Over the Edge - 11/25/04 recap

Wayner · 11-28-2004, 10:50 PM

What was NBC thinking, airing a new episode of “The Apprentice” on Thanksgiving? I’m sorry, but that’s just wrong. Thanksgiving is about spending time with family. It’s about you and your extended family sitting down and eating enough food to feed a small nation for a week. It’s about falling asleep in front of the TV while the Dallas Cowboys or the Detroit Lions are trying to actually win a game. Thanksgiving is not about reality television, and NBC needs to understand this. The last time I checked, the lyrics weren’t “Over the river and through the woods to watch Donald Trump we go.” Though not having Donald Trump’s hair is one of the things I’m thankful for, let’s keep reality television off the air on this particular holiday. If Trump ever bakes a butterscotch pie like Grandma, then maybe I’ll reconsider.

In the suite, the members of Apex are holding dinner for the Mosaic survivors. Kelly once again shows his warm, soft, selfless side. “Why are we waiting for three people? We outnumber them.”The answer, my cold hearted, callous friend, is called “courtesy.”

Jen thinks that Wes will be the one eliminated, though nothing that happens in the board room really surprises her anymore. Sandy and Andy return and announce that both Wes and Maria were fired. Jen is surprised after all, which isn’t, well, surprising.

Over their delayed dinner, talk turns to the fact that they are the final six. Being the only candidate left without a college education, Sandy asks the others if they thought she would get this far. Ivana immediately says “Final six? I didn’t think so.” If Sandy asks a question like “Does this blouse go with these shoes?” then be honest with her. But all Ivana’s answer could do is antagonize Sandy and cause her to work harder to prove that she does belong in this group.

Kevin’s comment at dinner is “Mr. Trump is recruiting leaders. That’s why we’re all here.” Poor, delusional Kevin. The reason they are all there is because NBC paid Trump to do the show, and you look good on TV. If Trump really wants a leader, he’ll go hire one.

Apex holds a team meeting to discuss who will lead them on their next task. Ivana wants to be project manager, but so does Jen. If I recall correctly, both of them have only been PM once. However, Kelly throws his hat into the ring as well, and he’s already been the leader twice. The decision is made to draw names from a hat, and Kelly’s name is the one selected. This doesn’t seem fair to me, and if Kelly wasn’t all about Kelly, he would have shown some courtesy and let it be between Ivana and Jen. But then we all know that Kelly is only polite and overtly nice to people above him on the corporate ladder. And that’s not courtesy, that’s brown-nosing.

Ivana blames Jen for “Destroying any chance I had at it. Jen gets away with murder, she really does.” It seems to me that Kelly, who will now be PM for the third time and walked out of the meeting unscathed, is the one getting away with murder.

Playing on her dislike for Jen, Kelly rips Jen behind her back, all for Ivana’s benefit. “I’m so used to not dealing with people that stupid I don’t know what to say.” Ivana smiles, playing right into Kelly’s hands.

The Choice of a New Generation

The next morning, Kelly answers the phone. I think this makes him the first three-time answerer this season. It also almost made him the first person to knock the phone to the floor; as he reached for the receiver he nearly took the entire thing over the edge of the table. It’s Rona, but then it’s always Rona. I’d love for someone to pick up the phone one morning and say “Hi Rona, how are you this morning?” Of course, since the invention of Caller-ID that kind of greeting never surprises anyone any more. Modern phone technology is slowly removing all the surprise from our lives. It’s bad enough that caller-id has ruined the once enjoyable adolescent game of crank calling. Soon video phones will be commonplace, and we won’t be able to call people we don’t know and ask “What are you wearing?” because we’ll be able to see what they’re wearing. Sad times are these.

Andy will be the Mosaic project manager this week. “It’s me versus Kelly. He’s 37, or 70, he’s old. I’m 22, and I’m going to show him that youth and creativity can win out.” Youthful exuberance is all well and good kid, but you’re alienating a huge portion of the viewing audience, including your friendly neighborhood recapper. Watch it.

The teams meet Trump, George, and Carolyn in front of Trump Place. Why do Trump’s execs always have briefcases with them? And do any of you think they are their actual briefcases? Trump asks “Carolyn, where’s the Pensky file?” She’s frantic. “Oh my gosh, Donald! I left it in the prop from Episode Ten!” Laughing uncontrollably, Trump replies “That’s okay, Carolyn, I was just pulling your leg. The Pensky file was just a prop from Episode 72 of ‘Seinfeld.’ Actually, I should have given it to George - more poetic that way.” Sorry, I was daydreaming; none of that actually happened.

Trump tells the candidates that Trump Place was the largest job ever approved by the NYC Planning Commission. “It’s all about branding. People love Trump Place. They love the name ‘Trump’” There’s just no accounting for taste; people also used to love the names “Beavis” and “Butthead.” The contestants are introduced to Dave Burwick, Chief Marketing Officer for Pepsico. This week’s task is to design a bottle and promotional campaign for a new cola called Pepsi Edge. Best design, based on Dave’s opinion, wins.

Ivana gives us her feelings on her new team. “When we got rid of Jen I felt lighter. I felt like I could stand up straight because I wasn’t carrying this blonde Barbie on my back.” The woman finally stands out on one task and suddenly she’s been carrying Jen. Personally, I think Ivana could stand to put on a few pounds; if she gets any lighter she’s libel to blow away.

Meanwhile, Jen is happy to be off the Apex team. She feels that Kelly, Kevin, and Ivana have a negative tone. I wouldn’t say that Kevin is negative, but Kelly and Ivana gripe and make enough snide comments that I suppose even Mary Poppins would start looking less than positive and sunny if she associated with them for more than a few seconds.

