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Where does the time go?
No, I didn’t just turn 90 and wonder what’s happened to my youth, (although I’m sure a significant portion of the past 10 years was spent in front of a computer) I’m wondering what happened to summer. Really, what happened to summer? Did it get lost on it’s way to Ontario? I’m not exactly sure what the weather is like across the country, but here in good old Southwestern Ontario, it was pretty crappy.
So as I check my calendar and realize that September starts next week, I begin to panic. In celebration of, well, the summer that never was, Canadian Idol has decided to celebrate with, well, a bunch of lackluster performances. If you happened to be out enjoying a nice summer evening, then congratulations, you missed nothing! Since I am contractually obligated to recap Canadian Idol, let’s get to it.
Okay, I’m not, but I bothered to take notes, so I may as well make the best of it
Meet & Greet
Even though we’re down to 5 Idols, we’re still at an hour a show. While most people would assume this would give the performers a chance to sing two songs, those people would be wrong. One extended performance each and lots of filler in between!
Ben, dressed in a pink polo and looking very much straight out of 1983, brings the Idols to centre stage. They roll a clip of the contestants at their CNE concert earlier in the week. There is a huge crowd turnout and they each sing two songs, all of which are repeat performances. Of note, Shane has opted to perform I Believe In A Thing Called Love which he apparently performs much worse than he did in competition. Adding injury to insult, he seems to be the Idol that the honor of the token Jon Dore appearance has been bestowed upon. He comes out playing air guitar on his leg. I know, clever.
Ben adds it was a perfect show as there were no judges and turns to said judges for comment. Jake, who appears to be in a crankpants mood, says it was also great as there was no host. Jake then comments on the overwhelming amount of votes and suggest that we Canadians vote for who has the best performance rather than our favourite. Important advice to be sure, but I’m sure went largely ignored by the rabid screaming 14 year olds in the audience with Kalan signs. He could burp his entire song and they’d be voting like crazy as usual. Farley looks great as usual and is wearing pink better than Ben, and I’m sure says something, but I’m too distracted by the horrible wardrobe selection by Sass, who is wearing a green dress and blue bra. I’m sure she also said something, but I’m assuming it was unintelligible so I’m not losing sleep over it. Ben asks Zack his most carefully crafted question of the evening, ‘How do you compare this season’s top 5 with that of last season?’ I’m breathless for his ever honest opinion as I was not all that impressed myself. Instead, Zack criticizes Ben’s shirt. Zack honey, I know the pink shirt isn’t doing Ben any favours, but have you seen what the cougar on your right is wearing? I think she’s the one in dire need of some fashion advice.
You’re Just Missing the Football Field and Heath Ledger
Shane opens the show with everyone’s favourite summertime hit, Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You. I’m not exactly sure what the song has to do with summer, but apparently it’s the beginning of a trend.
While I’m not a fan of Shane, I’ll allow that he’s a talented singer. Well, usually. He seems to miss some notes and is dancing around with the patented Jason Greeley constipated look™ on his face. I’m not sure it’s entirely his fault as the horrible background track is awfully distracting. It’s really not doing much for me although I’m beginning to develop a gradual respect for Shane for selecting songs that are risky rather than Disney week after week.
Jake points out that Shane flubbed the words, but that’s only worth a tenth of a point deduction. I didn’t even notice he flubbed the words, that’s how distracted I was with his faces. Farley continues with the Olympics theme and says he hit the first hurdle but kept going. The audience groans. It’s too soon after Perdita, Farley, sorry. Sass picks up on the theme and says it was a gold medal performance since she knows what it’s like to forget the words. Well, that’s what happens when you’ve had too much to drink before you go on for a show, Sass. I know, I know, she only acts like she drinks all the time. Zack thinks Shane tanked it, but he showed what he could do as an artist, an artist that Zack won’t be buying from. I am suddenly curious as to who Zack would actually buy from…
That’ll Whip The Preteens Into A Frenzy
Kalan follows with the Doobie Brothers’ Long Train Running. Again, not a song I associate with summer, but a song from a summer a decade or two before Kalan was born, so it’s an honest mistake. Kalan, while he doesn’t do anything for me but ponder the importance of a good hair product, sings as strong as ever. He has an amazing voice, but that’s not really news to anyone. Kalan tries to shake it up by dancing a bit but fails miserably.
