Where does the time go?
No, I didnít just turn 90 and wonder whatís happened to my youth, (although Iím sure a significant portion of the past 10 years was spent in front of a computer) Iím wondering what happened to summer. Really, what happened to summer? Did it get lost on itís way to Ontario? Iím not exactly sure what the weather is like across the country, but here in good old Southwestern Ontario, it was pretty crappy.
So as I check my calendar and realize that September starts next week, I begin to panic. In celebration of, well, the summer that never was, Canadian Idol has decided to celebrate with, well, a bunch of lackluster performances. If you happened to be out enjoying a nice summer evening, then congratulations, you missed nothing! Since I am contractually obligated to recap Canadian Idol, letís get to it.
Okay, Iím not, but I bothered to take notes, so I may as well make the best of it
Meet & Greet
Even though weíre down to 5 Idols, weíre still at an hour a show. While most people would assume this would give the performers a chance to sing two songs, those people would be wrong. One extended performance each and lots of filler in between!
Ben, dressed in a pink polo and looking very much straight out of 1983, brings the Idols to centre stage. They roll a clip of the contestants at their CNE concert earlier in the week. There is a huge crowd turnout and they each sing two songs, all of which are repeat performances. Of note, Shane has opted to perform I Believe In A Thing Called Love which he apparently performs much worse than he did in competition. Adding injury to insult, he seems to be the Idol that the honor of the token Jon Dore appearance has been bestowed upon. He comes out playing air guitar on his leg. I know, clever.
Ben adds it was a perfect show as there were no judges and turns to said judges for comment. Jake, who appears to be in a crankpants mood, says it was also great as there was no host. Jake then comments on the overwhelming amount of votes and suggest that we Canadians vote for who has the best performance rather than our favourite. Important advice to be sure, but Iím sure went largely ignored by the rabid screaming 14 year olds in the audience with Kalan signs. He could burp his entire song and theyíd be voting like crazy as usual. Farley looks great as usual and is wearing pink better than Ben, and Iím sure says something, but Iím too distracted by the horrible wardrobe selection by Sass, who is wearing a green dress and blue bra. Iím sure she also said something, but Iím assuming it was unintelligible so Iím not losing sleep over it. Ben asks Zack his most carefully crafted question of the evening, ĎHow do you compare this seasonís top 5 with that of last season?í Iím breathless for his ever honest opinion as I was not all that impressed myself. Instead, Zack criticizes Benís shirt. Zack honey, I know the pink shirt isnít doing Ben any favours, but have you seen what the cougar on your right is wearing? I think sheís the one in dire need of some fashion advice.
Youíre Just Missing the Football Field and Heath Ledger
Shane opens the show with everyoneís favourite summertime hit, Canít Take My Eyes Off Of You. Iím not exactly sure what the song has to do with summer, but apparently itís the beginning of a trend.
While Iím not a fan of Shane, Iíll allow that heís a talented singer. Well, usually. He seems to miss some notes and is dancing around with the patented Jason Greeley constipated lookô on his face. Iím not sure itís entirely his fault as the horrible background track is awfully distracting. Itís really not doing much for me although Iím beginning to develop a gradual respect for Shane for selecting songs that are risky rather than Disney week after week.
Jake points out that Shane flubbed the words, but thatís only worth a tenth of a point deduction. I didnít even notice he flubbed the words, thatís how distracted I was with his faces. Farley continues with the Olympics theme and says he hit the first hurdle but kept going. The audience groans. Itís too soon after Perdita, Farley, sorry. Sass picks up on the theme and says it was a gold medal performance since she knows what itís like to forget the words. Well, thatís what happens when youíve had too much to drink before you go on for a show, Sass. I know, I know, she only acts like she drinks all the time. Zack thinks Shane tanked it, but he showed what he could do as an artist, an artist that Zack wonít be buying from. I am suddenly curious as to who Zack would actually buy fromÖ
Thatíll Whip The Preteens Into A Frenzy
Kalan follows with the Doobie Brothersí Long Train Running. Again, not a song I associate with summer, but a song from a summer a decade or two before Kalan was born, so itís an honest mistake. Kalan, while he doesnít do anything for me but ponder the importance of a good hair product, sings as strong as ever. He has an amazing voice, but thatís not really news to anyone. Kalan tries to shake it up by dancing a bit but fails miserably.
