After a long week of waiting, the day has finally arrived. You guessed it: The next episode of Blow Out II and the much anticipated style off at the West Hollywood salon. *does little nerdy dance of joy, à la Ed Grimley*. I just have to get in another plug for the movie The Big Tease. It’s all about a contest put on by the World Hairdresser International Federation and features a fab cameo by Sean Connery as a hairdresser. If you think Jonathan is over the top… Of course, that’s a movie and this is scripted reality TV, so maybe it’s not the same thing…
On Your Marks, Get Set, Blow Dry!
First up, we’re off to the West Hollywood salon and the style off (Hurray! <---- Spongebob voice). As Jonathan arrives at the salon, he sees all of the candidates waiting outside the salon. He goes inside and tells Rosie that his vict…er… potential employees are here. He sends her out with instructions as he heads upstairs. Rosie’s instructions consist of “don’t touch any equipment that isn’t yours,” which sounds suspiciously like the little speeches you got about keeping your “private” parts private when you were a kid. Maybe it’s Jonathan’s smarmy sexual humor, but now everything on this show sounds a little smutty to me. The would-be stylists are ushered in to set up at stations in the salon. Jonathan then descends the stairs from his office and I realize that he probably had nothing to do up there – he just wanted to make an entrance and make it seem like he was doing super-important hair stylist business up there… what this would be, I have no idea. In reality, he was probably just checking himself out in the mirror again.
As the candidates get started on their models, Jonathan moves around the salon, chatting up the various stylists and, hopefully, checking their technique. Boy, these people are suck ups! It’s all “I’d love to be a part of your team” and stuff like that. Hey, I have a question: Why do so many of these hair stylists have bad hairstyles? One girl in particular has white blonde hair and a French manicure with bright pink nails and the white tips. We meet Matt – he’s the stylist who initially refused to do the style off because he didn’t feel he should have to prove himself. I guess he changed his mind after Jonathan called his bluff. Jonathan makes a point of telling Matt’s model about how Matt didn’t want to come in to do the style off, but that Jonathan told him he had to or he couldn’t work there. This is just Jonathan’s subtle way of making sure Matt knows who’s in charge, since Matt himself used to own a salon.
Must Be Able To Shake Your Money Maker
Jonathan comes up the front counter, where Rosie and Annie are giggling about something, and asks them to come back into the salon and be his spies. Erica, from the West Hollywood salon, is also there to check out the candidates. One guy, who Jonathan calls “Jersey Boy,” actually hits on Rosie. She doesn’t seem to mind. We find out that his name is Bobby and that he was once a Chippendale’s dancer. I have to interject here by saying that if Bravo wanted the new hires to be a surprise, they probably shouldn’t have put Bobby on the front page of the official website for the show three weeks ago.
Jonathan lays out the qualities he’s looking for in a stylist: Posture and strength behind the client, focus, and the ability to be “in the moment.” Wouldn’t you think that talent as a hair stylist would be in there somewhere? At least he didn’t say something about the ability to bring lots of hot women into the salon….then again: Chippendale’s dancer.
Right in the middle of the style off, Beverly Hills salon assistant, Scott shows up with some paperwork for Jonathan to sign. With him, inexplicably, is a cat on a leash wearing a hot pink sweater. Everyone fawns over the cat, even Jonathan. In a confessional, Jonathan says that he’s all about animals, but get the f-ing cat out of his salon! We’re feelin’ the love there Jonathan. Now run off and join PETA.
Time’s up for the style off candidates and Jonathan makes his rounds, checking the work of the potentials (that sounded so much cooler on Buffy where they used it to refer to potential slayers). Bobby, the former stripper has to endure lots of lame stripper jokes from Jonathan as the girls all drool and giggle like 14-year olds. If this guy looked like Ernest Borgnine, but still did great hair, do you really think he even would have been let in the door? Me neither.
Not exactly like Spanish Inquisition
Jonathan takes time to meet with each of the candidates. He asks each of them why he should hire them and why they want to work for him. We are treated to a montage of clichés and lots of sucking up. There are a few people that they haven’t even shown before, which means they will not get hired. Proving that he is just this side of being a big, emotional mess, Jonathan even cries when someone sucks up to him. Can we not go even ONE week without this guy boo-hooing over something? Next week, I’m sure he’ll weep when someone gets his lunch order wrong and they bring him crow instead of the usual ham sandwich.
Once the interviews are over, Jonathan asks three of the stylists to move into another room. You read that right: three. One of the three is Stripper Bobby, who practically humps Jonathan’s leg when his name is called. To the rest, he gives that b.s. “You’re all winners” speech and sends them on their way. The three remaining stylists are Bobby, Jared (the one who made Jonathan cry) and Matt, the guy who was too good for the style off. He speaks to each one individually. He has decided that Jared is too talented to let go. He will make a space for him in the Beverly Hills salon. As he will do with Bobby and Matt, Jonathan gives Jared his first stack of business cards. Jared is just bursting with excitement. All I can think is that Scott will be all over this guy like a bad weave. Both Bobby and Matt will be working in West Hollywood. Bobby gets a little weepy – his mom passed away last week and she would be so proud. I just can’t say anything snarky about that. You can’t help but feel for him.