Farley also isn’t thrilled with the dance moves but says he’s feeling the vibe. I’m not sure Kalan knows what a vibe is. Sass comments on his great energy and appreciates him kicking it into high gear. Zack praises him for holding an extra long note, but knocks him on lack of maturity. Jake, still crank and obviously annoyed by the considerable fan girl screams says it was the most karaoke thing he’s ever done and lacked soul. Jake, Jake, Jake. Kalan always sings like he has the personality of a statue, Kaleb was the one with all the soul.
One Trick Pony Rides Again
Jason is up next with Robert Palmer’s Bad Case of Loving You. Yay, just what we needed, another high energy, belt ‘em and bore ‘em tune. Again, not a song I associate with summer. Jason runs around stage like he usually does and then runs into the audience, reminiscent of another lucky competitor, Josh Gracin from AI2.
Sass tells him what he lacked in finesse he made up for in energy. Aren’t finesse and energy kind of in the same family? Zack says he was both sharp and flat and if generic rock is what we’re looking for in a Canadian Idol, he’s it. Jason smiles, as the dig flies right over his head. Jake, still grouchy, says it was a bad case of a bad song. Farley opts not to comment other than wishing they all could dance a bit better.
Roll Of The Dice
Continuing with the theme of not selecting actual summertime songs, Jacob takes to the stage with Aerosmith’s Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing. I’m not a fan of this song and wasn’t a fan the first 25,376 times I heard it, but I am a fan of Jacob. Jacob has assumed his now familiar serious stance, which consists of singing the song with his hands behind him. I liked it but was not crazy about it. I do give him credit for connecting with the song.
Zack says he took a song he hates and killed it, and then trips over himself praising the wonder that is Jacob. Do you think Zack has a favourite? I can’t wait for his reaction once Jacob is eliminated. Jake jumps on board the Jacob train and praises him for a good performance with a song he also hates. Farley says the guy who can dance didn’t need to. Sass, forgetting the fact that she’s a good 20 years old then him, flirts and says she’s always been his number one fan and then does an idiotic gun pointing thing at him. And sorry Sass, but I’m quite sure Zack holds that dubious honour.
Just When You Thought It Couldn’t Get Worse
Canadian Idol has obviously picked up Athlete’s World as a sponsor and wastes no time in creating an idiotic skit incorporating the sportswear company. This time the Idols are on a mission to makeover Professor Jon Dore. Jon is dressed like the professor he’s supposed to be, complete with odd facial hair. The Idols all ham it up as they proceed with their challenge. It’s incredibly embarrassing for all involved and let’s just say the word ‘Flava’ was used.
Also, I’m convinced CTV is pimping Jon to be the next host for Season 3.
Leave It To A Woman To Get It Right
Last but not least is Theresa with Cruisin. Unlike the other songs, this indeed is a summer sounding song. Theresa is in her element and sings the song so well that I forget all about Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow and their version that was pushed so heavily on Easy Rock stations all across the country.
The judges, always happy to praise Theresa, have found the perfect opportunity. Jake, full well that nothing he could do would be more embarrassing than the Professor Jon skit, says her future’s so bright, he’s gotta wear shades – and then dons a set of said shades. Farley and Sass both comment on her phrasing, punctuated by lots of oohing and ahhing. Zack also adds his praise and says her tone is delicious.
Next Time: A 6th contestant gets the boot – will Jason and Shane escape the ax again? Also, Gary Beals performs, so some of us will catch about 10 minutes of Big Brother!
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Originally Posted by Miss Filangi 
Unfortunately I don't get CI2 until 3 hours later than when you see it, so I'll be able to see all of BB5 before I see CI, maybe you can warn me how far into the show Gary Beals is performing. 
That Beach Boys number was terrible!
