1/13 Biggest Loser Recap: Cloudy With a Chance of F Bombs
Welcome back for another week of The
Lamest Twist Ever Biggest Loser! I must say I enjoyed getting to know all of the contestants last week and I can't wait to watch them continue their journeys tonight. Oh wait, half of them went home last week. LAAAAME. Actually, I'm just excited to see who Bob flips out on. I heart Bob. I heart Bob even more when he gets angry. Saddle up and join me as we peek in on the latest happenings at the ranch!
Last week, 9 people were sent home. The Black Team and the Brown Team were the only teams left intact. The partners still at the ranch are even more motivated than ever to lose weight so they can bring their other halves back. The at-home contestants are reunited with their families and reveal their plans to exercise and lose weight. Hey, I hope they can do it, but I'm very skeptical. David automatically orders 2 hot dogs and fries, Estella cleans out her cupboards, and Shanon begins her exercise regiment.
Back at the ranch, the contestants meet Alison and she tells them to stand on a long white line. It's temptation time! A stretch limo pulls up and Ali tells them that the first person to cross over the white line will win $5,000 but also have to leave the game and not come back. Um, who in the world would do that? Nobody bites, so Ali ups the ante. If someone is willing to cross the white line and leave the game, they will now get $10,000. Once again, no takers. Of course, Ali sweetens the pot one last time and makes the amount $25,000. Joelle looks tempted and we find out that she still lives with her mom and doesn't even make $25,000 in a couple years' time. Hmm. I think it's time for Joelle to get a job and possibly also a life. Oh my, if Joelle takes that money Carla will kill her. Kill her and eat her for breakfast. Dan thinks that if you want to win money, you should be on a game show and that anyone who crosses the line doesn't deserve to be there anyway. Joelle decides not to cross the line and not to take the money. Everyone passed the first temptation with flying colors.
At the house, Bob's team sits around, sings Kumbaya, and eats their Yoplait yogurt. Jillian is pissed that half of her team went home. Both teams fill the trainers in on all the details of the temptation. Snooze. Remind me why this show is 2 hours long? Oh yeah, because of all of this ridiculous filler. Bob takes Joelle aside and asks what is holding her back. He isn't too happy that she almost took the money in the temptation. Me thinks she is going to be the one Bob flips on. I'm giddy with anticipation! Bob gives her the “I believe in you” pep talk. They hug. Puppies and rainbows and kittens all around!
In the gym, Jillian admits she is the best, and that she still is afraid of Week 2. She thinks that after all of her years with the show, she should be able to kick Week 2's ass, but she still isn't sure how the weigh-in will go.
Bob: “You know what? F*&^ Week 2!”
Both teams work hard while their respective trainers yell at them. Bob is mad that Joelle isn't giving 100%. Jerry is amazed that he rode 42 miles on a bike and that he is able to work out 6-8 hours a day. Ron just happens to wonder what he can do when he needs a snack and has a craving for something wee. What can he have? Ding ding ding! If you guessed that it's product placement time, you are right! Well Ron, you can have some delicious Extra Sugar Free gum! Wow, that was horribly staged. Ron may be the worst actor ever.
Jillian is working with her team when all of a sudden we hear a loud CRASH. Cut to Joelle laying on the floor. Apparently she “got sloppy” and fell off of whatever piece of equipment it was that she was working on. That pesky Joelle. Bob goes over to check on her and she assures him she is okay and it sounded worse than it was. Filipe is pretty sure that if Joelle goes below the yellow line, she will go because she isn't giving it her all.
We are treated to another update from the at-home contestants. Carla is working out in her living room, while many of the others spend their time in the gym. Carla dancing in her living room reminds me of a funny video that someone would post online as a mean prank. Aubrey claims to have found a “he-Jillian”. There is no such thing. Jillian is Jillian: The man, the woman, the myth, the legend!!
I'm guessing that the challenge for this week will have something to do with water, because the contestants meet Alison on a boat and she announces that this week's challenge will be an individual challenge. When Alison says go, each person will race in a sea kayak ¼ of a mile to the shore. They will then race on foot to the top of a mountain. The first person to the top wins. The winner will receive immunity at this week's weigh-in. They will also win a phone call home. Second, third, and fourth place will also receive a phone call home. The very last person to cross the finish line will “win” a 1 pound penalty at this week's weigh-in. Since Black and Brown are both pairs, they have to pick just 1 person to compete. This looks like a long challenge which means way too much Alison play-by-play. Mute button, anyone?
Blaine is the first person to reach the shore, followed by Tara. Those 2 are pretty much way ahead of everyone. Helen and Mandi pull up next. Jerry and Dan are in last place. The hike up the mountain begins. Tara and Blaine stay neck and neck pretty much the whole time. In the end, it's Tara who crosses the finish line first. Woo! Yay Tara! Blaine comes in second, Mandi comes in third, and Helen comes in fourth. Who will come in last? It's either the older guy or the largest guy. Jerry finishes and Daniel is still trying to get up the mountain. I feel horrible for him. He is really struggling. Tara and Mandi go down to get him and give him words of encouragment. Blaine joins them and cheers him on. They tell him to do it for all the overweight teenagers out there. Aww, I'm sincerely touched by this moment. I like their team. Daniel eventually finishes last, meaning he will get a 1 pound penalty. Tara decides to give her phone call to Filipe since he has a family at home.
