Today I sit looking at my mother's picture. Her 67th birthday is coming up on the 8th of this month. It's been 8 years since she passed away but it's still very fresh in my mind. I go to bed at night and as I fall asleep I hear her tell me goodnight and I cry. Every morning I wake up with my eyes stuck together from crying in my sleep. I dream of her coming to me and feel elated. I wake up and feel deflated! She's always being ripped from me as I wake up. I almost want to go back to sleep forever so I can talk with her and hold her hand.
I cannot express how much I miss her. I still pick up the phone to call her and remember she's not there. Whenever something major is happening in my life, I reach for her to guide me through it and she's not there. There's a lot of emptiness in my heart without her.
Every year I begin to fear my own mortality more and more. I wonder how my son will continue on if I am not there for him. I raise him with the idea that he will be able to do things for himself in case something should happen to me but it's very lonely. Who will give him unconditional love and guidance when I'm gone. These thoughts run through my head all the time.
I miss my mother. I miss her smell, her hair, her hugs, her voice. I especially miss her smile.

Mommy, I wish you could come home but I know someday I'll see you again. Someday this hurt will be less, someday I'll smile a little bit more.

buglover