Canadian Idol 06/23 – One Way Ticket To Obscurity
It’s Group Two’s night to shine as eight new competitors take to the stage. And it shouldn’t be too hard to shine, considering the first group of eight had about as much appeal as your local news anchor. Unless you have an uncharacteristically appealing local news broadcaster and then it wouldn’t apply to you. Our locals are very dull.
Ben starts off the show on the balcony of the auditorium. This place can fit that many people? It was about as quiet as a morgue last week. Ben starts the show giving the usual rundown of what we can expect for the evening and I notice he seems much looser tonight. Not that much more comfortable of course, he’s still pretty uptight. Think of it as downgrading from a block of wood to just a piece of cardboard.
Ben introduces judges Jake and Farley with lame political puns. For those who remember that Ben is the son of former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, this should bode well for the Liberals… if only to punish the Conservatives for Mulroney siring such a goof. Then Ben refers to Sass as her ‘Sexellency’. Sass goes bright red but recovers nicely. He then introduces Zack as the man that invented the GST. Nervy, considering it was dear old dad that actually implemented it. That might just get Ben voted off the show. If only that were possible…
But the night is not about politics or Ben, although both will appear constantly throughout the night in the most annoying ways. Let’s move along to the performers.
The first performer of the night is Anna Cyzon from Toronto. Anna has selected the old standby that almost every single Idol wannabe tough chick has trotted out, Son of A Preacher Man. Like every single one of those Idol wannabe tough chicks, she sings well enough to get by, but not well enough to make it memorable. Jake tells her it was a good try, but not exciting. Farley thinks it was a good choice, but wanted more dimension. Sass dissents from the guys and thinks she gave a good presentation, like a star. Zack is far more brutal, calling it a ridiculous choice and a one way ticket to obscurity.
Mohanza Kelly from Toronto is up next and Ben asks him about his teacher, who had encouraged him to sign up for the process. His teacher is still his biggest fan and in the audience to cheer him on. Mohanza sings a song I don’t know, so I’m guessing it’s called Change Gonna Come. He sings very expressively and I’m impressed with the emotion he shows, even though he doesn’t really showcase his vocal talents. Farley thought it was a cool song and a solid performance. Sass tells him he’s an emotional performer and a lot of people will find that very appealing. Zack says it wasn’t a great performance, but he loves his individuality. Jake wishes Mohanza would have exploded with the song, but also thinks he’s amazing.
Guess what? Tanya Kim is back to annoy us all with her L’Oreal spots. It’s really pointless for me to comment much further.
Montreal’s Liz Titan follows with I Have Nothing. Liz has a thick French accent and reminds me of Whitney Houston crossed with Celine Dion. The judges are all impressed. Zack says she’s not as ‘A’ level as she will be, but they need her in the Top 10. Farley tells her she’s one Titan he doesn’t want to clash with. Really Farley, bad puns are Ben’s job.
Mark Levesque from Regina is next with At This Moment. Mark is one of those guys that teenage girls think is cute. And he is cute. Immediately I assume he cannot sing. I’m wrong and he impresses me with a solid version and a stronger voice. Zack says he didn’t do a bad job, but he’s simply generic. Jake thought he had some good moments, but no moments that actually moved him. Farley thought he stepped up his performance and Sass calls him bright and shiny. And she meant that as a good thing, apparently.
After another 20 campaign ads, Kaleb Simmonds is back with Water Runs Dry. You remember Kaleb, don’t you? The one that the judges accused of not wanting to be there, but they still pushed him through to the top 32? Kaleb obviously cares now because he does a great job. The judges all heap loads of praise on Kaleb, including Zack, who salutes him.
Ottawa’s Filomena Pasqua takes to the stage with Respect. Is anyone else tired of this song being sung? First of all, no one that sings that song will sound remotely like Aretha. And that’s a bad thing. Secondly, the way Filomena sounds, she makes Kelly Clarkson sound like Aretha. As Jake says, it sounded like bad karaoke. Zack congratulates Filomena on making the top 32, but not the top 10. Filomena heads backstage looking like she’s about to burst into tears. Normally I’d think it was at the prospect of having to chitchat with Ben, but it was likely thanks to the judges.
Elena Juatco from Vancouver follows with Midnight Train to Georgia. Elena, let’s say, gets really into the song. It’s hard to describe. For the most part, the judges love her performance. Jake even says she’s the best of the past two weeks so far and she’s the first person to ‘move’ him. I tend to agree with Farley a little more, who says her emoting was awkward in relation to the song.
Last but not least is Kalan Porter from Medicine Hat. Kalan opts for the well known, but rarely sung in these kinds of competitions, Lady. Kalan sings the song better than Kenny Rogers ever did, although I admit I’m not a big fan of Mr. Rogers’ gravely voice. The judges are thrilled. Zack congratulates him on bumping someone to the Wild Card, Sass welcomes him to the Top 10, Jake predicts he’ll go a long way and Farley goes so far as to predict he will win. That’s quite a lot of praise, considering the phone lines aren’t even open. What if he doesn’t make it? Oh wait, he’s got the curly, blond hair.
Next Time: Kalan and someone else advance to the top 10.