I'll spare you all the boring details, but everyone makes their calls home. People cry and “I love yous” abound. You know the drill.
Woo! It's finally the moment I've been waiting for! It's the last chance workout which means Bob is going to flip out. Jillian knows that Week 2 is often rough so she says her only option is just to beat the crap out of everyone. Sounds like a plan. She has Blaine and Dane squatting just about every weight in the gym. They grunt and groan and make some other completely inhumane sounds. Bob keeps yelling at Joelle to work harder on the step. She keeps saying she is sorry and she will try, but she doesn't seem to be pushing herself. Ohhh it's almost flip out time. I can tell!
On Jillian's side of the gym, she has Jerry dragging her around the gym. Jerry falls to the ground because his knees are in pain. She knows he doesn't have the stamina of the other contestants and that he's pushing himself to the limit. Give him a break Jillian, he's like 90 years old.
Joelle looks around the gym and sees Michael barely breathing and Tara throwing up. She says she is a little nervous and is going to “fake it 'til she makes it”. Bob is counting down while everyone is running on the treadmill and Joelle is hanging on the the handrails like there's no tomorrow. He yells at her to let go.
Dan runs at 7mph and is so proud of himself for doing so. That kid is sweating like a pig. I'd had to smell his gym clothes when he's finished working out. Ick. Okay, that was gross. Moving on. Bob has his team doing walk/run interval training and it's time for the run. He begins counting and Joelle doesn't seem to be keeping up with everyone else. He tells her to dig and to stop hanging on. Uh oh. Here it comes! Bob starts dropping f bombs like he's in a war. He tells her she stops at 20 seconds every @#$#@^ time and that she isn't @#$@#$ giving him her !@#$@% best and everyone else is pushing outside of the @#$@#$ box but she isn't @#$@#^% pushing. Jillian's team looks in bewilderment. He tells her that everyone goes for @#$@#% seconds and not to jump off the treadmill for @#!@%^ seconds. He walks away to cool off. Jillian says she has never seen Bob that mad. He calmly rejoins his team and keeps the workout going. This time, Joelle makes it about 26 seconds. She keeps telling herself she can do it. Her team asks her to stop thinking of herself and think of them. Bob yells at her again and she yells back at him. He tells her to quit talking.
Bob: “Shut the f@#% up! Just do it!”
More f words abound. Woo, Bob is sexy when that vein is popping out of his forehead! He does another 30 second count. This time, Joelle makes it. That was sweet!
It's time for the weigh-in and this week some people will be weighing in as individuals instead of as a team. Alison asks the trainers how their weeks were. Jillian says she can't complain and that her team did everything she asked. Bob says he was possessed by the spirit of Jillian this week.
Now, on with the weigh-in!
Tara (Green): Last week 273/This week 272 (-1)
Tara has immunity this week.
Blaine: Last week 351/This week 335 (-16)
Dane: Last week 392/This week 378 (-14)
Total (Black): (-30) -4.04%
Mandi (Yellow): Last week 251/This week 245 (-6) -2.39%
Helen (Pink): Last week 245/This week 237 (-8) -3.27%
Ron: Last week 398/This week 386 (-12)
Mike Last week 366/This week 359 (-7)
Total (Brown): (-19) -2.49%
Damien (Red): Last week 364/This week 355 (-9) -2.47%
Kristin (Purple): Last week 341/This week 331 (-10) -2.93%
Filipe (Blue): Last week 347/This week 338 (-9) -2.59%
Joelle (Silver): Last week 296/This week 294 (-2) -0.68%
Jerry (White): Last week 344/This week 343 (-1) -0.29%
Dan (Orange): Last week 424/This week 421 (-3) -0.47%
If Dan hadn't gotten the 1 lb penalty, he would be above the yellow line.
Dan and Jerry, the oldest and the largest, both fall below the yellow line. Everyone has an hour to decide how they are voting. Man, they both need to be there. This situation kind of sucks.
The votes look like this:
Kristin votes for: Jerry
Filipe votes for: Jerry
Damien votes for: Jerry
Tara votes for: Jerry
Ron votes for: Jerry
We don't need to see the other votes, because with 5 votes Jerry is eliminated. He says he is at peace with going home and he is excited to see everyone at home. He says he is the Biggest Winner. Aww, Jerry. What a lovable old man. We'll miss you.
Since Jerry left the show, he says he feels so much better about himself. He is exercising and doing wonderfully. He says his diabetes is gone and he is a lot more active. Estella is below 200 lbs and is feeling great. Jerry has lost a total of 84 lbs and hopes to be at 160 by the finale. Wow, he looks awesome! Go Jerry!
Next week, it appears that Joelle only loses 2 lbs and somehow Carla finds out and flips out. Oooo buddy! I can't wait! This drama is exciting. Maybe Bob will flip again too! See you next week!
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