6/14 Recap - He Styles the Hair that Makes the Whole World Schwing
Welcome to episode two of Blow Out II! Last week, we caught up with “celebrity stylist” Jonathan Antin, his two salons and the cast of supporting characters in Jonathan’s World. This week, it’s more of the same – lots of hair, Jonathan’s huge ego and tons of Jonathan Product…. That would be the styling line that Jonathan is developing. Why? What did you think I meant?
At the start of this week’s episode, we find Jonathan in his car, on the way to the West Hollywood salon where we meet a few more people on Jonathan’s team:
Olivier – He is one of Jonathan’s best stylists. He is also French and speaks with a strong accent, which Jonathan seems to think brings his salon an air of sophistication. To me, he sounds like Inspector Clouseau. I guess sophistication is in the ear of the beholder.
Erica – She is the first stylist Jonathan ever hired. He says she is a great stylist and a fantastic colorist. Erica must not do her own hair, because that dye job is about 2 months old and the haircut is the feathered stuff of 1970’s roller derby movies.
Jonathan calls the West Hollywood salon a well-oiled machine, but says that he still needs to stop in and get the train back on the tracks from time to time. He also says that he couldn’t do any of it without Rosie, the salon manager. Jonathan and Rosie have a little convo and Jonathan asks if he needs to do a “Dr. Phil” session (bald guy…hair salon…you make the joke) with Daniel. Daniel, who was a stylist in the Beverly Hills salon last season, has been moved back to West Hollywood. Jonathan says Daniel was just too funky for Beverly Hills – cut to the montage of Daniel planning a Botox party last season and generally being sort of a flibbertigibbet. We also learn that Daniel is now on probation. Jonathan says that Daniel needs to focus more in bringing in clients and less time on goofing off. He says that he doesn’t want to fire Daniel….yet. Daniel is shown working on a client who proclaims herself a spiritual intuitive - in English, this means that she’s a psychic. Apparently, she wasn’t psychic enough to know that dying her hair black was a bad idea. She tells Daniel that she senses jealously toward him from a co-worker. Daniel, who apparently doesn’t have a self-confidence problem, seems to have no problem believing that someone is jealous of him. So there.
Jonathan Product Sure Gets Around
Jonathan gets a visit from Tina and Beth Ann, the two execs in charge of developing Jonathan Product. They bring him the sample products that were created as a result of his time Baltimore during the last episode. He tells them he will have to test it out before he can give them feedback. They remind him that they have a very small window within which to get the product developed and ready for the market. Jonathan tells us that buyers from the big retailers only buy new products lines once each year. There will be a 2 or 3-week window, during which they will have to get Jonathan Product to these buyers, or they will be out of luck.
Back at the West Hollywood salon, Jonathan is visited by yet another girl he hooked up with. This one is Jenn. She is platinum blonde and looks a bit like Kelly, the blonde stylist at the Beverly Hills salon, minus the implants. Rosie makes the comment to Jonathan that he hasn’t done Jenn in a while. He responds by saying that no, he hasn’t done her in a while (wink-wink, nudge-nudge). Get it!? That Jonathan is so subtle with the sexual humor. Really. Yeah, Oscar Wilde you’re not, hair boy. We learn that Jonathan hasn’t “done” Jenn in about a year. He proceeds to test the new Jonathan Product on Jenn (there’s a joke in there somewhere – I’m sure you all don’t need a map to find it). Today, in addition to a cut, she will be going from blonde to brunette. Erica, who has roots about 8 miles long, will be doing Jenn’s color. I have nothing snarky to say about Jenn’s hair – it’s a cute cut, a good color and she actually looks very pretty. Jonathan tells us that her cut and color cost her $1,000. I think that, for that much money, her hair should sing, dance and style itself.
Rosie discusses with Jonathan the fact that there are two empty stations in the West Hollywood salon. Rather than leaving those stations open, if one of the Beverly Hills stylists comes over to service a client in West Hollywood, Jonathan wants to hire stylists to fill those stations. Then, right in the middle of the conversation, he just says, “How’s my hair?” Huh? Once Jonathan is reassured about his ‘do, he tells Rosie to start calling the stylists whose resumés they have and set up a “style off” for the open positions. Immediately what pops into my head is that movie The Big Tease and hair styles shaped like the Eiffel Tower.