Form Your Own Opinion

Trump’s words of wisdom for the week has absolutely nothing to do with this week’s show. “I’m a leader that listens to my team and listens intently, but in the end I form my own opinion. The leader that wants to be popular, that wants to be loved, that leader ultimately is not going to make it.” Bill Hewlett and David Packard started with nothing but an idea in a garage, yet they went on to create one of the largest, most successful technology corporations the world has ever seen. They built the company on “The HP Way” a philosophy that valued employees and treated them with respect. Bill and Dave were beloved by all their employees. Of course, ultimately Bill and Dave both died, so I guess Trump is right again. Drat.

A Guy, Two Girls, and a Pizza Place

The candidates have been provided with plenty of free Pepsi products, and Andy can’t stop drinking. We see shot after shot of him grabbing another soda or refilling his cup with ice and Pepsi from the soda fountain. And the more sugar and caffeine the young man puts into his system, the more hyper he becomes. Ah, if only this had been a promotional campaign for Budweiser; seeing Andy passed out on the floor just seems so much more interesting than watching him on a sugar high.

Sandy comes up with an idea for a game that will get people to buy Pepsi Edge. Her plan calls for people to collect bottle caps, each with a different country name on the inside. When a person collects all the countries that make up a continent, they win a trip to that continent. I’m sorry, but I don’t see anyone having the patience to collect a trip to Europe or Asia. And if you live in a house full of small children, the odds of keeping all the caps away from the kids are astronomical. “Finally! Venezuela! We’re going to South America, baby!” Try again, pal; your two-year old just ate Bolivia.

Apex is brainstorming. Ivana suggests a bottle in the shape of an Oscar, one that the celebrities could hold. Kelly and Kevin don’t like the idea, but she tries to sell it anyway. “A lot of women and there are some men – maybe not completely straight men - watch the Academy Awards.” My wife and I watch the Academy Awards every year without fail – and we’ve won the family “Pick the Winner” pool three years running. For some of you, this may cast some doubt about my heterosexuality, but I think I can convince you that I am in fact, completely straight in four words; I despise Barbara Streisand.

Mosaic is meeting with some of Pepsi’s bottle technicians. Sandy wants the bottle to be completely round, like a globe. Despite the sugar high, Andy manages to speak slowly enough to point out that it would be nearly impossible for someone to hold a round bottle with one hand. Jen suggests splitting the globe, pushing the hemispheres to the top and bottom so the bottle could be held in the middle. I don’t want to discount Jen’s suggestion because her intellect has been taking a beating at the mouths of her competitors lately, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t actually use the word “hemispheres.” In fact, I’m guessing that if she heard that word, she’d just think Ivana was talking about her Jen’s chest again.

Apex has decided they want their bottle to be shaped like the word “EDGE.” Kelly pushes the designers to get the hole in the “D” to go all the way through the bottle in order to get the “Wow” factor up. The designers think it’ll be tricky, but they can do it; designers love a challenge. Apex finishes work early and leaves Pepsico while the sun is still up. Ivana is worried that they missed something, because they usually have to burn the midnight oil to complete a task.

Speaking of working late, Mosaic is still hard at work with the designers and it’s almost 9PM. Pizza has arrived to feed the hungry, but Andy won’t let them eat it until they meet their deadline. Instead, he gives each member of the design team a hundred dollars as incentive to push forth. Sandy was against this idea, and thought that it annoyed a few of the designers. Judging by the looks on their faces, Sandy was correct. This is the first big mistake I’ve seen Andy make. If I ever order a pizza and Andy shows up at my door in a Domino’s uniform, I’ll tell him he can keep the pizza and give me a hundred bucks. It’s worth a shot.

Geography Isn’t Cool

The next morning (hopefully many hours after Andy’s designers have gorged themselves on pepperoni) Apex gets their first look at their Edge bottle. Ivana said that it was so beautiful that it brought a tear to her eye. I’m all for showing one’s emotions, but getting misty over the shape of a bottle is just a little too Dick Vermeil.

Andy tells us that he wants to beat Kelly badly. As the young man is about to learn, execution beats wanting’s butt every time.

Apex is up first. They open the door to what they think is a conference room only to discover that they are going to be giving their presentation in a lecture hall full of over fifty Pepsi marketing personnel. Ivana later said that if felt “…like we’re walking into the stadium in Gladiator.” Minus the tigers and cool armor and stuff. Apex does a professional job of giving their pitch. Their promotional plan is simple and versatile; put tickets, coupons for merchandise, anything, in the hold in the “D” which they call “The Box.” Kevin tells them “Get the Edge, check the box.”

Mosaic’s presentation doesn’t go smoothly. Their bottle is hideous. Sandy flounders in her description of the cap collecting game. Marketing people all over the room grimace. It isn’t pretty.

After Mosaic exits, Mr. Burwick discusses the two presentations with the assembled mass of marketers. One describes Mosaic’s bottle as an ugly colored tennis ball that’s been cut in two. Another points out that the label covers the entire bottle and you can’t tell what’s inside. A third sums up the biggest problem with Mosaic’s idea. “I don’t remember the last time geography was cool.” I’ll give you a hint; Magellan was still alive. In contrast, the marketers find Apex’s Edge bottle to be very cool indeed.

