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06-22-2004, 04:27 PM
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 Starbucks is your friend  Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Orygun
Posts: 12,140
| The Casino: 6/21 Episode - Whales, Swingers, and Doggie Doo The Casino 6/21 Episode – Whales, Swingers, and Doggie Doo Many thanks to Sher for recapping this show in my absence last week. Turns out she sacrificed a few hours of her life that she will never get back. The second episode of this latest Mark Burnett production follows the efforts of Tom Breitling and Tim Poster to restore the Golden Nugget to it’s previous prestigious status in Sin City, or least bring it back enough so it can laugh at Circus Circus and The Riviera. Now call me crazy, I think it might be easier just to blow it up, bring in Steve Wynn as a partner, and build something new on the Strip. Think about it. There are all kinds of theme casino’s not yet built. Oh sure they have Paris, New York, and Venice covered among others, but I am thinking of a totally different experience. Maybe something like Philadelphia, where each time you lose a blackjack hand, the crowd heckles you. Or maybe New Jersey, where taking out a credit line introduces a whole new game of chance to your life. How about Oregon? The casino where the chips are made from recycled running shoes, the restaurants are all vegetarian cuisine, and you don’t have to worry about losing, because if you part with your cash, you are simply victory challenged and not a loser. All of those would make for exciting TV, without having to script the whole thing. Yes, add me to the legion of folks who find the only “reality” about this show is that the reality you have to accept that it is on TV in the first place while underappreciated shows like Arrested Development struggle for ratings. But I digress… This week, a whale showed up at the Nugget. No, I don’t mean Shamu, though with Burnett involved, it surely will not be long before we see the venerable Sea World star hitting the slots. No, a whale is a rich guy willing to lose money in your casino. Meanwhile, a threesome of swingers shows up at the hotel looking for new recruits. Let’s get into it! Parental Warnings Twice in this show we were treated to the mature sexual content warning, so I naturally hoped that meant we would see some skin. Unfortunately we did, but not with the swingers, no…. instead we did catch several scenes involving Geoff Mill’s (the whale) friends. I am all in favor of a warning before I am subjected to half naked fat guys running around a hotel room, but somehow I was hoping for so much more. Grab Ye Harpoon’s! Thar Be a White Whale! We begin in Tim and Tom’s office, where Maurice (President of the Golden Nugget) informs the boys that he has a lead on a player who normally gets at least half a million in credit from Mandalay Bay. He feels they should try to steal his business. Where this lead comes from, we don’t know, but given that there will be cameras all over this entourage, I am guessing this guy is no coincidence. Tim calls Geoff directly and personally invites him to come down to the Nugget. The clincher seems to be the good odds that they are offering at the Craps tables. Never mind that the odds are heavily against you in that game, the lure of perceived easy money (and likely some form of compensation from the producers) entices Mills make the trip off of the beaten path. The Mills gang arrives at the airport and get into a waiting limo. It is Geoff, his girlfriend Kristin, and a couple friends in his posse. We soon learn that the friends are annoying when they begin complaining about going to the Nugget instead of Mandalay Bay. Get over it boys. When you are playing with someone else’s money, you really don’t have room to gripe. They arrive at the casino and are immediately greeted by John, the host who looks like a character directly out of Sopranos casting 101. John rushes them up to their room. It is a very nice suite, tastefully updated. Geoff is impressed. There is no time to enjoy the view though, as the tables await the whale. Insert the part about half naked guys here. Before they leave, they load up the war chest with what looks to be close to $100,000. How do you walk around with that much money? Well you fill your girlfriend’s purse with it, and then you let banded bills hang out of your pockets. Not just any pockets, but the pockets of a zebra skin jacket. Auditioning for a spot in Survivor 9 Geoff? They head downstairs looking to win. Meaningless Plot Filler, sans Billy Joel Matt Dusk, the lounge singer, takes time out to talk with Tim about last week’s confrontation. They exchange a typical gangster hug (they really are bringing back the rat pack). Godfather Tim proceeds to give Matt a pep talk, and assures him that he is “their guy”. Now in most job settings that phrase means update your resume and start checking the classifieds because you are about to get screwed, but Matt doesn’t take it that way. He is so grateful that he seemed to be ready to kiss Tim’s ring at the end of the conversation. Fortunately he didn’t, because I’d hate to see what parental warning that would involve. Where Be Thar Whale? The Mills gang heads to the craps table and proceeds to begin losing. Tim introduces himself to Geoff and wishes them luck. In addition to the cash they brought, the Mills’ will be extended a $50,000 credit line. Funny, every time I ask for a credit line like that, I get thrown out of the Nugget. Heck, I don’t even get to meet John! Bored with the dice, the foursome heads over to the Blackjack table, where by no coincidence at all, Tommy Sunstrom, who is John’s son, is the current dealer. Geoff’s luck does not change and he proceeds to get very deep in the hole. When he is about $50,000 down, his friend asks him how bad it is. Geoff gives him the news, and in true friend-living-off-someone-else fashion, the buddy tells him it’s “not bad”. I don’t know, losing $50,000 in the first hour or so seems to me to qualify as bad. Maybe a better offer would have been to go catch a show, or some eats, and then comeback, but not for Geoff. He is one of those guys who thinks if you are losing a lot, you should just keep going, as that big win streak is right around the corner. If blackjack, craps, and baccarat were even odds games then I might agree, but it is always important to remember that everything in Vegas is designed to take your money, and they have perfected the art over the last 75 years. So instead, Geoff continues to play, and to be fair, it’s his money and he has loads of it, so good for him. However, girlfriend Kristin is worried enough about him that she takes some of his money and hides it in her purse while he is away from the table, and then she walks away herself. Tommy just smiles as he watches this happen. I get the impression that Tommy smiles all the time. Now Kristin assures us in confessional that