Welcome to the semi-season finale of Blow Out II! You all thought this was the end, didn’t you? You should know by now that if Bravo can milk yet another show out of this series, it will. This means that we will have to endure a “reunion show” in a few weeks. More about that later. Let’s focus on this week’s show…
Last week, we left Jonathan as he headed toward the QVC sound stage for his first appearance in front of what he says is 100 bazillion homes… okay Jon, maybe a bit fewer than that. Today, he actually makes it all the way to the stage! Tina and Beth Anne watch on the monitor in the green room and squeal as he comes on camera. Jonathan is introduced by the host, she holds out her hand for him to shake it and…… Jonathan is frozen like a figure in Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum. She finally gives him a little nudge and he comes back to life.
Sellin’ Like Magellan
Soon, he is selling with the best of them, demonstrating Dirt on the hair models and even on the QVC host. Yes, he does say “So hot!” a few dozen times, but it’s a pretty good first appearance. He tells us that every time he started to think, he just told himself to focus on the hair. Looks like Jonathan thinking very closely resembles Jonathan with gas, because every time we see him “thinking,” I flash back to Joey Tribiani’s “Smell the Fart” method of acting. Really though, it doesn’t seem to matter to the QVC viewers – this stuff is selling like crazy. Tina and Beth Anne sit in the green room boo-hooing. They have clearly spent too much time with Jonathan.
Time is up and Jonathan is done. He thanks the models, the host, the camera guy, etc. and asks every one of them “Was it good?” Big ego, low self-esteem. Back in the green room, Tina and Beth Anne show him the QVC computer system, which is tracking sales in real time. They tell him that more than 3100 units have already been sold and they are about to sell out. Predictably, he starts to cry. For once, this is sort of an appropriate cry – it is a big moment. He says that this is the biggest thing to ever happen in his life.
Just when you think this is turning into a Hallmark moment, Jonathan realizes that, if they are selling out, that means they could have sold more product. Oh Jonathan, just be happy for a little while before you start in with that crap.
”But are we going to run out?”
Jonathan is back in LA and immediately calls Tina and Beth Anne. They happily tell him that Jonathan Product sold out on QVC and that sales on QVC.com are going through the roof. Now, to you and me, this would seem like great news. To Jonathan, this means that they are “running out” of product.
Tina and Beth Anne tell Jonathan to get over the whole “selling out/running out” thing because they have another surprise for him. They tell him that he will be doing a personal appearance at the Times Square Sephora store in New York City. They also say that the store there is already getting calls from hundreds of people wanting to know when he will be there.
Make 20 Lattes and Bring me the Best One!
Jonathan is heading over to the West Hollywood salon. He tells us that he has a new big idea that he has to discuss with Tina and Beth Anne. Once he’s in his office at the salon, Rosie in tow, he calls the girls and proceeds to “quickly” tell them about his new idea.
Instead of just coming out with it, Jonathan gives this long, drawn-out explanation of how he came up with this idea. Apparently, someone forgot to pay Jonathan’s gas bill, so he woke up with no hot water. He blames his “business manager” for not paying the bill. Good one, Jon. I’m using that excuse the next time I forget to pay my bills. He tells them that he took a shower using bottled water. Just so we know that the cameras go everywhere, we get shots of Jonathan soaping up and rinsing off with Evian (yeah, they took the labels off, but I know that bottle). He says that his hair and skin feel amazing today. There’s a point coming here, I just know it.
Here’s Jonathan’s big idea: He wants to make showerhead filters to remove all the impurities from water that mess up hair and skin. To that end, he wants Tina and Beth Anne to find him the best engineer in the country (no, the world! *insert evil laugh*), so he can discuss this idea…. today. Being as diplomatic and ass-kissy as possible, Tina says that she thinks the idea is fabulous. Beth Anne tries to bring him back down to earth, reminding him that they don’t have the money to start another huge venture at the moment. It all goes in one ear and out the other, as he tells them to “make it happen” and that tomorrow is too late.
They stuhl my cuhms <----- cheesy French accent
Jonathan’s back to cutting hair for the moment. Maybe I’m imagining things, but this episode seems loaded with little scenes that could be lead-ins for a third season. Jonathan has a discussion with stylist Olivier (he, of the Clouseau accent) about how his combs keep melting under the curling iron and I imagine a whole season of talking about combs. I don’t know what’s worse, another season of therapy sessions or hours of comb-talk.
The main point of this whole scene is to introduce salon assistant Erik (who has previously been only background decoration) as Jonathan’s possible new assistant. What happened to Clarrisa, you ask? No clue. In fact no one knows where Clarissa is. Jonathan has Erik take over a blow dry on one of his clients and Erica says that she thinks Erik has lots of potential. She also thinks that Jonathan having a man as an assistant is a great idea.
Time for Jonathan to “do” another celebrity! It’s really more like a B- or C-level celeb though, because if they hadn’t told us that she is Jenna Fisher from The Office, I would have no clue. Jenna wants a great cut, but it also has to be “done down” for her part on the show. No big, sexy, pretty hair on The Office. Of course, Jonathan gives her just what she asks for, of course she loves it and of course, it looks fab.
I’m &*%$@# Hair!
Jonathan’s on his way out to Malibu for a photo shoot with one of his “supermodel” clients. Doesn’t an actual supermodel have to be someone you recognize? I’m drawing a blank on both of the models, so I can’t imagine that they are that super. Jonathan meets Gino, the photographer, who tells Jonathan that he can have whatever time he needs to get the hair done. That is quickly revised though, when the shadows start creeping across the beach. Soon Gino is pacing and getting more annoyed. Jonathan tells him that he’s moving as fast as he can. He even gets one of the models involved doing the other’s hair. Is that a union violation? Is there a union for “supermodels?” Eventually, Gino calms down, the hair gets done and the shoot turns out fine. When the shoot is done, Jonathan makes a point of thanking Gino for the opportunity. He tells us that Gino is a good guy but (get this) he has a bit of an attitude. Hypocrite, party of one? Your table is ready.
