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Trump fans, unite. Or if you have nothing better to watch on a Sunday night. Donald Trump is back to make the world a better place by using celebrities and their high-rolling friends to raise money for charities. Last season’s battle royale between Joan Rivers and Annie Duke brought the drama. Trump will have to dig deep to find personalities big enough to top that knock down-drag out catfight. And glancing at the list of celebs joining him, he may have done just that. Surely there’s a catfight or two waiting to happen in this group.
Let’s meet the men:
- Michael Johnson – four time Olympic gold medal sprinter
- Bret Michaels – Poison frontman and do-rag wearing man-ho
- Sinbad – stand up comedian
- Goldberg – professional wrestler and actor
- Darryl Strawberry – four time World Series winning baseball star
- Curtis Stone – celebrity chef and cutie pie
- Rod Blagojevich – former
lyinggovernor of Illinois
And now the ladies:
- Sharon Osbourne – music manager and judge of America’s Got Talent
- Holly Robinson Peete – actress and best-selling author
- Summer Sanders – two time Olympic gold medal swimmer
- Selita Ebanks – Victoria Secret angel
- Carol Leifer – writer and stand up comedian
- Maria Kanellis – former WWE diva and singer
- Cyndi Lauper – Grammy award winning singer
Kiss My Grits!
Our very anxious group of celebrities meet Donald at Grand Central Station where every day over a quarter of a million people walk…there’s a bit of useless trivia for you. Trump goes on to say that one of his first deals was the purchase of the old Commodore Hotel next door. As part of his transformation to the old place and also to give back to the city, he renovated the exterior of Grand Central Station. There are a few things to note from the initial meeting with Trump. Goldberg is excited about being there with that group of celebrities who have accomplished so much. However, he’s not feeling the love for Blagojevich. Trump commends Blago for stepping up rather than hiding in a corner. He respects him for thatand for his hairstyle. As an insulin dependent diabetic, Bret Michaels is working for the American Diabetes Association. He’s coasting on an hour’s worth of sleep after flying in from a show in Mexico. Cyndi Lauper has lived in New York all of her life and is working for her own True Colors Foundation. Lastly, Sharon Osbourne shares that she doesn’t play well with others and can be a nasty bitch. Should make for some good TV.
Down to business, Donald sends them all back to Trump Towers to select a team name and project managers. He throws a wrinkle in the assignment by telling them they must select the other team’s project manager. The men agree to get rid of some of the strong players right away so they target Cyndi Lauper, naming her project manager. The ladies’ selection is a no-brainer. They quickly select Bret Michaels since he’s had very little sleep, predicting the “man whore” will crumble under the pressure. Choosing a team name takes a little longer for the women. Cyndi suggests a ship’s name since a lot of them were named for great women. This is fine with Sharon as long as it isn’t the “*bleeping* Titanic.” They research it a bit and while Cyndi proves herself quite the history buff, they can’t settle on a name. Sharon wants something current…from this century…and thinks that Cyndi is “totally barking mad.” While looking up synonyms for endurance, they agree on the name “Tenacity.” Done. The men wanted a name to signify who they really are. Bret suggests “Rock Solid” and that’s the end of that discussion. Blago jokes that he wishes he’d had these guys on his team when he was in politics and Sinbad says the first thing he would have told him was to hang up the phone and call back from a pay phone. In spite of the laughs, they all know that Blago is the proverbial white elephant in their room. Perhaps hisconnivingcreativity will be beneficial to the team.
Teams report to the boardroom to share their choices with Trump. He especially likes name “Tenacity.” He wastes no time giving them their first task. Teams will be running a diner…making menus, cooking, and serving. I can see Cyndi with a beehive hairdo in a pink waitress get-up ala Flo from Mel’s Diner. The team with the most money at the end of the day wins a boatload of money for their project manager’s charity and of course, someone from the losing team will hear those infamous words, “you’re fired.” For some…*cough Blago cough*…it wouldn’t be the first time they’ve heard those words.