The teams are called back in to hear the results, Burwick gets Donald Trump on the phone, and announces the winner. It’s Mosaic. Okay, not really; it’s Apex in a landslide. Trump is impressed with the speed in which Apex completed this task, so their reward will have something to do with speed. No, they won’t be meeting Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. They will take Trump’s helicopter to the Pocconos Speedway, where they will get to drive Lamborghini Gallardos. If they hadn’t gone fast would Trump have talked about the precision of their design and compared it to the precise design of a Lamborghini automobile? Or has he been waiting since the beginning for someone to finally do something fast? “They took until after midnight again? Blast!”

The next morning, Ivana tries to talk Andy into pushing to get Jen fired. Andy thinks Ivana just has it in for Jen, so he talks to the Ms. Blonde Ambition about Ivana’s comments. Sandy’s hair is up on a towel and she isn’t wearing makeup. Seeing Jen without her face made up is to me what “Polar Express” was to my three year old son; a little scary. She and Andy decide they are going to focus on Sandy in the board room.

It seems that everyone wants to talk to Jen, and its Sandy’s turn. Thankfully, Jen has had time to apply her war paint, and my fear is gone. Sandy tells her that Andy was a bit uncontrollable at times, and he just isn’t experienced enough in business. Jen nods in agreement over her noodles, but never really says anything. Still, Sandy was clearly giving Jen the entire day to think about nailing Andy in the board room. That’s not a euphemism, you pervs.

Interrupt or Die

With evening upon them, Sandy, Jen, and Andy enter the board room. The take the three seats at the far end of the table. I don’t know if it’s because they want to sit close to George or as far away from Carolyn as possible. Trump asks them who came up with their “Best of Both Worlds” idea, and Andy not only admits it was his idea, but that he likes the bottle. George blasts the bottle (not with a phaser or anything, just verbally) saying how you can’t fit it in a cup holder in a car. I’d like to point out that it’s quite possible that with it’s rectangular bottom, the Apex Edge bottle might very well have the same flaw. Trump hoists the sample bottle in the room and begins doing curls. “Maybe you use this as a barbell.” The Donald always looks at Carolyn when he’s being goofy because not only doesn’t George have a goofy bone in his body, he doesn’t even have a funny bone.

The questioning continues. Sandy tells Trump that she was responsible for the label, but Jen came up with the shape. When asked who was least creative, Andy pins that on Sandy. Sandy isn’t taking this attack lying down, and points out that she presented the game idea because she was the one that came up with it in the first place. Trump asks who is smarter, and Andy says Jen. Harder to manage? Sandy. Yep, it’s a pile-on.

Trump asks Sandy who came up with the shape. Jen, Sandy was in charge of the label, and the game. T asks A who was least creative. “The answer to that question is Sandy.” Jen says that she came up with the idea of “Trips to the edge.” Sandy says she presented it because it was her idea. Trump asks who is smarter; Jen. Harder to manage? Sandy.

Donald asks Sandy what she thinks of Andy as a leader. She hits the obvious; he’s a little immature. Carolyn gets Andy to reveal that he offered cash to the designers. Both Trump and George look troubled by this; maybe that was money that came out of their budget or something. Jen is asked the same question about Andy. She felt he did a “Fair” job.

The three candidates are not happy, and nobody is really getting along. Mr. Trump points out the obvious. “This shows how bad losing is. Losing is a bitch.” Jen agrees, but then I suppose it takes one to know one. Okay, that was a low blow; Jen hasn’t shown that particular quality since way back when she took credit for Ivana’s idea. So it’s been an entire week.

The candidates are asked to leave for the deliberations. They don’t scrunch together on the couch and make a sandwich of Andy. When he looks back at his experiences on the show, I’m sure that’s the one thing he’ll regret the most.

In the board room, George likes the way Sandy stood up and defended herself. Carolyn questions the fact that every time Jen is in the board room, the project manager defends her. Trump tells Robin to send the three amigos back in.

Robin has continually amazed me with her ability to come up with a new way to tell the candidates that it’s time to go back in each week. This week she has a new line, but I’m disappointed. It’s simply “Its time to go back in now.” No pouting of the lips. Not even a toss of the hair. She’s better than this.

Trump starts this segment by immediately accusing Jen of sliding by ever time she’s before him. Sandy pounces on that, admitting that she thinks Jen has been flying under the radar. The low flyer fires back, saying she didn’t see any contribution from Sandy. For some reason, Jen felt that she should reveal that Andy told her Ivana wanted her gone. Perhaps her intention was to demonstrate that Ivana is threatened by Jen’s abilities. Of course, we all know that Ivana is really only threatened by Jen’s hemispheres.

Sandy accuses Andy of conspiring against her. Of course, she failed to point out that she had also had a conversation with Jen in which she was badmouthing Andy, but a good witness never reveals all the facts to the jury.

The arguing between Sandy and Jen continues. They yell over one another, Andy never manages to get a word in. Finally trump pounds his hand on the table three times to restore order. “Andy, you’re just being pounded on. You’re being out-debated, I just don’t want somebody running one of my companies that’s going to get beaten up so badly – you’re fired.”

Andy remained motionless in his chair while Jen and Sandy argued all the way across the lobby. Their voices were only cut off when the elevator doors closed behind them. If they’re still at it when they enter the suite next week it won’t surprise me one bit.

Before leaving, Andy politely thanks Mr. Trump of the opportunity of a lifetime. Unfortunately, it was his manners and his debate training that ultimately got him fired; he wouldn’t interrupt anyone. Of course, if courtesy can get you fired, Kelly has nothing to worry about.

Trump wraps things up with George and Carolyn. “I thought Sandy was going, but boy the spunk that she showed you couldn’t let her go, right? I’ve always said that women are tougher than men. This proves it.” It does, but I’ll add a little more evidence; Bill and Dave’s company is now run with an iron fist by a tough woman that nobody likes.