Jonathan is in Beverly Hills on a Monday morning to open the salon. He has a few clients and says that it will be a nice, relaxing day. Until he finds that Clarissa is still not accounted for – she was supposed to be in early with him. He calls and leaves a message for her and calls salon manager Annie as well. Annie hasn’t heard from Clarissa either. Stylist Jason is also in this morning and Jonathan informs him that Clarissa has gone AWOL. Then he says that it’s no big deal: Jason can do his shampoos. Jason looks thrilled at the prospect. When Jonathan’s first client comes in, Jason tells him that he’ll get the coffee: Jonathan can do the shampoo. To his credit, Jonathan doesn’t raise a stink about doing the shampoo, at least not with the client. Who knows what went on later.
We hear about another possible “story line” for a third season. Jonathan tells his client that he is looking into opening his own hair academy. As if the stress from the product line and running two salons wasn’t enough. Boy, that shrink is going to be working over-time.
In addition to his regular appointments, Jonathan will be the subject of a photo shoot featuring him working on a client and using Jonathan Product. As he starts working (with Jason posing as the assistant instead of the absent Clarissa), the photographer asks if he is going to do the whole head of hair, or just the front. They will only be taking pictures from the front, so it would be more convenient, time-wise, if he just did the front. Jonathan elects to do the back as well (for the sake of the model). The photo director tells us that Jonathan is now throwing her way off schedule because she has photo shoots booked all day long. Welcome to Jonathan’s World, honey – there’s only one star.
Gosh Miss, You Sure Are Purdy
Over in the West Hollywood salon, Stripper Bobby has another client who looks like a porn star. Is it me, or do all of Bobby’s clients look like strippers and porn stars? Bobby immediately starts sweating like a pig in her presence. Bobby falls all over himself like this girl is a veela, as the other stylists look on with various expressions of amusement and horror. He blushes and flirts (“How tall are you? Are you single? Do you cook?”) and drinks a gallon of water to cool himself off. Really Bobby, she’s not that hot. Even the client seems embarrassed by his overtures.
Relaxin’ on the Links
Jonathan meets his realtors to look at a possible site for the new hair academy. Jonathan check out the space and says that the main room has good acoustics. This means that he can yell and everyone will hear him.
Jonathan is off to the Malibu County Club to play golf and relax a bit with his friend Scott (not to be confused with Zorbit Scott or Salon Assistant Scott – what is it with all the Scotts?). They talk about his relationship with Sescie, which he says is a little rocky. Scott is a golf instructor so, predictably, Jonathan gets slaughtered. Also predictably, Jonathan is running late and must call his babe, Sescie (does she know he calls her his “babe?”).
What we learn from this phone conversation is that Sescie is not the doormat she has been edited to be. Jonathan immediately senses something is up with Sescie. She says that she feels “weirdness” between them and feels like their relationship is all about him. So do we Sescie, so do we. She says that she wants to see him more, but can’t sleep over and just leave her dog alone. He tells her that he feels that their relationship is leading up to them living together anyway. She quickly nixes that idea, saying that she would never live with him since he smokes. Show of hands: has anyone seen Jonathan smoke this entire series? Me neither. Jonathan then asks if he is a bad boyfriend, to which she lies like a five year-old “NooooO” <----- note the inflection at the end I guess that’s the end of that, because the next thing we see is Jonathan’s plane taking off for New York.
Top of the World, Ma!
Jonathan is in New York for the big Sephora event. Tina and Beth Anne, along with Stan, the heretofore-invisible third Jonathan Product exec, have a surprise for Jonathan. They have rented out a boat that will sail them around while they eat dinner. What happened to “We don’t have money for a showerhead filter” Beth Anne? That boat wasn’t cheap.
As the foursome eats dinner, we get a little retrospective of the journey (*pats self on back for working in a classic reality TV word*) they have all taken to get to that point. Tina says she feels bad that Zorbit Scott can’t be there to enjoy this moment with them. *crickets* I don’t think anyone else wishes Scott were there. She says that Scott really came through. That may be true, but it doesn’t mean anyone wants to eat dinner with him.
It’s the morning of the Sephora event and Jonathan is in his hotel room getting ready. For the first time the whole season (unless I’m forgetting something) he actually calls his mother. She seems happy for him, but it’s not the enthusiastic response I would have hoped for from his mother. No wonder he calls Robin at these moments.
On to Times Square, New York City, where Jonathan is the King of the World (for the moment anyway and only in his mind). There are throngs of people waiting in line outside the store and they erupt in cheers as he emerges from the limo. What do you wanna bet about half of those people just got in line because it was a line and they have no idea who Jonathan is? Have you ever noticed how often people just get in a line, without knowing what the line is for? Inside the Sephora store, Jonathan signs autographs, schmoozes with the public, fondles lots of hair and plays Rock Star for a Day.
The day – and the show – closes with Jonathan walking off into the sunset… or at least into New York City. “It’s all good, man” he says “Peace.”
Just when you thought it was over…. Be sure to tune in on August 2 for the final season finale where we learn even more about Jonathan. Will be propose to Sescie? Is she pregnant? Who would win in a fistfight: Zorbit Scott or Jonathan? (I say neither – they wouldn’t want to mess up their hair) Can they possibly milk another episode out of this season or is this really it? Watch and find out!
Where is Clarissa? Critical@fansofrealitytv.com