Canadian Idol 07/07 Ė Trapped in A Clay Aiken Universe
I feel like Ben Mulroney. Except with higher standards, of course.
I canít think of anything clever or witty to say. (Like Ben) All my jokes that I could use are tired and lame. (Also like Ben) Fortunately, I donít have writers and I wonít resort to using bad puns. Letís just say we get on with the show and on with Group Four.
I Hate You, You Hate Me
Forced to introduce the judges, Ben wisely decides to get it over with and introduces Zack first. Ben makes a lame joke, Zack is disgusted and condescending. Ben sternly asks Zack to answer his stupid question. Zack begins to criticize Ben. Ben moves on. Itís getting really old and uncomfortable. If I wanted this kind of tension, Iíd have dinner with my family more often.
Ben introduces Sass as their Mighty Aphrodite. The theme tonight is mythical figures, apparently. She likes it. Heck, even Zack likes it. Of course, this one comment means Ben has reached his limit in interesting things to say for the evening. Sass smiles. I yawn.
Lame introductions are also made for Farley and Jake. Farley looks uncomfortable, but smiles politely. At least he tries, which makes me love Farley even more. Then Jake laughs in the middle of his introduction, causing Zack to leap up in hopes of an ally and they jokingly pretend to make their way for the door. Ben reminds me of little kid at school whose parents would make him dress up in a suit everyday while all the cool kids laughed at him. Actually, thatís exactly what itís like, only theyíre all about 20 years older.
These 5 need some serious family counseling.
Star of the audition episodes, Brock Groombridge of Schomberg, Ontario begins the show with Beauty & The Beast. He sings it off key, but does his best to put his little heart into it. Jake says itís like Disney characters singing Disney songs, but says heíll probably get through with more than a bit of disdain in his voice. Farley is kinder and tells him he has a look that is infectious, but from a vocal standpoint, it wasnít good. In full buffer mode, Sass says he poured out his heart. Brockís the beauty, the big mean judges are the beasts. Zack figures heís better off if he doesnít say anything but It is what it is. If Zack felt he had to censor himself, I figure itís pretty harsh.
Next up is Danielle Falco from Hamilton, Ontario. She sings Think Twice I personally think sheís a bit annoying with a less than stellar performance. Farley says she looks stunning, but felt she had some deficiencies. Sass agrees, but pads her critique by applauding her for an intense and earnest delivery. Zack, calling off his moratorium on hurting any feeings, says it sucked. He thinks Brockie is out of his league as is Danielle. Jake tries to compensate and says she is very earnest, but her voice doesnít sound as strong as before.
Itís time for a LíOreal Moment. Toilets around Canada flush. I use mine to throw up.
Upper Island Cove, NFís Jason Greeley follows with Bryan Adamsí Heaven Immediately, I figure Jason will advance as he has that Ďlookí. You know, a less effeminate Ricky Martin. Then, I remember I hate the song. I hated it at every single high school dance I ever went to. I hate it from every single late night CD compilation commercial itís featured on. Hate it. I hate it every time I hear it at a wedding. I hate it every time it's featured on some sort of Canadian music retrospective. In fact, I couldnít even explain if I have ever liked it, as apparently so many people do. All I can say is that minute and a half Jason sang the song, I was concentrating on how much I hate the song.
Fortunately, the judges were paying attention. Sass tells him heís definitely her type. Okay, so maybe Sass wasnít paying attention either. Zack says itís a cheesefest, and Jasonís the ham. I immediately decide to use that title for my recap. Zack further criticizes the performance and tells him his intensity is lacking and feels he didnít step up. Jason says he did step up. Zack doesnít care. Jake agrees that he didnít think Jason gave it his all, but thinks heís a great singer and hopes he goes through. Jason says singing is all that matters. Jake says not really. Jason should probably stop talking. Farley agrees that the intensity wasnít there, but is good enough for next round. These guys must really believe that the teenybopper vote is out in full force, theyíre just resigned to Jason getting through.
Manoah Hartmann, the teacher from Regina, Saskatchewan follows. I must apologize to all of Manoahís fans, as I realize she has several. She gets on my last nerve. If she advances to the top 10 or 12 or whatever it ends up being, I will go out of my ever loving mind. And she will advance.
That aside, she has pink highlights tonight. It is not a good look for her, nor is it really a good look for anyone. That aside, Manoah has decided to sing My Immortal. ltís a refreshing choice for those of us that are sick of hearing Son of a Preacher Man which, I admit, I thought Manoah might sing.
Zack tells her she could pass for Jennifer Tilly if she had a wig, felt it was a bit over the top, but enjoyed it. Jake says sheís a pro, the most mature of the night and the best so far. Wow, high praise from someone that really hasnít been impressed with anyone so far. Farley says she made a good song better and Sass says she tapped into emotional core. Looks good for Manoah. Damn.
We return from the break and Ben continues to makes lame jokes. This time about the show being the hottest in 10 provinces, 3 territories and God willing, Turks & Caicos. Oh Ben, thatís so 6 months ago. Does anyone in that room even know what youíre talking about?
Abbotsford, BCís Shane Wiebe is next with Forever Young. He sings it well, but I find it a bit boring. Jake says it was the right song for him and that he did an awesome job. Farley admits he and Jake have liked him from the beginning and though he did a great job. Sass thinks it was a little studied, but that he has a nice voice overall. Zack, fed up with who has been voted through so far, says he feels heís stuck in a Clay Aiken Universe. I change my mind about the recap title.
Becky Abbott from Ottawa, Ontario follows with Moondance. In her bio, Becky says she loves leather and has an outfit that sheíd never have the courage to wear anywhere else. So she chooses to wear it on national television? Perhaps Becky and Ben should never collaborate on any sort of writing endeavor. Nothing would ever make sense.
Becky has a great voice though, even if it is at times a bit too theatrical for my liking. The judges all have high praise for her. Farley thinks she has great tone, and enjoyed it. Sass says Becky surprised heck out of her with her fantastic performance. Zack says the squeaky clean boys who make it through are seriously out of their league in comparison to Becky. Jake wonders when Rebecca became Becky, but thinks it was a great job, she made it her own, and a few other Idol clichťs.
Torontoís Jermaine Richards is up next with Endless Love. He begins on a shaky note, which continues throughout the song. Sass says she could not love song and thought it was really awful. Zack says stick a fork in it, youíre done. Someone had to choke and it was Jermaine. Jake canít disagree and leaves it at that. Farley tells him the song doesnít have many notes and Jermaine missed 90% of them. Jermaine insists he sang extremely well. The judging panel stands firm.
The final performer for the evening is Ted Senecal from Calgary, who sings Georgia on My Mind. Ted doesnít miss a note. Zack says he wishes it were a bit more gravely, but gives him total respect for singing it the way he is. Jake says that Farley had said earlier that Ted sounds like Ray Charles, and heís right. Jakes thinks he has so much soul and this competition needs it. Farley thinks heís a soulful guy and that Canada should give you an opportunity to go on. Sass explains that when Ted sang, she forgot the show existed, she was so impressed. I bet Sass has that problem often, even if Ted isnít there to sing.
Thatís it for Group Four. Two more will go through before we get to the Wild Card. Who will it be? Will the pretty boys advance again or will the soul survive.
Sorry. How did Benís writers get in here?