09-17-2003, 09:41 PM #231
I'm curious as to how prevelant people think this conflict really is. Conflicted, that is, in the sense that they are truly uncertain or torn about their own orientation (not about whether and when to come out). Elsewhere on this board, someone seemed to respond surprisingly strongly to posts suggesting that one could be conflicted or keep "options open".
Originally Posted by tubey
The response focused on the fact that sexual orientation was biological and not a choice, but I don't believe it specifically stated what about the "options open" discussion was upsetting. If I remember correctly, that particular post immediately followed a series posts by individuals who identified themselves as bisexual and expressed belief in a spectrum of sexual orientation (e.g., where there could be "straight leaning bisexuals", etc.)
I initially thought that the poster thought that saying that someone was "keeping their options open", would switch sides or was just experimenting was trivializing the dilemma and heartbreak of those who come out in an unfriendly environment (especially as it cited suicide rates, etc., among gay youth). It also occured to me that the poster, and perhaps others, thought that because one is or is not "born gay" there is little or no middle ground in which someone would have any honest options to keep open.
What do you think?
09-18-2003, 08:20 PM #232
I guess I've been out too long and have grown too cynical. I know that I do believe that, even though one's sexuality is nature, nurtue can have much to do with it for some more than others.
Originally Posted by Kermit
I also believe that there are still many closeted gays out there who still fear facing their true nature. I have pretty much had my feelings in this regard reinforced by the fact that over the years I have known or been aware of many "late bloomers". These people were always gay, to be sure, but the acknowledgment of it has usually been delayed; often by a hetero marriage and the onset of a family.
Thus, when I say that individuals like young Mr. Ferguson may be "keeping their options open" I simply mean that they haven't totally decided yet which way they are going to go. And, at 23, he's fortunately not past the point-of-no-return.
Whaddya think? Am I making any sense?
09-18-2003, 09:07 PM #233
[QUOTE=tubey]......These people were always gay, to be sure, but the acknowledgment of it has usually been delayed; often by a hetero marriage and the onset of a family....
You're making sense to me. I seem to have friends in this category -- except that there's clear opposite sex attraction but, after many years of marriage and perhaps kids, a real angst at not having followed up on early same sex experiences, crushes and yearnings. A stalled or difficult marriage, of course, can skew the picture further.
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