Wild Fungi Couldn’t Drag Me Away
Rock Solid gets to work right away. Darryl gets to work right away phoning his contacts in the city. Provided he knows more people than the coke dealers and prostitutes, that’s a good plan. It’s a no-brainer that Curtis will do the cooking. He mentions something about truffles. Not exactly diner-type food but he’s cute, so who cares? Tenacity gets a good jump on the task as well. Cyndi tries to get all fancy with the menu, even though she admits she was once fired from a waitressing job at IHOP. Sharon reminds her that this is a diner and people are coming for the celebrities and not the food. She privately says Cyndi is too artsy and she wants to tell her to shut the *bleep* up and sit down, but she's trying to play nice. They decide to keep the menu simple since it is a diner. Selita will do the cooking and they set up a radio interview to draw people in. With those basics out of the way, teams head to their restaurants to see what they’re working with.
Rock Solid gets a tour of their diner and since they’re short on time, they’re going to use the food on hand. Curtis says he can use what is there…beef for burgers and chicken for chicken cutlets. Bret is thankful to have Curtis since he can barely make a peanut butter sandwich for his daughters. Lucky for him, he’ll be able to give them makeup tips. The guys aren’t sure about serving truffles since they’re so expensive but Curtis gets a hook up on them so he’s planning to whip up a gourmet truffle risotto dish. I’m not wild about wild mushrooms but with those eyes and that sexy accent, Curtis can cook in my kitchen anytime.
Tenacity is well organized. Carol and Summer take over the job of making flyers but they need someone to take pictures. Sharon spots a guy on the street with a camera and calls him over. He takes photos of Sharon and Cyndi. Problem solved. Holly is planning the menu and insists that they can’t serve burgers without fries. Carol thinks it’s not about the food but making money and says privately that as far as she’s concerned, the women are dumb bitches. Oh snap! Say that to Sharon’s face. While the men seem to be working well together as a team, the women are making snide comments about each other privately. Holly thinks Cyndi should be less concerned with her photos and more concerned with getting on the phone to bring in the big donors. Ivanka pays them a visit and shares Holly’s sentiment. Ivanka finds it funny that Selita, the skinniest chick, will be flipping burgers. They discuss their menu prices and decide to make their signature burger the high ticket item at $100.
Over at Rock Solid’s diner, Curtis suggests high prices to make the most cash. He wants nothing less than $100 on the menu and wants the truffles priced at $250. Ouch! Sinbad comments that on paper, Bret is the project manager; but Curtis is actually running the show. I’d argue Bret knows how to utilize the strengths of his team members and isn’t that part of being a good manager? Ivanka doesn’t quite approve of their decision to serve truffle risotto or their high price points. Her disapproval makes Curtis nervous but Bret doesn’t second guess their decision. They’re rolling with the overpriced fungi.
In A Galaxy Far Far Away…
Holly prides herself on her fundraising abilities and lines up lots of big donors. Cyndi doesn’t know a lot of rich people and the one she does know is someone Trump pissed off on national television, the one and only Rosie O’Donnell. Cyndi doesn’t understand his comment since he isn’t a “thin man” himself. About 10 lbs of that is hair, Cyndi. So Cyndi calls Rosie but she’s unwilling to make an appearance. Too bad because that could have been the fracas we needed to top the Joan/Annie thing from last season.
Curtis makes the guys wear cute little hats in the kitchen. He’s stoked to have the former governor of Illinois cooking with him. Blago says he never cooked while he was governor. He was busy cooking up results. I think he means he was cooking the books, but whatever. Meanwhile at Tenacity’s diner, Selita and Maria learn they have to grind their own meat and cut potatoes for their fries. They use some muscle and get pass the ick factor to get it done. The morning of their opening, Sharon and Cyndi do some radio promotions to get the word out…”Girls just wanna have lunch today.” All the prep work gets done on both sides and teams are ready to open the doors. Blago can’t wait to get busy with his serving gig so he can get his hands dirtiery. The ladies decide that Holly is the accountant, Selita and Summer are cooks, Maria, Cyndi, and Sharon are serving, and Carol is working the crowd to get people in.