she is not stealing from him or anything like that. No, not at all Kristin. I am sure taking his money without his knowledge and hiding it is a pure and noble act. Geoff returns and continues to lose. Thanks to Kristin, he runs out of money pretty quick. So he goes to look for her, and she tells him that she has lost her purse. Yes, the purse that had likely $25,000 in it. Ooops. A hundred casino and television cameras on her, and yet somehow the purse was lost… *queue Twilight Zone music* Swingers. I Liked the Movie Far Better Than This David, Virginia, and Beverly arrive at the Nugget. They are husband, wife, and girlfriend. Yup, they are swingers. I immediately begin to wonder if there is some sort of certification course to become a swinger? Anyone can claim they are a swinger (and honestly, is there a better way to liven up Thanksgiving dinner with the family?), but not too many folks can actually back it up. I am thinking they carry some kind of badge or something. They head to the nightclub, and while Matt croons, the swingers’ checkout potential partners. They immediately spot Maya and Chris. Maya is cute, and has an innocent look. Chris looks like he saw way too much American Idol, and is sporting the Justin Guarini hair doo. Given that three camera angles are set up on the couple, I am a bit skeptical of the idea that David picked them out at random. Swinger David seems to enjoy providing a running commentary on how his vocation works, and how easy it is seduce others into playing. He just seems a bit creepy to me. Not because he “swings”, good for him if that is how he gets his kicks, but just from calculated manner in which he recruits. It seems almost like something out of the mouth of James Spader in Sex, Lies, and Videotape. Virginia introduces herself to Maya and Chris and outlines their plans for the evening. She also gives them a business card… ah ha! It’s not a badge, it’s business cards! So I guess anyone with access to Kinko’s has the ability to be a swinger. It also explains why Kinko’s has that weird name! The couple decides to think about it. Arrggghhh! Bring Me and the Lads More Credit Back to the Mills gang. Security is trying to find the missing purse with $25,000 in it. Kristin is distraught, about losing the purse. The money subject is an afterthought. Geoff tells her not to worry about it, and honestly, I suppose if I were wearing a zebra jacket in public, I would have to agree that there is very little that would anger me. They receive another $30,000 in credit and Geoff goes off to play some blackjack by himself. His luck is better this morning and he starts to make up some ground. Then his friends show up, and it is back to losing, and losing big. If that is not symbolism slapping you in the face, then I don’t know what is. Meanwhile, Tim and Tom have hired an executive assistant named Zach. Zach is pretty excited about the chance to work directly for the co-owners of the casino, but his joy is somewhat tempered when he learns one of his key duties is to walk their dog Bally. In classic Mark Burnett video editing, we are treated to a close-up of Bally droppings. Gee thanks Mark! Music and Dancing, and Always Romancing, at the Copa…. Maya and Chris decide to at least check out the party, and they join several other folks in a stretch Hummer. Yes, the swingers are using a Hummer. I don’t even have to make up some of these jokes. They go to a nightclub where upon Maya drops her inhibitions and begins dancing with Beverly. Dirty dancing. Sort of. Chris, who most wanted to check all of this out is suddenly a little less comfortable with the situation. That doesn’t stop them from agreeing to go back to the suite that the swingers have set aside for their adventures. I found it curious that the advertisement aired during this segment was for a new home pregnancy test. Timing is everything. The experienced swingers begin to make out, and Maya is riveted. Meanwhile, Chris has had it. He wants to leave. Finally Maya agrees, and we get confirmation that the parental warnings were a complete joke. Seriously Fox, if you don’t get back to employing Pixelator Guys, the impact on America will be catastrophic. What’s next? Outsource those Pixel jobs overseas? The lack of gratuitous pixel sex here is appalling! Are Ye Sick of Thar Whale Titles Yet? While Chris and Maya are watching James Spader get it on upstairs, the run of back luck for Geoff continues. This time at the baccarat table. Now in baccarat (which by the way is probably the best odds in a table game for the player with the house being only a 1% advantage or so) they will pretty much let you fold, spindle, and mutilate the cards. They don’t care, as Geoff is losing the equivalent of 10,000 decks of cards per hand. However, tonight, the combination of losing $200,000 and being drunk has led to the Mills gang shredding the cards to the point that the security cameras cannot make out what the card used to be. This is a definite Vegas no-no, and leads the pit boss to ask Geoff to stop. He ignores the request and that results in a visit from Tim who asks them to stop. Geoff is mad enough, and now he is embarrassed. After a confrontation he calls his friend at Mandalay Bay and they quickly leave the casino. As they leave the hotel, John stops them to find out what is wrong, and he learns the story. He offers to check in with Tim to find out what the problem was, but they are leaving. John looks obviously upset, and perhaps more at his boss than his whale. No doubt John makes a commission on what his visitors spend. The next morning, John and Dee (head of marketing) convince Tim and Tom that they should try to get their whale back, and that they will have the opportunity to do so when they come for their luggage. Their plan? John and Dee will smooze up to Geoff and provide his party with lunch in the Presidential Suite (no word yet if Interns are included free with that room package), complimentary golf, and a brand new purse for Kristin. It starts out a little rough at first, but by the end of the day, Geoff assures John that he will be back. Score one for the Nugget, and I was especially pleased to see that Tim did not apologize for taking the action he did. If you or I had done what Mills did, I can assure you we would not be getting Lobster for lunch out of it. So ends another riveting week in the Casino. Next Week Another Britney, Jessica, Christina, Mandy look alike tries to launch her career and card dealer Tommy has a bad day. I will see both of you remaining views then! Your e-mails are welcome. bill@fansofrealitytv.com
__________________ "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world. -- Arrested Development, Season III |
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06-22-2004, 05:41 PM
| #3 | |
| Can They Do It??  Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: The Miami of Canada Age: 37
Posts: 3,254
| Quote:
 So THAT'S why it's Kinkos! Nice work, Bill! 