Just What is Jonathan Product Supposed to Smell Like?
Jonathan has gotten around to checking out all the new samples of Jonathan Product. He tries out a product he calls Dirt. Dirt is a texturizing paste that is supposed to make your hair more manageable – the idea is that your hair is easier to style the day after you wash it. He tests the product, smells it and says it’s no good. He immediately gets Tina on the phone and tells her that the Dirt isn’t any good and is totally different from the product he spent time working on in Baltimore. He then throws the open jar of Dirt across the office – we see a shot of the jar and it’s contents all over the carpet. My guess is that someone else is cleaning that up because, you know, Jonathan is hair, he is not spot cleaning. Tina responds, trying to placate him, and tells him…..okay, I don’t know what Tina said because, the entire time she was talking, Jonathan was talking over her and mimicking her. He finally hangs up while she’s still talking.
Jonathan takes a walk outside and continues to rant about the sample products and says that, the way this is going, there may be no more Jonathan Product. This seems more like a medical problem to me. We hear more of Jonathan’s “poor me, I have it all” b.s. Whatever. Jonathan then gets a call from B. Michael, a fashion designer who Jonathan tells us used to work for Oscar de la Renta. B. would like Jonathan to do the hair for his collection during New York Fashion Week. Jonathan tells us that this is a big gig for him.
Rosie is setting up stylists to come to the style-off. Okay, confession time: I missed the next bit of the show because I got a little fixated on the whole concept of a style off. Will there by singing and dancing à la West Side Story or will it be more Gunfight at the O.K. Corral? Is this a timed event? Does one get points for execution and dismount? One question leads to another…..
Busy Jonathan has an hour to kill, so he heads over to his girlfriend (aka his “babe” – be still my heart. Really.) Sescie’s store. Just as I’m heading off on a little snark about her hairstyle or lack thereof, Jonathan announces that he’s going to cut Sescie’s hair. Hallelujah! He says that this is the first time he’s cut her hair. Thank God, because I was starting to wonder. My hair looks better when I put it up to wash my face at night. When he’s done, it actually looks very good. I may rag on Jonathan’s HUGE ego but really, he’s a good stylist.
Back at the Beverly Hills salon, they are being disrupted my noise and dust from construction going on next door. Edward and Annie head over and ask them if they could at least cut it with the dust since they’re next door doing hair and the dust is just not helping. The noise is primarily a result of the fact that they’re in there hammering nails with actual hammers. What is this? Little Construction Workers on the Prairie? Buy a nail gun fellas.
That’s Mr. Hair Stylist to You
Jonathan, along with Tina and Mary Beth, has a meeting with the reps from Zorbit, the company doing the artwork for the new Jonathan Product. Scott, the guy in charge, is 30 minutes late. When he finally arrives, he makes some comment about how he’s sorry, but he’s busy and he just had to squeeze this in last minute. He actually uses the phrase “not to be rude or anything, ” which is a statement that all rude people use when they’re being really, extra rude. Jonathan gets in a little dig about Scott being late and is clearly pissed off that Scott doesn’t understand who the star of the show is. How do I describe Scott? If you turned the sound off and watched this scene, you would think that Scott was the bitchy stylist, not Jonathan. This guy has taken the metrosexual thing WAY too far. He looks like a drag queen, sans makeup. Seriously. Liza Minelli would covet those brows. Not only was Scott late to the meeting, but his team doesn’t even have any art work to show. Jonathan wonders, as do I, what the point of this meeting is. Scott makes the HUGE mistake of calling Jonathan a “hair dresser” and Jonathan corrects him, saying “hair stylist." Scott then proceeds to snottily refer to Jonathan as a “hair stylist" several times. He calls Jonathan a prima dona and then, in speaking to Tina and Mary Beth, refers to Jonathan (who is sitting right there) in the third person. Jonathan says, in the understatement of the year, that he and Scott just don’t “groove.” After the meeting, Tina and Mary Beth try to calm Jonathan down, explaining that Scott is “the best.” Huh? The best at what? He’s late to a meeting, snarks at the client and then doesn’t have any kind of presentation prepared. Yeah, I’m thinking Scott’s going to get loads of work as a result of this appearance.