Diners are only open for three hours, so they’ll need to work fast to get the big donors in the door. Tenacity’s diner was packed from the get-go with a line around the block. Cyndi had a musician friend there with his accordion. He reminded me of a drunk guy I once saw playing the accordion at a wedding reception. He only had one arm...I kid you not…and people called him Charlie, the One Man Band. But I digress and this isn’t Charlie. He has both arms. So Cyndi’s friend starts playing and she sings her hit song, True Colors. When she hits the chorus, Summer and Selita join in. Sharon snarks that she feels like it’s like the *bleeping* Star Wars bar in there. Cyndi would fit right in at Mos Eisley Cantina. Unfortunately, her talent doesn’t include waiting tables and she mixes up several orders. Little Donnie pays them a visit and wants to chat with Cyndi. She doesn’t have time to talk to him so has him follow her around. He notes the chaos but also notes the Wall Street bigwigs and high rollers in the crowd. Holly tries to keep people moving quickly so they could get those in line inside soon. She also notices that with a packed house and a line around the block, Carol would be of more use inside than outside trying to get people to come in. She takes it upon herself to get Carol inside to help.
Rock Solid opens their doors with Sinbad out front bring in the crowd. Darryl is their host, Michael is taking the money, and Bret is the busboy. Blago is serving and proclaiming his innocence to everyone along the way. Wasn’t it Shakespeare who had something to say about those who doth protest to much? Just sayin’. Some customers see their menu prices and walk out without ordering. They head for McDonald’s. Probably. Sinbad starts questioning their high prices since they don’t appeal to the average man on the street. Al Roker pops in and orders a grilled turkey sandwich. Many donors were dropping $1,000+ and Rock Solid seemed to be doing well. Donald Junior shows up and notes that the men are organized. He comments that Curtis is doing a great job; but if the men lose, Curtis could be in big trouble.
Donald calls in Joan Rivers, who has nothing else to do, to go into each restaurant. He doesn’t want the teams to know he sent her and he wants her to decide who is running the best diner. He’ll award 10K to the team that Joan deems the best. Joan grabs her pastry chef…doesn’t everybody have one of those?...and heads to the diners.
Tensions rise a little at the ladies’ diner. Holly wants to move the diners out the door a little faster because so many people are still waiting in line. And some of the other women are dragging things along by posing for pictures and whatnot. Unable to leave the money end of things unattended, she asks Carol to go out and work the line for donations. Carol thinks if anything, Holly should do it and continues working the front counter.
Joan makes an appearance at Rock Solid’s diner first. Sinbad loves her since he once opened for her and she told him he was funny. He likens it to the Pope telling you that you should go to heaven. She even gives him a tip for the game: trust nobody. She and her pastry dude sit at the counter and before taking her order, Blago again proclaims his innocence. Sinbad criticizes his continual discussion of politics and his innocence. Proving Sinbad’s point, Blago talks to customers about his issues while Joan’s burger sat waiting for nearly ten minutes. She thought the prices were outrageous and her food…cold. She quips that maybe it’s an Icelantic sandwich. Joan and pastry dude hit Tenacity’s diner next. She’s impressed with the line outside. Of course, she crashes the front of the line and gets primo seats at the counter. She orders the tuna and thinks the prices are fair.
With 30 minutes left, Bret feels himself crashing from low blood sugar. He gets a soda and chugs it to get himself together. Goldberg recognizes that a team is only as strong as their weakest link. Coming down to the wire, Holly is still crowing about someone working the high rollers in the line. Everyone is so busy that no one has time. So Holly is concerned with the money they left standing outside and how that could factor into the outcome of the task.
True Colors Shining Through
Time to face the heat in the boardroom and Cyndi arrives looking like something the cat dragged in. Literally. Her hair is teased out to *here* but Donald likes it. He has a thing for hair, of course. Cyndi has nothing bad to say about any one of the women. She feels everyone worked hard and everyone brought money in. Donald tells her she’s putting herself out there as project manager by not having anything to say about anyone. Cyndi is surprised to hear that Joan was a spy for Trump and not just there to support the women.
Bret says that it’s too early on to identify weaknesses in his team and if anyone is a weak link, it’s himself. Trump says as project manager he could get himself fired with that statement but with a guy like Curtis as chef, something is wrong if they lose. He says woman around the world love Curtis(amen!) but he(Donald) has done better than he has(ugh!) because he has an advantage. He must be referring to the money. Or maybe love is truly blind. Cyndi says she has a friend named Edith who finds Trump attractive so quickly Little Donnie asks how old she is. Trump tells him to shut his wisecracks but hey, can’t fault a kid for trying to line someone up for his dad in case things don’t work with Melania.
