He's Just Not That Into You

[LG.]

Anyone else read this book? I've heard that it's been on Oprah and other shows that I don't see because I'm not at home during the day, and that it was based on a line from an episode of Sex in the City.

Just wondering if anyone else has read it. Not a tough read, by the way.

[Dinahann]

I haven't read it, but I've heard a little buzz about it. Isn't the premise of the book for women to stop making excuses as to why a potential boyfriend doesn't call or see them when they say they will?

[LG.]

the book is brutally honest, from a man's perspective, telling women to stop making excuses for why their current beau is so lame and confess that really, he's not that interested, because if he was that interested, he wouldn't be doing x or y.

For example, he's not that into you if he doesn't call when he says he's going to. Greg (the author) polled a bunch of guys, and all of them will call up women that they truly want to get to know better, but many, many guys will say that they will call and then don't if they'd really rather not bother with the woman.

Greg is a married guy, and his co-author Liz is a single gal, who tries to soften his blunt approach, telling Greg he doesn't know what it's like to be a 40 year old single woman (which he doesn't), and that it isn't so easy to write off guys just because they won't be nice to your family or whatever, but Greg is an optimist who thinks that great guys who will treat you nice are out there if you stop wasting your time on heels who won't.

He's not that into you if . . . he's sleeping with someone else.
he says he "doesn't believe" in marriage.
he isn't asking you out on dates.
he doesn't want people to know you're dating. . . .

[JR.]

Women need a book to tell them this?

[candor]

Well, some really dumb women need it.
I haven't read the book yet, but I gotta share this story.
I broke up with someone after watching that Sex and the City episode.
We'd been dating five months, and I was always making excuses for his behavior (which included refusing to pick me up from the hospital after surgery): he's tired, he's busy, he's distracted by the war in Iraq, he's actually so sensitive that he has to cover it up with this boorish exterior.
Then Carrie's boyfriend tells Miranda, "He's just not into you." And I'm like, doiiiii, no kidding!
I told him about that episode, and said if he were into me, he wouldn't have so many reasons why he couldn't be with me. He denied it, but he didn't try to win me back, either.
Anyway, I can't wait to read the book.

[Lucy]

Women need a book to tell them this?

Yes. In some cases. We can be really self-delusional sometimes. Every female friend I have has at some point been in a relationship where she refused to see that the man wasn't that into her. Now, I think we all figure it out eventually. But I'm sure this book will sell well to all the women who already know in their hearts that he's not that into them, but want a book to corroborate that.
Also, I think a lot of women will buy this for their friends.

[Broadway]

Also, I think a lot of women will buy this for their friends.

And ask to borrow it when they're through with it.

JR... take a peek at the Relationship Challenged thread. Yes.. yes... we need a book (and a billboard..a sign dragging behind a plane... a knock upside the head....)

[LG.]

JR, it's a bestselling book, if that is any indication of how many need a book to confirm what they know, but don't want to admit is the sad truth. I bought one for myself and one for a friend, and have already loaned out my copy to a second friend.

[speedbump]

This must be the "it" book. I keep hearing about this all over the place, and in the Bachelor forum.

To be fair, it goes both ways. Sometimes I need neon lights, a hammer to the head and smelling salts to get me to see the light.

[John]

It's a shame, because I think people stay in relationships where their SO isn't good for them mostly because of some self-esteem issues, and the feeling that being with someone who's not good for them is better than not being with anyone.

I'm not sure a book is the solution for that, but the billions made off the self-help phenomenon proves me wrong. I hope the book actually helps some people.