The Apprentice Finale 5/19 - Do or Do Not. There Is No Whine

[Miss Filangi]

Last week on The Apprentice: Tana and Kendra completed their final tasks and their teammates surprised them by walking right past them and into the boardroom.

While You Were Sleeping
The show begins with Trump giving us a rundown on what we’ve missed. From the entire season. Some of us, ahem, have been watching dutifully along the way, but apparently the powers that be are doing their best to capitalize on the fraction of the audience that have never seen an episode. I will admit, this is a service to those fans that were unable to stay awake throughout the episodes, that’s a pretty large percentage right there. Fortunately, I came prepared with some Red Bull so I could take copious notes for my recaps.

Trump continues to take us through each and every task and we watch the candidates get fired one by one. He begins to get louder and louder and as you know, Trump doesn’t exactly talk in docile tones. The more he talks, the longer this ‘recap’ goes, the more I resent him and his stupid hair for making me stay in rather than watch the new Star Wars movie. Tired of endless filler, I am. I admit, I do pay enough attention to watch the progression of the golden girls. Tana starts off well, proving to be an asset to her team, until she ultimately crashes and burns when she craps out on the Pontiac Challenge and later pulls a power trip in her final task. Kendra, on the other hand, is shown in the most positive light possible. Every good idea she’s ever had is featured in this looooong retrospective. I believe she was even singled out as the hero for suggesting her team switch to Verizon to save on their cell phone bills.

Let’s Get Ready To Scramble!!!!!!
After 20 minutes, the recap is finally over and we join them live in the boardroom. Remember that cliffhanger last week when the employees marched into Trump’s office? Yeah, well they are all in what appears to be a jury box and Tana and Kendra are back at the table. This time, Bill & Kelly join Trump, Carolyn and George on the other side. I have no idea why I was so excited and surprised to see Bill and Kelly, perhaps I was still surprised the marathon recap was over.

Right away, Trump goes after Tana for her behavior towards her teammates. It turns out that Tana was just joking and actually respected her team and owes the success to them. Ah, that Tana! What a trickster! Incredible that under the pressures of the event, she still had time to poke fun at their expense. I’m sure all the other organizers that she insulted her team to were blown away by her amusing takes on her employees. Comic GOLD, she is! Trump points out that she didn’t seem to be making a joke when she was hiding from them after the event. Tana denies that she ever felt superior to her teammates and again, adds that it was all part of a joke. For they, those three teammates that she had asked to exchange, are the ones that deserved to be in a limousine, not her. Well, finally Tana says something I can agree with. After this, I’d love to see her back in Iowa with her minivan and Soccer Mom bumper sticker.

Since Tana is in hardcore denial mode, Trump turns his attention to Kendra and points out that he doesn’t approve of crying in the boardroom. Kendra counters by saying she was touched by her teammates and she’s seen 300 lb men cry after winning the Superbowl and she’s not embarrassed for expressing her emotions. It seems kind of weak to criticize someone when they cried tears of relief and happiness in the boardroom, doesn’t it? It’s not like she was crying in order to manipulate the man. Oh right, we're trying to make this look like an even competition. After what seems to have been less than 3 minutes, we’re back to commercial. It would have been a shame if we had to interrupt the endless recap footage for a commercial.

I Wanted Bitter, Angry Teammates!
Since it appears we’re getting screwed out of the Employees Only boardroom, Trump turns to Kristen and asks about Kendra’s performance. Trouble is, Kristen never worked with Kendra and it appears he’s mistaken her for Erin. Erin must be pissed. All that flirting and he mixes you up with the scream machine. Kristen does her best to smooth over the error and act professional, and claims that Tana did a great job on the event. So great, in fact, that Olympians even came up to Kristen and said it was the best event they had ever been to. Is that the state of amateur sport in America these days? So sad to hear. Tana grins like an idiot while Kendra claps and offers her congratulations.

