Recap 6/7: The Love Explosion that Sadly: Kills No One

[Critical]

Truly faBOO Shazz!!! I laughed from start to finish!

My favorite section:

“Wow, it’s like I Overreact to EVERYthing!” – putting words in Britney’s mouth

Briney and Kevin are packed on their bus when they get a “scare” at the French/Spanish border. Britney’s freaked because her bus driver is getting “interrogated” by the border patrol. “Interrogated” here = “talked to casually”. In her eyes: they're going down in flames. She’s ehscared. The border patrol has dogs sniffin' up all their luggage and Britney takes that as her cue to leave a last message to “the world” . Because of it’s poignancy and lucidity, I include it here:
"I love you guys. This is it. I’m about to die. And they’re going to take me away for-ev-er” <----says this in little girl’s voice. “If anybody finds this tape, I just want to be remembered as a good person, that’s all.” She finishes by saying wow, that was kind of deep. Yes, yes it was. <---- more lies.

Kevin is pretty much chilled, thinking that this big freak out of hers is actually cute. Apparently, also cute, is the way she feels sorry for the border patrol for having a boring job. Boring because they have to *gasp* wear the SAME THING every day. Ahhhh! *screams* She's grateful that she gets to gussy up and get pretty every day. According to her, life without sequined spandex = hell. For once, I concur. *adjusts unitard*

[dagwood]

Anyhow, she wants to know if it sounds stupid. Kevin says no way, hot jose', it's probably the smartest thing she's said since she's been on tour. Sadly, this is accurate.

“Wow, it’s like I Overreact to EVERYthing!” – putting words in Britney’s mouth

"I love you guys. This is it. I’m about to die. And they’re going to take me away for-ev-er” <----says this in little girl’s voice. “If anybody finds this tape, I just want to be remembered as a good person, that’s all.” She finishes by saying wow, that was kind of deep. Yes, yes it was. <---- more lies.

Hang in there, Shazz. One more episode to go.

[rt1ky]

Thanks to you Shazzer, I no longer have to watch this show to find out what happened. Thanks for taking one for the team!

[mickbee]

Hilarious recap! I wonder what if the mother of his children (forget her name) watches this crapfest.

[roseskid]

Shaz, I bow to your greatness. No one could get as much fun out of the crapfest of this show, as you. I'm waaaaay behind in my Essential Fort Reading, but just had to let you know, You Are My Hero. Hooray!

Disclaimer: no promise of eloquence, mirth, or joy in following recap. I know what you're thinking: since when have you been eloquent, Shazz? Ah ha ha ha ha! *smack* You hush it.

For a mini-recap, here it is: they love each other, yet both are afraid. Very, very, afraid <---whispery scary-voice trying to ratchet up tension of tension-less show. Annnnd we’re done.

The fact that they have the time and energy to film this sheer volume of nothingness is mind boggling.

This Section Filled with Secrets to Winning Millions! <---lies

Britney acts like she's been “satisfied” when we see her in the same pre-coitus t-shirt, getting make-up ready for stage and singing her little heart out in glee, gyratin’ in that “I just had a piece of ass” way.

She finishes by saying wow, that was kind of deep. Yes, yes it was. <---- more lies.

According to her, life without sequined spandex = hell. For once, I concur. *adjusts unitard*

She says she always has a piece of him up there, even if she’s not wearing a hat. Awwww. *releases doves*

*looks at watch* Is this over yet? Are we there yet? “Can we have a pool, dad? Canwehaveapool, dad?” – Lisa and Bart Simpson/Shazz.

Also in here is hotel room footage (shocker!) where they showcase the big mirror over the bed and Kevin mimes humping her. Great.

Blah blah blah, more footage of them playing around, she picks flowers, he receives flowers, she loves him, he loves her, insert standard soulmate speech, annnnd we’re good.