In the cab, Andy breaks down. “I can’t believe he fired me in front of millions of people. I’ll never get a job again. “ The cabbie turns around, revealing an all too familiar face. He says “Yes you will.” It’s our old friend Raj. This turns out to be a commercial for Pepsi Edge’s contest to see the finale live. It’s far better than Andy’s real exit, which was really, really polite.

If you need me, I’ll be eating my umpteenth turkey sandwich. Or as we call them in my house, a Trump. wayner@fansofrealitytv.com

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Hutch · 11-28-2004, 11:57 PM

As usual, great recap! So many keen observations and funny lines.

You are the best!

Wallyhorse · 11-29-2004, 01:21 AM

Waymer:

Excellent review!

I agree with you on scheduling a new episode of The Apprentice on Thanksgiving, however, NBC really didn't have a choice.

While I would have had the new episode on Wednesday in Law & Order's 10:00 PM time slot (with the clip show, scheduled for this Wednesday 12/1 on Thanksgiving), ABC had the finale of The Bachlorette airing, and I doubt NBC wanted to air it opposite that.

D T C · 11-29-2004, 02:53 AM

i think DT will offer andy a job

Mantenna · 11-29-2004, 03:06 AM

Wayner!

You are too insanely hilarious and clever. I'm afraid I might have to . . . *ahem* . . . stop you from making my writing look so flat.

But seriously, you brought a winner with this one. I was laughing hysterically throughout. Fantastic job!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stately Wayne(r) Manor

What was NBC thinking, airing a new episode of “The Apprentice” on Thanksgiving? I’m sorry, but that’s just wrong. Thanksgiving is about spending time with family. It’s about you and your extended family sitting down and eating enough food to feed a small nation for a week. It’s about falling asleep in front of the TV while the Dallas Cowboys or the Detroit Lions are trying to actually win a game. Thanksgiving is not about reality television, and NBC needs to understand this. The last time I checked, the lyrics weren’t “Over the river and through the woods to watch Donald Trump we go.” Though not having Donald Trump’s hair is one of the things I’m thankful for, let’s keep reality television off the air on this particular holiday. If Trump ever bakes a butterscotch pie like Grandma, then maybe I’ll reconsider.

Kevin’s comment at dinner is “Mr. Trump is recruiting leaders. That’s why we’re all here.” Poor, delusional Kevin. The reason they are all there is because NBC paid Trump to do the show, and you look good on TV. If Trump really wants a leader, he’ll go hire one.

This doesn’t seem fair to me, and if Kelly wasn’t all about Kelly, he would have shown some courtesy and let it be between Ivana and Jen. But then we all know that Kelly is only polite and overtly nice to people above him on the corporate ladder. And that’s not courtesy, that’s brown-nosing.

The next morning, Kelly answers the phone. I think this makes him the first three-time answerer this season. It also almost made him the first person to knock the phone to the floor; as he reached for the receiver he nearly took the entire thing over the edge of the table.

The teams meet Trump, George, and Carolyn in front of Trump Place. Why do Trump’s execs always have briefcases with them? And do any of you think they are their actual briefcases? Trump asks “Carolyn, where’s the Pensky file?” She’s frantic. “Oh my gosh, Donald! I left it in the prop from Episode Ten!” Laughing uncontrollably, Trump replies “That’s okay, Carolyn, I was just pulling your leg. The Pensky file was just a prop from Episode 72 of ‘Seinfeld.’ Actually, I should have given it to George - more poetic that way.” Sorry, I was daydreaming; none of that actually happened.

They built the company on “The HP Way” a philosophy that valued employees and treated them with respect. Bill and Dave were beloved by all their employees. Of course, ultimately Bill and Dave both died, so I guess Trump is right again. Drat.

Ah, if only this had been a promotional campaign for Budweiser; seeing Andy passed out on the floor just seems so much more interesting than watching him on a sugar high.

I’m sorry, but I don’t see anyone having the patience to collect a trip to Europe or Asia. And if you live in a house full of small children, the odds of keeping all the caps away from the kids are astronomical. “Finally! Venezuela! We’re going to South America, baby!” Try again, pal; your two-year old just ate Bolivia.

For some of you, this may cast some doubt about my heterosexuality, but I think I can convince you that I am in fact, completely straight in four words; I despise Barbara Streisand.

The designers think it’ll be tricky, but they can do it; designers love a challenge.

If I ever order a pizza and Andy shows up at my door in a Domino’s uniform, I’ll tell him he can keep the pizza and give me a hundred bucks. It’s worth a shot.

A third sums up the biggest problem with Mosaic’s idea. “I don’t remember the last time geography was cool.” I’ll give you a hint; Magellan was still alive.

Trump is impressed with the speed in which Apex completed this task, so their reward will have something to do with speed. No, they won’t be meeting Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. They will take Trump’s helicopter to the Pocconos Speedway, where they will get to drive Lamborghini Gallardos. If they hadn’t gone fast would Trump have talked about the precision of their design and compared it to the precise design of a Lamborghini automobile? Or has he been waiting since the beginning for someone to finally do something fast? “They took until after midnight again? Blast!”

Seeing Jen without her face made up is to me what “Polar Express” was to my three year old son; a little scary.

Before leaving, Andy politely thanks Mr. Trump of the opportunity of a lifetime. Unfortunately, it was his manners and his debate training that ultimately got him fired; he wouldn’t interrupt anyone. Of course, if courtesy can get you fired, Kelly has nothing to worry about.

