The Wedding Ringer - 11/11/04 recap

[dberk]

Originally Posted by Wayner

I’m going to be in Hollywood next week pitching an idea for the next big hit in Reality TV: “The Last Extreme Amazing Rebel Apprentice Billionaire Swap Factor: Vanuatu.”

I'm sold on the title alone. Let me know the time and network, when the details are worked out.

[Google]

 

[KatieKat]

Okay.. I need to start a company that makes bumper stickers stating "I BREAK FOR WAYNERCAPS!". Anyone want in? (Only problem-- I don't have a car, meaning I'd have to wear 'em across the seat of my pants-- yet ever so proudly so!). Excellent job Wayner! Thanks again for all of your hard work for solely entertaining us!

[Wolf]

Originally Posted by Wayner

Apex is now being managed by the Little Engine That Couldn’t.

I don’t want to say that it was too low cut, but she might as well have introduced herself by saying “Hello, I’m Melania and these are my breasts.”

Robin sends them back in with “Please go back into the board room.” Wait, more new lines? Has somebody been taking acting lessons?

I’d tell you more about it, but he used a phrase that would make my head explode.

Nicely done, Wayner.

[dagwood]

Originally Posted by Wayner

Those of you familiar to the show will not be surprised that we join the candidates in the suite, discussing who they think has been eliminated. Those of you not familiar with the show, well, what the heck have you been doing for the last ten weeks, and why are you here?

Kelly is also certain that his modesty is surpassed only by his good looks. I’m guessing.

Clearly Andy isn’t impressed with Kelly. But then, no one is as impressed with Kelly as Kelly himself.

So, you really think Kelly is a little self-centered?

[Mantenna]

Ha! Great job, Wayner! You turned a boring show into a hilarious laugh-fest. I always appreciate your quick, witty writing style. Ace job, my friend! Let me know how your show turns out for you.

A few of my favorite quotes:

Originally Posted by Wayneriffic

However, in keeping with this trend in television, I’m going to be in Hollywood next week pitching an idea for the next big hit in Reality TV: “The Last Extreme Amazing Rebel Apprentice Billionaire Swap Factor: Vanuatu.”

Those of you familiar to the show will not be surprised that we join the candidates in the suite, discussing who they think has been eliminated. Those of you not familiar with the show, well, what the heck have you been doing for the last ten weeks, and why are you here?

There’s an old sci-fi horror flick called “Scanners.” In the film, there were people that had the ability to use their minds to make people’s heads explode. I’m convinced that the mental beam they were transmitting that caused the cranial combustion was the phrase “At the end of the day.” I believe this, because I’ve heard this phrase used so much on this program that I am pretty sure my head will explode if I hear it one more time.

Of course, it’s hard to bully a group of people when you look like the new millennium’s Richie Cunningham.

She says goodbye, he says nothing, just hangs up. No goodbye. No thank you. That’s just rude, you should always be nice to the little people. Now that would be a good weekly word of wisdom from Trump.

No mention as to whether or not a smiling knee qualifies as part of a positive attitude. I wish Trump would bag these sweeping generalizations and give us some details once in a while.

With Carolyn looking on, he tells the salon owner “If we were in the car business we would have everything from a Honda to a Ferrari, and you’re our Ferrari and we’re going to make sure that you’re taken care of.” The woman doesn’t look amused, which means she probably drives a Porsche.

By the way, one of those annoying, obtrusive programming banners appeared at the bottom of the screen. ER is coming up next. Ray Liotta guest stars as some sort of dying alcoholic. I saw him during one of the commercials. He looked awful, and yet he still looked like he had more hope than Chris.

“You know, she has the most unbelievable backhanded slaps I’ve ever seen.” That’s saying something; the man has two ex-wives.

It’s a nice day for a Billy Idol tune. wayner@fansofrealitytv.com

[CharlieBug]

Wayner, your recaps are always well worth the read - I enjoy every morsel your pen spouts forth. Love it!
And by the way, I just have to mention that your introductory paragraphs are always funny and entertaining.