Little Yellow School Bus Special
Back at the Beverly Hills salon, Jonathan’s sister, Robin drops in. She’s the creator of the “Pussycat Dolls” and is his best friend. Robin tells us that Jonathan does the hair for all the Pussycat Dolls. I’m thinking that’s not all he “does” for the Pussycat Dolls (wink-wink, nudge-nudge – see Jonathan, two can play that game!). Kiara is doing extensions on Robin’s hair, which seems plenty long to me already.
In an interview with Edward, one of the salon assistants, we learn that Edward is a “salon whore” - these are his words, not mine. He says he does everything from shampooing to sweeping up to getting coffee, etc. He says that Scott is a different kind of assistant. He says “different” in the same way people say “special” about people who ride the short bus. We then see Scott hanging out with the girls at the front counter using his cell phone to check his horoscope on the Internet. His horoscope says that he needs to learn to follow through. Scott agrees, saying that he never follows through. We never would’ve guessed that Scott.
Edward tells Jonathan about all of the construction noise they’ve been dealing with. At that exact moment (it amazes me how very little editing they have to do with this show), more noise – what sounds like breaking glass – comes from the space next door and Jonathan stomps over to see what’s what. He tells the workers that if they don’t knock it off with the noise, he’s calling the cops. Sadly, he doesn’t shake his fist and tell them to stay off his lawn.
How to Shrink a Giant Head
In the midst of all this, Kim finds out from Daniel that Jonathan is doing New York Fashion Week. She’s upset that Jonathan didn’t say anything to her. Because Jonathan can read Kim like the back of his hand and because she has the opposite of a poker face, Jonathan knows something is bothering Kim and pulls her aside to find out what’s up. She meekly says something about Fashion Week and Jonathan tells her that it’s a big deal and that he can’t afford to take many people – only the most experienced “fashion show people.” Kim then makes like it’s no big deal. Has anyone noticed how Kim’s backbone seems to disappear around Jonathan? The season finale should include Kim going all Norma Rae on his ass.
Kiara is just about done with the extensions for Jonathan’s sister, Robin. In a slightly creepy moment – it’s not Angelina Jolie at the Oscars (“I love my brother SO much right now!”), but it’s still weird – he talks about how hot Robin looks. Jeez! He can’t even turn it off with his sister. Later, Jonathan walks Robin out to her car and he razzes him over being so high strung about the construction noise. We learn that he’s been this way his whole life, proving that egomaniacs are born, not made.
While a group of the Beverly Hills stylists are going out for drinks, Jonathan heads to his shrink again. In his car, he tells us that sometimes even the shrink and his sister don’t help. Even this…he looks at his face in the mirror on his car visor… doesn’t help. See – Jonathan made a little joke about being vain, as if that would make us think he isn’t. Nice try, ego boy. Jonathan gets to the shrink’s office and I’m thinking, “Not again!” But you know what? They don’t show him in the shrink’s office. Whew! We then go to the stylists all on the town. This quickly turns into an advising session for Kim, who is more upset about not getting to do Fashion Week that she let on to Jonathan. Juuuuust as I start to get comfortable…… we’re back at the d@mn psychiatrist’s office. *stomps feet and throws a little hissy hit, kicking and screaming on the floor* That was cruel editing people. Just cruel. We really just get more of the same thing we got last time (go back and read the recap – the dialog is about the same.) The only part that really stands out is the part where Jonathan talks about how no one seems to understand that he tries to do things for people out of the goodness of his heart. To the sounds of super-sensitive piano music, he begins to cry and says that he’s not a monster. It’s not like anyone thinks you’re John Merrick pal, just a self involved hair dresser…excuse me – stylist.
Coming Soon to Bravo – The Adventures of Spike Head!
Back at his office in the West Hollywood salon, Jonathan makes calls to the stylists who will be going to Fashion Week with him. From Beverly Hills, he is taking Michael (and I say “Who?”)... Michael must be either colossally stupid or very low drama because we haven’t seen more than 30 seconds of him and that includes last season. In addition to Michael are Jason, Kiara and Alyn. From West Hollywood are Olivier, Erica, Nicki and Edward. We haven’t ever seen those last two – they aren’t even in the credits. They must be really dull, because even Michael is in the credits for a nanosecond. Daniel will not be going. Jonathan says that Daniel is just too unpredictable.