Trump wraps things up with George and Carolyn. “I thought Sandy was going, but boy the spunk that she showed you couldn’t let her go, right? I’ve always said that women are tougher than men. This proves it.” It does, but I’ll add a little more evidence; Bill and Dave’s company is now run with an iron fist by a tough woman that nobody likes.

In the cab, Andy breaks down. “I can’t believe he fired me in front of millions of people. I’ll never get a job again. “ The cabbie turns around, revealing an all too familiar face. He says “Yes you will.” It’s our old friend Raj. This turns out to be a commercial for Pepsi Edge’s contest to see the finale live. It’s far better than Andy’s real exit, which was really, really polite.

If you need me, I’ll be eating my umpteenth turkey sandwich. Or as we call them in my house, a Trump. wayner@fansofrealitytv.com

OctSurprise · 11-29-2004, 06:37 AM

Excellent recap! This season has certainly been an eye-opener and these last couple episodes are fun.

Poor Andy, swimming with the sharks and sharkettes.

joeguy · 11-29-2004, 07:52 AM

great job Wayner, and i too agree with D T C, that trump will offer andy a job. but at a lower status to shape him and bring him into the cutthroat corperate business.

apprenticeboard · 11-29-2004, 10:42 AM

Kudo's to Wayner - who wouldn't like this recap, except nasty tough women named Carly who wreck formerly great tech firms?

Before leaving, Andy politely thanks Mr. Trump of the opportunity of a lifetime. Unfortunately, it was his manners and his debate training that ultimately got him fired; he wouldn’t interrupt anyone. Of course, if courtesy can get you fired, Kelly has nothing to worry about.

Yeah, isn't that the truth?

Bill · 11-29-2004, 03:06 PM

Quote:

The candidates have been provided with plenty of free Pepsi products, and Andy can’t stop drinking. We see shot after shot of him grabbing another soda or refilling his cup with ice and Pepsi from the soda fountain. And the more sugar and caffeine the young man puts into his system, the more hyper he becomes. Ah, if only this had been a promotional campaign for Budweiser; seeing Andy passed out on the floor just seems so much more interesting than watching him on a sugar high.

Now that would be a group task I could get into!

LG. · 11-29-2004, 03:42 PM

great recap, Wayner. I loved this part:

Quote:

“It’s me versus Kelly. He’s 37, or 70, he’s old. I’m 22, and I’m going to show him that youth and creativity can win out.” Youthful exuberance is all well and good kid, but you’re alienating a huge portion of the viewing audience, including your friendly neighborhood recapper. Watch it.

Watch it, whipper-snappers.

this makes me wonder:

Quote:

Her plan calls for people to collect bottle caps, each with a different country name on the inside. When a person collects all the countries that make up a continent, they win a trip to that continent.

In Sandy's promotion, if you get a cap that says "Australia" do you automatically win? It's both a country and a continent? Oh where in the world is Carmen San Diego?

I loved this part too, but are you on a sugar-high?

Quote:

George blasts the bottle (not with a phaser or anything, just verbally)