Trump moves on to Erin, who he originally meant to speak to, to hear her evaluation of Kendra. Erin says she wasn’t all that happy with Kendra, since Kendra had dumped her to NetWorth, but Kendra managed to inspire them enough so they wanted to do a good job for her. The audience applauds and Kendra gives Erin a grateful wink. Uh oh, Kendra, winks aren’t recommened in the boardroom. The audience applauds, as they did for Tana, but this time, Tana isn’t clapping for her rival. Bad sport, she is. In his attempt to be the next Ryan Seacrest, Trump announces it’s time for another commercial break.

Don, Show Them What They’ll Win!
Trump reintroduces us to Bill and Kelly, the winners from the first and second installments of the episodes. Bill and Kelly are at opposite ends of the table because, well, they are practically carbon copies of each other. Trump explains that Bill and Kelly have been very busy since becoming Apprentices and in an effort to quash all the speculation that they’re merely puppets for the Trump Organization, we’re shown actual footage. Bill is still working on the Trump Tower in Chicago while Kelly is working in Manhattan on construction products and has added ‘Trump Water’ to his portfolio. Kelly must be doing a bang-up job. That water is EVERYWHERE! Oh sorry, I’m thinking of Evian. Trump speaks to Bill and Kelly long enough so they can verify on camera that they are, indeed, happy, healthy employees and announces that Bill’s contract has been extended. I hope Bill’s contract included teaching Trump how to be more convincing in these fake ‘on the job’ vignettes that we’re exposed to. Barking into the phone at a fake employee is only convincing for one or two episodes. Even then, it’s a stretch.

This year, Kendra and Tana get a choice between two jobs. The first job is to head up a selection committee for the Miss Universe Pageant while the other is to lead a multi million dollar renovation project for a mansion in Palm Beach, Florida. Tana, the Barbie doll wannabe selects the Miss Universe position while Kendra, Florida resident, opts for the mansion renovation. Color me surprised.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses
After yet another commercial break, the people with the power want to ask questions as if the decision hasn’t already been made. Bill gets a chance to play with the big boys and tells Tana he was disgusted by how she treated her employees and by the Three Stooges comment. Tana plays the editing card and comes up with any excuse she can grab. Trump asks Chris is Tana inspired him. Chris holds back the bit of vomit he had in his mouth and explains that he liked her, but she wasn’t particularly inspiring, no. Inexplicably, Chris starts babbling about how fantastic Kendra is. Like a woman wired on 50 cups of espresso, Tana snaps that Chris never worked with Kendra. He did, however, live with her for a few weeks and explains that he’s currently working on a few projects with Kendra. Um, should she be admitting to that if she’s hoping to be the next Apprentice?

Trump asks Kendra if she feels her education is an advantage. Kendra diplomatically answers that it was an advantage to her, but a lack of education isn’t necessarily a liability. Tana is asked if her lack of a college education is a disadvantage. She begins to ramble about how she’s college educated, but she’s a graduate of the school of Hard Knocks. I’ll take bad business clichés for $500, Alex. In addition, she points out that she’s only 20 some odd credits short of graduating from college. 20 some odd credits is an awful lot of credits, or at least it was at my university. The School of Hard Knocks might be different, though. I can’t say I’m all that familiar with their programs.

It's soon Carolyn’s turn to address the women and tells Tana that she was astoundingly horrible on her last task, but believes she is a great saleswoman and had incredible enthusiasm. Kendra, Carolyn believes, did a great job managing her staff but she’s disappointed that she stayed under the radar for so long. Is this the same Kendra that Carolyn noticed on week one when she broke away from the pack when she disagreed with all the dogpiling on Danny? Just checking.

Nothing Says Grace & Dignity Like A Middle Aged Freakout
George agrees that Kendra stayed under the radar for far too long, but asks Tana about bailing on the Pontiac Challenge. Tana starts in again with her stream of excuses and explanations but flat out loses it when Trump credits Kendra for sharing the praise when she did all the work herself.