It’s all about ME!<----------What Jonathan wanted to call the show
Just so we don’t forget about New York Fashion Week, we hop back to Beverly Hills where Jason, Kiara and Alyn all discuss the upcoming B. Michael show with clients.
Aaaaand…. We’re back in West Hollywood. Jonathan is in his office contemplating world hair domination when Rosie calls up to him and tells him that Tina and Beth Anne, the execs working on Jonathan Product (the new styling line), are downstairs. They are not expected and Jonathan looks pretty annoyed that they just showed up. Just wait man, you’ll be a lot more annoyed in a minute. Tina and Beth Anne sweep on in and announce that they want to move into Jonathan’s office in the West Hollywood salon. What? You can almost hear the crickets chirping at this point. This is the only office he has, so both salons are run out of this one tiny room. Tina tries to allay Jonathan’s fears by saying, “We’re easy going.” Beth Anne quickly corrects her, saying “No, that’s not true. We’re very high maintenance.” Great, I’m sure that makes everyone feel better. Jonathan relents, but says that it’s going to be a nightmare. Beth Anne rolls her eyes. I’m really starting to think Beth Anne is a raging b!tch. We finish up our time in the West Hollywood salon with an old favorite from Jonathan: The always timeless, “Poor me, I have it all, everyone wants a piece of me….” At this point, it’s in one ear and out the other, dude.
We’re back at the Beverly Hills Salon and Jonathan has received yet another case of samples of the new Jonathan Product (I just never get tired of saying that *snickers*). Once again, it’s not right. He says something about the Mud being greasy. Also in the mail are photos from B. Michael to show Jonathan how the hair for the fashion show needs to be. Jonathan says that the styles in the pics are completely different from what he and B. talked about. Then, in a moment that just proves that Jonathan thinks the world revolves around him, he says that he’ll just change the hair to reflect what he wants. If B. Michael (aka, the designer) doesn’t like it – tough.
At dinner with the stylists, Jonathan passes around the pics B. Michael sent and explains that they are different from his concept. He tells them that they will be going with what he wants, not what B. Michael (once again: The Designer) wants.
The next time we see the gang, they are in New York for the B. Michael fashion show. They all meet for breakfast and then go shopping together. It’s all very low key and chill, except for Kiara who is jumping up and down like a poodle on crack. Settle down, Beavis. Jonathan says he wants to go to Gucci…. Because there’s no Gucci in Beverly Hills, right?
Ladies and Gentlemen! It’s time to play Spot the Brain Cell!
Back in Beverly Hills, the salon is practically deserted, but for Kevin, who is in charge of the three nitwits at the counter - Oh, and he’s styling some hair too. Kim, Annie and salon assistant Scott all huddle together at the front counter ooh-ing and ah-ing over Kim’s new cell phone, which has Pac-Man on it. Ed then walks up to see what they’re doing and Kim takes a picture of Ed with her new phone. He’s standing right in front of a big plate glass window during the day. Kim is disappointed when the picture comes out with Ed in silhouette. Is Kim getting dumber? Spending time around Scott must be sucking out the IQ points.
Back in New York, the crew heads to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Jason says the magnitude of the cathedral is “just ridiculous.” I’m not really sure what this means. Jonathan takes the time to check in with Annie in Beverly Hills to see how Jared is doing on his first day. So far so good. We see Edward showing Jared where he can store his supplies. So – maybe Ed is making an end-run around Scott and staking his claim on the new blood. Jared could definitely do worse – Ed is a cutie.
A Life Dedicated to a Higher Calling
In New York, everyone is getting ready for the fashion show. We see Alyn wearing some ridiculous shirt that looks like a polo under a white t-shirt…. maybe it is just that. Please tell me that’s not going to be a new trend. I don’t think I could keep myself from laughing and pointing at people wearing that. As he is getting ready, we hear Jonathan, in voice over, telling us that this fashion show is almost everything that he’s about: Beautiful hair……beautiful women….. I’m waiting for more, but that’s it. As if we’d suspected any different. Alyn and Erica both voice concerns about the differences between Jonathan’s vision and what B. Michael said he wanted. Jonathan tells us that there is no confusion: they’re either going to do it his way, or not at all.
In West Hollywood, a stampede of buffalo rampages through the salon and move into the office. No wait, that’s just Tina and Beth Anne and their “low key” move-in. They start taking pictures off the wall (what for?) and basically annoying Rosie. I’d say trouble’s a-brewin’.
If your I.Q. is higher than your shoe size, please stop forward.
Everyone is gathered in the lobby of the New York hotel… all except for Michael, who is nowhere to be found. Jonathan calls up to Michael’s room. You remember Michael. Not from the show, but from my recap last week where I referred to Michael as low drama and colossally stupid. He proves that last bit by not even being dressed. He tells Jonathan that he needs to take a shower and get ready. Jonathan tells Michael that if he is not downstairs in 90 seconds, they will leave without him. True to his word, after waiting for a few minutes, they all leave without Michael. Don’t you wish that sort of thing happened more often? I may wish I could do that, but I don’t: I just keep waiting and silently resenting the person.