11-28-2004, 10:50 PM	#1
Wayner It ain't easy being green Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: But being blue is more work. Age: 46 Posts: 4,952	Over the Edge - 11/25/04 recap What was NBC thinking, airing a new episode of “The Apprentice” on Thanksgiving? I’m sorry, but that’s just wrong. Thanksgiving is about spending time with family. It’s about you and your extended family sitting down and eating enough food to feed a small nation for a week. It’s about falling asleep in front of the TV while the Dallas Cowboys or the Detroit Lions are trying to actually win a game. Thanksgiving is not about reality television, and NBC needs to understand this. The last time I checked, the lyrics weren’t “Over the river and through the woods to watch Donald Trump we go.” Though not having Donald Trump’s hair is one of the things I’m thankful for, let’s keep reality television off the air on this particular holiday. If Trump ever bakes a butterscotch pie like Grandma, then maybe I’ll reconsider. In the suite, the members of Apex are holding dinner for the Mosaic survivors. Kelly once again shows his warm, soft, selfless side. “Why are we waiting for three people? We outnumber them.”The answer, my cold hearted, callous friend, is called “courtesy.” Jen thinks that Wes will be the one eliminated, though nothing that happens in the board room really surprises her anymore. Sandy and Andy return and announce that both Wes and Maria were fired. Jen is surprised after all, which isn’t, well, surprising. Over their delayed dinner, talk turns to the fact that they are the final six. Being the only candidate left without a college education, Sandy asks the others if they thought she would get this far. Ivana immediately says “Final six? I didn’t think so.” If Sandy asks a question like “Does this blouse go with these shoes?” then be honest with her. But all Ivana’s answer could do is antagonize Sandy and cause her to work harder to prove that she does belong in this group. Kevin’s comment at dinner is “Mr. Trump is recruiting leaders. That’s why we’re all here.” Poor, delusional Kevin. The reason they are all there is because NBC paid Trump to do the show, and you look good on TV. If Trump really wants a leader, he’ll go hire one. Apex holds a team meeting to discuss who will lead them on their next task. Ivana wants to be project manager, but so does Jen. If I recall correctly, both of them have only been PM once. However, Kelly throws his hat into the ring as well, and he’s already been the leader twice. The decision is made to draw names from a hat, and Kelly’s name is the one selected. This doesn’t seem fair to me, and if Kelly wasn’t all about Kelly, he would have shown some courtesy and let it be between Ivana and Jen. But then we all know that Kelly is only polite and overtly nice to people above him on the corporate ladder. And that’s not courtesy, that’s brown-nosing. Ivana blames Jen for “Destroying any chance I had at it. Jen gets away with murder, she really does.” It seems to me that Kelly, who will now be PM for the third time and walked out of the meeting unscathed, is the one getting away with murder. Playing on her dislike for Jen, Kelly rips Jen behind her back, all for Ivana’s benefit. “I’m so used to not dealing with people that stupid I don’t know what to say.” Ivana smiles, playing right into Kelly’s hands. The Choice of a New Generation The next morning, Kelly answers the phone. I think this makes him the first three-time answerer this season. It also almost made him the first person to knock the phone to the floor; as he reached for the receiver he nearly took the entire thing over the edge of the table. It’s Rona, but then it’s always Rona. I’d love for someone to pick up the phone one morning and say “Hi Rona, how are you this morning?” Of course, since the invention of Caller-ID that kind of greeting never surprises anyone any more. Modern phone technology is slowly removing all the surprise from our lives. It’s bad enough that caller-id has ruined the once enjoyable adolescent game of crank calling. Soon video phones will be commonplace, and we won’t be able to call people we don’t know and ask “What are you wearing?” because we’ll be able to see what they’re wearing. Sad times are these. Andy will be the Mosaic project manager this week. “It’s me versus Kelly. He’s 37, or 70, he’s old. I’m 22, and I’m going to show him that youth and creativity can win out.” Youthful exuberance is all well and good kid, but you’re alienating a huge portion of the viewing audience, including your friendly neighborhood recapper. Watch it. The teams meet Trump, George, and Carolyn in front of Trump Place. Why do Trump’s execs always have briefcases with them? And do any of you think they are their actual briefcases? Trump asks “Carolyn, where’s the Pensky file?” She’s frantic. “Oh my gosh, Donald! I left it in the prop from Episode Ten!” Laughing uncontrollably, Trump replies “That’s okay, Carolyn, I was just pulling your leg. The Pensky file was just a prop from Episode 72 of ‘Seinfeld.’ Actually, I should have given it to George - more poetic that way.” Sorry, I was daydreaming; none of that actually happened. Trump tells the candidates that Trump Place was the largest job ever approved by the NYC Planning Commission. “It’s all about branding. People love Trump Place. They love the name ‘Trump’” There’s just no accounting for taste; people also used to love the names “Beavis” and “Butthead.” The contestants are introduced to Dave Burwick, Chief Marketing Officer for Pepsico. This week’s task is to design a bottle and promotional campaign for a new cola called Pepsi Edge. Best design, based on Dave’s opinion, wins. Ivana gives us her feelings on her new team. “When we got rid of Jen I felt lighter. I felt like I could stand up straight because I wasn’t carrying this blonde Barbie on my back.” The woman finally stands out on one task and suddenly she’s been carrying Jen. Personally, I think Ivana could stand to put on a few pounds; if she gets any lighter she’s libel to blow away. Meanwhile, Jen is happy to be off the Apex team. She feels that Kelly, Kevin, and Ivana have a negative tone. I wouldn’t say that Kevin is negative, but Kelly and Ivana gripe and make enough snide comments that I suppose even Mary Poppins would start looking less than positive and sunny if she associated with them for more than a few seconds. Form Your Own Opinion Trump’s words of wisdom for the week has absolutely nothing to do with this week’s show. “I’m a leader that listens to my team and listens intently, but in the end I form my own opinion. The leader that wants to be popular, that wants to be loved, that leader ultimately is not going to make it.” Bill Hewlett and David Packard started with nothing but an idea in a garage, yet they went on to create one of the largest, most successful technology corporations the world has ever seen. They built the company on “The HP Way” a philosophy that valued employees and treated them with respect. Bill and Dave were beloved by all their employees. Of course, ultimately Bill and Dave both died, so I guess Trump is right again. Drat. A Guy, Two Girls, and a Pizza Place The candidates have been provided with plenty of free Pepsi products, and Andy can’t stop drinking. We see shot after shot of him grabbing another soda or refilling his cup with ice and Pepsi from the soda fountain. And the more sugar and caffeine the young man puts into his system, the more hyper he becomes. Ah, if only this had been a promotional campaign for Budweiser; seeing Andy passed out on the floor just seems so much more interesting than watching him on a sugar high. Sandy comes up with an idea for a game that will get people to buy Pepsi Edge. Her plan calls for people to collect bottle caps, each with a different country name on the inside. When a person collects all the countries that make up a continent, they win a trip to that continent. I’m sorry, but I don’t see anyone having the patience to collect a trip to Europe or Asia. And if you live in a house full of small children, the odds of keeping all the caps away from the kids are astronomical. “Finally! Venezuela! We’re going to South America, baby!” Try again, pal; your two-year old just ate Bolivia. Apex is brainstorming. Ivana suggests a bottle in the shape of an Oscar, one that the celebrities could hold. Kelly and Kevin don’t like the idea, but she tries to sell it anyway. “A lot of women and there are some men – maybe not completely straight men - watch the Academy Awards.” My wife and I watch the Academy Awards every year without fail – and we’ve won the family “Pick the Winner” pool three years running. For some of you, this may cast some doubt about my heterosexuality, but I think I can convince you that I am in fact, completely straight in four words; I despise Barbara Streisand. Mosaic is meeting with some of Pepsi’s bottle technicians. Sandy wants the bottle to be completely round, like a globe. Despite the sugar high, Andy manages to speak slowly enough to point out that it would be nearly impossible for someone to hold a round bottle with one hand. Jen suggests splitting the globe, pushing the hemispheres to the top and bottom so the bottle could be held in the middle. I don’t want to discount Jen’s suggestion because her intellect has been taking a beating at the mouths of her competitors lately, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t actually use the word “hemispheres.” In fact, I’m guessing that if she heard that word, she’d just think Ivana was talking about her Jen’s chest again. Apex has decided they want their bottle to be shaped like the word “EDGE.” Kelly pushes the designers to get the hole in the “D” to go all the way through the bottle in order to get the “Wow” factor up. The designers think it’ll be tricky, but they can do it; designers