Okay, let's just start this recap by stating that it was a 2 hour show and there was no elimination. So if you're wondering who got eliminated, you have to wait until next week. Of course you could still read through this recap and tell me how wonderful it is. At least it will make watching this 2 hour crapfest worth it
Okay, on to the show. We started our 2 hour waste of time with the remaining contestants in the gym wondering what's going on when behind curtain number 1 comes everyone who was previously eliminated. Someone's coming back!
The final 6 now become the final 8. Two eliminated contestants (one male, one female) come back based on the percentage of weight they lost "at home". I use that term loosely because Mark was only gone for a week and Bernie for a day, so I'm not quite sure it's a level playing ground. I'm just sayin'. Bette-Sue just wants Ali to come back. This immediately adds to the confusion because I already thought we had an Ali, but that's the host, so from this point forward we'll have Ali and HostAli. Soooo HostAli nudges Jackie a bit to see if anything looks different about Dan. She apparently doesn't immediately spot the glaring guardian angel tattoo that's just a few inches smaller than Dan himself. She can't believe it! She thought the blue team guys were going to take care of him!! Mark wants to come back so he can finish the game with Jay. He cries more than Bunky on Big Brother 2. Good God. So since one man and one woman will both come back, they weigh them separately.
They start with the women in the order they were eliminated.
Jenni started 267/ now 229/ lost 38 for a total percentage of 14.23%
Mallory started 217/ now 175/ lost 42 for a total percentage of 19.35%
Amanda started 204/ now 158/ lost 46 for a total percentage of 22.55%
Ali started 234/ now 167/ lost 67 for a total percentage of 28.63%
Bette-Sue started 261/ now 212/ lost 49 for a total percentage of 18.77%
Jenn started 254/ now 206/ lost 48 for a total percentage of 18.90%
Jackie started 246/ now 182/ lost 64 for a total percentage of 26.02%
Ali gets to come back and she's thrilled.
We move on to the guys, complete with a blubberfest from Mark. He must be a joy at funerals.
Lynn started 409/ now 345/ lost 64 for a total percentage of 15.65%
Curtis started 381/ now 281/ lost 100 for a total percentage of 26.25%
Neill started 317/ now 262/ lost 55 for a total percentage of 17.35%
Trent started 436/ now 331/ lost 105 for a total percentage of 24.08%
Paul started 303/ now 233/ lost 70 for a total percentage of 23.10%
Mark started 285/ now 195/ lost 90 for a total percentage of 31.58%
Bernie started 283/ now 195/ lost 88 for a total percentage of 31.10%
So Mark cries and gets to come back. However, I think that Curtis really deserved it more because he did it at HOME and Mark did it all but a week at the ranch - very different. But, I don't make the rules, so we'll move on.
Mark has the highest percentage between he and Ali, so he gets to pick which trainer he'd like to work with. Naturally, he picks Bob so poor Ali is stuck with the whiney girls and Jillian.
Bob is with the Blue Team and Mark comes up from behind and grabs him and freaks him out. He's super excited to see Mark and the Blue team is one big happy (but blubbering) family.
Jillian goes to see her 3 mopeheads in Black and they are certainly dressed appropriately. They truly are sullen and look like they are in mourning. Brittany is crying. Jillian goes psychobabble and tells them to get out of victim mode and do everything they can. Ali comes in the room and Jillian is thrilled to see her. Ali chooses to stay pink and pay tribute to her mom. They're hoping Ali is just what the black team needs.
Time for Jillian's Trainer Tip!
When you're working out hard, you have to have a good sleep. Without proper sleep, your metabolism slows, making it harder to lose.
So hour 18 begins. Okay, it's hour 2 and the Blue team is so happy Mark is back so he can cook for them. Ali eats with the guys and Jillian then takes her to the gym to torture her. She's proud of herself for what she's done at home. But Jillian is going to town with Ali. Maggie's acting like a middle schooler and is upset that Ali threw a wrench in their team. Ali is basically the kid in school who has a BMW and everyone wants a ride. She knows how to play the game, she's not playing black vs. blue, so there's some ass-kissing going on, complete with Roger winking at her.
Jillian's working hard with Ali while Kelly & Maggie have the "what about us" look on their faces. Maggie and Brittany are really taking Bernie's departure hard. Methinks they're more put out at Ali's return. I'm just sayin'.
