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Thread: Recap 5/24: More Vacuous than an Empty Bong

  1. #11
    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
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    I think that Britney should pay for your therapy when this is over. It is inhuman to not only make you watch this, but to pay attention so that you can recap it.

    Through no fault of your own the best part of the recap was the introduction before you got to anything that was actually on the show.

    Thanks for another great recap.

  2. #12
    Team Choca. Brad who?! Alanna's Avatar
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    I would have edited this unimportant bit out, but sadly, this IS the content of the show. Read it and weep, my babies. *holds all of you in group hug*
    Rofl! I have yet to actually watch this thing but hopefully I'll catch it next week, I cannot wait to see if it's really this bad.
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  3. #13
    SEX, DRUGS ROCK & ROLL gypsy's Avatar
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    I cant believe the crap they put on TV these days. There are so many talented people that can put a show together and yet they chose to put this useless utter nonsense on. Outrageous, it truly suxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!!!!

  4. #14
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    If this show was a hot dog, it would be 5% beef and 95% pig lips and raccoon hoof.

    <-----I would have edited this unimportant bit out, but sadly, this IS the content of the show.

    Um, I don’t know what kind of crack rainbow you’re on, Kevin, but in most people’s world, smacking a 350 pound man around guarantees your future as a human balloon animal.

    Curse Britney for making me recap flatulence.
    Poor Shazz! You do such a splendid job with such a total piece-of-crap show. Bring in all the racoon hooves and llamas you want, they're far more interesting than Britney (and even a lone hoof probably has a higher IQ.)
    It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever. -- David St. Hubbins

  5. #15
    Just browsing GreekMama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer

    Soon it’s time to be reminded of Britney’s psychic abilities. It’s May, 2004, and Britney reacts to sudden live news that Brad and Jen have split! She sounds drunk when she entertains the notion that Brad could be thinking of her.
    Britney must think everyone is as dumb as she is. Lordy I feel sorry for their child, because that little person gets the absolute bottom of the gene pool! Let us raise money, that no more poor unfortunate children should have to go through life reared by these dolts (orm more likely, their assistants!)

    Shazzer, you are the MAC DADDY! I don't think I could watch this poop much less re-cap it!

    And BTW raccoons do not have hoofs. But that's okay because Britney doesn't know what a raccoon is anyway!

  6. #16
    LG.
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    you're doing a great job with this terrible show, Shaz. I loved this part:
    somebody releases some gas. (<---this always sounds strange, i.e. “releasing gas”, as if you’re releasing an animal from captivity. Is it similar? I know not.) Curse Britney for making me recap flatulence. UGH.
    next up, on Animal Planet, the Fart-Goat Hunter. Crikey, it's a huuuuuge one, guys. Watch out, this Fart-Goat has escaped from someone really, really stinky. Could turn from a silent-but-deadly into a full-on fart tsumani at any moment. Be really careful.
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

  7. #17
    So Far Away Yellow Apple's Avatar
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    Ever thought of working for the MST3K crew, Shaz? I think you'd be good at it, since you can make something out of a crappy show with no material.
    R.I.P Willie Dog (?/?/1989-12/17/2004). Gone but never forgotten.

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  8. #18
    Big Electric Cat jasmar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer
    If this show was a hot dog, it would be 5% beef and 95% pig lips and raccoon hoof. (I hope you’re not eating while you read this. If so….please comfort self by believing that all hot dogs are made from the finest, pure, Grade A beef, farmed from cows that dance upon golden meadows of swaying grains. Btw, this reminds me: I saw a food brand here called…..get this….*drum roll*…..Boar’s Head. Yep. As in Boar’s Head Cheese and Boar’s Head Condiments etc. Ummm…ecsqueeze me? Why are they giving their FOOD COMPANY such a crappy brand name? I couldn’t think of anything less appetizing. Well, maybe. “Here at Racoon Hoof Chocolates….we’ve come up with a delightful selection of piquant bon bons to bless even the fussiest, raccoon lover in the bunch.” )

    Side note: Do raccoons have hooves? I don’t feel like looking it up. Thanks. Britney and Kevin sucked away my energy, along with my will to self-edit, breathe, and wash myself with a rag on a stick. <--homage to Simpsons.
    Somehow, not even the ROFL smilie quite does the trick. This is easily the funniest thing I've read since Snowflake Girl let loose on Keenyah in her ANTM recap.

    I haven't watched this show (and don't plan to), but if your recaps are going to be this good, I'll tune in here to read them!

    (btw, raccoons don't have hooves. Just nasty little prehensile fingers with which to dunk the cat food into the cats' water each and every night. )
    Token Christian.

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  9. #19
    Plotting spegs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shazzer
    If so….please comfort self by believing that all hot dogs are made from the finest, pure, Grade A beef, farmed from cows that dance upon golden meadows of swaying grains.

    Britney and Kevin sucked away my energy, along with my will to self-edit, breathe, and wash myself with a rag on a stick.

    ...for the rest of us, forgetting crappiness would take something far brighter than a stage light. Like a supernova.)

    Copenhagen, oh yah, fer sure *clicks clogs*

    Um, I don’t know what kind of crack rainbow you’re on, Kevin, but in most people’s world, smacking a 350 pound man around guarantees your future as a human balloon animal. *smack* “Take that!” says Kevin. *squeaky squeaky sqeaky* *poof* Kevin is now a llama. (Yes, I said llama in the last recap. I've got no material here, peeps, so if I have to pull in a llama, I'm pulling in a llama.)

    (surprised, I would not be, as he has that, “I’ll eat anything!” Mikey cereal look. “Here, Kevin, eat this wine cork.” Kevin: “Mmm….coooorky.” *giggles*)

    Ahh yes, the fart joke: the wing nut in any healthy pair bond.

    *suddenly begins to Riverdance* <---desperate measure to liven up boring show.

    Kevin breaks for air to tell us she kisses great, and that he likes balloons. <-----never utters balloon comment. But man, I’m bored.

    Note: please know that nothing above is meant to make sense, be clear, or incite any kind of enthusiasm. So right now, if you're feeling empty and confused, you're riiiiight about where you should be.
    Ah, my poor Shaz!! Like Rumplestiltskin, you spin gold from straw, baby. I pity your suffering, but I so enjoy the fruits of it! Spin on, golden girl!
    "Look, you love me, and I love you. Maybe in a different time, a different place, this would work out. But we both know that only one of us is leaving this room alive, and I'm the one holding the flame thrower." - Film Fakers

  10. #20
    FORT Freak laura302's Avatar
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    Awesome job! I missed the show *gosh darn it* but your recap is much better anyway.

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