Farley also isnít thrilled with the dance moves but says heís feeling the vibe. Iím not sure Kalan knows what a vibe is. Sass comments on his great energy and appreciates him kicking it into high gear. Zack praises him for holding an extra long note, but knocks him on lack of maturity. Jake, still crank and obviously annoyed by the considerable fan girl screams says it was the most karaoke thing heís ever done and lacked soul. Jake, Jake, Jake. Kalan always sings like he has the personality of a statue, Kaleb was the one with all the soul.
One Trick Pony Rides Again
Jason is up next with Robert Palmerís Bad Case of Loving You. Yay, just what we needed, another high energy, belt Ďem and bore Ďem tune. Again, not a song I associate with summer. Jason runs around stage like he usually does and then runs into the audience, reminiscent of another lucky competitor, Josh Gracin from AI2.
Sass tells him what he lacked in finesse he made up for in energy. Arenít finesse and energy kind of in the same family? Zack says he was both sharp and flat and if generic rock is what weíre looking for in a Canadian Idol, heís it. Jason smiles, as the dig flies right over his head. Jake, still grouchy, says it was a bad case of a bad song. Farley opts not to comment other than wishing they all could dance a bit better.
Roll Of The Dice
Continuing with the theme of not selecting actual summertime songs, Jacob takes to the stage with Aerosmithís Donít Wanna Miss A Thing. Iím not a fan of this song and wasnít a fan the first 25,376 times I heard it, but I am a fan of Jacob. Jacob has assumed his now familiar serious stance, which consists of singing the song with his hands behind him. I liked it but was not crazy about it. I do give him credit for connecting with the song.
Zack says he took a song he hates and killed it, and then trips over himself praising the wonder that is Jacob. Do you think Zack has a favourite? I canít wait for his reaction once Jacob is eliminated. Jake jumps on board the Jacob train and praises him for a good performance with a song he also hates. Farley says the guy who can dance didnít need to. Sass, forgetting the fact that sheís a good 20 years old then him, flirts and says sheís always been his number one fan and then does an idiotic gun pointing thing at him. And sorry Sass, but Iím quite sure Zack holds that dubious honour.
Just When You Thought It Couldnít Get Worse
Canadian Idol has obviously picked up Athleteís World as a sponsor and wastes no time in creating an idiotic skit incorporating the sportswear company. This time the Idols are on a mission to makeover Professor Jon Dore. Jon is dressed like the professor heís supposed to be, complete with odd facial hair. The Idols all ham it up as they proceed with their challenge. Itís incredibly embarrassing for all involved and letís just say the word ĎFlavaí was used.
Also, Iím convinced CTV is pimping Jon to be the next host for Season 3.
Leave It To A Woman To Get It Right
Last but not least is Theresa with Cruisin. Unlike the other songs, this indeed is a summer sounding song. Theresa is in her element and sings the song so well that I forget all about Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow and their version that was pushed so heavily on Easy Rock stations all across the country.
The judges, always happy to praise Theresa, have found the perfect opportunity. Jake, full well that nothing he could do would be more embarrassing than the Professor Jon skit, says her futureís so bright, heís gotta wear shades Ė and then dons a set of said shades. Farley and Sass both comment on her phrasing, punctuated by lots of oohing and ahhing. Zack also adds his praise and says her tone is delicious.
Next Time: A 6th contestant gets the boot Ė will Jason and Shane escape the ax again? Also, Gary Beals performs, so some of us will catch about 10 minutes of Big Brother!