[Bill]

Ivana tells him “Keep your head up.” I think she’s wishing they were in combat and under fire.

I think you are right Wayner!

[mrdobolina]

Wayner, great recap...as always.

However, At the End of the Day, I think my head is going to explode too!

Sorry, I hope that didn't cause you injury!

[Fanatic277]

I've caught up with all of the episodes from this season and I can finally comments on your excellent recaps!

Originally Posted by Wayner

However, in keeping with this trend in television, I’m going to be in Hollywood next week pitching an idea for the next big hit in Reality TV: “The Last Extreme Amazing Rebel Apprentice Billionaire Swap Factor: Vanuatu.”

Jen tells them “I have full respect for all of you, I like all of you – not that that matters – but I honestly think we can all work together really well.” I find this hard to believe. Last week Jen ripped into Ivana, telling her that she was only good for entering numbers into a spreadsheet. So, either Jen is hoping Ivana missed the show last week, or she only hurts the ones she loves.

Kelly continues. “I think I’m the most effective leader.” Kelly is also certain that his modesty is surpassed only by his good looks. I’m guessing.

Since Kelly tried to bully his way into the PM role this week, Andy figures he’ll try the same plan. “If you aren’t going to hand it over to me then we need to draw.” Of course, it’s hard to bully a group of people when you look like the new millennium’s Richie Cunningham. They draw. Kelly wins, and again, Andy is the only one that seems upset with this result. Why is it that I expect the next word from Sandy, Maria, or Wes to be “Baaaaa”?

Kelly is very confident they will win because they have a ringer in Sandy. No doubt Kelly had this same feeling back in junior high when his mommy did his homework for him. And don’t go blaming the poor woman, I’m sure he bullied her into it.

Maria reviews the ad copy online and approves it over the phone. But we have a clear view of the copy on the computer, and Maria’s hand. There’s a problem, and I’m not talking about the hideous five pound ring Maria is wearing.

Chris continues his decent from the Apex. “This is very, very, very complicated. Very frustrating.” Ivana tells him “Keep your head up.” I think she’s wishing they were in combat and under fire. “It is up. But this is impossible. No task is easy but this is friggin’ ridiculous.” No man with a smiley face on his knee has the right to call anything ridiculous. There’s a rule about this somewhere.

By the way, one of those annoying, obtrusive programming banners appeared at the bottom of the screen. ER is coming up next. Ray Liotta guest stars as some sort of dying alcoholic. I saw him during one of the commercials. He looked awful, and yet he still looked like he had more hope than Chris.

At Graff, Melania greets the members of Mosaic wearing a semi-transparent baby-doll top. I don’t want to say that it was too low cut, but she might as well have introduced herself by saying “Hello, I’m Melania and these are my breasts.”

Kevin complained that Chris didn’t delegate, and Jen felt he lacked focus. Oh come on, didn’t you hear how focused he was all the times he told you that you couldn’t win?

In the lobby, both Kevin and Ivana question why Chris would protect Jen. Ivana goes so far as to declare that Jen is all presentation, all talk. I think that’s selling her short; she’s also equal parts blonde hair and blindingly white teeth. Or is that part of presentation? I need a ruling from the judges on this one.

Robin sends them back in with “Please go back into the board room.” Wait, more new lines? Has somebody been taking acting lessons?

Donald doesn’t like her attitude. “You know, she has the most unbelievable backhanded slaps I’ve ever seen.” That’s saying something; the man has two ex-wives.

So much to quote, fantastic recap Wayner! I look forward to the next one.

[OctSurprise]

Excellent recap! I'm new here but already in love with the Waynercaps

Bye Chris, won't miss ya!

Hopefully, this week Trump will have a chance to fire Maria. What a waste of space she is, and a liar to boot! Boot