love a challenge. Apex finishes work early and leaves Pepsico while the sun is still up. Ivana is worried that they missed something, because they usually have to burn the midnight oil to complete a task. Speaking of working late, Mosaic is still hard at work with the designers and it’s almost 9PM. Pizza has arrived to feed the hungry, but Andy won’t let them eat it until they meet their deadline. Instead, he gives each member of the design team a hundred dollars as incentive to push forth. Sandy was against this idea, and thought that it annoyed a few of the designers. Judging by the looks on their faces, Sandy was correct. This is the first big mistake I’ve seen Andy make. If I ever order a pizza and Andy shows up at my door in a Domino’s uniform, I’ll tell him he can keep the pizza and give me a hundred bucks. It’s worth a shot. Geography Isn’t Cool The next morning (hopefully many hours after Andy’s designers have gorged themselves on pepperoni) Apex gets their first look at their Edge bottle. Ivana said that it was so beautiful that it brought a tear to her eye. I’m all for showing one’s emotions, but getting misty over the shape of a bottle is just a little too Dick Vermeil. Andy tells us that he wants to beat Kelly badly. As the young man is about to learn, execution beats wanting’s butt every time. Apex is up first. They open the door to what they think is a conference room only to discover that they are going to be giving their presentation in a lecture hall full of over fifty Pepsi marketing personnel. Ivana later said that if felt “…like we’re walking into the stadium in Gladiator.” Minus the tigers and cool armor and stuff. Apex does a professional job of giving their pitch. Their promotional plan is simple and versatile; put tickets, coupons for merchandise, anything, in the hold in the “D” which they call “The Box.” Kevin tells them “Get the Edge, check the box.” Mosaic’s presentation doesn’t go smoothly. Their bottle is hideous. Sandy flounders in her description of the cap collecting game. Marketing people all over the room grimace. It isn’t pretty. After Mosaic exits, Mr. Burwick discusses the two presentations with the assembled mass of marketers. One describes Mosaic’s bottle as an ugly colored tennis ball that’s been cut in two. Another points out that the label covers the entire bottle and you can’t tell what’s inside. A third sums up the biggest problem with Mosaic’s idea. “I don’t remember the last time geography was cool.” I’ll give you a hint; Magellan was still alive. In contrast, the marketers find Apex’s Edge bottle to be very cool indeed. The teams are called back in to hear the results, Burwick gets Donald Trump on the phone, and announces the winner. It’s Mosaic. Okay, not really; it’s Apex in a landslide. Trump is impressed with the speed in which Apex completed this task, so their reward will have something to do with speed. No, they won’t be meeting Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. They will take Trump’s helicopter to the Pocconos Speedway, where they will get to drive Lamborghini Gallardos. If they hadn’t gone fast would Trump have talked about the precision of their design and compared it to the precise design of a Lamborghini automobile? Or has he been waiting since the beginning for someone to finally do something fast? “They took until after midnight again? Blast!” The next morning, Ivana tries to talk Andy into pushing to get Jen fired. Andy thinks Ivana just has it in for Jen, so he talks to the Ms. Blonde Ambition about Ivana’s comments. Sandy’s hair is up on a towel and she isn’t wearing makeup. Seeing Jen without her face made up is to me what “Polar Express” was to my three year old son; a little scary. She and Andy decide they are going to focus on Sandy in the board room. It seems that everyone wants to talk to Jen, and its Sandy’s turn. Thankfully, Jen has had time to apply her war paint, and my fear is gone. Sandy tells her that Andy was a bit uncontrollable at times, and he just isn’t experienced enough in business. Jen nods in agreement over her noodles, but never really says anything. Still, Sandy was clearly giving Jen the entire day to think about nailing Andy in the board room. That’s not a euphemism, you pervs. Interrupt or Die With evening upon them, Sandy, Jen, and Andy enter the board room. The take the three seats at the far end of the table. I don’t know if it’s because they want to sit close to George or as far away from Carolyn as possible. Trump asks them who came up with their “Best of Both Worlds” idea, and Andy not only admits it was his idea, but that he likes the bottle. George blasts the bottle (not with a phaser or anything, just verbally) saying how you can’t fit it in a cup holder in a car. I’d like to point out that it’s quite possible that with it’s rectangular bottom, the Apex Edge bottle might very well have the same flaw. Trump hoists the sample bottle in the room and begins doing curls. “Maybe you use this as a barbell.” The Donald always looks at Carolyn when he’s being goofy because not only doesn’t George have a goofy bone in his body, he doesn’t even have a funny bone. The questioning continues. Sandy tells Trump that she was responsible for the label, but Jen came up with the shape. When asked who was least creative, Andy pins that on Sandy. Sandy isn’t taking this attack lying down, and points out that she presented the game idea because she was the one that came up with it in the first place. Trump asks who is smarter, and Andy says Jen. Harder to manage? Sandy. Yep, it’s a pile-on. Trump asks Sandy who came up with the shape. Jen, Sandy was in charge of the label, and the game. T asks A who was least creative. “The answer to that question is Sandy.” Jen says that she came up with the idea of “Trips to the edge.” Sandy says she presented it because it was her idea. Trump asks who is smarter; Jen. Harder to manage? Sandy. Donald asks Sandy what she thinks of Andy as a leader. She hits the obvious; he’s a little immature. Carolyn gets Andy to reveal that he offered cash to the designers. Both Trump and George look troubled by this; maybe that was money that came out of their budget or something. Jen is asked the same question about Andy. She felt he did a “Fair” job. The three candidates are not happy, and nobody is really getting along. Mr. Trump points out the obvious. “This shows how bad losing is. Losing is a bitch.” Jen agrees, but then I suppose it takes one to know one. Okay, that was a low blow; Jen hasn’t shown that particular quality since way back when she took credit for Ivana’s idea. So it’s been an entire week. The candidates are asked to leave for the deliberations. They don’t scrunch together on the couch and make a sandwich of Andy. When he looks back at his experiences on the show, I’m sure that’s the one thing he’ll regret the most. In the board room, George likes the way Sandy stood up and defended herself. Carolyn questions the fact that every time Jen is in the board room, the project manager defends her. Trump tells Robin to send the three amigos back in. Robin has continually amazed me with her ability to come up with a new way to tell the candidates that it’s time to go back in each week. This week she has a new line, but I’m disappointed. It’s simply “Its time to go back in now.” No pouting of the lips. Not even a toss of the hair. She’s better than this. Trump starts this segment by immediately accusing Jen of sliding by ever time she’s before him. Sandy pounces on that, admitting that she thinks Jen has been flying under the radar. The low flyer fires back, saying she didn’t see any contribution from Sandy. For some reason, Jen felt that she should reveal that Andy told her Ivana wanted her gone. Perhaps her intention was to demonstrate that Ivana is threatened by Jen’s abilities. Of course, we all know that Ivana is really only threatened by Jen’s hemispheres. Sandy accuses Andy of conspiring against her. Of course, she failed to point out that she had also had a conversation with Jen in which she was badmouthing Andy, but a good witness never reveals all the facts to the jury. The arguing between Sandy and Jen continues. They yell over one another, Andy never manages to get a word in. Finally trump pounds his hand on the table three times to restore order. “Andy, you’re just being pounded on. You’re being out-debated, I just don’t want somebody running one of my companies that’s going to get beaten up so badly – you’re fired.” Andy remained motionless in his chair while Jen and Sandy argued all the way across the lobby. Their voices were only cut off when the elevator doors closed behind them. If they’re still at it when they enter the suite next week it won’t surprise me one bit. Before leaving, Andy politely thanks Mr. Trump of the opportunity of a lifetime. Unfortunately, it was his manners and his debate training that ultimately got him fired; he wouldn’t interrupt anyone. Of course, if courtesy can get you fired, Kelly has nothing to worry about. Trump wraps things up with George and Carolyn. “I thought Sandy was going, but boy the spunk that she showed you couldn’t let her go, right? I’ve always said that women are tougher than men. This proves it.” It does, but I’ll add a little more evidence; Bill and Dave’s company is now run with an iron fist by a tough woman that nobody likes. In the cab, Andy breaks down. “I can’t believe he fired me in front of millions of people. I’ll never get a job again. “ The cabbie turns around, revealing an all too familiar face. He says “Yes you will.” It’s our old friend Raj. This turns out to be a commercial for Pepsi Edge’s contest to see the finale live. It’s far better than Andy’s real exit, which was really, really polite. If you need me, I’ll be eating my umpteenth turkey sandwich. Or as we call them in my house, a Trump. wayner@fansofrealitytv.com