It seems that leaving Michael behind still didn’t keep the group from being late. They all crowd into their designated area and start setting up. Michael finally arrives, which proves that he at least knows how to call a cab. Jonathan does a quick demo to make sure all of the stylists know how he wants the hair done. B. Michael shows up to see what’s going on with the hair. He tells us that he just had some champagne and is hoping this show will be very low drama. Clearly, he doesn’t know Jonathan very well. In fact, this seems like it’s the first time these two have met in person. Jonathan whispers to B. that he is making some changes to the hair and, to his credit, B. tells him that is fine. B. tells us that he appreciates the fact that Jonathan chose to be discrete in discussing the changes (vs. making a show of it in front of everyone). B. also seems to appreciate the fact that Jonathan is an egomaniac - the champagne must have mellowed him to the point that he doesn’t care. Good thing he missed the little speech about how the hair was going to be Jonathan’s way or not at all, huh?
Massive ego, party of one? Your table is ready
Back in West Hollywood, it’s the first day of work for Bobby and Matt. Bobby tells us he was so busy today that he’s dehydrated - he didn’t even have time to drink a Diet Coke. He does, however, have time to stand around near the front counter, flirting with the girls and showing off his new $195 jeans. It’s all about priorities, isn’t it Bobby?
Back at the fashion show, B. Michael comes into “Hair World” to check out the new, modified hair design. He seems pleased. Just as things are moving along at a nice pace, or as Jonathan puts it “banging out heads of hair,” he is pulled out to go do publicity shots for Jonathan Product. In voice over, we hear him complaining about this and saying that he really needs to be working on the models. What we see is Jonathan schmoozing with the best of them. Not once does he say, “You know what? I really have to get back to what I was doing. Can this wait until after the show?” In the meantime, B. Michael is looking for Jonathan. They are about to do a dry run of the show and he wants Jonathan to see the hair on the runway in case any adjustments need to be made. Jonathan finally shows and finds B. Michael. Jonathan then realizes that all of the models still have their hair pinned up in curls. Because this is not a fashion show for haute couture housedresses, that hair needs to come down. He rushes backstage and does the hair on one model, so they can see how it will look.
Showtime is quickly approaching. They have ten minutes and there are still 5 models whose hair has not been done. Its nothing but chaos backstage, and it looks like some of those models may be walking the runway with straight hair. B. Michael makes a crack about how this is New York time that they’re on, not L.A. time.
What’s the Plural of BEEYotch!?
Out in West Hollywood, The Low-Key Twins kick Rosie out of the office in a not-so-nice way. She leaves, but rips down the “Jonathan Product” sign they had taped to the office door. They roll their eyes at Rosie being so difficult. Why do all of these people think they are the stars of this show? These two remind me of those nasty girls in high school who spent all of their time rolling their eyes and making fun of everyone else.
The B. Michael show is going off without a hitch. We see a backstage blur of activity as Jonathan finishes hair on girls just as they are being called to the runway. Once again, I may make fun of Jonathan and his ginormous ego, but I have nothing bad to say about the hair. B. Michael’s collection is classic and beautiful and Team Jonathan’s Veronica Lake-ish hair complements it perfectly. The show is deemed a success and B. Michael seems pleased with the work that Jonathan and his team did.
”I’d like to thank all of you little people who make my life possible.”
The crew heads out to celebrate their success at Fashion Week. They have drinks and toast themselves. He tells the stylists that he thinks the hair was an “8,” but he tells us that he really felt the hair was a “10” – he just didn’t want to tell them that. No sense in giving them swelled heads since there’s only room for one of those in Jonathan’s World.
Everything is going great until Rosie calls from California to tell Jonathan about the trouble with Tina and Beth Anne. Jonathan immediately gets on the phone to Tina and Beth Anne and tells them that the arrangement is not working and that they have to move out of his office. They look at each other incredulously, as if he should side with them over one of this lowly employees. I have to say, I really like the way Jonathan sided with Rosie on this one. Beth Anne says that she’s confused and that she and Tina take this “personal.” They snottily inform us that they will just fly back to New York. The implication is that now, Jonathan will have to come to them. I’m confused…. whose name is on the bottles again?
Once again, Jonathan feels bad for being a big meanie. The show ends with the familiar refrain of “I’m just a hair stylist doing hair and living my dream.” Well, at least we didn’t have to go to the shrink with him this week.
Next week: Edward takes his styling test and is a nervous wreck, Jonathan visits the shrink again (why? WHY? WHY???<----- Me screaming while rocking myself in a corner) and then butts heads once more with Scott from Zorbit. I’m already rubbing my hands together gleefully at the thought of another Jonathan/Scott smack-down. Remember last week?:
Scott: Oh, yeah!? Well you’re just a hair dresser!
Jonathan: Well, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
*taking poetic license with the dialogue, but you get the idea*
Searching for the meaning of life in a shampoo sink....Critical@fansofrealitytv.com