It seems that Kendra staying up all night was not the reason why they won that challenge, it was Tana. Tana thought up the shape of the brochure and that’s what made the representatives fall in love with it. The shape! Of course! Why would Kendra bother doing anything else once they had the SHAPE! Tana starts to bellow at Kendra, Trump and anyone that will listen that Kendra should not have gotten credit and that it rightfully belongs to Tana and Craig. The camera cuts to Craig who is not nodding his head in agreement, but hoping no one associates him with this crazy woman screaming about shapes. Kendra acknowledges that Tana did come up with the shape of the brochure, but that she was responsible for the design, color scheme and everything else that made the difference between the finished product and a cardboard cutout.

Oh Tana, don’t let your fear of failure get to you! Fear turns to anger, anger turns to the dark side and soon you’re dressed in a long black cape and talking through a machine. Actually, that might be an improvement.

Not Impossible To See, The Future Is
It’s finally time to discover who the next Apprentice is. Trump tells Tana that she was a star throughout, but she dropped the ball in the last few challenges. Kendra, on the other hand, was under the radar, but performed in the crunch. Kendra is hired. The women embrace and Tana is clearly pained. Oh Tana, if only you weren’t thisclose to evolving into a bonafide delusional nutjob. You started out so well and could have had it all.

May the force be with you.

Sorry about all the Star Wars references, I had to stay home and watch this mess. It’s been a slice guys, thanks for the ride. missfilangi@fansofrealitytv.co m

[Google]

 

[canuckinchile]

Excellent recap Miss F....and fast!! Thanks for the laughs as I start my day.

[bdowner]

A one way pricesaver ticket on a moldy , B.O. , cig. and deisel stench of a third rate bus sent on the long route back home through isolated depressing decaying small towns where the temperature is 95+ ,where the windows hardly open and the AC just blows the hot air around w/ the only sound you hear is the engine drone and the fan going tink , toink , tink.

[SQUATMAN]

Originally Posted by Miss Filangi

Nothing Says Grace & Dignity Like A Middle Aged Freakout

Thank you !



Starring as The Donald in "The Apprentice Musical"

[speedbump]

Oh Tana, if only you weren’t this close to evolving into a bonafide delusional nutjob. You started out so well and could have had it all.

What a great way to end the series! I watched The Apprentice through your recaps and occasionally caught the repeats. I'm glad you recapped because your view of the show was much, much better. Thank you!

[Hutch]

Miss Filangi, your recap was better and more interesting than the show.

Actually, the best part was watching Trump screw up. I had a LOL moment when he forgot Erin's name.

It is amazing to me how poorly produced these "live" final show are. There was NO flow from one segment to another. Some were too long and others were too short and none made sense.

[karna68]

I liked Tana but she really should have kept her mouth shut

[missologist]

Originally Posted by karna68

I liked Tana but she really should have kept her mouth shut

i agree! her big freaking out reaction was so unclassy & made her look like a flaky joke. to top it off, she was challenging trump at the beginning (re: why don't you ask them yourself) sealed her fate completely. kendra was so rock solid it was too obvious. i'm disappointed there wasn't a 'reunion' show afterwards though.

btw i wonder what would've happened to paula shugart had tana won. she's the president of the miss universe org. love what they've been doing so far...and looking forward to MU later this month.

[Ancient City]

I think Chewy has a better comb-over than The Donald, Squatman!

Trump asks Kendra if she feels her education is an advantage. Kendra diplomatically answers that it was an advantage to her, but a lack of education isn’t necessarily a liability. Tana is asked if her lack of a college education is a disadvantage. She begins to ramble about how she’s college educated, but she’s a graduate of the school of Hard Knocks. I’ll take bad business clichés for $500, Alex. In addition, she points out that she’s only 20 some odd credits short of graduating from college. 20 some odd credits is an awful lot of credits, or at least it was at my university. The School of Hard Knocks might be different, though. I can’t say I’m all that familiar with their programs.

Nice recap, Miss F!

[SpideySr]

Your recap rocked!