Well, it’s finally come… the last episode of Boarding House: North Shore… and I have to say I’m relieved. Lots of gratitude to the WB for making this just a 6 parter.
It’s day 4 of the Pipeline Masters and I’m prepared to see some awesome surfing and a house full of losers. Yes, when this show started a couple of months ago, I had to go to a professional surfing site to find out not only what the lingo meant, but also who ultimately would win the Triple Crown. Sorry to spoil it for you, but the tenants of the boarding house are losers. As if you needed me to spell that out for you.
The surfers are just waking up, preparing for the final 32 in the competition. Danny struggles to open his eyes and Myles philosophizes about how if he dies on the Pipeline that there’s no place he’d rather be. Chaney doesn’t look too comforted. I think maybe Myles should learn a better approach with his fiancée. Maybe something like, “No worries, honey. I’m not going to die.”
The competition begins. There will be 8 4-man heats, with each heat lasting 25 minutes. Myles and Danny are both in the first heat along with goofy footer, Rob Machado and Jamie O’Brien. Since Danny’s perfect score on his last surf in the pipeline, the crowd believes he’s the one to watch.
Danny catches the first wave and it is a nice ride with a good barrel. Padaca is next up and he also gets the cover – as do Rob and Jamie. With 3 minutes remaining, Machado gets a great wave and moves ahead of Danny. In answer, Danny catches the next, but wipes out while trying to get the cover. Seconds before the horn sounds, Myles catches a huge wave that completely crushes him. Moments pass and Padaca doesn’t reappear from the surf – though half of his surfboard does. Chaney is nervously waiting for Padaca to surface when the announcer says over the loud speaker, “Where is Myles Padaca?” Riding out on waverunners are the Hawaiian Water Patrol in search of the surfer when suddenly we see Padaca and the other half of his board heading towards the shoreline. The horn sounds. Danny and Padaca are eliminated.
Though Padaca had a poor showing for the defending champion from last year’s Triple Crown, he takes the loss in stride and says he’ll just keep on keepin’ on. Danny doesn’t take the loss so well and he continually calls himself a loser.
Now it’s nighttime on the North Shore which means it’s time to party. The girls and their friends head out to a local bar. Holly is standing in a pack of surfer girls talking about how she’s gotta get her a piece of ass. Yes. Holly said ass. She is on a manhunt. Later in confessional, she tells us that she wasn’t really looking to get lucky, but was just trying to join in on the fun by talking trash. Whatever Holly. I saw you. You were looking for the hookup. Admit it.
The next morning is day 5 of the men’s competition. Sunny shares a heat with a surfer known as Jake the Snake. Now, I can think of 10 different jokes for this guy, but I’m on vacation, so I’m keeping it short. The other 2 guys in Sunny’s heat are Joel Parkinson and Paulo Moura. The horn sounds and both Sunny and Jake go for the same wave. True to his name, Jake snakes the wave and Sunny falls back. Though Jake cut Sunny off, there is no interference call.
The next wave is Sunny’s. He owns the wave and gets the cover. He completes his ride with the “surfer salute” which is a big FU sign to Jake. Raina is on her feet on the beach applauding. She loves it.
Joel catches the next wave and knocks Sunny out of the lead. Next wave, Sunny and Jake are battling for it again, and Jake snakes Sunny for the second time and dominates the wave while Sunny falls back. My guess is this… Sunny is keeping his trap shut and his face smacks under control because Jake the Snake would hit back.
The horn sounds and Sunny is eliminated. Back on the beach, Sunny tells the camera that Jake hassled him but that he understands that Jake has a family to support and understands that he was doing anything to win, so he could let it slide. Sunny adds, “I’d like to think I’m changing” which I guess he’s trying to claim is why he didn’t smack Snake. Sorry, but I have a hard time believing that in the course of a week, you decided that blind smacking people wasn’t a good way to handle things. Yeah, I’m going back to my prior theory that Jake woulda kicked his ass.