11-29-2004, 10:42 AM	#8
apprenticeboard Charles FORTean Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Albuquirky Posts: 336	Kudo's to Wayner - who wouldn't like this recap, except nasty tough women named Carly who wreck formerly great tech firms? Before leaving, Andy politely thanks Mr. Trump of the opportunity of a lifetime. Unfortunately, it was his manners and his debate training that ultimately got him fired; he wouldn’t interrupt anyone. Of course, if courtesy can get you fired, Kelly has nothing to worry about. Yeah, isn't that the truth? __________________ "He - dead wrong. Me - entirely correct" - Raj "Sometimes I get the feeling the whole country is being run by Paris Hilton" - Molly Ivens

11-28-2004, 11:57 PM	#2
Hutch Semi-old guy! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: The land of "Pleasant Living" Age: 67 Posts: 344	As usual, great recap! So many keen observations and funny lines. You are the best!

11-29-2004, 01:21 AM	#3
Wallyhorse FORT Fogey Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Philadelphia Age: 44 Posts: 1,127	Waymer: Excellent review! I agree with you on scheduling a new episode of *The Apprentice* on Thanksgiving, however, NBC really didn't have a choice. While I would have had the new episode on Wednesday in *Law & Order's* 10:00 PM time slot (with the clip show, scheduled for this Wednesday 12/1 on Thanksgiving), ABC had the finale of *The Bachlorette* airing, and I doubt NBC wanted to air it opposite that.

11-29-2004, 02:53 AM	#4
D T C FORT Fan Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 210	i think DT will offer andy a job

11-29-2004, 06:37 AM	#6
OctSurprise FORT Newbie Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 13	Excellent recap! This season has certainly been an eye-opener and these last couple episodes are fun. Poor Andy, swimming with the sharks and sharkettes.

11-29-2004, 07:52 AM	#7
joeguy FORT Fogey Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: just above the horizon, but below the ozone Posts: 3,748	great job Wayner, and i too agree with D T C, that trump will offer andy a job. but at a lower status to shape him and bring him into the cutthroat corperate business.