies. At some point, they decide to call Tana to get an idea how far ahead of them she is. Afterwards, Tana decides to dish to her newest girlfriend about how much she hates her team. Except that this new girlfriend is actually Carolyn and Carolyn isnít as receptive as Tana would believe she is. Surprisingly, Tana managed to reign herself in before dissing her strange-hair having boss.
The chaos doesnít end when they arrive for the meeting, however. Chris canít find a parking space, so Brian joins Tana in the meeting while he and Kristen circle the block a few hundred times. Tana is in full Tana mood and doing her best to sell the event. She assures the NYC 2012 committee that she envisions an Olympic themed event for the challenge. Brilliant idea. Before she is able to elaborate, her phone rings. Itís only Chris, though, who seems to have gotten Tana confused with God, and asks her for some help in parking the car. Frustrated, Tana tells him to just park it somewhere and rejoins the meeting, visibly annoyed with her fellow teammates. Can you blame her?
Iíd Like A Table For Two in the Basement, By The Bathroom, Please
The Sony Playstation kiosks arrive for Magna and Kendra and Michael send them downstairs, since an exclusive agreement has been made with EA for the main ballroom. Later that day, a Sony representative arrives and wants to see where their kiosks will be set up. Kendra takes her downstairs to a room in the venue that is less than appealing. The room is dingy, dark, poorly decorated, poorly maintained and located right beside the washrooms. She is less than impressed and tells Kendra outright that she thinks a lot of work needs to be done. Kendra assures her that sheíll do her best, but the Sony rep is not impressed. As she leaves, she admits that sheís not optimistic the situation can be resolved and if it isnít, sheís considering pulling Sonyís sponsorship.
The show ends, with all of us biting our nails. Well, Iím sure one person is fraught with anticipation. Who will win? Who will lose? Whose team will screw up more? How can they stretch this show out for two more weeks? Iím surprised we all havenít drifted off in a collective coma, by now.
Iím all outta wit, guys. Donate yours to firstname.lastname@example.org m