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Thread: He's Just Not That Into You

  1. #21
    Rude and Abrasive Texicana's Avatar
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    Lock the both of you up in a confined area and read out loud to her, Snowy!
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  2. #22
    LG.
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    Hmmmm, slip the cover off and replace it with a cover that reads "He Loves You SOOOO Much He Just Doesn't Know How To Express It, That's Why He's Such An Ass"

    Ugh, I hear your pain, Snowy, and I'd be happy to join you with my copy of the book to give this jerk the beat-down he so richly deserves. But she's got to be ready to see the truth before she'll allow herself to realize what's going on. Right now she's probably in such deep denial that she'd still make excuses for him even if she read it. Frustrating. My friends once had an intervention, but I didn't listen. Damn, I SHOULD have listened.
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  3. #23
    FORT Fogey candor's Avatar
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    What L.G. said.
    She doesn't seem to want to hear the truth right now, and any more prodding will just give her a reason to redirect her anger toward you.
    The best thing might be to let your friend discover this guy's true colors on her own -- then be there for her when she finally does.
    Why do I suddenly sound like Dr. Phil? Never mind. Lock her in a room and read it to her.
    "If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." Will Rogers

  4. #24
    Scrappy Spartan Broadway's Avatar
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    Buy a copy of it, too.... and quote passages from it in emails. Pick out the areas that really blatantly sound like her situation.

    She'll recognize them... and hopefully will get beyond the denial enough to actually read a little bit at a time. Buying the book was the first step that shows that she wants to face the truth, but she's afraid to.

    Being in an abusive/destructive relationship for that long.... she could be completely afraid of the alternative: perceived loneliness. He could have completely undermined her self confidence to the extent that she thinks that even a bad relationship is better than no relationship.

    Is her life completely intertwined with his? Do they live together? Do they share joint finances? If so, you're going to have to show her what she can do to become more independent.

    Good luck, Snowie.
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  5. #25
    Picture Perfect SnowflakeGirl's Avatar
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    Thanks for your advice everybody. I want to remain a supportive friend because I love her dearly and she should not have to suffer like this, but she has been calling me crying in torment over the exact same things (like 3 times this Thanksgiving Day alone!) for TWO WHOLE YEARS. It's like the movie Groundhog Day, as if life is stuck in some hellish loop for her with this guy. I don't know what else to tell her that I already have not.

    Luckily they are not cohabitating, nor do they share any finances. He has point blank told her he is not interested in commitment (though he leads her on by saying she's "special"), flaunts the fact that he dates other women for sex, and treats her like she's a convenient little chew toy whenever he wants, yet she is still completely obsessed with him and has made him the center of her life. Since meeting him, he is literally ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT.

    That's why I was excited to hear about this book, and recommended it to her, hoping maybe it could reach her in a way I and all her other friends have not. I didn't anticipate her flat-out refusing to read it, though. I know she ultimately has to be the one to determine she's ready to move on...but isn't there some way to gently nudge or poke her to get on with it?

    <--"You're beautiful, strong, smart and deserve better than this."

    Ah, geez, I might end up just beating this guy with the hardcover edition of this book after all.
    Sending good vibes and warm fuzzies your way..., SnowflakeGirl
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  6. #26
    clap clap clap sleepysluggo's Avatar
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    Aw, Snowy, I hope your friend comes to her senses soon. It's a frustrating situation, too. I have a co-worker who's been wound up with this one guy for a long time, and no matter what anyone tells her she can't get herself to get over him. She really needs this book.

  7. #27
    JR.
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    Snowy, why does she not want to read it? What reason did she give you?

    You might have to get a little angry with HER, and tell her to read it "right F***ING now"!

  8. #28
    Wonky snarkmistress Lucy's Avatar
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    Snowie, I once put myself through a torment similar to that of your friend, and I can tell you this: she won't listen to a thing you say, she's going to have to come to her senses herself. Bad relationships are much harder to see from the inside. Even if she reads this book, she's likely to just get out of it what she wants to get out of it.
    Still, you could try striking a deal with her -- she reads it and you take her to lunch or something. Or maybe tell her to please just look at it, for you, and if she doesn't like it, she hasn't lost anything.
    Good luck. I'm sure it's frustrating for you.
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  9. #29
    FORT Fogey candor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnowflakeGirl
    yet she is still completely obsessed with him and has made him the center of her life. Since meeting him, he is literally ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT.
    I had a girlfriend like that. Funny thing is, she never obsessed at all over the next guy, who became her husband.
    Bottom line, people don't keep doing something unless there's a payoff -- good or bad. On some subsconscious level, your friend's getting something out of this unhealthy relationship.
    "If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." Will Rogers

  10. #30
    Hockey is life! EvaLaruefan's Avatar
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    I saw the Oprah show when the author was on and alot of friends came to mind that I could buy the book for. I actually wouldn't even mind reading it myself even though I'm married, just to teach me a few things about people.

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