We later learn that on the way to the day’s events, Holly and her friends saw some hotties on the side of the road. When they stopped at the Foodland, the hotties were there. Then when they arrived at the beach, again with the hotties. Now, I’m thinking that if these guys were walking on the side of the road, then were at the grocery store at the same time, then again met up with the girls at the beach that they are either REALLY fast walkers or the girls are REALLY slow drivers. Either way, Holly found her a piece of ass named “Gorilla.”
Holly and Gorilla spend the afternoon talking during the men’s competition. When he learns that she’s staying at the boarding house, he shows up at the house. He and Holly go swimming in the surf together and go out to dinner, where Gorilla lets the “my girlfriend and I” slip into conversation. Though it looks like a lovely early stage relationship, Holly tells the camera, “The more time I spend with him, the less cool he is.” Man, that sucks. And he knows where you live. And he has a girlfriend. Yeah, that is uncool.
Back at the house after Holly’s dinner out, Gorilla keeps checking her out, though she’s got her attention focused on someone else… our very own stoned surfer extraordinaire Danny. In confessionals, Holly tells the camera how hot Danny is and that he’s all but offered his “services” through body language. Danny on the other hand says, “Yeah, we got pretty friendly, but she was denied.”
Back in the kitchen, Holly is sitting across the bar from Danny saying “If it doesn’t work out with [tonight’s slut], lemme know.”
Danny’s response: “NO.”
Holly says, “No??!”
Danny: “NO WAY.”
Holly, “Man! That’s it? I don’t even get a chance? What? I’m not your type? You’re killing my confidence!”
Holly, please stop. Hell, I’m even embarrassed for you. No means no.
Later, the gang is all in the kitchen eating pizza when Danny starts questioning Holly about Gorilla. Sunny tells the camera that he expected more from Holly… that she’s a smart, pretty girl and that Gorilla was a loser. I have to agree. A big time loser. When Gorilla gets to the house, he heads straight for Holly. They chat for a bit, she looks disinterested when next thing you know, she’s leading him upstairs to her room! The door closes and the assumptions begin.
From the next room over from Holly’s, VK calls the house phone from her cell. Danny answers and VK tells him that Holly and Gorilla are getting it on. Danny and his motley crew of surf bums run up the stairs and put their ear to the door. When they can’t hear anything, they go into VK’s room and put their ears to the floor, listening for vibrations. Man, this is just sad sad sad.
Later, Holly heads back downstairs, and in my opinion, doesn’t have that “just gotcha some” look to her. The roommates question her about Gorilla, but she says that nothing happened… that they hung out, talked and she kicked him out. Hmmm. Maybe she wham bammed and booted the man. Kudos to Holly!!
The next day is Damien’s turn to compete at Pipeline. His heat includes Andy Irons, Mick Fanning and Taj Burrow. The first wave goes to Andy and he rides it well. Damien catches the next and gets some good points. Third wave is Andy’s again. He is clearly the best surfer in the group with the most style. For most of the competition, Damien is in second, but minutes before the horn sounds, Mick catches the perfect wave and knocks him out of the top 2. Despite Damien’s disappointment, he takes his loss in stride. He admits that Andy Irons is just awesome and deserving of the Triple Crown. As a sidenote, we learn that Chelsea has claimed the title of Rookie of the Year.
With the competitions over, the group gets dressed up, full makeup, hair done and head to the beach for a photo shoot. After, they all go to a concert by Simple Plan at The Hard Rock Café. Holly is all up on Danny, but they all look to be enjoying themselves.
The next day, the group is packing to go. Each individually talks about their experience in the house and basically they all say it was great and fun and yada yada.
At the end we learn what the surfers are doing now –
Holly is still as driven as ever and is now the president of the International Women’s Surfing Organization.
Sunny has earned a top 10 ranking on 2003 tour and is looking to win one more title before retiring.
Danny is entering a few more competitions, but doesn’t want to tour – he just wants to live the dream.
VK competed in 2 competitions in the past year and is still modeling part time.
Damien is still after his first World Title and is ranked 16th in the world.
Chelsea is ranked 6th in the world and won the first event of 2003.
Padaca has been enjoying his status as father to daughter Ava Nalani, and is re-qualifying for the championship tour.
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