Trump informs the team’s that Joan’s favorite diner would be awarded an extra $10,000 from Burger Heaven. That team is Tenacity and the money will be added to their total. Joan liked both diners but the cold food in the Rock Solid diner turned her off. She blamed the governor for talking to people rather than serving food. Blago stutters around and surprise!...he says he’s innocent. But…the food doesn’t really matter. It comes down to the money. The women raised $29, 559 + $10,000(from Joan Rivers/Burger Heaven) = $39,559. Not bad, but the men knocked it out of the park with $57,905. Trump tells Bret that he’s going to make it an even $100,000 donation to his charity, the American Diabetes Association. Bret is very emotional about the win for his charity.
The women are left to face the music. Now is when we’ll see their true colors *ba dum ching* and maybe their claws coming out. The ladies are sweating it out…quite literally sweating it out. Most of them have sweat on their upper lips and brows. Either Donald is more frightening than he looks or he’s trying to cut back on the Trump Tower’s electric bill by turning down the A/C. Cyndi says she doesn’t hob knob with the rich and famous, that her only rich friend hates Trump’s guts. Or something like that. Trump says Rosie is disgusting, Cyndi says Rosie is her friend. They agree to disagree and move on. Donald calls out Sharon for not calling Piers who wasn’t in New York. Holly says the challenge was about who you could get there on the site. She brings up the fact that they left money standing on the sidewalk. Ivana says their price points were so low that they were attracting people on the street who took up space at the tables that could have been taken by the high rollers. Cyndi takes credit for the price points. Donald asks Marie who he should fire. She can’t name anyone. He then asks Holly, who tells him that he always says it’s on the project manager, but she won’t name anyone. Trump then asks Selita who answers, “I don’t know.” He goes back to Maria but again, she won’t name anyone. Trump shocks them(well, he probably didn’t shock Sharon) with his language by telling them he wishes they could answer the *bleep*damn *bleeping* question.
Maria then says Carol should be fired. Holly speaks up finally and answers Donald’s question…she thinks either Cyndi or Carol should be fired. She points out that Carol was outside passing out flyers to get people in when they already had a line around the corner. She also points out that she asked Carol to go out and work the line for donations and she didn’t go. Carol defends herself by saying the team needs her for her creative potential. Little Donnie tells her she’s not in the top 4 tip-raisers. Cyndi questions how he knows and he replies, “I know everything.” Carol turns it back on Holly, saying she didn’t get her hands dirty. Junior points out that Holly was the number one tip-raiser. Holly claims she had to go home and soak her dirty hands after handling the filthy money all day. Meanwhile, the men are watching and Bret wants the women to take their clothes off before the catfight. Wrong network, Bret...this isn't cable.
Donald wants to know what Sharon thinks and Sharon points the finger at Carol. Cyndi gasps and disagrees. Sharon thinks Carol is under the radar when it comes to team spirit. Trump puts Selita on the spot and when she struggles to answer, he says maybe he should fire her. Ivanka reminds them that she did all of the cooking and that her cooking won over Joan, bringing in the extra 10K. The ladies also jump to her defense. Trump tells Cyndi to choose two people but she can’t choose. So they all stay put. Cyndi thinks everyone tried their hardest and not one of them should be fired. Expecting Cyndi to be fired as project manager and also for her inability to choose someone, Trump surprises everyone by firing Carol. Before leaving, Carol speaks up and asks Donald to make a donation to her charity. He agrees to give her $10,000.
Carol takes the limo on out of there saying how it sucks to be the first one fired. She knows she would have been able to step up in a creative task and that the Tenacity “beyotches” are going to be sorry for throwing her under the bus.
Next week, teams will need to design a Kodak storefront, Cyndi puts her foot in her mouth, and Bret is a no-show. AJane will be dishing all the drama so be sure to check back here for the scoop.
Name the band in the Mos Eisley Cantina without Google for bonus points.
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Originally Posted by lildago;3855105; 
And if there's any naked wrestling in the future, let's hope it's between Bret & Curtis. 