Jillian gets mad that the girls are such defeatists. Maggie admits she's mad that Ali's back. Brittany says there was a light at the end of the tunnel with 6 finalists, but now the Boys are a complete team and Ali comes in and drops big number and she's a friggin mess. I'd like to take this time to remind her that she would probably be HOME if it weren't for immunity last week. I just wish she (and the rest of the Black team) would stop acting like such a baby.
Ali's return basically wreaks havoc. Maggie's medicating herself with food. She's going right back to her bad behavior. Jillian's trying to explain that being in the finals does NOT define success. She takes them to the gym for some stress relief.
Jillian shows the girls how to have a good fish dinner. There's some product placement with Pam cooking spray. Just another 5 minutes of filler for 7 calories.
So we head to a challenge that looks dangerous. Mark identifies that he's SO ready to be in a challenge. Ali's just trying to assimilate with the fools she's training with.
They have to pedal on a stationery bike to convert calories to kilojoules For every 10 calories burned, a light bulb will illuminate. They need to light up 10 bulbs in total. Once 10 are lit, the bottom 2 are eliminated and they start over. The much-coveted prize is 2 votes in this week's elimination (or shall we say NEXT week's. Ugh)
Round 1 - pedaling like maniacs - all 4 boys finish first and Ali and Kelly lose round 1
Round 2 - all 4 boys move on, Maggie and Brittany are out
Round 3 - Mark and Dan move into the final round
Round 4 - Dan wins and gets the 2 votes
Dan ponders voting along (former) team lines or screwing them. He's loving the power trip. Dan, don't love it too much. Just ask Eliot Spitzer.
So more filler time and product placement with Ziploc double zipper bags and decide on how to preplan meals. That killed a whole minute and a half.
Now for Bob's Trainer Tip
He discussed the "cheat day" which the contestants get on the night after weigh in. A cheat day is good to avoid other temptations throughout the week, it shocks the system out of a slowdown from restricting calories and it kicks their metabolism up a notch. Great, I'm ordering a bacon pizza right now!
Last chance workouts begin. Ali feels the torture and Bob inflicts pain and sweat on Mark. The boys are super confident as always and surprisingly, we've yet to hear Kelly say how vulnerable she is.
We head to weigh in. Maggie's worried. Ali's unsure about what the scale will show. She doesn't want to be under the yellow line in her first week back.
HostAli reminds us that teams don't exist anymore (you could have fooled me!) and although alliances may be in tact, it's all about the scale. She asks Brittany what she thinks. Britt says it's not really anyone's game because the women's metabolism doesn't work like the men and they can't drop numbers like them either. HostAli asks Brittany if this means she just gives up. Jillian chimes in that Brittany's had a really tough week and we should leave her alone. She's just asking everyone to leave the ~bleep~ing girl alone and have a heart. HostAli wants more. Jillian says it seems like the question is being poised if Brittany can win, which Jillian says she knows she can't and then proceeds to go on an obscenity tirade. Bob looks scared. HostAli breathes really deeply and turns to Bob and asks what is different in week 11. Bob looks like a deer in headlights and he is just stressed out and it's really intense. HostAli gives the trainers the option to stay for weigh in, They choose to stay and weigh in begins.
Ali started at 234/ last week 167/ now 160/ lost 7 for a total percentage of 4.19%
Mark started at 285/ last week 195/ now 188/ lost 7 for a total percentage of 3.59%
Dan started at 310/ last week 211/ now 207/ lost 4 for a total percentage of 1.90%
Roger started at 363/ last week 259/ now 251/ lost 8 for a total percentage of 3.09%
Jay started at 293/ last week 214/ now 209/ lost 5 for a total percentage of 2.34%
Brittany started at 221/ last week 174/ now 172/ lost 2 for a total percentage of 1.15%
Kelly started at 271/ last week 206/ now 202/ lost 4 for a total percentage of 1.94%
Maggie started at 239/ now 184/ now 184/ lost 0 for a total percentage of 0.00%
HostAli makes a dramatic point that a woman won tonight's weigh in. Take THAT Brittany!
Ali wins the weigh in. Brittany and Maggie fall below the yellow line. They have an hour to deliberate who to eliminate and we get a nice montage of why both Brittany and Maggie want to be here.
And then...the show ends. Yes my friends, we sat through 2 full weigh ins, 2 product placements, 2 trainer tips, one long obscenity filled tirade and 0 eliminations.
Stay tuned for next week when right at the beginning of the show, we see which girl is eliminated (can we have a twist and they BOTH go??). I tried using my slo-mo on my Tivo to see who Ali voted for but apparently NBC is smarter than me and blurred the card. We'll find out next week!