The night is finally upon us. The much ballyhooed, historical, innovative event is about to take place. For the first time in any Idol installment, the contestants will play instruments! Cast aside are the group performances highlighted by cheesy choreography where Kalan looks hopelessly out of place while making the young girls scream. Then, I wondered… what if they suck?
Opening the show are the Idols, assembled in a horseshoe on centre stage, with various instruments. Jason opens the show by addressing Gordon Lightfoot who is again in attendance and explains it’s an honor to perform his music. With Jason and Jacob on guitar, Elena on keyboard, Theresa on mandolin, Shane on bass and Kalan on violin, they play Lightfoot’s Canadian Railroad Trilogy. They do not, in fact, suck, and truly give one of the most engaging and entertaining performances I’ve seen. They apparently, can all play their instruments fairly well as I don’t notice any awkward notes. Kalan looks surprisingly natural, I’d like to see how Clay Aiken could do on a violin. I apologize to all the Claymates out there if Clay does, in fact, play the violin. I’m not quite up on my Clay Aiken trivia these days.
We’ve Got A Lot of Time To Kill
As always, it’s time for the judges to comment. Jake, taking his turn as this week’s designated suck up, says that they picked possibly the greatest Canadian song of all time and made the hair on neck stand up. Ben makes a joke about how much hair Jake has, obviously insecure about his apparent inability to grow facial hair. Farley explains that last night was all about song choice, which was difficult as Gordon Lightfoot doesn’t have pop songs to sing. He says the judges are always talking about Star Search™ moments, but the entire show was one big Star Search™ moment. New drinking game, anyone that refers to Star Search™ anything must take a drink. You’re alcohol tolerance will reach new heights. Sass thinks they all rose to the challenge like the champs they are becoming, especially considering they were not all that familiar with the music. Zack, going off on a tangent, says they’re not judging a TV show, he’s judging ON a TV show and in the moment you call it like you see it. He fails to answer Ben’s question about actually seeing things differently when watching it on TV.
Hey This Show’s An Hour, Who’s Getting The Boot On Big Brother?
As the show is extended, Ben gives the obligatory recap of last night’s show. If I were arrogant, I’d recommend you check out my recap for a more sarcastic take on the show, but this is fine and you actually get to hear bits of the performances. Ben then goes to break teasing us with promises of a special visit from a special guest. Could it be Gordon Lightfoot? Ronnie Hawkins? No, it’s my…
Billy (the real Canadian) Idol
Okay, okay, so I dug up one of Ben’s old puns. Kick me.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, Billy Klippert is back. There is a flashback to Billy’s more memorable moments, underscored by his performance of If You Could Read My Mind. Although I’m a huge Billy fan, he needs a stylist. Badly. And someone to point out that the sunglasses on top of his head isn’t working anymore. In fact, I don’t think it ever worked. Obviously he’s conscious of his receding hairline, but throw a ball cap on, shave your head, wear a bandana even, just lose the sunglasses. You ain’t fooling anyone.
Billy sings the second single from his debut album, Again. He still sounded good, but I’m not one to judge a song based on the first listen. I wasn’t overly blown away, but I was still happy to see him. Afterwards, an out of breath Billy takes a few moments to talk to Ben and in genuinely nice to him. It’s probably the first person to genuinely be nice to Ben all season! Billy seems really thrilled to be back on Canadian Idol and says it was better because he didn’t throw up this time. I didn’t realize this was a problem for him last year. Ben asks if he as any advice for the Idols and he suggests coming in third, like he did. As much as I love Billy, he seemed half stoned, obviously doing his best to fill the void Kaleb left.
It’s Filler Time
When I say jackass, I’m assuming you know I’m talking about Jon Dore. There he is in the audience. Since there is a ton of time to kill, he explains he has a new talent; he can read the judge’s minds.
In an unprecedented embarrassing moment, we’re forced to watch the judges one by one as Jon predicts what they are thinking.
For Jake ‘I’m mister Jake Gold, I forgot to set VCR’
And Farley – ‘I’m not wearing any pants’
Sass – Jon sings one of her songs and says ‘Wow, this song holds up. I wonder if Jon is single’
And lastly for Zack – ‘Jon can’t read minds, if he could read my mind, what a tale my thoughts would be. I’m so deep, I wonder if Jon is single.’
See? Lame. The judges obviously hated every minute of it.
More Time To Kill…
Ben takes a moment to talks to Idols about what’s going on. Among the highlights, Kalan says it was cool to show Canada that they’re also musicians. Theresa says her favourite instrument is the guitar since she uses it for songwriting. Elena says they all work as a family together, singing Kumbayah and other such heartwarming moments. Shane says schedule can be grueling, but to quote Jacob, ‘Suck it up, Princess’. It’s absolutely pointless and we don’t really learn more about the Idols.
Wait! There’s More Meaningless Filler!
It’s time to give Debra Byrd, the voice coach a bit of the spotlight. She says this is her 5th Idol installment and she’s so proud to be part of the careers of Kelly Clarkson, Justin Guarini and Fantasia Barrino. Um, Justin Guarini? Debra may be the first person to admit to being part of his career, let alone proud of that. She says lovely things about the Idols, they say lovely things about her. From the audience, she tears up and the Idols look on with much love, respect and affection.
It’s time to poll the judges and see who they think is going home. One by one, they all say Elena, although none of them are too pleased with the prediction. Ben heads to the couches and reviews the comments made by the judges the night before. Breaking from standard protocol, Ben doesn’t reveal who is safe and who isn’t as he gives the rundown. Once all the comments have been read, Ben lists the status of the Idols in rapid fire style.
Kalan is safe. Jacob is in the bottom 3. Theresa is safe. Shane is again in the bottom 3. Jason is safe and Elena rounds out the bottom 3.
Ben turns to the judges for some reaction. Zack says that regional support is obviously a factor. He’s obviously upset with the results and says that one of the members in the bottom three is a star and someone is on the couch that shouldn’t be there. He’s not exactly subtle, that Zack. Is anyone not clear on who he was referring to in each instance? Even Ben could read between those lines.
Jake softens the tone and says he’d like all members of the bottom three a reprieve but wants to see Elena on couches most of all. Elena is touched by his comment.
The first one to head back to the couches of safety is Shane. The audience is in shock. The judges are in shock. Jacob is really in shock. Elena braces herself. As this is an hour show and gosh, we still have at least ten minutes left, both singers will get a chance to sing. Jacob doesn’t start off right away, making me think that he’s going to protest the result and not sing. He does, of course, sing and both he and Elena sound as good as they did the night before.
The contestant going home is Elena. She is visibly disappointed, but also looks weary. It must be tough landing in the bottom three week after week. Elena and Jacob hug and oddly enough, the camera catches Jake smiling down the table at Zack and Sass. In the meantime, Ben is very shaken and emotional. Methinks he had a crush on Miss Juatco.
Elena is given her tribute, full of several twists, turns and surprises. The audience gives her a standing ovation, including a guy with a sign that says, ROBBED. Jake explains to Elena that it had nothing to do with her when they said she was going home and that the judges predication was based on the voting trend, not her personally. Farley says she’s a phenomenal talent with a great career ahead of her. Sass says it’s clear she’s a lovely girl, she’s blossomed on the show and believes there are great things coming for her. Zack says it’s a competiton and eventually everyone goes home. It was an honour to have her there. The rest of the idols are either crestfallen or crying.
Elena sings Mary Jane to close out the show. Shane smirks in the background, Jason looks lost and Jacob very sad.
This is really quite a sadistic little show.
Tune in next week for Summertime Hits and tears, tears, anger and more tears!