__________________ "You don't own a TV?!? What's all your furniture pointed at?" Joey Tribianni It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you. | |
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06-22-2004, 08:25 PM
| #4 |
| VH1 Reality Beeyoch!!!  Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,949
| i accidently taped this show instead of the northshore so my first time watching this was about an hour ago thought it was garbage... normally when they show someone's name to identify the character they also show there job like "pharmaceutical sales" "bartender" "student" and whatnot here we got "swinger" "high roller"  thought that mills group was an ugly bunch, and that Geoff cat kept rubbing his nose like he just been doing lines off a mirror and his girl kristen was hideous and even as a guy i was getting pissed that they kept framing in that ugly kristen fake boobs into the shots continuously this gonna be cancelled i'm guessing... and just by the size of the forum i guess noone is watching
__________________ The Whispering Bounty Hunter... "Men are smarter than women... The first man on the moon was a man..." |
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06-23-2004, 09:31 PM
| #6 |
| FORT Fan Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 187
| My goodness Bill, it must be awful to have to recap this all time bad "reality" show. The thing is, really bad reality shows are sometimes still fun to watch, but this show leaves you feeling insulted and taken advantage of. It is insulting to think Burnett believes people who watch this show actually believe they are watching something unscripted. I literally feel like we are the crowd watching Springtime For Hitler from The Producers because I cannot believe that Burnett would willingly put his name on such an embarrassment. I had this recorded on Replay TV so I could forward past most of it..I do not think a single person exists who would sit through commercials to watch this show. Hopefully it is pulled so it gets the full shame it deserves. Amazing how such a slam dunk premise (a casino setting) could have been so badly done...like I said, it almost seems intnetional. |
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06-24-2004, 05:08 PM
| #7 | ||||||
| FORT Regular  Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Boulder, CO Age: 50
Posts: 142
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That's absolutely tiny, compare to 5% for Roulette, ~3% for slots, 11% for the Big Wheel, and ~20% for Keno. Quote:
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__________________ -- Flash | ||||||
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06-24-2004, 05:37 PM
| #8 | |||
| Starbucks is your friend Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Orygun
Posts: 12,140
| Quote:
Baccarat is still better than all at 1.06%. Blackjack is dependant of course on the rules in place and number of decks in the shoe, and your own skill. Quote:
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Thanks for your thoughts though!
__________________ "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world. -- Arrested Development, Season III | |||
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06-24-2004, 09:03 PM
| #9 | |
| FORT Fogey Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 10,476
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 This my friend Bill , and he says you guys ....... Great recap Bill , and I'll never drive by a kinko's again without laughing. I don't think I want to know who is at the photocopier next to me though. How could Markie B king of reality, have dropped the chips so badly on this one? | |
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06-25-2004, 07:16 AM
| #10 | ||
| Picture Perfect  Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: In the Limelight
Posts: 7,348
|  BILL!!! What an excellent recap! In my eyes, you squeezed comic blood from a reality tv stone, because I tried to watch this and again my mind wandered to things like balancing my checkbook, lowering my cholestoral, and even flossing my teeth. Your recap, however, had me captivated from start to finish. This whole intro was brilliant: Quote:
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__________________ Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way...  , SnowflakeGirl All New AMERICA'S TOP MODEL Recaps! Premiere Pt. 1 & Pt. 2, Ep. 3, Ep. 4, Dinah's Dynamite Ep. 5, Ep. 6, Ep. 7, Ep. 8, Ep. 9, Ep. 10, Ep. 11, Finale Relive every beautiful moment of America's Next Top Model...Click here for links to prior season recaps & interviews. | ||
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