Andra, your kids are lucky to have you as their mom, as is James to have you as his friend. Thank you for demonstrating that mutual respect and caring are more important in relationships than just being with people who are carbon copies of yourself.
I am fortunate to have a number of friends -- gay and straight, men and women, younger and older. My life is challenged and enriched by the different points of view they bring. I am grateful for the personal growth I experience regularly because of that.
Thanks for taking the time to share some of your thoughts with us. Thanks for being a part of something extraordinary that has had -- and will continue to have -- a positive impact on so many people. I look forward to hearing more of your insights as you are able to share them.
Hi Andra! Thanks for your lovely post. I think that you had a very difficult process to go through, and it was evident that you were willing to risk yourself as well to support James's decision making process. One questions I think has been buzzing around, and not sure if you are allowed to answer this but it doesn't hurt to ask!: Who were you talking about when you said "I don't think he's ready for you". Was it Brian?
Originally Posted by ANDRA_BMB
Thanks again, and I hope you are enjoying your post-finale life.
For Your Entertainment
FWIW, when I re-watched the finale last night, I assumed she was talking about Wes, since that is who James had just mentioned...
Originally Posted by foody
Thanks, lobeck. It was just that there was an edit 'jump' between their conversation about Wes and the comment, which was what made me feel like they cut it from another place and threw it in there to confuse us.
Originally Posted by lobeck
you would be missed... as well as the boys. thanks for allowing me to live thru bmb vicariously. your bond with james is precious and priceless. i know i'm speaking for many when i say that your candor's been very much appreciated! goodluck with your family and future endeavors...
ps. give my regards and prosperous wishes to james. he represented himself with dignity and class.
pss. and to wes i will miss the convivial atmosphere he creates. he's a born host and a domestic diva!
psss. i'm romatically hopeful that it's been a successful run for everyone!
Last edited by ant; 09-04-2003 at 12:23 PM.
Originally Posted by ANDRA_BMB
The incredibly deep friendship that you have with James comes through loud and clear. If we were to all have three friends like you we would all be so blessed.
Was your friendship with James one of the deciding factor for James being cast as the leading man?
Because I've seen you answer some of the things in this thread, I am hoping you can convey some of my feelings to James. Although I have been watching Boy Meets Boy, I never intended to join or write in this forum, but after watching a rerun of Episode 6 and being moved to tears, I felt I had to. I am a 40+ mother of a teen-age son who came out nine months ago. This was probably the hardest thing I have ever lived through. For those of you who are gay, you can probably remember a similar,if not identical, experience in your family. I cannot tell you (although I suppose many of you know), the utter emotional, physical, and spiritual devastation this somewhat forced "coming out" wreaked upon our family. After counseling,intensive research and reading, prayer,and the grace of God and friends, we are pulling together. And, then the reality occurrs: My job as a parent has changed, and I don't know how to do it. As a straight mom, I felt prepared to teach my child how to live in a straight world. Now that we're functioning again as a family, I realize it is still my job to prepare my son to live in the world, but now it is the "gay" world, and I know nothing about that.
I never intended to watch Boy Meets Boy. It came on after Queer Eye, which I was boldly watching to learn about gay culture, since to my knowledge, I know no gay people. I told my gay son we would not watch it because it sounded mean. However, your show started before I could turn it off, and you and James, for lack of a better word, startled me. Although I'm not actually old enough to be James' mom, he reminded me so much of my son, or at least, as I hope my son will be at that age. James is one of the most impressive individuals, not gay persons, but individuals, I have seen in a long time. You, Andra, remind me of my son's best friend. She is a wonderful person who would go through fire for him, and has truly become the daughter-in-law I'll never have. Her spirit and loyalty, like yours, are almost indescribable. The quality, realness, and plain classiness of the two of you hooked me on this show. If class is defined as grace under pressure, I have never seen a better example than you and James. As I watched this show, I saw other gay men who any mother would be proud of. Funny, smart, caring, and most of all KIND people who are leading lives that matter, lives in which they contribute to society. I saw straight men who, instead of hoping to play a mean joke, actually seemed to care about the conditions of gay men. The twist of the show hurt a lot of people, gay and straight alike. I think the straight men believed they were, and tried to, help diminish barriers. Sadly, some of them, especially Franklin, ended up hurting the very people they probably intended to help. I can only imagine the pain this twist caused you, and after reading your various interviews, I know how foolish you felt. What I want to tell you is this: you were never foolish at any time, and you exhibited great self control, intelligence, kindness even when you were furious, and you are wonderfully articulate. You said you hoped this helped even one person. Well, it did. It helped me, and through me, it helped my son. I now have a much better knowledge and understanding of gay dating, gay culture, and most importantly, I have some gay role models for my son. I have referred to your show several times in the past month when my son has been going through a difficult relationship with someone, who, for lack of a better term, is a player, and been able to encourage him by reminding him people like you and the gay "mates" are out there, and just because he is gay, he doesn't have to settle for someone with no morals or character. You have to realize he has no one to guide him, either. He's just as clueless as I am, and is making it up as he goes along. No, I'm not a single mother, but my husband is even more at sea than either of us, since he's obviously not gay either, and still wonders if maybe he was a bad father or this wouldn't have happened (for the record, he wasn't). James, you have given us a role model, and you have given me the hope that my son can live a wonderful, "normal" life that includes love, friends, and meaning. I hate that my help came at the cause of so much pain for you, but I do want you to know that you did help. I hope you will continue to be there for gay people. I hope to hear that you at some point in your life consider running for a political office because you have the control and the thoughtfulness to make a difference, and you are a wonderful representative of the gay community. Please use your God given talents to continue to help others. It may be unfair to ask, but I truly believe you can continue to make a difference. Also, as a fan, I have to say you and Wes were an adorable couple, and I was rooting for him from the beginning when I didn't even know who was gay or straight. I was overjoyed at the end to see that you two were together. Yes, I, a straight mom, couldn't have been happier to see you two kissing. As I think Wes said, it isn't about two guys in bed, it's about two peole in love, and by the end of your show, that is what I saw and felt. I hope you will give that relationship a chance to flower, and not let it be influenced by this emotional experience. You both have been through a valley together, and you deserve the joy of the view at the top. I apologize for the length of this e-mail. I would have sent a letter if I had known where to send it. I simply feel I have to tell you that you made a difference. God Bless you.
Wow, Trinket! What a wonderful and sensitive expression of how BMB has touched you and your newly 'out' son. I hope that Andra sees it and shares it with the rest of the cast. You, like they, are an inspiration!
I know this is a huge adjustment for your entire family, but I want to encourage you to look for resources in your community that can be a support, like a local gay and lesbian community center or local chapter of PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays). You don't have to walk this journey alone.
I came out 14 years ago at the age of 24. My family and I have gone through some difficult times processing my sexual orientation, largely working through our long held religious beliefs. Feel free to contact me if I can be a resource.
Again, kudos to the BMB gang. You rock!
Another question for Andra...
I was just wondering if you've always been open-minded regarding gay folks, or was it a gradual process? If so, what happened for you that opened you up to how wonderful we can be?
Thinking of Trinket's post, any wisdom you can share as a mother on how to cultivate acceptance and appreciation of diversity based on what's inside a person's heart rather than a particular label they may wear?
Thanks again for talking with us.
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