Jonathan is booked solid with clients at the West Hollywood salon and tells us that he also has a meeting scheduled with the people from Zorbit. Scott and his partner, as well as some guys from a company called Thread (who Jonathan tells us are in charge of the concept) show up to meet with Jonathan. Jonathan, however, is with clients and he keeps these guys waiting. Scott wonders if this is “payback” for his having made Jonathan wait the other day and then says that he hopes he can triple bill for the wait. He continues on with his little tirade, saying that Jonathan should be on HIS timeline. Scott finally goes to receptionist and asks her to check with Jonathan to see how much longer it will be. Jonathan replies “As long as it takes me to finish this hair cut.” I stand up and applaud. Scott is a plank. Tina and Mary Beth show up and, after what Scott says is 2 hours and fifteen minutes, Jonathan finally finishes up and the meeting can start.
As the meeting goes on, all I can think is that Scott is somehow angling for his own reality show. He continually makes a huge deal of checking his watch – as if he has so many more important things to do instead of getting his fame whore mug on TV. The team from Thread pulls out presentation boards to show Jonathan ideas about the directions they could take with Jonathan Product. One includes calling some products Jonathan Minus (like shampoo) and Jonathan Plus (I guess conditioner, styling product?). When they talk about Jonathan Minus, Scott snottily says something like “less time” and “reduction of time.” Jonathan starts to put him in his place and Scott’s cell phone rings. He makes a show of getting up and leaving to answer his very important call. While Scott is gone, Jonathan tells Scott’s partner that he better get “spike head” in line. The partner seems to know that Scott is a wanker. Scott comes back and tries to weigh in on the ideas and says that they should be voting on all of this. Jonathan tells him there is a vote – Jonathan’s! (Ha!) To Scott, he says, “You and I are going to have a problem.”
They begin looking at the proposed logos that Zorbit has put together for Jonathan Product. They consist of “Jonathan” written in a bunch of different fonts. Not to be rude, but how much money are these guys being paid? I could do that on my computer at home and I have better fonts. Jonathan seems pretty non-plussed about the logos. Scott makes some comment about how Jonathan is not providing them with enough feedback. Jonathan then says, “Hate it. Hate it. Hate it,” while pointing to each of the logos. He allows that one of them isn’t bad but is a little thick and chunky. Just as Scott is about to start in again, Jonathan’s phone rings. He then shuts Scott up to take the call. It’s Kate, the publicist of Jonathan Product, needing to do a conference call with Jonathan about the bio that will go out with the products. Jonathan motions everyone out of the room. Scott is incensed and starts in complaining to Tina and Mary Beth about Jonathan’s attitude. Tina tells Scott that he was just offensive in the meeting and that he’s being disrespectful. Scott then asks the women if they are just star struck and continues to rant about Jonathan. As he flounces down the stairs to leave, Mary Beth tells him to grow up. Sadly, I’m sure this is not the last we will see of Spike Head.
The Tale of a Simple Shampoo Boy
Jonathan continues with his conference call. We learn that he started out after beauty school, 20 years ago, sweeping up hair and shampooing in the West Hollywood salon that is now his. He tells the story of how, at 23 years old, he bought the salon from then owner, Arthur John. Jonathan then tears up as he remembers the first time the phone in his new salon was answered “Thank you for calling Jonathan Salon.” He cries a lot, this one. It’s a manly cry, but still. It is sort of sweet in a weird way.
Jonathan gives a quick review of the day: a lot of heads and lots of dealing with Jonathan Product. All of a sudden, that’s the end! What is it about these shows that just sort of stop in the middle of whatever? Maybe they should start voting off stylists so we could have a big dramatic moment to finish off each episode.
Previews for next week: The style off is on (yay!), Tina and Mary Beth move into the office of the West Hollywood salon, wrecking havoc (or at least just really irritating Rosie) and Jonathan’s team shows up late to New York Fashion Week.
Just what does the "B" in "B. Michael" stand for? Send your guesses to Critical@fansofrealitytv.com